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A Logical Conclusion

They say a camera adds 10 pounds.

After my last look in the mirror, I must be under heavy surveillance.

Top Biblical experts have reached the conclusion that Adam and Eve were Soviet citizens

They had no clothes, one apple between the two of them and they thought they were in paradise.

Why did Bob's CONCUSSION after a fall come to a CONCLUSION?

He lost an S and took the L

TIL about the Downing-Keurig Effect in which poor performers greatly overestimate their abilities. It shows that underperforming individuals “reach erroneous conclusions and make unfortunate choices, but their incompetence robs them of the ability to realize."

I feel so smart knowing about this.

One night, a couple of years ago, I was about to propose to my girlfriend.

But my roommate Joseph barged in out of no where, tripped and fell over breaking a glass table with his face. Totally ruined the mood.

Now, I didn't know Joseph that well, don't even remember where he was from. But let's just say I put my plans on hold to help him with his injuries. Joseph ha...

As I was having lunch a few minutes ago, I came to the conclusion that tofu is highly overrated.

It’s just a curd to me.

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A Finnish and a Japanese company decided to organize an annual rowing competition with 8-man teams.

A Finnish and a Japanese company decided to organize an annual rowing competition with 8-man teams. Both teams trained long and hard. When race day came, both teams thought they were in top shape, but the Japanese won by far in the mile.

After the defeat, a defeatist mood prevailed among the ...

I asked my parachute instructor what happens if it doesn't open.

He said you're jumping to a conclusion.

While at work, I think I've finally come to a conclusion on why I'm still single. For years, I've blamed other people, or my weight, or my location, but I think I've found the real explanation.

If it hadn't been for Cotton Eyed Joe, I'd be married a long time ago.

Science whiz

So Bobby had a science project where he had to come up with an experiment and observation. After much thought, he decided to use his pet spider.

With his notebook to collect data, he brought his spider and let it out on the table. Bobby then said to the spider, “Walk”.
The spider started ...

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Confucius did NOT say

>Man who wants pretty nurse must be patient.

>Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.

>Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.

>Woman who dance wearing jock strap, have make believe ballroom

>Squirrel who runs up woman’s' ...

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Not a repost (true story, too)

One day I was walking to school with my friends in a very busy city. The school was about ten-ish blocks away from where we met up, and sure, there's always crap on the ground (whether from a human or a dog) and homeless people, but otherwise it's pretty much what you'd expect.

This particula...

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The sheep Farmer

A Welsh man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool.
After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and phones a vet for help.
The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination.
The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but...

The Presidential Election will never bring a satisfactory conclusion, there’s no flow it’s just one candidate that changes the subject constantly,while the other can’t perform for too long

we truly have Electile Dysfunction

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With the recent spike in sex toy purchases because of corona virus, I can only draw one conclusion.

The virus is literally making us go fuck ourselves.

A man accomplishes his life-long dream of becoming a stand-up comedian

However, he does not find any success in the field. His jokes are poor and quite predictable. So, after a couple of weak performances, he quits comedy. Frustrated, he punches at a punching bag, and finds it weirdly satisfying. So, he decides to take up a career in professional boxing as a means to f...

I realize now that figuring things out turns me on

I just came to this conclusion

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I'm starting to think Jews really do run this country

but don't want to jump to conclusions, this my first time visiting Israel

After extensive research I've come to the conclusion that 10 is smaller than 5!

I finally understand factorials!

Once in a village named Conclusion

there lived a farmer called Jump. He was very hardworking and honest farmer.

But there was a problem he faced he his line of work. He was allergic to hay. He would always get cold due to it. But as it was not avoidable, he had no choice but to work with it.

Things changed when he got ...

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Okay, I've come to the conclusion that I am Santa.

1. I eat other peoples food if left unnattended.


2. I come once a year.


3. I have a heavy sack.


4. I am a fat fuck.

I came to a conclusion yesterday

I have a fetish for endings

Experiment 1 :

take a white male pigeon, tell it to fly, it flies away

Experiment 2 :

take a white male pigeon, remove its beak, tell it to fly, it flies away

Experiment 3 :

take a white male pigeon, remove its wings, tell it to fly, it doesn...

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Pierre Dumonte Wiffade was a French explorer and biologist....

Pierre Dumonte Wiffade was a French explorer and biologist who was, in 1792, considered one of the country’s chief ornithologists. Credited with discovering and describing over 200 different bird species, he spent most of his life hopping from island to island, describing the wildlife, and moving to...

Baseball in Heaven

Steven and Richard are two old roommates who have always loved baseball.

Together, they make an arrangement. Since they're not getting any younger, the first one to die has to let the other know if there is baseball in heaven.

Specifically, a year after his death, he will sit on the do...

Why did the introduction and the conclusion break up?

They were just never on the same page...

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People always jump to ridiculous conclusions.

Like thinking, for some reason, that my dads are gay.

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It's a relief to know the truth…

…after all those conflicting medical studies.

The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

The Japanese drink very little red wine and suff...

After spending time with my Father on sunday today, I’ve come to the conclusion that I need a day to myself.

I’ll call it sonday.

Iv come to the conclusion, I’m the white stuff in a Oreo

In between two hard black things

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A woman goes through border control on her bicycle with two panniers filled with sand.

The border guard was suspicious about it and searched through the sand, but couldn’t find anything hidden, so he had to let her through.

The next day, the same woman passes by, again riding a bike with two bags brimming with bright sand. The guard was still unable to find anything. He felt so...

I received a marriage invitation.

In the end it was printed , " We don't want any gifts in the wedding,your presence itself is a gift". I read it again and again, was getting confused. Finally I came to the conclusion that I am not invited and decided not to attend the wedding.

My girlfriend said I'm terrible in bed

But it's unfair to make a conclusion in 17 seconds

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I've come to the conclusion that my sex life sucks.

I was masturbating the other day, and my hand fell asleep.

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After masterbating for about 3 hours - I finally came…

to the conclusion that I jack off way too much.

I think I have a fetish for the last paragraph of an essay. How do I know?

I just came to that conclusion.

My older brother always tore the last pages of my comic books, and never told me why.

I had to draw my own conclusions.

Flea Jump Test (repost)

A group of scientists decide to investigate how high a flea can jump in relationship to how many legs it has (6 legs to begin with).

They put the flea on a desk and said 'jump!' The flea jumped 6 feet in the air. The scientists noted: "the flea currently has 6 legs and jumped 6 feet."

...

1950's definitions

A conference is a group of men who individually can do nothing, but as a group can meet and decide that nothing can be done.

A statistician is a man who draws a mathematically precise line from an unwarranted assumption to a foregone conclusion.

A professor is a man whose job it is to ...

Logical conclusion... (longish)

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists found
traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that
their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Brits, in the weeks that followed, ...

There should be a female only sport in the Olympics called Conclusions.

Women jump to them every day.

I tell people to hold their horses before jumping to conclusions.

I just want them to have stable lives.

A farmer is suing a trucking company a week after getting into a very bad accident.

"Sir," the trucking company's lawyer says to the farmer, "my client says that, after the accident, you said you were fine. Is that true?"

"Well, you see," replies the farmer, "I was driving to the fair, and my favourite dog, Spot, was in the front seat with me, and--"

"I didn't ask for...

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Scientists have reached the conclusion that the owl has the most acute sense of hearing

They clearly haven't experimented on men browsing porn while their wives are asleep.

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The Corporate Ladder

A recent study in USA have found an interesting relationship between a man social status and the sport he watches

1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employee is BOWLING
3. The sport of choice for front line workers is Ame...

I've just discovered that I have a logic fetish.

I can't stop coming to conclusions.

Brunette goes to the doctor

Brunette woman goes to the doctor complaining that every were she touches her body it hurts, doctor asks touch your face, she says it hurts he says touch your knee,she says it hurts, the doctor finally comes to the conclusion and asks the woman, you was born a blonde wasn't you, woman says yes why,...

As a middleaged Argentine native I have come to the conclusion that our big ego and our arrogance don't let us see things the way they really are. We must admit that sometimes we make mistakes. Thus, we Argentines are imperfect.

...until you reach 50.

I used to think I could draw conclusions from small samples...

...after only a few statistics classes, I realized I couldn't.

Every statistics professor I've had has told me to disregard trends in small samples, but I haven't taken that many classes so I can't be sure.

The private detective is called to a crime scene

As he enters the very large and rustic mansion, he is led to the location where the body was found. It seems like the perfect crime scene. No prints, no clues, just a dead man, with no signs of how he was murdered.

The detective says: “do you have any suspects?” The police officer in charge o...

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Did you Hear about the guy who was sexually attracted to the end of essays?

He always came to conclusions.

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A girl comes home late in the evening...

A girl comes home late in the evening and still thinks how terribly she wants to smoke, but she has no cigarettes. Already near the house, she comes to the conclusion that she has to smoke. She sees three bums sitting on a nearby bench. She comes up to them and asks if they would give her a cigarett...

House Call

A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace the aging doctor there. The older doctor suggested that the younger doctor accompany him as he made his house calls so that the people of the community could become accustomed to him. At the first house they visited, the younger doctor listene...

A man goes to the doctor.

He tells the doctor he's been hearing strange buzzing noises all week. The sounds come and go at all times of day, but they have been most intense at night. Sometimes there are multiple distinct buzzes at a time, at different frequencies. The patient says he has hardly slept for the past week becaus...

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Tom walks on the street

Tom walks on the street and sees an old friend in a hurry with his hands full of books.

"Hey Dave. Long time no see. Where are you going with all those books?"

"I just enrolled in a university and I'm going home to study."

"And what are you studying?"

"Logic"

"Logi...

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An new, environmentally-conscious farmer starts using manure in place of fertilizer on his crops.

He gets the manure from his own cows, and within weeks notices a significant change with his wheat and other grains. They begin to flourish like he's never seen before, and he quickly begins heavily using this alternative method. The blossoming crops attract the attention of a agriculture company ne...

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Guy goes to mass at St. Peter's Basilica...

Sitting opposite him in the front row are two hobos. Throughout the entire mass, the hobos are eating peanuts and dropping the shells on the floor.

The man is very angry at this, and decides he's going to give the hobos a piece of his mind after the mass is over.

However, at the concl...

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A tale of two friends !!

One was a very bright student while the other one was quite dumb. The brighter one always helped the other passing exams be it a class test or end term exams. The teachers were quite furious with them and at last, called upon a meeting to discuss with the principal what could be done. All came to th...

Four people were involved in a stand off where they all shot and killed eachother.

It was a four gun conclusion.

After jacking myself off to logical deduction, i realized that im really weird.

This is the conclusion that i came to.

Company Picnic Softball Tournament

At our annual company picnic, the advertising department always played a game of softball with the editorial department. This year the ad dept. won ,9-4. But on the company bulletin board the next morning was the following notice. The Editorial Dept. is proud to announce that upon the conclusion of ...

I'm surprised how few artist branch out to become detectives.

Afterall, they're really good at drawing conclusions.

A couple go to a state fair...

A couple go to a state fair one year and see a gentleman selling helicopter rides. The man of the couple goes to ask the gentleman how much it is for a ride. The gentlemen then tells him that the ride is $50. The man quickly yells "$50!? That's too much!" and walks off.

The next year, they co...

I asked my girlfriend if she does any other exercises...

Other than jumping to conclusions.

Two men crash a plane on a deserted island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

They both survive the crash. Then just after their terrible ordeal one of the men walks all over the entire island and comes to the conclusion that there is no food or fresh water. He goes back to where his friend is to explain their predicament.

"I've searched this entire island and haven't...

The Brazilian president and his spouse are staying at a hotel in the USA, in the room 222

Close to 17:00 he calls the room service from the landline and says the following.

tu ti, tu tututu

The attendant has a hard time understating that request and considering that it is the president, not just some normal customer, comes to the conclusion that he must have overheard an en...

An englishman, frenchmen, and spaniard were racing their cats on a paper boat in the water

They each name their cat the same in each language. The Englishman names his cat "One Two Three". The Frenchman names his "Un deux Trois". The Spaniard names his "Uno dos tres". The race begins, and Uno dos tres wins, with one two three at second place. The Frenchman's cat is nowhere to be found. Af...

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Reddit Karma is like women

At first, everyone seems to have it except you.

No one knows how they work but everyone want them.

It would look really hard to get it untill you finally get it unexpectedly, somehow.

A difference of opinion and you lose them.

But they give you a sense of value even after...

I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer.

The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.

My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing, and I said, "Nothing." The reason I said "nothing" instead of saying "just thinking" is because she then would have asked, "About what? "At that point I would h...

I went for a job interview

And at the end they asked me, “So, last question: what would you say is your worst quality?”

“Worst quality?”, I replied, “well I’ve been told that I often jump to conclusions...”

“Hmm, ok. Well, thanks very much for coming in, we’ll be in touch”

“No problem! See you Monday!”

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A man was finishing reading a book when all of a sudden he had an urge to start masturbating. He finished at the end of the book

You can say he *Came to a conclusion*

Sermon

There was a young priest who was having trouble both writing and delivering his sermons. So he asked his Bishop for help.

The wise old Bishop said, "Well you might start with something to attract and hold their attention, such as, 'Last night I was in the warm embrace of a good woman,' that w...

Sherlock Holmes and his assistant Watson are solving a mystery

Sherlock: all the bodies were outside he school gates

Watson: how do you know that? I don’t see them.

Sherlock: Elementary my dear Watson, I can see blood that must have congregated around the bodies forming these shapes *points at the ground*

Watson: well what else do you know?...

One sunny day a rabbit came out of her hole in the ground to enjoy the fine weather.

The day was so nice that she became careless and a fox snuck up behind her and caught her.

"I am going to eat you for lunch," said the fox.

"Wait," replied the rabbit, "You should at least wait a few days."

"Oh yeah? Why should I wait?"

"Well, I am just finishing my thesi...

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Timmy was asked to do presentation about corruption in a country.

He wrote on the whiteboard:
-A country is like a family
-Government is the mother who manage the family.
-Capitalist is like the father who earns money for family.
-The maid is the working class.
-I am the citizen while my baby brother is the future of family.

Intrigued, the te...

Sunday Sermon

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. Four worms were placed into four separate jars:
The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a container of ch...

Man to friend: " The doctor told my wife she should do some exercise."

Friend: "And is she doing this?
Man: "Well, she is - if jumping to conclusions and running up bills can be called exercise!"

My friend asked whats my favourite form of cardio

Jumping to conclusions

Allegedly John Adams

In my many years, I have come to the conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress

Toyota and Ford decided to do a rowing competition

They both got their best teams together and had them compete. The result was a disaster for Ford. The Toyota rowing team beat them by leagues.

Ford had a crisis meeting, hired the best analysts and consultants, and after half a year they came up with a conclusion: The Toyota rowing boat had ...

My parents had me late in life so I never met any of my grandparents. No body was suprised about this

It was a four gone conclusion

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A Priest takes a walk down to the docks one day

and runs into a fisherman that attends his church. Upon hearing that the priest has a few hours off the fisherman invites him out to sea to fish with him.

Out at sea it doesn't take long for the fisherman to realize that the priest has no idea how to fish, so he gives him some quick instructi...

Impeccable

A woodpecker from the United States and a Canadian woodpecker were in Canada arguing about which country had the toughest trees. The Canadian woodpecker claimed Canada had a tree that no woodpecker could peck. The U.S. woodpecker accepted his challenge and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no ...

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People in Asia hoarded rice, people in Europe hoarded flour, people in America hoarded toilet paper

Conclusion: Americans eat toilet paper.

The mystery of the murder of crows

(This is my favorite joke that I read on here years ago, I haven't seen it in a while... Figure it's time for a repost... Forgive me if it's been more recent then I believe)

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority (MTA) found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and ...

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Penis study...

I haven't seen this one in +20 years so here goes..

PENIS STUDY

Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft. The study took two years and cost over $180,000.00 The results of the study concluded that the reaso...

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Three kingdoms border a lake in the shape of an obtuse triangle

One kingdom lies on each side of the lake. For decades, the king's had argued over it's true owner, each claiming to be the first kingdom to settle there, and many tales of magical swords and godly favours to claim divine right. Eventually, this storytelling and legal battling came to no conclusion,...

A guy on the red scooter arrives at the monastery where 1024 monks lived...

The monk opens the door.


-How can I help you? - he asks.


-Could I sleep here tonight?


-OK, come in.


While he was sleeping, the roof has fallen, killing half of the monks. Now there are 512 left.


The next day, a guy on the red scooter returnes.<...

There are two kinds of people...

...
Those who need to hear the conclusion...









...











...

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When an object is not symmetrical, it is called asymmetrical.

When an organism doesn't use sex to reproduce, it is classified as asexual. So therefore, my conclusion is if a person doesn't have a soul, they are an asoul.

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Every time my girlfriend climaxes during sex she blurts out the ending of a movie or a show and ends up spoiling it for me.

I really wish I could get her to stop cumming to conclusions.

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This is such a bad joke but my brain made me write it out so I'm making all of you suffer, too.

A man named Martin absolutely hates elections, and when it comes time to elect a new mayor, or president, Martin never bothers to vote. He also makes it known to people that he hates elections and never participates in them. Martin is into cars, and constantly brags about his Ferrari, which also vex...

I’ve never understood the stereotype that Asian people are good at math,

so I decided to test it out.

I went up to at least 100 different people in China and asked them a couple of math questions

The first was “What is 109 squared?”. Around 68% of them answered correctly, which I was shocked about.

Then I asked “If 2 lengths of a triangle are 37 and ...

I really don't understand how Karen’s aren’t in better shape...

They’re always stretching the truth and jumping to conclusions

I used to think skipping to the ends of stories would save time...

...but then I learned to stop jumping to conclusions.

A couple is going through a divorce and custody of the son comes into question.

The father presents evidence that the wife hits the poor boy whenever he misbehaves the slightest. The mother reveals evidence that the father would get belligerently drunk and use his belt on the boy.

The Judge suggests letting the boy live with his grandfather, but it turns out that almost ...

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So a Japanese company and a North American company decided to have a canoe race...

So a Japanese company and a North American company decided to have a canoe race on the St. Lawrence River. Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race.

On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile. The North Americans, very discouraged and depressed, deci...

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Guy has a massive headache and its not responsive to any medication.

After doctors researching whats wrong with him for months they finally cone to conclusion. They called the guy and deliver the news. Doctor says;

-Its good news, found the problem.

-What is it doc?

-We need to remove your penis.

Guy looks sad. But after some consideration...

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