UPJOKE
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Conclusion Jokes

Why did Bob's CONCUSSION after a fall come to a CONCLUSION?

He lost an S and took the L

Why did the introduction and the conclusion break up?

They were just never on the same page...

Top Biblical experts have reached the conclusion that Adam and Eve were Soviet citizens

They had no clothes, one apple between the two of them and they thought they were in paradise.

A Logical Conclusion

They say a camera adds 10 pounds.

After my last look in the mirror, I must be under heavy surveillance.

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People always jump to ridiculous conclusions.

Like thinking, for some reason, that my dads are gay.

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Whats the difference between a politician and a hooker?

A hooker will stop fucking you once you run out of money.

Edit: As somebody observed below, this joke is as old as the sun, yet never gets old.

Considering all the comments, it's a fair conclusion that hookers would make honest politicians, if there is such a thing.

Once in a village named Conclusion

there lived a farmer called Jump. He was very hardworking and honest farmer.

But there was a problem he faced he his line of work. He was allergic to hay. He would always get cold due to it. But as it was not avoidable, he had no choice but to work with it.

Things changed when he got ...

After extensive research I've come to the conclusion that 10 is smaller than 5!

I finally understand factorials!

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I'm starting to think Jews really do run this country

but don't want to jump to conclusions, this my first time visiting Israel

I came to a conclusion yesterday

I have a fetish for endings

My girlfriend said I'm terrible in bed

But it's unfair to make a conclusion in 17 seconds

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Okay, I've come to the conclusion that I am Santa.

1. I eat other peoples food if left unnattended.


2. I come once a year.


3. I have a heavy sack.


4. I am a fat fuck.

As I was having lunch a few minutes ago, I came to the conclusion that tofu is highly overrated.

It’s just a curd to me.

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With the recent spike in sex toy purchases because of corona virus, I can only draw one conclusion.

The virus is literally making us go fuck ourselves.

My older brother always tore the last pages of my comic books, and never told me why.

I had to draw my own conclusions.

Logical conclusion... (longish)

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists found
traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that
their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Brits, in the weeks that followed, ...

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I've come to the conclusion that my sex life sucks.

I was masturbating the other day, and my hand fell asleep.

To surprise her hubby, an executive's wife stopped by his office.

When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap.

Without hesitating, he dictated, "And in conclusion, gents, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair.

Iv come to the conclusion, I’m the white stuff in a Oreo

In between two hard black things

After a magnitude of research I’ve come to the conclusion that...

Vaccinated kids are more likely to have autism. Why? Because they’re the ones alive.

I tell people to hold their horses before jumping to conclusions.

I just want them to have stable lives.

A couple of years ago, one night, I was about to propose to my girlfriend...

...when my roommate Joseph barged into the room out of nowhere, tripped and fell over, breaking a glass table with his face. Totally ruined the mood. Now, I didn't know Joseph THAT well, don't even remember where he was from, but let' just say I put my plans on hold to help him through his injuries....

I've just discovered that I have a logic fetish.

I can't stop coming to conclusions.

I think I have a fetish for the last paragraph of an essay. How do I know?

I just came to that conclusion.

There should be a female only sport in the Olympics called Conclusions.

Women jump to them every day.

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Scientists have reached the conclusion that the owl has the most acute sense of hearing

They clearly haven't experimented on men browsing porn while their wives are asleep.

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a healthy diet

The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans....

TIL about the Downing-Keurig Effect in which poor performers greatly overestimate their abilities. It shows that underperforming individuals “reach erroneous conclusions and make unfortunate choices, but their incompetence robs them of the ability to realize."

I feel so smart knowing about this.

I used to think I could draw conclusions from small samples...

...after only a few statistics classes, I realized I couldn't.

Every statistics professor I've had has told me to disregard trends in small samples, but I haven't taken that many classes so I can't be sure.

After spending time with my Father on sunday today, I’ve come to the conclusion that I need a day to myself.

I’ll call it sonday.

The Presidential Election will never bring a satisfactory conclusion, there’s no flow it’s just one candidate that changes the subject constantly,while the other can’t perform for too long

we truly have Electile Dysfunction

I asked my parachute instructor what happens if it doesn't open.

He said you're jumping to a conclusion.

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Sports of Choice

The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.

The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING.

The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.

The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.

The sport of choice for m...

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A group of scientists once conducted an experiment on cockroaches.

They asked a cockroach to run and it ran. Then they removed a leg and asked it to run and it did but with much less efficiency. Then they removed another leg and asked it to run and it did it with even lesser efficiency. When they cut another one, the cockroach could barely move but it tried nonethe...

A wife decides to surprise her husband at the office one day, and finds him on the phone with his hot secretary perched on his lap.

The husband catches sight of his wife at the same time. Without missing a beat, he says into the phone, "And in conclusion, Gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I can't be expected to continue running this office with only one chair."

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A Priest takes a walk down to the docks one day

and runs into a fisherman that attends his church. Upon hearing that the priest has a few hours off the fisherman invites him out to sea to fish with him.

Out at sea it doesn't take long for the fisherman to realize that the priest has no idea how to fish, so he gives him some quick instructi...

I took a class recently on the history of food preservation.

In the early days, metal containers were the cheapest and easiest to make, so almost all food was stored in cans. Tin was a particularly soft and easy to mold/shape, and didn’t rust like other options, so most preserved food cans were made of tin.

Things went great for a while, with some food...

Experimenting on a frog

----Experiment log #1938----

Removed the front legs of a frog and asked it to jump. The frog jumped.

Conclusion: when you remove the front legs of a frog, it can still jump.

___________________________________________

Removed the back legs of a frog. Asked it to jump. The...

Alright so hear me out, if the big bang was 13.8 billion years ago, and matter cannot be created nor destroyed, and all our bodies are made of matter, that mean we're all 13.8 billion years old...

so in conclusion yes officer she was old enough.

I asked my girlfriend if she does any other exercises...

Other than jumping to conclusions.

A couple is going through a divorce and custody of the son comes into question.

The father presents evidence that the wife hits the poor boy whenever he misbehaves the slightest. The mother reveals evidence that the father would get belligerently drunk and use his belt on the boy.

The Judge suggests letting the boy live with his grandfather, but it turns out that almost ...

It's the first day of college, and the girls are finishing up orientation with the Dean of Women.

"In conclusion, ladies, if you get pregnant, you'll likely have to drop out and miss out on many of your dreams. Think about it: is that one hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of commitment?"

"Now," the Dean says, "Are there any questions?"

"Yeah," says a voice from the back. "How do yo...

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The scientific experiment

Three international urologists were arguing amongst themselves as to why the head of a man’s penis is larger in circumference than the shaft.

At the end, they decided to go back to their respective countries and perform sexual scientific experimentation, and then share their written conclusi...

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Three Soviet generals wager who has bravest soldiers

Soviet army organizes a large military exercise. Three high-ranking officers - an army general, a navy admiral and an air force commander watch the war games from an observation bunker, drink vodka and argue who has bravest men. They can not reach a conclusion, so the army general calls his troops a...

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Jack off...

Two managers are going over their budget for the next year. After analyzing expenses and revenues, they come to the conclusion that they will have to lay off one of their two assistants, Jack or Jane.

They go back and forth but can't decide who to lay off. Finally, one manager decides that th...

A group of coworkers are sitting around

discussing how much work and fun is involved in completing a project.

First, the junior colleague says, "Completing a project is about 80% fun and 20% work."

Then the team lead replies, "No, there's more work involved than that. I would say that it's 60% fun and 40% work."

The m...

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There's this hot girl in my college writing class.

Her body is a 10, but her intro and conclusion need some work.

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So a Japanese company and a North American company decided to have a canoe race...

So a Japanese company and a North American company decided to have a canoe race on the St. Lawrence River. Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race.

On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile. The North Americans, very discouraged and depressed, deci...

While at work, I think I've finally come to a conclusion on why I'm still single. For years, I've blamed other people, or my weight, or my location, but I think I've found the real explanation.

If it hadn't been for Cotton Eyed Joe, I'd be married a long time ago.

Experiment 1 :

take a white male pigeon, tell it to fly, it flies away

Experiment 2 :

take a white male pigeon, remove its beak, tell it to fly, it flies away

Experiment 3 :

take a white male pigeon, remove its wings, tell it to fly, it doesn...

Scientists studying frogs

Two scientists are studying how far frogs can jump. Their first step was to teach a frog to jump on command. This completed, they yelled jump, and the frog jumped 8 meters. Considering what effect each leg had, they then amputated one leg and yelled jump again. The frog jumped 6 meters. After notin...

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A man was finishing reading a book when all of a sudden he had an urge to start masturbating. He finished at the end of the book

You can say he *Came to a conclusion*

Brunette goes to the doctor

Brunette woman goes to the doctor complaining that every were she touches her body it hurts, doctor asks touch your face, she says it hurts he says touch your knee,she says it hurts, the doctor finally comes to the conclusion and asks the woman, you was born a blonde wasn't you, woman says yes why,...

I'm surprised how few artist branch out to become detectives.

Afterall, they're really good at drawing conclusions.

My friend asked whats my favourite form of cardio

Jumping to conclusions

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Every time my girlfriend climaxes during sex she blurts out the ending of a movie or a show and ends up spoiling it for me.

I really wish I could get her to stop cumming to conclusions.

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People in Asia hoarded rice, people in Europe hoarded flour, people in America hoarded toilet paper

Conclusion: Americans eat toilet paper.

My parents had me late in life so I never met any of my grandparents. No body was suprised about this

It was a four gone conclusion

There are two kinds of people...

...
Those who need to hear the conclusion...









...











...

A journalist, a physicist and a mathematician are going on a field trip…

And they come across a group of cows with black and white spots, grazing in the distance. The journalist is excited: “We’ve seen a group of black and white spotted cows, therefore we can conclude that in this area all cows must have black and white spots!”

“You’re being too hasty, my friend”,...

What's something a frog never gonna jump into?

Conclusions

Allegedly John Adams

In my many years, I have come to the conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress

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A tale of two friends !!

One was a very bright student while the other one was quite dumb. The brighter one always helped the other passing exams be it a class test or end term exams. The teachers were quite furious with them and at last, called upon a meeting to discuss with the principal what could be done. All came to th...

The private detective is called to a crime scene

As he enters the very large and rustic mansion, he is led to the location where the body was found. It seems like the perfect crime scene. No prints, no clues, just a dead man, with no signs of how he was murdered.

The detective says: “do you have any suspects?” The police officer in charge o...

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There’s nothing sexier than a good finale

Many people come to that conclusion

Man to friend: " The doctor told my wife she should do some exercise."

Friend: "And is she doing this?
Man: "Well, she is - if jumping to conclusions and running up bills can be called exercise!"

I realized that I get aroused when I read the last chapter of a novel.

I just came to the conclusion.

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Reddit Karma is like women

At first, everyone seems to have it except you.

No one knows how they work but everyone want them.

It would look really hard to get it untill you finally get it unexpectedly, somehow.

A difference of opinion and you lose them.

But they give you a sense of value even after...

I'm not old. I woke up, I lifted my arms, I moved my knees, I turned my neck. Everything made the same noise: Crrrrrraaaaaaccccckkkk!

So I've come to the conclusion that I'm not old, I'm crispy!

I used to think skipping to the ends of stories would save time...

...but then I learned to stop jumping to conclusions.

An englishman, frenchmen, and spaniard were racing their cats on a paper boat in the water

They each name their cat the same in each language. The Englishman names his cat "One Two Three". The Frenchman names his "Un deux Trois". The Spaniard names his "Uno dos tres". The race begins, and Uno dos tres wins, with one two three at second place. The Frenchman's cat is nowhere to be found. Af...

[Long] The FBI, Scotland Yard, and the KGB are competing to find out who is a better investigative agency.

They release a rabbit in the woods, and whoever finds it quickest is declared the best investigative agency.
The FBI agent goes in first and investigates. He follows trails, asks questions to the other animals, and sets up Wanted posters throughout the forest. He continues this for a week until ...

A man accomplishes his life-long dream of becoming a stand-up comedian

However, he does not find any success in the field. His jokes are poor and quite predictable. So, after a couple of weak performances, he quits comedy. Frustrated, he punches at a punching bag, and finds it weirdly satisfying. So, he decides to take up a career in professional boxing as a means to f...

I really don't understand how Karen’s aren’t in better shape...

They’re always stretching the truth and jumping to conclusions

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I'm sapiosexual, I find intelligence attractive.

I guess you could say I come to a lot of conclusions.

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I was masturbating to a debate.

I've made a lot of questionable decisions to end up here, but at least I came to the right conclusion.

1950's definitions

A conference is a group of men who individually can do nothing, but as a group can meet and decide that nothing can be done.

A statistician is a man who draws a mathematically precise line from an unwarranted assumption to a foregone conclusion.

A professor is a man whose job it is to ...

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Guy goes to mass at St. Peter's Basilica...

Sitting opposite him in the front row are two hobos. Throughout the entire mass, the hobos are eating peanuts and dropping the shells on the floor.

The man is very angry at this, and decides he's going to give the hobos a piece of his mind after the mass is over.

However, at the concl...

Yo Mama Jokes

Yo Mama's so crazy, when she runs she takes the psychopath

Yo Mama's head so small, when she got her ear pierced, she died.

Yo Mama's so fat, she can't even jump to conclusions

Yo Mama's so dirty, she has to sneak up on bathwater

This joke ends in 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 3, 2, 1

It’s a fourgone conclusion.

So I found out I have a fetish for finding things out.

I really came to that conclusion.

I went for a job interview

And at the end they asked me, “So, last question: what would you say is your worst quality?”

“Worst quality?”, I replied, “well I’ve been told that I often jump to conclusions...”

“Hmm, ok. Well, thanks very much for coming in, we’ll be in touch”

“No problem! See you Monday!”

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A boy asks his father what politics is

His father, wanting the son think critically, told him "let's make an analogy, i am the backbone family and i am the one that makes money. Therefore i am the business class. Your mother run the economy, so she is the government. The maid is the working class. We serve your interest, so you, my boy, ...

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A Finnish and a Japanese company decided to organize an annual rowing competition with 8-man teams.

A Finnish and a Japanese company decided to organize an annual rowing competition with 8-man teams. Both teams trained long and hard. When race day came, both teams thought they were in top shape, but the Japanese won by far in the mile.

After the defeat, a defeatist mood prevailed among the ...

Crows

One day, about a year ago, 100 dead crows were found on the side of a motorway. Upon investigation, The crows were found to have been hit by vehicles, and were covered in specs of varying paint.

After further investigation it was also found that the paint on the crows had two different types...

Company Picnic Softball Tournament

At our annual company picnic, the advertising department always played a game of softball with the editorial department. This year the ad dept. won ,9-4. But on the company bulletin board the next morning was the following notice. The Editorial Dept. is proud to announce that upon the conclusion of ...

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