9/11 was inevitable

I'm not an expert, but it's is going to happen this year as well.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Russian and an Irish wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic gold medal.

Before the final match, the Irish wrestler's trainer came to him and said, "Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this 'pretzel' hold he has. It ties you up in knots. Whatever you do, do not let him get you in that hold! If he does, you're ...

Change is inevitable.

Except from a vending machine.

As Epstein swayed back and forth, coming to grips with the inevitable, he reached out to give the guard one final high five...

But he just left him hanging.

"Rain is merely a temporary obstacle in life, it's a metaphor of the inevitable downfall before success."

- Incy Wincy Spider

The worst thing about celebrity deaths is the inevitable torrent of jokes referencing them from people trying to be witty when really it should be a time of mourning and respect. I won’t take any part in it.

So wake me up when it’s all over

What will they call the inevitable surge of babies from quarantine in 9 months time?

Coronitas.

Explaining to a child that we're mortal and death is inevitable

Is probably, for me, the hardest part of being a party clown

My 10 year old Son just came up with this one and I couldn't be more proud: What's Batman's favourite fruit?

A Banananananananananananananananana

EDIT: Thank you everyone for the awards and kind words! Just to clarify:

* Yes, he does know the 60's batman theme. My partner loves campy batman so it was inevitable. [The Simpsons](https://youtu.be/TQepz5rsS6E?t=88) also made sure of that.
* Gi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Englishman, an American and a Japanese guy are on a boat, moments away from plunging over a waterfall to their doom...

Suddenly a genie appears. The genie explains that he is of limited power. He cannot prevent their inevitable deaths, but he can grant each man one wish before he dies.

The American steps up first. 'I love my country. Before I die I want to sing my national anthem one last time. The full versi...

It's 1961 and Chuck knocks on his prom date's door.

Her dad opens it and invites him in.

"So, you're taking our Betty to her first prom?" he asks, sternly.

Chuck nervously stutters "y-yes sir."

"She'll be down in a sec. But let's have a chat while we wait."

Chuck slumps in the nearest chair, waiting for the inevitable tal...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Death is inevitable

The Pacific and Atlantic Oceans start a conversation.

Atlantic: What's up Pacific?

Pacific: I'm not doing too well.

Atlantic: What's the problem.

Pacific: What's the problem? Well I'll tell you what the problem is. Everything is more complicated than you think. You only s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old Jew is lying in the hospital, slowly drifting towards the inevitable end...

He feels himself getting weaker and weaker, and summons a nurse.

“What can I do for you, Mr. Schwartz?”

“I want you get me a priest!”

“Uhh... yes, you mean a rabbi?”

“No! A priest! Get me a Catholic priest!”

The nurse goes off and finds the hospital priest, who co...

A man, a terrible worrier and procrastinator, is sitting with his doctor, anxiously discussing the results of a medical...

After an hour or more of waiting and hesitating and prevaricating and generally delaying the inevitable, finally the man draws a deep breath.

"Look doc - my chances - can't you tell me without telling me?"

The doctor looks at him in surprise. "What do you mean?"

Well," says the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Friends graduate together from a college. One of them becomes a businessman and the other becomes a forest officer

After a few years, the forest officer (FO) invites the businessman(BM) to visit him in the jungles of which he was incharge. The BM agrees at once and arrives at the forest within a week. They talk about old days and everything and then the FO takes him out to the jungle for a tour. A kilometer insi...

Dad is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bedtime.

She says - God bless mommy and god bless daddy and god bless grandma and... goodbye grandpa.
He asks her - why did you say that?
I don't know, I just felt like saying it.
The next day, grandpa drops dead. Wow, thinks dad, that's an odd coincidence.
A month later at bedtime, the d...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There once lived the most beautiful woman any man had ever seen. Unfortunately, a jealous old witch put a spell on the woman:

For the rest of her life, a tiny gremlin would live inside her vagina, and bite the dick off of any man who tried to lay with her.

Several suitors had tried and failed, always losing their precious member to the gremlin.

Finally one day a cunning young man decided to give it a go. W...

Thanos came to Earth in 2023

seeking the six Infinity Stones. As he sat on a rock, waiting for his underlings to bring the Stones to him, three strange men arrived in front of him, seemingly out of nowhere. One wore a red cape, another bore a red shield, the third was clad in a red suit. They fought, and it was a bloody battle,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A cruise on the Pacific goes all wrong, the ship sinks, and there are only 3 Survivors: Jim, Tom, and Susie.

They manage to swim to a small island and they live there for a couple of years doing what's natural for men and women to do.

After several years of casual sex, all the time, Susie felt absolutely horrible about what she was doing. She felt that having sex with both Jim and Tom was so immoral...

There was once a little boy

For his 2nd birthday he was given a little tractor with pedals. He loved it so much that it started an obsession with tractors.

By his fourth birthday, he already had 30 tractors of different sizes and colours.

As soon as he learnt how to read, he started filling his shelves in his bed...

Good News Bad News

Bob was in a terrible motorcycle accident and his legs weren’t in great shape, to say the least. After a couple of weeks of therapy, it soon became clear to the Doctor that they were just pushing off the inevitable. Due however, to Bob’s frail condition, the Doctor was afraid to give him the bad new...

Back when I was in high school, I worked at a grocery store as a stockboy.

One of the "long time fixtures" there was a homeless guy who would sit outside and ask for change. He was there every day, from opening of the store until closing, without fail.

Several months after I started, the owner decided to go in a new direction with the store and wanted to increase wo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Chuck Norris has been exposed to COVID-19 and has gone on record to his fans as saying "I'm going to kick the shit out of this thing."

After the quote, millions of people worldwide who fear they may be carrying the virus have begun hoarding toilet paper to await the inevitable.

Based on an urban myth: Two guys were smoking weed one late evening

Not being in the best state for great decisions, they figured they wanted to go for a ride to pick up some food. However, as they came to the first roundabout one guy said, let's go for an extra round. Sure, said the other and off they went.

"You know what would be even better?"

"Wh...

I'm nervous whenever I get on the plane.

This one flight was particularly bad and full of turbulence. With my stomach bouncing up and down, I started to feel queasy, so I started reading the newspaper to distract me. However, the inevitable happened and I ending up with my breakfast all over the Times. The flight attendant stopped by and I...

My grandpa told me this one.

So an older couple is discussing the inevitable matter of death. The wife asks her husband, "If I die before you do, will you remarry?" To which the husband replies, "Well, I don't want to be lonely for the rest of my life, so yes." The wife then asks, "What about the house? Will you live in the...

Thanos jokes always seem to crack me up

Its just inevitable.

Me : Well you know 'change is inedible'

Friend : Do you mean 'inevitable'?

Me : (spits out nickels) nope.

I asked the doctor what my life expectancy was.

He said, "Financial troubles leading into a long-term bout of depression before an inevitable death."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Trouble asking a girl out

So there's this kid, let's call him Jerry. He's been eyeing this girl at school for months now, and there's a big dance coming up. He knows she doesn't have a date, and he would give anything to go with her- but there's a problem. Whenever he gets close to her, he gets an erection that would rival t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Iranian Joke: Tranlated

A man was laying on his death bed at home. His beautiful wife sat by his side, holding his hand.

He was dismayed about his wife being with another man. He knew that this was probably inevitable but he wanted to hear it from her. He asked, "wife, do you think that when I am gone you will marr...

Game of Thrones Themed: "Knock knock. Who's there? Arya"

"Knock knock. Who's there? Arya"

"Arya who?"

"Arya gonna let me in? Winter is comin'!"

I'm a new dad ...I think this whole dad joke thing is inevitable.

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. Change is inevitable.

When it’s my time to go...

I want to pass away peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming, panicking against the inevitable, like the passengers on his bus.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Life is like being a pubic hair on a toilet rim..

Its inevitable someone will piss you off eventually.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guide to pooping at work

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the 2013 Survival Guide for taking a du...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When my wife was close to death she assured me if there was an afterlife she would somehow let me know.

Anyway, the inevitable happened and she passed away. About a month had passed when I was awoken by a cold blast and the shadowy ghost of my wife appeared in front of me,

"It's all true, " she said to me, "heaven is here, my love, I'm here, my mum is here, my dad is here, and when you pass yo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the ranger?

Once, there was a ranger who took care of the local parkland. Everybody liked the guy, and he was dedicated to his job - stopping people from shooting the deer in the park, maintaining fences and gates, that kind of thing. He was really good at it, too. During the time the ranger served there, no an...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A daughter’s prayers

A father is listening to his daughter say her night time prayers.

"God bless mummy, god bless daddy, god bless grandma, goodbye grandpa."

The father thinks "huh, wierd" and goes to bed thinking nothing of it. the next day he receives a phone call that his father has died. Slightly cree...

The armed grenade was under a pile of chick peas, tahini and olive oil.

Captain Smith threw himself on top of it to save his men from the inevitable explosion.

His medal for bravery was awarded post-hummusly

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sweet Tea

A doctor walks in an exam room to find a woman crying. She has two black eyes, her make up is running, and generally looks like shit. This is not going to be a standard check-up, he thinks to himself. "What happened to you?" asked the Doc.


The woman breaks down even further and can ba...

Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day...

but teach a man to fish and he will become your competition pricing you out into inevitable bankruptcy and suicide.

Two guys are stuck in the desert,

close to death, lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden…….

“Hey Bill, do you smell what I smell? I’m sure it’s bacon!”

‘Yes, Bruce, it smells like bacon to me.’

So, with their last resources of energy, they crawl up the next sand dune, and there, in the d...

An economist was asked in a talk about how to solve 3 issues

"How would you solve the inevitable future problems of overpopulation, water and employment?"

"Well" he says, "In the future when the water get scarce, we will probably go to war so it can be secured, which will solve the employment problem, and the population should go down as well."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A priest, a politician, a 4th grade teacher and all his students are on a plane.

Suddenly both engines kick out and the plane is speeding towards the ground. Certain death is inevitable.

The teacer starts screaming "What about the children!"

The politician says "You know what? Fuck the children!"

The priest says "Do you think we have time?"

A British guy, a French guy, a Texan, and a Mexican are all on a boat together.

They sail on for a while, when suddenly a storm breaks loose. The boat begins to fill with water. Realizing that sinking in inevitable, the Brit screams "God save the Queen!", and then jumps off.

They remaining three are fine for a while, but water is still pouring into the boat. Realizing th...

There are these three older gentlemen in their club....

...somewhere in the West End of London, and it's the late 1920s or so. They're sitting in the Chesterfield armchairs, drinking their beakers of port, smoking cigars, and generally chatting about life, and the conversation circles round to the great inevitable, and they start to wonder how they want...

Just some funny one-liners

1. Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
2. Borrow money from a pessimist -- they don't expect it back.
3. Time is what keeps things from happening all at once.
4. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
5. I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American wrestler prepares to face the Russian in the Olympics....

..... the americans coach is explaining to him to win the gold medal he must defeat the Russian. The Russia has never lost a match because he has a move called " The pretzel " every opponent trapped in the pretzel loses the match. So the wrestler and his coach devise an entire strategy devoted to av...

A boy is making sure a microphone works for an open bar stand up night.

Aa boy, not much older than 12 or 13, comes up to the mic and says
"Ice, ice, icicle".
"Pop, pop, popsicle".
"Test," and the crowd stares in horror as the inevitable is going to happen.
"Test, testing one two three"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A talented but unemployed jazz pianist.

A talented but unemployed jazz pianist/composer was walking down Second Avenue in New York contemplating his sad life when he sees a sign in a restaurant window that says "Jazz pianist wanted, full time position." Elated at his good fortune he goes inside to apply for the job.

He meets the ma...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Stoner joke with animals, always been a favorite of mine.

So monkey is sitting in a tree, sparks up a fatty joint. As he's enjoying his rolled handiwork mr lizard comes by an says "shit dude that smells delicious, mind if I join ya?" Monkey replies "No of course not, come on up man." So lizard and monkey sit an smoke for a bit; but this is quite a hefty J ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a man is told by his doctor he only has five days to live...

On the first day he goes out and gets himself a Japanese prostitute with big tits and fucks her like there is no tomorrow.

On the second day he goes out and gets himself a redhead Irish prostitute with a nice ass and he fucks her like there is no tomorrow.

On the third day he goes ou...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Man at a motel in the middle of nowhere

This joke is actually best heard in Hindi, let's see how well it does translated.

A man is staying in a room at a motel at night in the middle of nowhere, on his way to a different city. Being the only establishment as far as the eye can see, let's just say the management is lax about basic u...

Three nuns get into a car accident 2...

and are killed. Sisters Mary, Rose, and Kathleen arrive at the pearly gates confident that their entry was inevitable.
They are met by Saint Peter, who explains to them that even though the spent their mortal lives in service to God, they were not gauranteed a place in Heaven. There were some que...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Golf Truisims

* Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.

* Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during
your swing.

* When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either use
one more club or two more balls.

* If you're afraid a ful...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(Job interview) What your biggest flaw?

Guy walks into a job interview and, sure enough, the inevitable "what's your biggest flaw" question comes along.

- 'honesty', he replies.

Being used to this sort of answer, the interviewer replies:

- "well, honesty is not really a flaw, so...."

Without missing a heartbeat...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Man a Gets Job as 'Chief Tester' at a Durex Factory!

A man goes for a job in a Durex factory. The interview goes great and the lucky guy is offered the job immediately. The interviewer asks "would you like to see what you will be doing?" and the man agrees it would be good to get a feel for his new task.

They walk out into a large manufacturing...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Man Gets Biggest Shock Ever After Eating A Hot Chilli. This Is Insane 💕

I went grocery shopping recently while not being altogether sure that said course of action was a wise one. You see, the previous evening I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented 'Killer Chili'. Tasty stuff, albeit hot to the point of being painful, which comes with a written gu...

Three Escaped Prisoners

Three men - who were not the brightest of individuals - escaped from prison one evening. They knew that the authorities would be hot on their tail in only a matter of minutes, so they decided to find somewhere to hide on a nearby farm.

The first prisoner climbed an apple tree, then kept as st...

A pirate captain is on the high seas...

A Pirate captain is on the high seas with his crew. Suddenly, his first mate comes running up to him in a panic. "Captain! Five British warships have been spotted! They are headed directly for us, battle is inevitable." The captain strokes his grizzled beard and replies, "Bring me my red shirt!" The...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.