This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a prostitute and a Drug Dealer?

The prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.

Thoughtful Drug dealer.

A man gets pulled over by a police officer, and the cop pulls him out of the car and asks "Do you have anything I should know about before I look in there?". The guy shrugs his shoulders and the cop begins looking in the car. He pops the trunk and finds a kilo of coke. He holds it up and turns back ...

My grandfathers favorite joke: what’s the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?

The drug dealer can’t wash the crack and resell it

Medusa is the best drug dealer

One look and I'm stoned

I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer

I dunno what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used to do drugs until some asshole dealer ripped me off with a gram of washing powder.

I've been clean ever since.

My local drug dealer started dressing up as a Jehovah's Witness so he wouldn't arouse suspicion.

He got arrested after the police saw people actually letting him in.

Every morning, the CEO of a major bank in Manhattan went to the corner where a shoeshine man was always there.

He used to sit on the chair, read the Wall Street Journal, and the shoeshine man gave his shoes a shiny, great look.

One morning, the shoeshine man asks the CEO:
"What do you think of the stock market situation?"

The CEO arrogantly asks him:
"Why are you so interested in this...

What does a drug dealer says at the end of the year?

Merry cryst meth!

Did you hear about the dealer kept his job at the casino after he mangled his left hand?

He was still able to deal with it

I was asked " why did you marry a drug dealer"

Because my parents told me to marry someone with substance.

Weed dealer

So my weed dealer got in trouble with his boss. So he and his business partners were dragged to the woods to be executed. And when the cartel aimed their weapons, my dealer, a biologist, yelled "bear," in which he escaped when they turned to see the was no bear. His second partner was a physicist, a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde woman from South Alabama arrives and bets $20,000 on a single roll of dice. She says, "I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless."

With that, she strips to the waist, rolls the dice, and yells, "Come on, Southern girl needs new clothes!" As the dice bounce and come to a stop, she jumps up and down and squeals, "Yes! Yes! I won! I won!" She hugs each of the dealers, picks up her winnings, and her clothes, and quickly departs. Th...

Knew a drug dealer who was a Satanist

He used to sell me penta grams.

A former drug dealer goes to the local church to confess his sins.

„Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.“ says the man. „I have made a huge amount of money in my loge and have become very rich while doing wrong to many many others. Can the good Lord forgive me and give me another chance?“

The priest hears his confession, thinks a bit and then answers from t...

Why did the Jamaican spice dealer turn his life around?

Because he was a cinna-mon

I got thrown out of my local car dealer today

I told them to get Miata there.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A politician, drug dealer, beekeeper, priest, doctor, lawyer, accountant, engineer, prostitute, programmer, nurse, chef, forensic analyst, biologist, truck driver and a writer walk into a bar

It is a big bar. Very big one. And empty, or at least it was empty until this large group of people entered it.

They all form a queue in front of the bar and order drinks one by one. The politician gets a Heineken, the drug dealer orders a Budweiser, the beekeeper gets a mead, the priest buy...

Banta the Furniture dealer



Banta, a furniture dealer from Ludhiana, decided to Expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Chennai to see what he could find.


After arriving in Chennai he met with some manufacturers and selected a line that he thought would sell well Back home in Lud...

Whats the best way to reach your meth dealer?

Speed dial

What do you call a T-Rex that works in a casino?

A small arms dealer!

My weed dealer told me he’s only accepting fruit as payment now.

It’s a real pear-a-dime shift.

My FedEx delivery guy is also my drug dealer.

He just doesn't know it.

RIP Mitch.

A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out...

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so ...

An attractive blonde walks into a casino

The two bored dealers look at her and their eyes spark up. The blonde then makes a huge bet of $100,000 on a roll of a dice.

Before she rolls, she asks the dealers whether she could take her top off. The two dealers immediately agree.

The blonde takes her top off, and proceeds with the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pothead goes to the local dealer.

He says:
- Yo, gimme something new, something strong!
- Alright man, this is the new product in the market. replies the dealer. It's called "Light-Dark".
- Light-Dark? Why? asks the pothead.
- Just buy some, try it out, and you'll see why.

Our pothead buys the stuff, arrives at h...

What do you call a group of drug dealers with superpowers?

The Powder Rangers.

Mr Wilson sold nails and wanted to be the biggest nail dealer in the world so he decided to make a commercial

He hired an ad firm to make the commercial. He looks at The first ad and its Jesus being nailed to the cross, when the camera closes in, the nails say Wilson. He says "no,no,no" I'm trying to make business not lose it.
The ad exec say sorry about that, I know what you want I'll be back tomorrow...

It turned out that local barber was actually also a crack dealer.

I was his customer for years, and never thought that he could be a barber.

Living with your drug dealer isn't all that bad

It has its percs.

A couple always consults their weed dealer before going to the bank...

The reason being they only have joint accounts

Three highly decorated police officers die

in a wild shoot-out with narcotics dealers and go to heaven.

God greets them and asks, "When you are laid out in your casket, and your fellow officers and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you?

The first cop says, "I would like to hear them say, that I...

What do you call a clumsy drug dealer?

Falter White

A drug dealer once dressed up as a mailman

He got caught immediately because he rung the doorbell once.

My parents used to tell me that drug dealers would offer me free drugs until i got addicted to them, then they would charge me extremly high prices for it once i got addicted.

Looking at games in the App Store, I think all those drug dealers turned to game developers.

My drug dealer delivers so fast I nicknamed him...

Instagram

Dad joke alert

Why do elephants paint there toes red?



So they can hide in cherry trees. Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? See it works!



Bonus one: what's the difference between a hooker and a dealer?



One can wash there crack and resell it

Did you hear about Mexican drug dealer that kept falling asleep on the job?

He had narcolepsy

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Harley & The dishes (NSFW)

A guy named Joe heads into his local Harley Davidson dealership with a fistfull of dollars and starts looking for his dream motorbike. The dealer looks at Joe's choice and states that while Joe's choice in motorcycle was respectable, the older style Harleys not only held their value better, but in m...

Carolyn, a rich blonde, buys a new automatic Jaguar XKR Sport. She drives the car perfectly well during the day, but at night, it just won't move at all. After trying to drive at night for a week, with no luck, she furiously calls the dealers and they send out a technician to help...

He examines the car and finds nothing wrong with it, so he asks, "Ma'am, are you sure you are using the right gears?"

Full of anger, she growls, "How on earth you could ask such a question!? I'm not stupid you know! Of course I am using the right gears; I use D during the day and N at night."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What are the drug dealers of the animal kingdom?

Monkeys because they are slinging shit all day

Mr Richard's kid was a drug dealer. So, he kick him out.

Finally, he got rid of his Adickson

I think my weed dealer gave me corona

I’ve got a chronic cough.

What do you call an Italian drug dealer in Asia?

Narco Polo

Did you know that most drug dealers are exceptionally good at their job?

They are highly qualified.

What is do tech companies and drug dealers have in common?

They are the only 2 industries that refer to their customers as ‘users’.

Why did the cocaine dealer retire?

He decided to stop putting his business into other peoples' noses.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a drug dealer is being raided..

The police storm in, securing all the rooms in the house. One kicks open the bathroom door and catches a guy standing next to the toilet with a baggie full of cocaine.

"Freeze, asshole!" The cop shouts, aiming his gun at the guy.

"Ok, ok. You got me" the guy says, "but you need to li...

How you get a drug dealer to stop talking to you?

You unplug

What makes dealer dealer?

Being more deal

Once, many many years ago, there was a fad among fast food restaurants

to put historical, sometimes military or industrial items in their front yards as a kind of attraction/plaything; an old howitzer or maybe even a train caboose that kids could inspect or climb on. Sometimes these unlikely things would be decorated with the characters or dishes of the food chain. For...

Mary and Jane are old friends.

They have both been married to their husbands for a long time; Mary is upset because she thinks her husband doesn't find her attractive anymore.

"As I get older he doesn't bother to look at me!" Mary cries.

"I'm so sorry for you, as I get older my husband says I get more beautiful ever...

Why did the duck go to drug dealer

Quack

(Yea I know it’s terrible but I’m at the park and I just saw some ducks, so yea)

Hiring out of work Blackjack dealers to count ballots in Nevada was not a good idea.

They count up to 22, reshuffle the stack, and start over.

Here's a joke my cocaine dealer used to tell:

"Is Pepsi ok?"

My mom embarassed me me today when one of my black friends came over..she just kept saying "Is he a drug dealer? He looks like a drug dealer"

I said "No mom that's racist...and put your money away"

There's a new social media platform where people can take pictures of how they've been conned by their coke dealer.

Isntagram

A man goes up to his drug dealer and asks, “Hey, I want to try something stronger. Got any coke?”

His dealer shook his head. “Would Pepsi be okay?”

My father was a black jack dealer.

He hit me till I turned 21

What's it called when a drug dealer tests his products?

A business trip.

Did you hear about the drug dealer's ghost?

He was arrested for *possession.*

Man goes to meet his drug dealer,

He asks him if he has anything to fix his stiff joints.

The dealer gives him his usual baggie of weed and says " Don't roll them so hard next time"

A barber in my area got arrested for being a drug dealer.

I was his client for many years, and I had no clue that he was a barber.

How do coke dealers meet women?

Pickup lines.

A man went to a black market dealer,

He asks the seller,

"Yo I heard you can get me a glock, can I have one?"

The guy says,

"what have people told you about me?"

He replies "you're a small arms dealer"

*pushed the mutilated child arms back into the van*

"kind of yeah"

What subject do drug dealers excel at?

Methematics

What did the yoga instructor say when the blackjack dealer asked him if he wanted another card?

Namaste

Three dealers get arrested and sent to jail ...

One of them sells cocaine, an other one sells acid and the last one sells weed.

Once they're alone, the coke dealer says "Ok, I've got a plan. I managed to keep a little bit of coke with me, so we're gonna snort a little line and then we'll be strong enough to break the wall and run away from...

I bet the tailor in a monastery is in popular demand - a bit like a drug dealer...

I mean, they're both habit-forming.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If someone becomes your toilet paper dealer...

does that make them your butt plug?

There was a DEA agent who was a stoner on his off-time. His M.O. was that he always smoked weed at or near a dealer's house, and then staged a raid on that house, always with tear gas and smoke grenades. His motto:

First I smoke the joint. Then I smoke the joint.

My drug dealer loves telling jokes.

He cracks me up sometimes.

What do you get if you cross a mob boss, a gang leader, and a drug dealer?

Killed

Why did the drug dealer get kicked out of the play?

He never had his lines.

a drugaddict was going to buy some drugs from a drug dealer

when they finally met, the drug dealer asked: so... what do want?

client: I want some uh... Coke.

drug dealer: is pepsi ok?

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.