Play Ball!

Two 90-year-old women, Rose and Barb, had been friends all of their lives. When it was clear that Rose was dying, Barb visited her every day. One day Barb said, “Rose, we both loved playing women’s softball all our lives, and we played all through High School. Please do me one favor: when you get to...

“Mommy, why did you name me rose?”

“Because when you were born and we were taking you out of the hospital, a rose petal landed on your head. So we names you rose.”

“Is that why little brother is named leaf?”

“Yes, it is”

“Blaaaarghhhh-ddsdbbbb-beeebbbleeee”

“Shut up brick”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A woman wants her vaginal lips reduced in size

A woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wants her vaginal lips reduced in size because they were flapping in the breeze. Out of embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the surgeon agreed.

Awakening from the anesthesia after the surgery she found three roses careful...

A boy approached his mother and asked about his name.

He asked, “Mom, why am I named Leif?”
His mother replied with, “Because when you were a baby a leaf fell on your head.” Satisfied with the answer he left to go play.

A few minutes later the boys sister approached the mom and asked, “ Mom, why am I named Rosie?”
Her mother replied with, ...

What's better than roses on a piano?

Tulips on your organ

Roses are red

Nuts are brown

Skirts go up

Pants go down

Body to body Skin to skin

When its stiff

Stick it in

The Longer its in

The Stronger it gets

It goes in dry And comes out wet

It comes out dripping And starts to sag

Its not what you think....

Marvel endgame spoiler joke (roses are red)

Roses are red

Thor is fat

The god of thunder ends up playing fortnite and roasting children on voice chat

Roses are red, Acorns are brown

Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down

“Dad, why is my sisters name Rose?”

“Because your mom loves roses.”

“Thanks dad!”

“You’re welcome BJ.”

The other day, I saw a rose making fun of a tulip that had a bump on it's stem, so I stepped on the rose.

I'm just doing my part to stop cyst stemic racism.

Roses are red, Violets are blue. If you don’t like Harry Potter puns,

Something is Siriusly Ron with you.

Roses are red, silent as a mouse...

your door is unlocked, I’m inside of your house.

Roses are red, violets are blue, Yo Mama so fat

But she still loves you!

Roses are 6, yellow is a number

I’m having a stroke, call a cucumber

Rose was colorblind

She was sitting in bed, sad that she could not see color. Her father noticed this, and had an idea to cheer her up.

"Look what I have" said the father.

Rose looked at what was in his hand.

"What color is that?" asked Rose.

"This flower is red, and as beautiful as you" he ...

In the middle of an unrelated conversation my friend mentioned he prunes his roses with a knife.

It was a non-secateur.

I left a trail of rose petals from the front door, up the stairs, and to the bedroom.

I sprinkled some more over the bed.

I sat in the corner wearing nothing but her beautiful silk robe with a bottle of vintage wine on ice on the end table.

I heard the door open and her walking up the stairs, I wanted this to be the most romantic evening she's ever had, I was slightly...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

"Hey Dad, is it true that vaginas look like a beautiful folded rose?"

"Well son, yes they do, but only before sex."

"Oh. Well what do they look like after sex dad?"

"Son, you ever seen a bulldog eat porridge?"

Roses are red, Violets are glorious

Don't sneak up on,
Oscar Pristorius

Roses are red, violets are blue

Never gonna run around and *desert youuu*

Roses are red,

My screen is blue, I think I deleted system32.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Roses are Red, Violets are Red, Trees are Red....

Oh shit the gardens on fire!

A man wakes up after a night of drinking to see a single red rose on his bedside table.

Beside the rose is a glass of water, two Advil, and a note from his wife. The note says, "Hi honey, the pills are for your headache. When you're ready, come down to the kitchen and I'll fix your favorite breakfast. Love you!"

He also notices that he is still in the clothes he was wearing la...

A Priest was reciting a poem, "Roses are red violets are blue".

My girlfriend is 9 I'm 62.

Roses are red

Violets are bluish
If it wasn’t for Christmas
We’d all be Jewish


I don’t know if this has been posted before but I heard it from one of my uncles.

Did you hear about the dandelion that’s saying it’s a rose?

Turns out, it’s a transplant

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Gay parents are awesome!

* "Hey dad, why is my sister named rose?"
* "Because your other dad loves roses"
* "Thanks dad"
* "No problem, Richard"

A husband brings home a dozen roses for his wife one day.

She sees them and says, "What did you do wrong?"

The husband says, "Nothing, I just wanted to get you a gift."

The wife responds, "Now you expect me to lie in bed all week with my legs apart!"

The husband replies, "What, you don't have a vase?"

Roses are red, I've got a bad cough

Settings -> Notifications -> Trending -> **OFF**

Roses are red, Violets are red, Tulips are red, Dandelions are red

The tape around my house is yellow

Roses are black, violets are black,

Everything is black. I’m blind.

Roses are red, sometimes they're white

Just like my linens
This is a Tide commercial

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Roses are grey.

Violets are grey,

I'm colourblind,

And shit at poetry.

A friend of mine has 2 Tickets to the Rose Bowl...

Ohio State and Washington, both box seats. He paid $2,500 each but he didn't realize last year when he bought them, it was going to be on the same day as his wedding. If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place...It's at The Methodist Church in Dublin at 3:00. The bride's name...

Roses are red, this poem is crass,

Why on earth,
Is my g-spot up my ass?

Roses are red

I want you to remember
You are the reason why i lost no-nut november

What’s the opposite of rose tinted glasses?

Scepticals

A guy ring's his new girlfriend's doorbell

She sees him holding a beautiful bouquet of roses and drags him in.

She lies on the couch, pulls her skirt up, and rips her knickers off and says "This is for the flowers!"

"Don't be silly" says her boyfriend, "you must have a vase somewhere!"

Unemployed people rose by 2% from last year.

I guess they're getting taller.

Roses are red, sorry for the Hypocrisy

But hey, we’ve updated our privacy policy

[spoilers] Roses are red, the sea's full of salt

Everyone's dead, It's all Star Lord's fault.

Rose

Daughter 1: Daddy, why am I named Rose?
Dad: Because when your mother gave birth to you, a rose petal fell on your head.
Daughter 2: What about me?
Dad: Because, Daisy, when you were born, a daisy petal fell on your head.
Son: *walks in* Anso nai?!
Dad: Oh, hey, Brick.

A girl asked her dad "Why is my name Rose?"

Her dad said "Because when you were a baby, a rose petal fell to your forehead"

The girl's sister asked the same. "Daddy, why is my name Lily?"

"As a baby, the petal of a lily flower fell on your head."

The youngest daughter then approached.

"AUUGHMMGRNMMM"

"Shut u...

Roses are red, you're a liar

Harry, did you put your name in the goblet of fire?

I brought home a bouquet of roses for my wife

She looked at me in disbelief and asked "what did you do wrong"

"What? I just wanted to do something nice for you, buy you a gift, and this is how you act?" I respond

"Yea right, you think I don't know any better, now you want me to lay in bed naked all week with my legs spread"
...

When Jesus rose from the dead, everyone said “No way”

Jesus responded “Yahweh”

"Daddy, why is my name Rose?"

One day, a child came up to her father and said, "Daddy, why is my name Rose?"
He replied, "Well, when you were born, a rose fell on your head."

Later on, her younger sister came up to their father and asked, "Daddy, why was I named Lily?"
He replied, "Well, when you were born, a lily...

"Why did you name me Lily?"

"Father," said Lily, "why did you name me Lily?" Lily's father smiled, "On the day you were born, a gentle breeze carried a lily through the window, and it gently fell onto your forehead, and so we named you Lily." Lily smiled at her father, and went back to playing.
On that same day, Lily's sist...

A son asks his dad:"Dad, why is my sisters name Rose?"

The dad answers: "Well it's because on our first date, I gave your mother roses, and she has loved them ever since."

Son: "Wow, thanks dad!"

Dad: "No problem, Bj."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Roses are red, shit is brown

Nothing but assholes,
live in this town

Dad why did you name me rose?

Child 1: "Dad why did you name me rose?"

Dad: "Because when you were born a little rose petal fell on your forehead, it was such a beautiful moment."

Child 2: "And why did you name me Lily?"

Dad: "Because when you were born a little Lily fluttered onto your forehead"

Chi...

Son: Dad, why is my sister’s name Rose?

Me: Because your mom loves roses.

Son: What about me?

Me: It's a long story, FIFA World Cup™ Russia 2018.

A woman is walking home with her three daughters- Rose, Lily, and Cinderblock.

Rose asks her mother, “Mom, why did you name me Rose?”

To which her mother replies, “Well sweetie, when we were coming home from the hospital with you a rose fell on your head!”

Lily, curious now, asks her mother “Mom, why did you name me after a flower too?”

To which her mother...

I just got a huge bouquet of roses for my wife

I thought it was a pretty good trade

Two older couple were having breakfast

old man 1: We went to the best restaurant last night

old man 2: What's it's name?

old man 1: Oh, I have such a terrible memory. What's that red flower?

old man 2: Carnation?

old man 1: No, the one with the thorns.

old man 2: Rose?

old man 1: That's it. (turn...

Roses are red, monsters are green

Look in the mirror, you'll see what I mean

Roses are red,

My wife is dead,

Does anyone want to buy a 2 person bed?

Hey dad, why did you and mom name my sister Rose?

"Because a rose petal fell on her head when she was a baby, dear son," replied the Dad.

"Oh, thanks for telling me Dad!"

"No problem, Toaster Oven."

Roses are red, Violets are blue

Hitler blew an 11 country lead during World War 2

A boy asks his mother:"Mom, why is my cousin's name is Rose?"

The mother explains: "That's because her mother loves roses a lot so she called her after her favorite flower."
The boy then asks: "Oh, so what about my other cousin, Clementine?
"That's because her mother loves clementines so much that she called her after her favorite fruit."
The bo...

Roses are red...

Yoda is green
My lightsaber needs two hands
If you know what I mean

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