Rose Jokes - 93 Hilarious Rose Jokes

Roses are red, Cellos are brown

Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down ;)

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Girl 1: Mother, why is my name Rose?

Mother: Because when you were just a precious little baby, a rose fell off a tree and onto your head.

Girl 2: But mother, why am I named Blossom?

Mother: Well my darling, same with you; a blossom blew from a tree and onto your head.

Girl 3: Mufaghh ma waafaa maaa?

Mother:...

Jesus was born on Christmas, died on Good Friday and rose on Easter.

What are the odds?!?!

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my girlfriend says her pussy's like a rose

But I think it looks more like tulips

Roses are dead, violets are dead

I'm a bad gardener

Ask Rose

The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, *"Last week we went out to a new restaurant, and it was really great. I would recommend it."*

The other man said, *"What's the name of the restaurant?"*

The first man thought and thought and finally said, *"What is the name of that flower y...

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My girlfriend's vagina smells like roses....

But, Rose's is tighter...

Roses are red...

Violets are blue...

WOLOLOLOLOOO!!!!

Ah shucks now the roses are blue too!

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Roses are red, here's something new...

Violets are violet.
Not fucking blue.

Whats better than roses on a piano?

tulips on an organ...

"dad, why my sister named rose?"

"because your mother loves roses"

"thanks dad"

"no problem james.jr"

I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared.

I thought, "Thats the biggest wave I’ve ever seen."

Roses are red,

Violets are blue, I have a sideways toaster next to my name, Reddit you know what to do

Roses are brown, violets are grey

I just found out I'm colorblind today.

There’s a great actor who can no longer remember his lines, and when word gets out, no one will hire him.

After many years he finally finds a theater that is prepared to give him a chance to shine again. The director says, “This is the most important part, but it has only one line. You walk out on stage at the opening, carrying a rose. You hold the rose to your nose with just one finger and thumb, sniff...

Someone keeps sending me roses with the heads cut off

I think I'm being stalked

A man wakes up after a night of drinking to see a single red rose on his bedside table.

Beside the rose is a glass of water, two Advil, and a note from his wife. The note says, "Hi honey, the pills are for your headache. When you're ready, come down to the kitchen and I'll fix your favorite breakfast. Love you!"

He also notices that he is still in the clothes he was wearing la...

"Father, why is my name 'Rose'?

"Because just after you were born, a rose petal landed on your head when we were leaving the hospital."

"Is that also why my sister's name is 'Daisy'?"

"Yes it is."

"eherrnnanenhahenrnanehh"

"Quiet, Brick"

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Roses are Red, Cacti are Thorny

When I’m around you, you make me very… happy!

I guess what I’m trying to say is aloe you very much.

Stone.

Sam died and left $50,000 in his will for an elaborate funeral.

As the last attenders left, Sam’s wife Rose turned to her oldest friend Sadie and said: “Well, I’m sure Sam would be pleased.”

“I’m sure you’re right,” replied Sadie, who leaned in close and lowered her voice to a whisper....

Roses are red, violets are blue.

When it comes to flower colours, the person who made this has no clue.

Rose . . .

Two elderly men are talking while their wives prepare supper.

The first man says "we went to this really amazing restaurant the other day, you have to try it."

The second replies "we would love to, what is it called? "

After a long pause the first man, clearly confused, asks "w...

Son: Dad, why is my sister’s name Rose?

Me: Because your mom loves roses.

Son: What about me?

Me: It's a long story, FIFA World Cup™ Russia 2018.

What’s a Christian’s favorite flower? Jesus Rose.

Just wrote this and said it to my wife. She laughed.
Happy Easter y’all!

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A woman wants her vaginal lips reduced in size

A woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wants her vaginal lips reduced in size because they were flapping in the breeze. Out of embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the surgeon agreed.

Awakening from the anesthesia after the surgery she found three roses careful...

Out of curiosity, Rose one day asks her mother, "Mom, why am I named Rose?"

"Because when you were born, a rose fell on your head," her mom said.

Lily hears this and asks, "Then why is my name Lily?"

"Because when you were born a lily fell on your head," the mom said.

When brick heard this he asks

"GAHGAFSGAHSVGAGA?"

A woman has two admirers.

One of them is a doctor, and the other is a deaf guy.
Every day, the doctor gives the woman a rose.
And every day, the deaf guy gives her an apple.
One day, the woman says to the the deaf guy: "Hey, that doctor gives me a rose every day, and I get the symbolism of that. But why do you give...

My wife,Rose,is leaving me because of my obsession with pens

Biros

What did the pastor say when his blanket rose up from his bed?

"Holy Sheet!"

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Roses are red

Congress is red

The Senate is red

The White House is red

welp

Edit: insert communist pun here

Edit x2: what the fuck did i just get gold for this

A man and his wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem...

The mother gets up and says to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.
The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his justification.
After a long silence, the man slowly rose from his chair and replied, "Your Ho...

Roses Are Red

Roses are red,

I like Darth Vader.

Poetry is hard,

calculator.

Roses are red,

Roses are red,

violets are red,

trees are red,

grass is red,

fu\*k my garden's on fire

Roses are red,

My screen is blue, I think I deleted system32.

Roses are red

Roses are red

People say I’m a prick

But I think you’ll like

My profile pic

Roses are red

Roses are red

Violets are blue

Sugar is sweet

And so are you.

The roses have wilted

The violets are dead

The sugar bowl's empty

And so is your head.

What do you call an orphan named Rose?

Self-raising flour

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The Dean of Women at an exclusive all girls’ school was lecturing her students on sexual morality.

“We live today in very difficult times for young people. In moments of temptation,” she said. “Ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?”

A young woman rose in the back of the room and said, “Excuse me, but how do you make it last an hour?”

The Florists wife was Rose

The weatherman’s wife was May

The bankers wife was Penny

And the senators wife was Peggy.

Two older couples decide to go out for dinner.

The two husbands sit in the front seat, and the two wives in the rear. The driver asks "Where should we go"? The other gentleman says "We had some great fish the other day". "Where was that?" comes the reply. The passenger gets a confused look on his face. He thinks for a bit and says "Give me the n...

A man and his wife and his mother in law went on vacation to the Holy Land...

While they were there, the mother in law passed away.

The undertaker told them you can have her shipped home for $5000 or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for $150.00.

The man thought about it, told him he'd just have her shipped home. The undertaker asked why would you spend $50...

Whose the idiot?

The beginning of the first class in college a professor wanted to stir things up, to make a point he said “If there are any idiots in this room, will you please stand up"

After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.

"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?", inq...

Where did Axl Rose get arthritis?

In his Sha-na-na-na-na knees knees

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Four older ladies were playing bridge at Rose’s house one afternoon.

Rose’s husband walks in the door.

“Hello dear.”

“Hello dear,” she responds.

He slowly makes his way over to the table table and Rose unzips his fly and pulls out his pecker, giving it a gentle kiss before putting it back again.

He zips up his pants and walks away while th...

Tony and Rose

Tony’s on his death bed, taking his last breaths.

Rose, his wife of forty years sits by his side.

Tony calls her over and says, “Rose, after forty years, on my death bed, I have finally learned what you are to me!”

Rose replies, “What, my love?”

Tony goes on, “When we met...

Roses are red...

Violets are glorious.

I wouldn't surprise

Oscar Pistorius.

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I came home from work with a bouquet of roses.

My wife looked at me suspiciously and said, "Have you done something wrong?"

I said, "...Yes."

She said, "What is it?"

I said, "Bought an ungrateful bitch flowers."

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Violets are green, roses are blue...

Alright you bastards, who fucked with the hue?

"Daddy, why is my name Rose?"

One day, a child came up to her father and said, "Daddy, why is my name Rose?"
He replied, "Well, when you were born, a rose fell on your head."

Later on, her younger sister came up to their father and asked, "Daddy, why was I named Lily?"
He replied, "Well, when you were born, a lily...

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Roses are red, Violets are blue

Hitler blew an 11 country lead during World War 2

Roses are red, reposting is lame,

But not every joke here is always the same.

The real reason Jack and Rose separated at the end...

Jack got cold feet.

Rose

Daughter 1: Daddy, why am I named Rose?

Dad: Because when your mother gave birth to you, a rose petal fell on your head.

Daughter 2: What about me?

Dad: Because, Daisy, when you were born, a daisy petal fell on your head.

Son: *walks in* Anso nai?!

Dad: Oh, hey, Br...

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The little Indian boy asked his dad "How did Rose Petal get her name?"

The father replied. "Well son, when your mother went out for the first time after your sister was born, she stepped on a rose petal. So we named her that."

The son nodded.

"By the way," the father continued. "Why do you want to know, Bear Shit?"

(NOTE: This is just for laughs, a...

Jesus died for your sins and rose 3 days later...

So really all our sins are just worth a weekend of his time

Play Ball!

Two 90-year-old women, Rose and Barb, had been friends all of their lives. When it was clear that Rose was dying, Barb visited her every day. One day Barb said, “Rose, we both loved playing women’s softball all our lives, and we played all through High School. Please do me one favor: when you get to...

Roses are red, April is grey, The next time you leave your house

It’s Gonna Be May

Roses are reddish...

Roses are reddish

Violets are bluish

If it weren't for Christmas

We'd all be Jewish

Roses are red, sorry for the Hypocrisy

But hey, we’ve updated our privacy policy

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Why are roses bushes always reproducing?

Cos they're so thorny

OC from my 10 yr old son: Why do women like roses?

Because they are pretty and hurt you.

Mary Rose sat on a pin.

Mary Rose

Dad, why am I called rose?

Daughter 1: Dad, why am I called rose?

Dad: well when you were born a rose petal landed on your head, so we took it as a sign.

Daughter 2: so Dad, why am I called Lily?

Dad: for the same reason, when you were born a lily petal landed on your head.

Daughter 3: JAVDJDJ SKAO...

"Why did you name me Lily?"

"Father," said Lily, "why did you name me Lily?" Lily's father smiled, "On the day you were born, a gentle breeze carried a lily through the window, and it gently fell onto your forehead, and so we named you Lily." Lily smiled at her father, and went back to playing.
On that same day, Lily's sist...

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A young woman visits a florist to get some flowers for her mother.

As she's perusing, she notices the most gorgeous rose she's ever seen sitting next to the cashier, and asks for its price.

"Oh, sorry," the cashier replies. "That one's not for sale. I got that as a gift from a fellow florist for hooking him up with a woman I met yesterday."

"Yesterd...

Roses are red, violets are green..

If you were on acid, you would know what I mean.

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So a man was sued for libel and slander...

The judge asked, "What's the defendant accused of saying?"

The plaintiff's attorney replied, "He called my client an, and I quote, 'incompetent motherfucker', your honor."

The judge nodded, "And what does the defense plea?"

The defendant's attorney rose, "Not guilty as charged, ...

I bought my wife 12 dozen red roses but I don’t think she likes them.

She said that’s gross.

Lady Mary strolled down the path to where the young gardener was pruning the roses

"Hello, Thomas."

"Good morning, Your Ladyship."

"You know, Thomas, ever since you've come to work for us, I've been afraid that you would force me to kiss you," she said, conversationally.

"Oh, Your Ladyship, how could I do that with a pair of secateurs in one hand and a bag of ...

Four guys have been going on the same golfing trip to St Andrews for many years.. Two days before the group is to leave, John's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. John's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.

Two days later, the three get to St Andrews only to find John sitting at the bar with four drinks set up! "Wow, John, how long you been here, and how did you talk your Missus into letting you go?" "Well, I've been here since last night... Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my living room chair and ...

Guns N’ Roses got their tour bus lifted

Axl Rose

How does a rose drive?

It uses the petals.

“Roses are red, violets are red,

if you aren’t red, you get shot in the head.”

\-Stalin 1946

Roses are red, I've got a bad cough

Settings -> Notifications -> Trending -> **OFF**

Roses are Red, Reposters are lame

[This post has been removed due to a copyright claim.]

Roses are crimson, violets are violet

I have an art degree...you want fries with that?

Roses are gray

Violets are gray

I'm color blind

And not very good at poetry

Why did Rose not buy the iPhone 7

Cause it didn't have a Jack

Roses are red

Nuts are brown

Skirts go up

Pants go down

Body to body Skin to skin

When its stiff

Stick it in

The Longer its in

The Stronger it gets

It goes in dry And comes out wet

It comes out dripping And starts to sag

Its not what you think....

A Buddhist monk goes to a barber to have his head shaved.

"What should I pay you?" the monk asks. "No price, for a holy man such as yourself," the barber replies. And what do you know, the next day the barber comes to open his shop, and finds on his doorstep a dozen gemstones.

That day, a priest comes in to have his hair cut. "What shall I pay y...

Roses are red,

Grass is greener,

When I'm with you,

I play with my wiener.

Did you see Trump's Rose Garden speech?

It's going viral!

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Roses !

This woman and her husband have this really bad fight. He goes off to work the next day without talking to her, but she doesn’t care. She’s busy doing her thing around the house. All of the sudden, around 1:00 in the afternoon, the doorbell rings. She goes to the door and opens it and there is a...

When you look at someone through rose coloured glasses

All the red flags just look like... well, flags...

Roses are red, violets are blue...

Let's dispel once and for all with this fiction that Barack Obama doesn't know what he's doing. He knows EXACTLY what he's doing. Barack Obama is undertaking a systematic effort to change this country, to make America more like the rest of the world.

That's why he passed Obamacare and th...

What's the difference between a rose and a BMW?

A rose has pricks on the outside.

[spoilers] Roses are red, the sea's full of salt

Everyone's dead, It's all Star Lord's fault.

People tend to associate slash and axl rose

But last time I got my tires slashed, my axels sank

ROSES & HANGING BASKETS

A teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date wearing a see-through blouse and no bra.

Her grandmother just pitched a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that!

The teenager said, 'Loosen up Grams. These are modern times. You gotta let your rose buds show!' and out she goe...

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Mrs O'Malley, who lived in a seaside town, was continually annoyed by the seagulls...

[NSFW]

Mrs O'Malley, who lived in a seaside town, was continually annoyed by the seagulls that would roost on her roof and leave their smelly droppings on her rose bushes.

One day, seeing a flock of them through her front window, she charged out of her front door waving her broom wildl...

Roses are red

Violets are bluish
If it wasn’t for Christmas
We’d all be Jewish

I don’t know if this has been posted before but I heard it from one of my uncles.

Roses are red, violet's are blue

When I listen to rock music.
My neighbours do too.

Roses aren’t red..

Violets are gray..
Ever since i looked at the at the sun, i have not been having a great day.

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