This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A woman wants her vaginal lips reduced in size

A woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wants her vaginal lips reduced in size because they were flapping in the breeze. Out of embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the surgeon agreed.

Awakening from the anesthesia after the surgery she found three roses careful...

Roses are red, acorns are brown

Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down

Roses are red, violets are blue

How hard is it, to leave the EU?

What's better than roses on your piano?

Tulips on your organ!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Roses are Red, Violets are Red, Trees are Red....

Oh shit the gardens on fire!

A Priest was reciting a poem, "Roses are red violets are blue".

My girlfriend is 9 I'm 62.

Angela Rose

Angela Rose sat on a pin. Angela rose.

I left a trail of rose petals from the front door, up the stairs, and to the bedroom.

I sprinkled some more over the bed.

I sat in the corner wearing nothing but her beautiful silk robe with a bottle of vintage wine on ice on the end table.

I heard the door open and her walking up the stairs, I wanted this to be the most romantic evening she's ever had, I was slightly...

Roses are red, Violets are glorious

Don't sneak up on,
Oscar Pristorius

After listening to Guns N' Roses, I want to become a pediatrician.

I figure all I need is little patients.

A man wakes up after a night of drinking to see a single red rose on his bedside table.

Beside the rose is a glass of water, two Advil, and a note from his wife. The note says, "Hi honey, the pills are for your headache. When you're ready, come down to the kitchen and I'll fix your favorite breakfast. Love you!"

He also notices that he is still in the clothes he was wearing la...

Did you hear about the dandelion that’s saying it’s a rose?

Turns out, it’s a transplant

Roses are red

Violets are bluish
If it wasn’t for Christmas
We’d all be Jewish


I don’t know if this has been posted before but I heard it from one of my uncles.

A husband brings home a dozen roses for his wife one day.

She sees them and says, "What did you do wrong?"

The husband says, "Nothing, I just wanted to get you a gift."

The wife responds, "Now you expect me to lie in bed all week with my legs apart!"

The husband replies, "What, you don't have a vase?"

Roses are red,

My screen is blue, I think I deleted system32.

Roses are red..

Corpses are blue.

Sorry you're dead,

I forgot you're allergic to roses too

Roses are red, Violets are red, Tulips are red, Dandelions are red

The tape around my house is yellow

Roses are black, violets are black,

Everything is black. I’m blind.

Roses are red, I've got a bad cough

Settings -> Notifications -> Trending -> **OFF**

A friend of mine has 2 Tickets to the Rose Bowl...

Ohio State and Washington, both box seats. He paid $2,500 each but he didn't realize last year when he bought them, it was going to be on the same day as his wedding. If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place...It's at The Methodist Church in Dublin at 3:00. The bride's name...

Roses are red, this poem is crass,

Why on earth,
Is my g-spot up my ass?

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Roses are grey.

Violets are grey,

I'm colourblind,

And shit at poetry.

Roses are red

I want you to remember
You are the reason why i lost no-nut november

Unemployed people rose by 2% from last year.

I guess they're getting taller.

What’s the opposite of rose tinted glasses?

Scepticals

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Gay parents are awesome!

* "Hey dad, why is my sister named rose?"
* "Because your other dad loves roses"
* "Thanks dad"
* "No problem, Richard"

When Jesus rose from the dead, everyone said “No way”

Jesus responded “Yahweh”

Roses are red, sorry for the Hypocrisy

But hey, we’ve updated our privacy policy

Rose

Daughter 1: Daddy, why am I named Rose?
Dad: Because when your mother gave birth to you, a rose petal fell on your head.
Daughter 2: What about me?
Dad: Because, Daisy, when you were born, a daisy petal fell on your head.
Son: *walks in* Anso nai?!
Dad: Oh, hey, Brick.

[spoilers] Roses are red, the sea's full of salt

Everyone's dead, It's all Star Lord's fault.

A girl asked her dad "Why is my name Rose?"

Her dad said "Because when you were a baby, a rose petal fell to your forehead"

The girl's sister asked the same. "Daddy, why is my name Lily?"

"As a baby, the petal of a lily flower fell on your head."

The youngest daughter then approached.

"AUUGHMMGRNMMM"

"Shut u...

I brought home a bouquet of roses for my wife

She looked at me in disbelief and asked "what did you do wrong"

"What? I just wanted to do something nice for you, buy you a gift, and this is how you act?" I respond

"Yea right, you think I don't know any better, now you want me to lay in bed naked all week with my legs spread"
...

Roses are red, you're a liar

Harry, did you put your name in the goblet of fire?

A son asks his dad:"Dad, why is my sisters name Rose?"

The dad answers: "Well it's because on our first date, I gave your mother roses, and she has loved them ever since."

Son: "Wow, thanks dad!"

Dad: "No problem, Bj."

"Daddy, why is my name Rose?"

One day, a child came up to her father and said, "Daddy, why is my name Rose?"
He replied, "Well, when you were born, a rose fell on your head."

Later on, her younger sister came up to their father and asked, "Daddy, why was I named Lily?"
He replied, "Well, when you were born, a lily...

Son: Dad, why is my sister’s name Rose?

Me: Because your mom loves roses.

Son: What about me?

Me: It's a long story, FIFA World Cup™ Russia 2018.

A guy ring's his new girlfriend's doorbell

She sees him holding a beautiful bouquet of roses and drags him in.

She lies on the couch, pulls her skirt up, and rips her knickers off and says "This is for the flowers!"

"Don't be silly" says her boyfriend, "you must have a vase somewhere!"

Dad why did you name me rose?

Child 1: "Dad why did you name me rose?"

Dad: "Because when you were born a little rose petal fell on your forehead, it was such a beautiful moment."

Child 2: "And why did you name me Lily?"

Dad: "Because when you were born a little Lily fluttered onto your forehead"

Chi...

A woman is walking home with her three daughters- Rose, Lily, and Cinderblock.

Rose asks her mother, “Mom, why did you name me Rose?”

To which her mother replies, “Well sweetie, when we were coming home from the hospital with you a rose fell on your head!”

Lily, curious now, asks her mother “Mom, why did you name me after a flower too?”

To which her mother...

"Why did you name me Lily?"

"Father," said Lily, "why did you name me Lily?" Lily's father smiled, "On the day you were born, a gentle breeze carried a lily through the window, and it gently fell onto your forehead, and so we named you Lily." Lily smiled at her father, and went back to playing.
On that same day, Lily's sist...

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Roses are red,violets are blue

If you were expecting a generic meme fuck you

Roses are red, monsters are green

Look in the mirror, you'll see what I mean

I just got a huge bouquet of roses for my wife

I thought it was a pretty good trade

Roses are red,

My wife is dead,

Does anyone want to buy a 2 person bed?

Two older couple were having breakfast

old man 1: We went to the best restaurant last night

old man 2: What's it's name?

old man 1: Oh, I have such a terrible memory. What's that red flower?

old man 2: Carnation?

old man 1: No, the one with the thorns.

old man 2: Rose?

old man 1: That's it. (turn...

Hey dad, why did you and mom name my sister Rose?

"Because a rose petal fell on her head when she was a baby, dear son," replied the Dad.

"Oh, thanks for telling me Dad!"

"No problem, Toaster Oven."

A boy asks his mother:"Mom, why is my cousin's name is Rose?"

The mother explains: "That's because her mother loves roses a lot so she called her after her favorite flower."
The boy then asks: "Oh, so what about my other cousin, Clementine?
"That's because her mother loves clementines so much that she called her after her favorite fruit."
The bo...

Roses are red...

Yoda is green
My lightsaber needs two hands
If you know what I mean

What did Jesus say when he rose from the dead on Easter Sunday?

April Fools! I'm not really dead!

Roses are red, Violets are blue

Hitler blew an 11 country lead during World War 2

What happened to the Guns 'n Roses tour bus when it got a flat tire and had to be jacked up for repair?

Its axle rose.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A businessman is getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knows his wife is always horny, so he decides to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn’t much like the idea of her screwing someone else.

So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He ...

Girlfriend: Roses are straight, violets are twisted...

...Bend over, love. You are about to get fisted.

Roses are red, violets are blue...

...if you like your job, i'm sorry for you.

Credits to my boss. Yeah, i got fired.

Happy thursday to you all.

While married to Rose, we acquired house, cars, jewelry, retirement accounts. And with the divorce,

everything is coming up *ROSE's*!!

I have no idea how my first submission of this came to be flaired "Religion"... so I deleted it.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy accidentally says another girls name during sex

One day, Matt is fucking his girlfriend, Sarah, in his apartment, after they both spent some time together. They're both passionately going at it, and look into each others eyes, and as Matt is about to climax he yells "Ohhh, Angela!"

Sarah instantly stops, and gives a sharp cold look, and sh...