What do you call a unicorn with a soar throat?

Horse...

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A young First Nations boy goes to his father to ask how he got his name.

The wise father tells his son that it is the custom of their people to name their children for what they see in nature immediately after birth.

The father says, “when your sister was born we saw a deer running through the forest and so we named her Running Deer. And when your brother was bo...

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20 years into the future, NASA has a program for the public to travel to all planets. NASA has a Kennedy Space Center Ticket kiosk, run by Neil deGrasse. A man walks up with $200 "One ticket to soar around Uranus." Neil: "Here you go, you must take the proper precautions,the journey is rough."

"You have to pass through a black hole to get there."

The bar on the cliff

A man is on a walk by the coast in terrible weather, and ducks into a bar that is situated at the top of a cliff overlooking the sea to escape the rain and the wind.

He sits at the bar and orders a whiskey, and strikes up a conversation with an old man at the bar. The men talk for a couple o...

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Two drunks are talking in a bar...

The first one says "You know what's weird about city hall? When they built it they didn't take into account wind loads. We get so much wind here the top floor rocks back and forth 20 feet"

The second one says "yeah, but because of that wind you can jump off the roof of the building across the...

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The Voodoo Dick

A man enters a sex shop, looking for a new toy to keep his wife busy while he goes on business trips. As a higher-up in his corporation, he tends to be away from home several times a month, and wants to ensure his wife stays faithful.

When he reaches the counter, he's shocked to see an old, w...

Moses, Jesus and a guy went golfing

Moses, Jesus, and another guy are playing golf together. Moses hits the ball and SPLASH…it lands in the water. Moses walks up to the water…lifts his arms, parting the lake…walks over to the ball and hits it onto the green. Jesus hits the ball and SPLASH…it lands in the water. Jesus walks up to the w...

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My Shaggy Dog Joke

WARNING: This joke will probably not be funny.

There was this young boy who fantasized about flying like the birds one day. Every day after school he would try to make an invention that would allow him to soar above the clouds.

Every time he failed. Kids would bully him for flailing t...

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A young Indian boy and his father are sitting in a teepee. The child asks his father,”Father, how did you decide what to name me and my brothers?”

His father replies,”Well son, as soon as you are born, I hold you in my arms and we walk outside to show you our land. When your eldest brother was born, I see a majestic soaring eagle, so I name him ‘Soaring Eagle’. I took your second brother and we saw a herd of bison, hence the name ‘Brave Bison’...

Yes, It's true eagles can soar...

...but at least weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Long ago there were two men, David and Nikolay the Wise

They were laying outside on a field one day comparing their intelligence when David turned to Nikolay.

He told Nikolay that he had a higher iq so he must be smarter. Nikolay just laughed and told him there was only one way to tell who was smarter. They must go to a canyon and cross it, the fi...

So I was sitting at a table in this bar.

When this lovely young lady seated at the table across from mine sneezed, her glass eye popped out and with a bounce of the table soared into my lap. I caught it out of instinct and handed it back to her. She thanked me and headed to the restroom to put it back to it's proper place. Upon returning t...

A photographer was assigned to take photographs of a national park, so he decided to take them from the sky to get the best angle.

He requested permission to rent a plane and the arrangements were made. He was told to report to a nearby airport where a plane would be waiting for him.

He arrived at the airport and saw a plane warming up near the gate. He jumped in with his bag and shouted: “Let’s go!”

The pilot swu...

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A young native American boy visits his father, the chief of the village

After a few minutes of casual discussion, the wise chief could tell the boy was upset, so he finally asks "My son, what troubles you?"

Reluctantly, the boy answers "I... seek your knowledge, father."

Smiling proudly at his son's quest for improvement, he eagerly agrees, "Of course, my...

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Magic Dildo

Disclaimer: Yes, I know this is a repost. I haven't seen it on here in a while and it's my favorite joke so just enjoy it.

A husband had to leave his wife for 3 months while he attended business in Africa. To prevent her loneliness and to lower the temptations of her being unfaithful he went...

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Man Goes Skydiving for the first time.

The instructor tells him.



" Now there is nothing to worry about, your Chute is set to open at a set height. If it doesn't open don't Panic, just pull this cord and your Reserve chute will open. When you land there will be a Truck waiting to pick you up.



Guy is pumped up...

Jesus, Moses and an Old man are playing golf.

Moses is up first, and after whacking the ball, it falls into a lake. He parts the waters, hits the ball again onto the green.

Then, Jesus has his go, the ball soars at the same lake but this time it floats, so he walks across the water and hits the ball onto the green.

Then the old ma...

In the early 1800s three explorers are captured by a Native American tribe

In the early 1800s three explorers are captured by a Native American tribe...A Frenchman, an Englishman and a Russian. They are all taken in front of the chief. The chief is furious that they trespassed on the scared ancestral burial land but says they would have one chance to redeem themselves. Nex...

A minister awakens to a beautiful Sunday morning

He looks outside and sees not a single cloud in the sky. The temperature is a perfect 72 degrees. He says to himself, "THIS is the perfect day". He pauses for a moment and considers calling in sick to his church, skipping his worship services, and driving several towns over to play a round of golf o...

There once was a young engineer...

There once was a young engineer, who after having worked for several years, decided that he and his family should have a weekend getaway place. He searched the surrounding country and found a lovely spot with frontage on a small river. He and his family built a cabin and began spending time there ev...

"How do we get our names?"

There was once a young Native American boy talking to his father.

"How do we get our names, dad?" The boy asked.

"Well, son," the boy's father replied, "after a baby is born we go out of the teepee and name the child after the first thing we see. This is why your great grandfather was...

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How Native Americans get there names

One day a little Indian boy went up to his dad who was the chief and asked him how do Indians get there names. His dad looked at him and said "when your brother was born I went out tepee and saw, soaring eagle so I named him Soaring Eagle. When your sister was born I went out tepee and saw raging ri...

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So the little Native American boy asks his father...

..."Father, how did I get my name?"

His father said, "Son, in our tribe, when a child is born, the father walks outside the teepee and names the child after the first thing he notices. For instance, when your older brother was born, I walked out of the teepee and saw a majestic eagle flying o...

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A Native American's youngest son asked him a question

"Father, how did you get the inspiration for naming your children?"

The father smiled at him and replied, "Well, the moment that each of my children were born, I went outside the tent and the first thing I saw I named my child after. Like your brother, when he was born I rushed outside and sa...

Jesus, Moses, an an old man are playing golf...

And the first hole is on the other side of a pond. Moses is the first to go. He sets his ball on the tee, then gives hit a hard whack. It soars right into the pond before the hole. So, he walks up, parts the waters, and hits the ball right into the hole.

Next up is Jesus. He sets his ball, s...

3 men died and were taken to God....

They were taken to the top of a cliff . GOD SAID to them that since they had been such outstanding citizens on Earth that they'd be given one chance to become anything they desired.
The first man ran to the edge of the cliff, jumped into the air and shouted."i want to be an eagle". Instantly he w...

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My best joke.

Moses, Jesus, and a very old man are starting their day of golf at the first tee off.
Moses steps up to the tee, plants his stance, firms up, and smokes a drive that curves right towards a pond. Moses waives his club in the air, the pond immediately parts, the golf ball bounces in and out of the...

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A young Indian brave spoke with his dad.

He said, "Father I want to change my name".

"Why my son? When your brother was born the first thing I saw when I stepped out of the house was a strong bull. So I named your brother, Strong Bull." The father explained.

"When your sister was born, the first thing I saw when I stepped ...

A threesome of golfers approaches the tee...

The first golfer is Jesus. Jesus takes a swing and the ball sails directly into the water. Jesus' ball doesn't sink, and he walks across the water's surface and takes his second swing. The ball drops on the green.

The second golfer is Moses. He takes a mighty whack at the ball, but it also la...

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A big tomcat was napping on his owner's back porch

When he hears a commotion from next door. A new family was moving in, and with them was the most gorgeous little cat he had ever laid eyes on. Only one thing stood in his way, a barbed wire fence separating the properties.

Over the next few weeks, the family settles in and the tom continues t...

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A man and his wife are at a golf resort...

He tries to teach his wife how to swing a club
"I already know how to hit a ball, watch this" she replies. She takes a big swing and hits the ball, the ball soars in the air and goes through a window of a mansion which happens to be at the resort. "Shit, we have to go apologize" says the husband...

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Three men were trapped in a desert. Crying for God's help, they heard a voice from the sky...

So the voice tells them, "I shall give you one chance and one chance only to leave this place. Run to the top of that hill and yell what you want to become. You will then transform into what you yelled.

After some thinking, the first man ran up to the top of the hill and yelled, "Eagle!" befo...

A young Iroquois enters the longhouse of the village matriarch

"Grandmother, I've got a bone to pick with you" he exclaims.


"Yes, my son. What do you seek?" inquires the wise, old woman.


"Where do our names come from?"


"When a child comes into our world, I take him from the midwives and raise him towards the sky. I close my eyes...

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There's a bar on top of a really, really tall building and it's very windy outside.

A guy walks into the bar and has some drinks and is there for a few hours.
Another guy comes and sits next to him.
The first guy who has been there for a while looks at the man and says to him, "You know that there is a nice breeze outside and if you jump out it will blow you right back in."<...

We find Jesus...

We find Jesus playing golf one beautiful cloud free day (as heaven is floating on clouds) He is joined by Moses and an elderly man wearing tacky old golf clothing.

Moses plays first, he swings his golf stick with precision befitting a man who has used a staff since dawn of humanity, the ball...

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Two men walk in to a cliff side bar.

Around 10 pm, two men with brown and black hair walk in to a cliff side bar. The men sit beside each other, start hammering down drinks, and hit it off. After much laughing and joking the black haired man gets serious. He whispers to the other,
" you know, i heard the updraft on the side of this...

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A man got fired from his job.

When he sat at the bar he began to cry with his hands over his face. The bartender walks over and tells him to calm down.

The crying man catches his breath enough to explain he just lost his job and can't face his wife or son now. "We're going to lose the house, his birthday presents and I ca...

A test of sanity

The director of a psych ward suspects some patients of being completely sane. He calls for 3 suspicious patients to have them perform a simple test.

“Look, this is a steel door. If you manage to get through the key hole, you get a special prize.”

The first patient charges the d...

Two priests die at the same time

and meet St. Peter
at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter says, "I'd like to get you
guys in now but our computers are down. You'll have to
go back to Earth for about a week, but you can't go back
as humans. What'll it be?"
The first priest says, "I've always wanted to be an
eagle, soaring...

Bob and Sean Connery were walking one day...

Bob and Sean Connery were walking one day. The leaves were turning in the trees, and the sun was shining through them.

"I shay!" Sean Connery said, "What a day to be outshide. It's shimply beautiful, ishn't it?"

"Absolutely," his friend Bob replied, admiring their surroundings. Though ...

A reverend was talking to his congregation.

"I want this congregation to crawl!" he exclaims.

"Let it crawl reverend, let it crawl!" the congregation replies.

"I want this congregation to run!" the reverend yells.

"Let it run reverend, let it run!" the congregation yells back.

"I want this congregation to SOAR!...

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3 guys decide to go mountain climbing

After a few days of climbing, they finally reach the summit. All of them are in awe of the spectacular beauty they can see from being so high up.

One of them men, tired from the trek, decides to sit down. He feels something underneath him. Curious, he pulls it out of the ground and he sees t...

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Indian names.

A little Indian boy becomes curious one day and decides to talk to his father, the chief of their village how his tribe chooses names.

"Father," he said "how do we get out names in this tribe?"

The father looks at his boy and tells him "well, my son, when a baby is born in this villag...

Apes are very intelligent...

After working very hard with a group of apes their zookeepers seemed to have had some success teaching them to read and write.

The apes begin to make remarkable progress. As they spent most of their budget on basic children's books the staff decides to use texts about animals from the gift sh...

Did you hear about that religious airline?

Their prophets are soaring

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A guy walks into a pub...

And sits down next to this well built, clean cut fellow who is already pretty drunk. He notices that this drunk guy has several strange bottles in front of him and asks, "hey pal, what's that beer like?"
"This here is some amazing shit! If you drink enough of 'em, you can fly!" exclaims the drun...

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A Native American boy walks up to the the Chief of his tribe...

He says to the Chief "Great Chief, where do the people of our tribe get their names?" the chief replies, "Well, each infant is given a name by their father seconds before the mother gives birth. You see, what the father does is observe the nature around them and let its spirit inspire them." The boy...

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Why Do You Ask?

One day, a baby is born on an Native American reservation. A young boy witnessing the moment asks his father, "How do we name the members of our tribe?" The man tells his son, "Well you see, when a child is born, and the new mother and father walk outside with the newborn for the first time, it is n...

God, Jesus, and Moses are playing golf..

So Moses takes his first stroke and the ball goes soaring. An eagle then picks the ball out of mid air and flies off the course. Then the wind picks up and steers the eagle back. Then lightning strikes the eagle dropping the ball back down and God says, "Are we here to play golf or are we gonna scre...

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A Native American walks up to the Chief of the reservation and asks him...

"Chief, why do you name the babys of the tribe what you do?"
The Chief replied "Ah, yes. Well before every birth I go deep into the forest and wait for the Gods to give me a sign on what to name it. For example, if I see a soaring eagle fly by, then I name the infant Soaring Eagle, if I see a bea...

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