Uplift Jokes

It was the first time in human history a billionaire had killed a teenager in international waters and the only reason they shared DNA was due to being related.

They finally fixed the elevator.

The second time let me down.

A balding, white haired man walked into a jewelry store this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $15,000 ring.

The man said, 'No, I'... read more

Arose

They're very uplifting

I’m $1,000 in debt, but they said my balance is *outstanding*!

All of my neighbors are mad at me now because now the frogs only say “rivet”.

I asked if his job was uplifting....

He told me that it had it's ups and downs

I guess I must be Soular powered?

Even though he’s kind of a downer she’s much more uplifting… her name is Ella

It's the uplifting story of an amputee finding an arm in the desert.

It’s an uplifting story

I am a 15yo guy, she is a 17yo girl who has a nonsmokers lung cancer. Any positive or uplifting jokes will be appreciated.

...it was very uplifting

I found it very uplifting

As a long time vision glasses user I just love it when people try to uplift my spirit saying :
"-OMG, you look so much better without wearing your glasses!...
To which I started to reply :
-Why thank you, indeed, you're looking so much better as well when I'm not wearing them "

... because he helps uplift everybody's spirits.

Both focus on uplifting the downtrodden masses!!

I asked him how it is. He said it has its ups and downs.

He's really happy for the job, though. The opportunity was really an open door for him.

Apparently they've made him into their main salesperson, since he really knows how to close the deal.

I hope you found these puns to b... read more

Dear Grand-daughter,

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a "Honk" if you love Jesus' bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting. So, I bought the s... read more

At least it’s uplifting.

They‘re really uplifting.

He said they were very uplifting

I find the job uplifting.

Both work for upliftment of downtrodden masses

But dumbbells were an uplifting one.

The sub-reddit was "Uplifting News".

Any job that involves operating a crane. It's seriously uplifting.

It was an uplifting experience

So, the first thinks for a second and then explains to St. Peter that he got home and found his wife naked in bed in the middle of day. Suspecting adultery, he had searched their 10th floor apartment until he finally found a man hanging from the balcony by his finger nails.

Overcome with jeal... read more

While he proudly announced to the Salesgirl that he is an Economist, he also confessed that only thing he knows about bra is 'how to unhook', and he really needed some expert help in making the purchase.



The Salesgirl asked, "Sir, you want a capitalistic, socialistic or democratic bra... read more

I'm reading a book about a man who stopped an airplane from crashing.

It's pretty uplifting.

Sam goes into Macy's, to the lingerie department, and he says to the salesgirl, "My wife has sent me in for a Jewish bra, size 34B, and she said that you'd know what I meant."

The saleslady says, "Boy, it's been a long time since anybody's asked me for a Jewish bra. They usually ask me for a... read more