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2 women go out drinking and after a heavy night and a lot of alcohol, decide to take a shortcut through the cemetery.

Whilst taking the shortcut they both have the urge to pee so they duck down behind the gravestones and pee. They realise they have nothing to wipe with, so the first woman decides to use her pants and leaves them there. The second woman was luckier, she found a bouquet of flowers and unwrapped them ...

One dark night, two men are walking home after a party and decide to take a shortcut through the cemetery.

Right in the middle of the cemetery they are startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they find an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones. “Holy cow, dude,” one says after catching his breath. “You scared us half to dea...

What's management's favorite keyboard shortcut?

Shift + Blame.

Last night I was walking home and decided to take a shortcut past the cemetery…

When a group of spiritualists walked up to me and explained that they were too afraid to walk past the cemetery at night, so I agreed to let them walk along with me.Then I told them “I understand, I also used to be freaked out too when I was alive”.

I’ve never seen anyone run that fast!

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What keyboard shortcut turns your computer into a piece of shit?

*Alt + Right*

What is Elon Musk's favourite keyboard shortcut?

ctrl + space + x

The Shortcut

The shortest way from a pub towards the neighborhood was through a cemetery. One night, a man that was not that drunk, decides to take the shortcut but ends up falling into a freshly dug grave.

The grave was quite deep for him and the man lifted himself on the toes trying to feel the top edge...

Which keyboard shortcut doesn't work if you're incontinent?

Ctrl-P

Two nuns are riding bicycles through the Vatikan and they decide to take a shortcut down a cobblestone street.

The first nun says to the second, "I've never come this way before"
The second nun replies, "Nor have I. It must be the cobblestones."

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On my way to work I took a shortcut through the cemetery and saw a guy crouching behind a tombstone.

“Morning,” I said.

“No, just taking a shit.”

The problem with the goose

A peasant goes to a country fair and buys two chickens, a bucket, an anvil, and a goose. Walking back to his village he meets a woman who asks him for directions to the village.
- Come with me, but let’s take a shortcut through the woods, much faster.
- No way! I know you men, once we’re in t...

A farmer took his truck to the mechanic to get it fixed...

They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.


On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint.

He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, s...

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The other day I was walking through town and I took a shortcut down an alley way. I got jumped by 5 guys, and managed to knock one out.

Probably not the best time to have a wank though

Twitter have just created a keyboard shortcut that mutes all Neo-Conservative posts.

Ctrl + Alt + Right

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A priest was taking a shortcut through an alley one day

and came upon a young boy who was masturbating. "My son, you shouldn't be doing that," said the priest. "You should be saving that for when you get married."

The embarrassed boy hung his head down low and simply said, "Yes, Father."

About 10 years later the priest was in his study wh...

I've been learning keyboard shortcuts

I have decided to start learning and using keyboard shortcuts, they are really convenient and can actually save you quite a bit of time.

For example:

The Windows key + D will minimize everything and go to your desktop

Alt Tab will switch between applications

Alt Right wi...

A man living at the end of the town decides to take a shortcut...

On his walk home at 12:00am a man living at the end of the town decides to take a shortcut. He passes through the cemetery. Suddenly, from one of the bushes nearby, he hears whispering sound:

"Give me.... Giiiiive me..."

The man very scared stops, trying to figure out what to do. The v...

Dad's Shortcut

Dad used to tell us about the time he took a short cut home on Halloween. He grew up on a farm in western New York state, and at the time Halloween meant going out with his friend, Tommy, to do pranks. They had been out pranking drivers by tying a couple tin cans to the two ends of a long string, ...

Which keystroke combination beat all the rest in the shortcut contest?

the Win + R

There's a new keyboard shortcut in GTA V which if you press it will cause your character to kill minorities.

Alt-right

Did you hear about the cat that took a shortcut?

It was a real cheetah

A man decides to take a shortcut on his walk home from work

A man decides to take a shortcut on his walk home from work, passing by a street in front of a mental institution. On his way to work the next morning he decides to take the same route and walking by the psychiatric center he starts to hear someone at the other side of the 10 feet tall wall shoutin...

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A guy goes to the pub, and says to his friend, "You won't believe what happened! I was taking a shortcut along the railway track, and I found a girl tied to the rails. I untied her, and we had sex over and over again, all the positions, everything!"

His friend replies, "That's great! Did you get a blowjob?"

"No, I never found the head."

I've just found out about the shortcut CTRL+a

This changes everything

Two nuns are riding back to the church when one decides to take a shortcut.

The way that they turn down is an old cobblestone road. As they traverse the uneven surface that is rattling their teeth out, the one nun asked the other, have you come this way before? Of course! why do you think I come down here...

What keyboard shortcut is extensively used by journalists who work for Breitbart News?

alt right

What keyboard shortcut can be used to stop recent senseless violence from continuing?

CTRL-ALT-Right

What is the keyboard shortcut to becoming an idiot who throws temper tantrums like a child?

Alt-right.

Shortcut through a graveyard.

There was a man walking home from a bar late one night. As usual he took a shortcut through a graveyard. Since it was especially foggy that night he didn't see a freshly dug grave and fell headlong into the pit. He tried for over 20 min to climb out but couldn't manage to escape. As he sat there pon...

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I was jogging the other morning and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery

I noticed a man crouched at a grave.

I said, "morning."

He replied, "No, just taking a shit."

How do you make a shortcut?

With small scissors.

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Girls call me shortcut

My penis is circumcised and 3 inches long

Cold night and walk through a graveyard

It was a cold night and I already missed my bus, so now I had a long walk home.

But I remembered there was a shortcut which passed through a graveyard. I was a bit scared to take this shortcut but gathered all my courage and thought that in the daytime many people take this shortcut so why no...

Teaching my father computer shortcuts

Father: " Son, I just don't understand some of these things, I want to ctrl D but when I do I end of pasting everything?"
My response "No dad, that's ctrl V"
Mother responds " Well he couldn't ctrl his D in my V 15 years ago either!"

A blind guy and a hunchback…

A blind guy and a hunchback were drinking in a bar. The hunchback suddenly remembered he promised his wife he would be home before midnight. So he rushes home, taking a shortcut through the cementery.

While walking through this cemetery he suddenly hears: “BOO, i am a ghost, what’s on you bac...

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A man walking home late one night from the pub..

Decides to take a shortcut through the cemetery. He’s walking through then starts hearing a tapping noise. He gets a little scared and speeds up but the tapping seems to get louder and closer so he starts running and dodging around gravestones but the tapping gets louder.

He runs round a larg...

How did the barber win the race?

He knew a shortcut.

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The Aquarium [NSFW]

So this guy who works in an aquarium gets summoned by his boss, who says to him: "I just walked by the dolphin tank and they're feeling very amorous. They're doing all sorts of things to each other. In two hours we've got three bus loads of second graders coming, and we can't have them watching thos...

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Three Irishmen are walking home after a night at the pub.

They're all a bit pissed, and decided to take the shortcut through the churchyard. As they pass the gravestones, one Irishman says to the others, "Look at this, boys. Ol' Patrick Flannigan lived 'til 85". Another of the men says, "Ah, that's nothing. Davie O'Toole is buried here. He lived to be 97."...

A boy is coming home from a party ...

On the way home , he has to go past a graveyard .But since he didn't want to miss the game on the TV , he goes through the graveyard which has a shortcut to his house .

The graveyard was covered with thick fog which was so much that he couldn't see the ground in front of him . Eventually, it...

Dead funny

Late one night Jack takes a shortcut through the cemetary. Hearing a tapping sound, he becomes scared and quickens his pace. The tapping gets louder and Jack is now scared out of his wits.
Then he notices a man chiseling a tombstone.
"Thank goodness!" Jack says to the man.
"You gave me a ...

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Little Johnny is late to school one day.

When he finally enters the class huffing and puffing, the teacher says curtly, "Little Johnny, you're almost an hour late for school. Would you please tell your classmates why you're late today, and why your time is more precious than all of ours?"

Little Johnny can't believe the teacher has ...

So one night I was drinking at the pub for a while and decided it was time to head home

I had too much to drink so I had to walk home. It started raining on my way so I decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery to get home faster.

It was really dark and eventually I found myself fallen into an open grave, I tried to climb out but the wall was wet and slippery, and kept bre...

A Scotsman, an Englishman and a Frenchman are walking through the jungle...

They’re very tired, and they decide to take a shortcut across a nearby river to quickly reach their camp.

As they cross the river, a tribe of savages charge out of the trees and surround them. The tribe Chief steps forward and says

“This river sacred ground... you trespass on sacred ...

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Little Red Riding Hood was on her way to see her grandmother in the forest. Her mother warned her "Don't walk through the forest, take the path, or else the Big Bad Wolf will catch you and suck your tits dry!"

Little Red started towards her grandmother's house but decided to take the shortcut through the forest anyway. A turtle stopped Little Red and warned her "Turn back and use the path, because if the Big Bad Wolf finds you, he'll suck your tits dry!" Little Red was almost there, so she kept going thro...

Moses joke

**Moses was the first person to use *Control+C* as a shortcut.**

The Hyena and the Monkey

In the jungle a hyena was talking to a monkey. He said to the monkey "You see that big clump of trees over there?"

The monkey says "Yes, what about them?"

"Well, I go through there every day to get home, I don't have to, it's just a shortcut" said the hyena

"Alright, so?" asked ...

A Scary Midnight Story

A taxi driver is going home at midnight when he decides to take a shortcut through a cemetery. He's driving slowly through the dark when he suddenly stops in shock. In front of his headlights is a lady in white hailing him down.

Before he has time to think, the woman climbs in and says in a ...

A priest has a heart attack and is rushed to hospital

When he wakes up, he is being raced through the corridors on a gurney. Disoriented, he asks, "am I in heaven?"

"No, replies the nurse. "We're just taking a shortcut through the children's ward."

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My Halloween joke

A young man in the hospital is smitten with his night nurse, She feels good about him too.
The pain meds he’s on have constipated him and neither want to discuss it. She decides to slip him a laxative to “help” .Just before she’s going to arrive for a visit, he has an accident in the bed, there’...

How did the speed runner beat the world record on hair stylist simulator?

He took a shortcut.

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Johnny’s trip to school

Little Johnny and his friend were on their way to school one morning, late as usual they decided to take a shortcut and hop the fence of a back alley, Jonny went up and over the fence and then it was his friends turn. His friend slipped and landed with a fence post up his ass, Johnny tried to help h...

A farmer was walking into town to do some errands

He picked up the pail he'd left at the blacksmith for repairs, a brick he needed to repair a wall, and two chickens and a duck he'd ordered to increase his stock. Carrying all this, as he was walking home, he encountered the schoolmistress, a thin, plain middle-aged lady. "Sir," she said. "I need to...

A man stands before St. Peter

St. Peter says "You are in luck today! All you need to do to enter into heaven is to tell me of one unselfish deed you have done!"
The man says, "Boy, do I have a story for you! I was walking home from work and came to my usual shortcut, an alley behind a bar. There I saw a gang of five bikers, a...

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A hunchback and his lame buddy are drinking in a bar...

A hunchback and his lame buddy are drinking in a bar. It's getting close to midnight and the hunchback says he needs to get home to the wife. He finishes his drink and says goodnight to his mate.

Realizing the wife will cuss him out for coming home drunk and late he decides to take a shortc...

A middle aged guy and his teenage daughter were riding a motor bike.

While taking a shortcut through a dark part of the park when they were stopped by a gang of muggers.

They searched them and took the guy’s wallet, his watch and even the Motorbike, but couldn’t find any jewellery from the girl.

When the muggers had gone, the father asked his daughter, ...

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So a cowboy had a party to go to

Upon finishing his work on friday, he goes back to his house and tells his kid:

"get a horse ready, Im in a hurry"

"which one dad?"

"don't care, first one you see"

He takes a shower and rushes out to mount the horse for the trek, since he figures he's running late, he tak...

"I'm NOT a window cleaner!"

(Inspired by IT crowd)

One gloomy day in London a man by the name of Roy walks in a park, taking a short break from his job in an IT department. Suprisingly, he runs into an old school friend named Alister during his walk, and they catch up. Alister is a local writer for a very famous publish...

So there’s this old, old zookeeper who is nearing retirement.

In fact, she’s so old that she has been employed at the zoo since it first opened. Since she’s been there so long, the zoo has entrusted her with taking care of the two most valuable exhibits in the zoo.

First, she is responsible for feeding an ancient lion. This lion is actually so old that...

Two nuns are riding bikes

Two nuns are riding bikes in London. They are having a great time, seeing the sights and talking to pedestrians. Suddenly, the older nun notices how dark it is getting and says "We have to get back to the convent before dark. I know a shortcut." She leads the younger nun on a shortcut through the ol...

People always ask why my trips to the salon are so quick.

I take the shortcut.

Why do barbers make good drivers?

They know all the shortcuts.

A compass, a cough drop, and a match.

As a Boy Scout, we would camp a lot and go on hikes.


One night, we had to do a night hike, alone, for a merit badge. I had left the campsite about an hour earlier and a terrible storm rolled in. The sky opened up and the ground was quickly saturated. I tried to continue my hike for anothe...

Two Nuns went out of their convent to do some grocery shopping

They went around the town on their bicycles and had a ball of a time, since they don't usually get to roam about and the convent was soooo boring. So of course they lose track of time wandering around and exploring the town.


>"Oh my! We've only ten minutes to get back!" said the first ...

It's the end of the 2016 presidential election and the people of the United States hated all the candidates so much that nobody voted .

The government is in a panic trying to figure out what to do to decide the next president. Finally, Barack Obama comes up with an idea: a literal presidential race. The two candidates line up at the starting line. Trump goes first, clocking in at 14:26. Hillary Clinton goes next, running as fast as ...

Two Nuns On Bikes

Two nuns, Maria and Angelica, are riding their bicycles on their way to work at the Vatican. They're running late, so Maria says, "I know a shortcut. Let's go down this alley." They turn right onto the alley, which soon becomes a narrow cobblestone road, with many twists and turns. Angelica remarks,...

Paddy and Micky in a bar..

Paddy is a hunchback. Micky walks with a limp. They both have too much to drink and are discussing how their wives are going to kill them for going home late.

"I know a shortcut home through the graveyard!" declares Paddy.

"No way!" says Micky, "I've heard strange stories about that gr...

A boy does not know English...

After moving to America a boy does not know much English or know any at all. So one day he asks his older brother "What do I say when someone speaks English to me?" and his brother replies "Always say yes." The kid goes to his first day of school...
"What are you doing?"
"Yes."
"How are you...

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