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Ricky Jokes

What Ricky Gervais said after taking some digs at fat people at a show

"I don't want fat people to feel uncomfortable at my gigs. So next time, buy two seats"

Why is Ricky the Robot a bad lover?

Shortly after he sticks it in, he nuts and bolts.

I wish people would stop jumping on James Corden for stealing Ricky Gervais' joke....

This could permanently damage his career, and we need to remember he's got a wife and three chins to support.

Why does Ricky Hatton not have a PS4?

Because he's an Xboxer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What animal is this?

The teacher held up a picture of a cat and asked, “What animal is this?”

 “A cat!” said Lizy.

 “Good job. Now, what’s this animal?”

 “A dog!” said Ricky.

 
“Good. Now what animal is this?” she asked, holding up a picture of a deer.

 
The class fell silent. Af...

What's grey and comes in pints?

Elephants

(Credit: "Afterlife" by Ricky Gervais)

A holocaust survivor dies of old age. When she goes to heaven she tells god a holocaust joke.

God responds “I don’t find that funny”

The survivor replies “I guess you had to be there”

Courtesy of Ricky Gervais in “Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee”

I thought the biggest fire this week was going to be in Australia.

But then I turned on the TV and watched Ricky Gervais burn all of Hollywood.

Dear John Revenge (Sorry if repost)

Again, sorry if this is a re post but I love it!

A Marine stationed in Afghanistan recently received a "Dear John"
Letter from his girlfriend back home. It read as follows:

Dear Ricky, I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance
between us is just too great. I must ad...

An Italian man and his wife had three children...

The two oldest were playing football while the other slept indoors. The man said, "My love, are you sure Ricky is my son? His brothers are athletic but him...not so much."

"Yes, my love."

A decade later the oldest brothers graduated college, one becoming an engineer and the other a doc...

"People always talk about how great Stephen Hawkins was. I always thought he was so pretentious. Born in London, but he always talked with that fake American accent...."

Credit- Ricky Gervais

Snow in April

Tommy and Ricky were looking out the window
“How could it still be snowing in April” Tommy asked

“I don’t know, but at least we have something in common with the black community now”, Ricky replied.

“What’s that”, Tommy’s asked

“We’re both tired of seeing white”

Overheard a tweaker proudly talking about his dog...

I couldn't hear him too well but it sounded like some kind of new mixed-breed dog he called a Meth Lab. I didn't get many details on the new mixed-breed but I did hear him say it could be dangerous. Oh, and it must be fast because its name was Shake 'n Bake. Everybody knows you don't sully the na...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Freudian slip is when you say something by mistake that gives away

What you were really wanking about...I mean thinking about.

-Ricky Gervais

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A priest is in the confession booth...

A priest is in the confession booth listening to people confess their sins, when suddenly he feels the urge to drop a Deuteronomy. He knew right away that this was going to be a bowel movement of biblical proportions, and sweared to God that he would never eat Devil's food cake again. He opened the ...

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