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Kink Jokes

What’s a pirate’s favorite kink?

Pegging

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Man goes to his psychologist about his new kink.

"Doc, lately I've been paying men to wrap their scrotum around my penis and stroke me until I climax. Would you call that crazy?"

"No," he says. "I'd call that fucking nuts."

I have a fire kink

I just think fire is really hot

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I have a little bit of every kink

I’m a jerk-off-all trades

What’s the best job for someone with a humiliation kink?

Customer service.

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I dated a girl who’s kink was to freeze my erect penis before having sex.

We eventually broke it off.

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Tinder Date Kink

He described his sexual proclivities as "nuts and bolts" so I thought vanilla and mundane, but when we met at the park he suddenly came on me and ran.

Being a stand-up comedian with a humiliation kink

makes it really hard being on stage while people laugh at me.

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Amputee kink?

Check out PornNub

what kink do financial advisors have?

an inflation kink

(thank you, thank you, i did make this one up myself)

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Nobody should be ashamed of what their sexual kink is, unless your kink is being humiliated.

Then you should be very ashamed you nasty little pervert.

I have a kink for getting showers

They make me wet.

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My wife's friends were trying to get me to talk about our kinks

Unfortunately for them, I don't piss and tell.

My friend confessed to me saying that he was starting to develop a bestiality fetish...

Not wanting to kink shame him I ask “How did you get into it?”

“Well I did some research on the internet and ended up going down a rabbit hole”

You know, I think Nature has a humiliation kink

The worse we treat it, the hotter it gets.

I don’t want to kink shame Kyle Rittenhouse, but…

…whenever he shoots someone, he gets off.

My friend was wondering if he should explore his kinks about masochism and boxing

I said knock yourself out.

Stop kink shaming me!

I get it, I need a new hose.

What do girls with a daddy kink call their real dad?

Nothing, it goes straight to voicemail.

People shouldn't be shamed for their kinks. Me, I get really turned on when someone smells like musty sweat and coal.

But I always get called a monster when I admit to being attracted to miners.

Her: I have kink-shaming fetish

Me: That's messed up

Her: (moans softly)

Three guys get invited to a kink party…

When they get there, they decide to split up, check things out, and meet back up to discuss things.

When they meet back up, the first guy says “YOU GUYS! I was in the dining room, and they had one of those human sushi platters!”

The second guy goes “oh YEAH?! Well I was in the smoking ...

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How easy is it to join the piss kink club?

Just show up and urine

It looks like you are all tired of seeing me post about my kinks of sadism, zoophilia and necrophilia

I feel like I am just flogging a dead horse.

Please kink shame me

That's my fetish

My kink is sweeping things under the rug

But nows probably not a good time to talk about it...

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Why did a guy with flatulence kink visit r/interestingasfuck?

Because he misread it.

What's the difference between a kink and a fetish?

One involves a feather. The other involves the whole bird.

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Guy gets a hotel room and asks for a hooker

A man heads to a seedy hotel to rent a room and asks the clerk where to find a prostitute.

The clerk says not to worry, he'll send one to the man's room in a few minutes.

The man goes to his room and sure enough, a few minutes later a prostitute knocks on his door.

"Hi honey, ho...

My girlfriend asked me if we could explore her denial kink more.

I said no.

Personally, I'm not into any impreg kink myself but...

Y'know... knock yourself up.

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What is Vlad the Impaler's kink?

Ass to mouth

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My kink is to have sex under hypnosis.

I guess I'm trancesexual.

I wanted to run a DnD game where the party would be setting up a gynecology clinic, but my gaming group started spreading a false rumor that it was a kink thing?

It was just a smear campaign...

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A story about kinks and boobs

I started dating this girl with a really weird fetish -- she's got a very nice pair of knockers, and she loves having it smacked loudly. She really gets off from the pain and from the really loud POP sound that the slap of skin-on-skin can make. Recently, she's been getting more kinky about it, and ...

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What do you call a Priest with a piss kink?

A walking holy water dispenser.

Why did the dominatrix go to the chiropractor?

She had a kink in her neck

What’s Sean Connery’s kink?

Bondage

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My porn kink is naked girls smoking pot.

I'm a weed wacker.

I kink my neck so often...

I'm starting to think I'm secretly into BDSM

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Discussing my new-found kink has been rough

It turns out the only thing I am sexually attracted to is final scene from the movie Heat. I've tried to talk to my friends about it



But nobody wants to hear how I came to that conclusion.

She told me I was being rude for kink-shaming her...

All I said was, "Karen, stop yelling at the customer service rep."

What does a girl with a fruit and daddy kink call her significant other?

Papaya

Blacksmith: "I'm almost done with this sword, I just need to work out the kinks."

Sword: "Hit me more!"

What’s the difference between a kink and police brutality?

The color of your skin.

I would help with your bdsm kink

My hands are tied at the moment though.

I can't believe that my joke about The Who and The Kinks wasn't approved.

I've obviously upset the mods.

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At first I found my girlfriend's kinks exciting but now they're starting to become a bit of a pain in the arse.

Bloody Peggy.

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My wife is a champ for putting up with my sexual kinks

She takes it on the chin

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When I have enough saved up, I'm going to convert my cellar into a sex dungeon to really indulge my freaky kinks.

But for now it's just going to be debasement.

Went to a kink shop with my coworkers

We had some great team bonding

(NSFW) Daddy kink be like...

I'm close

Hi Close, i'm Dad

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An elephant is walking through the jungle

She steps over a fallen tree and gets a splinter in between her toes. She tries and tries to get it out but just ends up wedging it in deeper, driving her to tears.

She can't move much and is in a miserable state. Along comes a mouse.

"Please, Mr. Mouse, take this splinter out of my fo...

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When people dress in fully body suits of their favourite animals, a sexual kink isn't implied

It's infurred.

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My wife has this weird kink, where she loves to bite and suck my foreskin after sex

Kind of makes me wish I threw it out after the circumcision

What do you call the marriage license for a couple whose main kink is bondage?

A restraining order!

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A man who dedicated his life to sexual exploration retired today at the age of 90.

When asked why, he said, "I actually prefer traditional sex nowadays, the only kink i have left is the one in my neck."

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My sexbot is nearly complete

I just need to work in a few kinks!


…Later, when they find my dead body:

"Seems like this robot… turned on its creator!"

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I just got a message from my girlfriend breaking up with me because of a normal kink any man can have

I said fuck it.. Packed up her clothes and left.

What do you call an ape with a fetish?

Kink Kong.

I used to get really aroused by epiphanies but

I've come to the realisation it's a weird kink to have

Why don’t sadomasochists buy high quality garden hoses?

Because they’re kink-free.

I hate when my hose stops spraying water.

But then I remember not to kink shame.

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I always wondered how people evolved from plain vanilla sex to extreme.

No more wondering - I've found the missing kink.

Why was the hose always unsatisfied?

It could never find anyone into its kink.

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My girlfriend likes it when I dress up as scary clown when we have sex

I think she has a Stephen Kink.

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All these reviews people are leaving in the comment section of pornhub

I just hope there’s a pretentious ratatouille style porn critic who sees that one video that sends him back to his childhood when he developed his very first kink

What's the difference between a gardener and a pimp?

A gardener doesn't want his hose to have kinks.

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I've invented the ultimate sex toy, the Fetish-o-matic 3000!

Not quite ready for mass production though, still working out the kinks.

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Therapist: Have you gotten over your fetish of being starched, pressed, and folded?

Me: We’re still ironing out the kinks

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Me and my girlfriend have been together for 3 years now NSFW

Me and my girlfriend have been together for 3 years now and the vanilla sex stuff really got us bored. So we decided to finally step up the game. We tried blindfolds, wax, tying each other up but it was just not working for us. I brought up the topic of anal but she was really scared of it because i...

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Did you hear about the monkey sex addict?

His name was Kink Kong

What's something that can stop water but never fails to make someone wet?

A kink.

I always wait a couple of weeks after a new massage parlor opens before letting them touch me.

Gotta let them work the kinks out.

I created a fetish exercise program, but I don’t know how to end it.

We are still working out the kinks.

I have this great joke about construction

I'm still working on it

Got to hammer out a few kinks

Make sure to nail the delivery

I just don't want to screw it up

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Priest doing crossword in the confessional.

A priest sat in the confessional. He was bored by all the same old confessions, so he was working on a crossword puzzle. Suddenly, he heard the confessor saying, "Father? Father? Are you listening to me?"

"I'm sorry." said the priest, "Now I must be the one to confess. I was working on this ...

Escorts

Every escort I met had a different weired fetish, something I found deeply annoying.

Mainly because I trained as plumber and always hated getting the kinks out of the hose.

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So this guy meets a girl at the bar

So this guy meets a girl at the bar and after a few drinks they go back to her place. Going hot and heavy at it he goes down on her. While he's eating her out a kernel of corn comes out. He finds it odd but keeps going. Then a piece of carrot comes out and he thinks to himself, "wow this chick is in...

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Me and my girlfriend are still trying to figure out how to have sex with all of our weird fetishes.

It's coming along but we're still trying to work out the kinks.

I have fetish for twisting up water hoses

Some would call it a kink

I have been inventing a new fetish, however...

I still haven't worked out the **Kinks**!

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I'm afraid our fetish-friendly sex robot won't be ready on time.

We haven't worked out all the kinks yet.

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