UPJOKE
twistcurlbendcurveflexcrickfoldturntwirlfrizzkink uprickmortalukdeform

I don’t want to kink shame Kyle Rittenhouse, but…

…whenever he shoots someone, he gets off.

Being a stand-up comedian with a humiliation kink

makes it really hard being on stage while people laugh at me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Priest doing crossword in the confessional.

A priest sat in the confessional. He was bored by all the same old confessions, so he was working on a crossword puzzle. Suddenly, he heard the confessor saying, "Father? Father? Are you listening to me?"

"I'm sorry." said the priest, "Now I must be the one to confess. I was working on this ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At first I found my girlfriend's kinks exciting but now they're starting to become a bit of a pain in the arse.

Bloody Peggy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've invented the ultimate sex toy, the Fetish-o-matic 3000!

Not quite ready for mass production though, still working out the kinks.

You know, I think Nature has a humiliation kink

The worse we treat it, the hotter it gets.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy gets a hotel room and asks for a hooker

A man heads to a seedy hotel to rent a room and asks the clerk where to find a prostitute.

The clerk says not to worry, he'll send one to the man's room in a few minutes.

The man goes to his room and sure enough, a few minutes later a prostitute knocks on his door.

"Hi honey, ho...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How easy is it to join the piss kink club?

Just show up and urine

what kink do financial advisors have?

an inflation kink

(thank you, thank you, i did make this one up myself)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Amputee kink?

Check out PornNub

Escorts

Every escort I met had a different weired fetish, something I found deeply annoying.

Mainly because I trained as plumber and always hated getting the kinks out of the hose.

Stop kink shaming me!

I get it, I need a new hose.

Personally, I'm not into any impreg kink myself but...

Y'know... knock yourself up.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did a guy with flatulence kink visit r/interestingasfuck?

Because he misread it.

I can't believe that my joke about The Who and The Kinks wasn't approved.

I've obviously upset the mods.

I have a kink for getting showers

They make me wet.

My kink is sweeping things under the rug

But nows probably not a good time to talk about it...

I always wait a couple of weeks after a new massage parlor opens before letting them touch me.

Gotta let them work the kinks out.

What do girls with a daddy kink call their real dad?

Nothing, it goes straight to voicemail.

People shouldn't be shamed for their kinks. Me, I get really turned on when someone smells like musty sweat and coal.

But I always get called a monster when I admit to being attracted to miners.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a Priest with a piss kink?

A walking holy water dispenser.

Her: I have kink-shaming fetish

Me: That's messed up

Her: (moans softly)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I have enough saved up, I'm going to convert my cellar into a sex dungeon to really indulge my freaky kinks.

But for now it's just going to be debasement.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Nobody should be ashamed of what their sexual kink is, unless your kink is being humiliated.

Then you should be very ashamed you nasty little pervert.

What's the difference between a kink and a fetish?

One involves a feather. The other involves the whole bird.

My friend confessed to me saying that he was starting to develop a bestiality fetish...

Not wanting to kink shame him I ask “How did you get into it?”

“Well I did some research on the internet and ended up going down a rabbit hole”

Blacksmith: "I'm almost done with this sword, I just need to work out the kinks."

Sword: "Hit me more!"

What’s the difference between a kink and police brutality?

The color of your skin.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A story about kinks and boobs

I started dating this girl with a really weird fetish -- she's got a very nice pair of knockers, and she loves having it smacked loudly. She really gets off from the pain and from the really loud POP sound that the slap of skin-on-skin can make. Recently, she's been getting more kinky about it, and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just got a message from my girlfriend breaking up with me because of a normal kink any man can have

I said fuck it.. Packed up her clothes and left.

She told me I was being rude for kink-shaming her...

All I said was, "Karen, stop yelling at the customer service rep."

Please kink shame me

That's my fetish

Why don’t sadomasochists buy high quality garden hoses?

Because they’re kink-free.

What does a girl with a fruit and daddy kink call her significant other?

Papaya

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My kink is to have sex under hypnosis.

I guess I'm trancesexual.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When people dress in fully body suits of their favourite animals, a sexual kink isn't implied

It's infurred.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife has this weird kink, where she loves to bite and suck my foreskin after sex

Kind of makes me wish I threw it out after the circumcision

What's the difference between a gardener and a pimp?

A gardener doesn't want his hose to have kinks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My porn kink is naked girls smoking pot.

I'm a weed wacker.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife is a champ for putting up with my sexual kinks

She takes it on the chin

What’s Sean Connery’s kink?

Bondage

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Discussing my new-found kink has been rough

It turns out the only thing I am sexually attracted to is final scene from the movie Heat. I've tried to talk to my friends about it



But nobody wants to hear how I came to that conclusion.

My girlfriend asked me if we could explore her denial kink more.

I said no.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is Vlad the Impaler's kink?

Ass to mouth

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have a little bit of every kink.

I'm a jerk-of-all trades.

I would help with your bdsm kink

My hands are tied at the moment though.

I hate when my hose stops spraying water.

But then I remember not to kink shame.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

All these reviews people are leaving in the comment section of pornhub

I just hope there’s a pretentious ratatouille style porn critic who sees that one video that sends him back to his childhood when he developed his very first kink

I kink my neck so often...

I'm starting to think I'm secretly into BDSM

Why was the hose always unsatisfied?

It could never find anyone into its kink.

What do you call the marriage license for a couple whose main kink is bondage?

A restraining order!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

guy goes to the doctor ..

a guy goes to teh doctor .

doc says " well what seems to be the problem?"



guy says " its my elbow doc , its killing me !"



doc says " well a normal visit would have a $50 co-pay , but we have a new machine that can diagnose you just by peeing in a cup and the co-p...

I have this great joke about construction

I'm still working on it

Got to hammer out a few kinks

Make sure to nail the delivery

I just don't want to screw it up

Went to a kink shop with my coworkers

We had some great team bonding

(NSFW) Daddy kink be like...

I'm close

Hi Close, i'm Dad

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I always wondered how people evolved from plain vanilla sex to extreme.

No more wondering - I've found the missing kink.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend likes it when I dress up as scary clown when we have sex

I think she has a Stephen Kink.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is trying to water his garden.

However, when he aims his hose, instead of water coming out, he hears a voice saying "Piss in my mouth".

He keeps trying, but whatever he tries, he just hears more out of the hose. "Mmm, oh yeah, pee all over my face, get it in my mouth, oh yeah."

This is ridiculous, he thinks. I just ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why was the hose at the sex dungeon no good?

It had too many kinks

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Doctor is Always Right

A man wakes up feeling sick, so he goes to an urgent care center.  The doctor asks what his symptoms are, and he tells her, "I'm not sure - I'm just not right."

The doctor immediately replies, "I need a urine specimen."

The man is taken aback.  "Why do you need a urine sample?  You hav...

What's something that can stop water but never fails to make someone wet?

A kink.

I have been inventing a new fetish, however...

I still haven't worked out the **Kinks**!

Both me and my girlfriend are submissive

we are still working out the kinks of our relationship

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Me and my girlfriend have been together for 3 years now NSFW

Me and my girlfriend have been together for 3 years now and the vanilla sex stuff really got us bored. So we decided to finally step up the game. We tried blindfolds, wax, tying each other up but it was just not working for us. I brought up the topic of anal but she was really scared of it because i...

I created a fetish exercise program, but I don’t know how to end it.

We are still working out the kinks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy goes to a therapist

Patient: I think I have a problem. I don't want to have sex with my wife anymore. Only thing I can get off to is porn.

Therapist: Have you tried to stop watching porn for awhile?

Patient: Yes. I've tried everything. I keep going back to porn. It just scratches my itch that real sex can...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was hangin' with a couple of buddies

We got really toasted & for some reason we got on the subject of porn. Weird porn. Incest porn, furry porn. Just some kinks. One of my buds pulls up a weird incest/furry porn that was really unwatchable for me. We scrolled through some thumbnails and I said "stop, go back, that one." He clicked ...

Why is it best to visit your chiropractor for your fetishes?

Because they will help you work out your kinks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

35 year old me: In the 30 years I've been wiping my own ass, I've never quite gotten the hang of it.

My friend: wait...you didn't start wiping your own ass until you were 5?

Me: No I was 3, but that chick I dated for a while after my divorce had some weird kinks.

I have fetish for twisting up water hoses

Some would call it a kink

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So this guy meets a girl at the bar

So this guy meets a girl at the bar and after a few drinks they go back to her place. Going hot and heavy at it he goes down on her. While he's eating her out a kernel of corn comes out. He finds it odd but keeps going. Then a piece of carrot comes out and he thinks to himself, "wow this chick is in...

I’ve opened up a gym helping ageing rock bands get back into shape. It’s going okay so far...

Just working out the Kinks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Particular Gardener (OC)

A gardener was starting a new job on a beautiful property, its driveway lined with fir trees, peacocks roaming the grounds, and a beautiful water feature in the middle of the round drive-end in front of what could only be described as a mansion.

As he hopped out of his truck this rather elega...

BDSM while being dressed as a Knight

BDSM while being dressed as a Knight is my absolute weakness.

You can say that it is a Kink in my Armour.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm afraid our fetish-friendly sex robot won't be ready on time.

We haven't worked out all the kinks yet.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

i'm working on a porn filtering app that would show only vanilla porn...

but I can't work out the kinks

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex robots will soon be common place....

They just need to work out all the kinks.

I want to open a gym for people with fetishes.

It's a great idea in theory, but I'm still trying to work out the kinks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The bike accident

Two weeks before his wedding day the groom-to-be is riding his bike when suddenly a child wanders in front of him. To avoid hitting him he swerves, hits a tree and at the force of impact is thrown forward ramming his penis into the handle bars of the bike.

He's immediately rushed to the hos...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend's a psychology major.

He's writing his thesis on the psychology of sexual fetishes. It's not ready yet, though- he still has some kinks to work out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is it detrimental to have a robot with repressed sexual interests?

It has some kinks to work out.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.