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Jon Jokes

On meeting Donald Trump, Kim Jon Un says “I will destroy America...”

Trump replies, “No way, that’s my job. I won’t have another asian stealing an American job.”

Jon Arbuckle and Garfield have a serious conversation…

After a particularly satisfying lasagna dinner, Garfield is feeling curious about his life and how he came to be.

“Jon, where did my name come from?”

Jon Arbuckle looks instantly sorrowful and begins to tear up.

“I wondered when you would ask me that, old pal,” he responds, soun...

What did Kim Jon Un say when his father died?

Looks like his Korea is over

Why did Jon Snow stand in line for 6 hours at the Apple Store?

For the watch

Why is Jon Snow so ticklish?

Aunts in his pants...

Who will replace Kim Jon Un after he dies

Kim Jon dos

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Jon was excited about his new rifle..

... and wanted to try it out, so he went bear hunting. He spotted a small black bear and shot it. There was then a tap on his shoulder and he turned round to see a larger black bear. The black bear said "You've got two choices, I either maul you to death or we have sex." Jon decided to bend over. Ev...

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Jon is having "stamina" trouble with his wife.

So one night, he asks his good friend Billy for advice.

"Billy, I just can't stay hard. I come too soon. I don't know what to do."

"Once you're hard, slam your dick on the dresser a few times. It'll be so numb, you won't feel a thing, and will go for hours!"

Jon gets hard just...

What did Jon Bon Jovi do when his swimwear froze?

He made it icewear.

Lord said to Jon "come fourth and receive the holy spirit"

...but John came in fifth and won a toaster.

P.S.- You thought that 'fourth' in the title was a typo, didn't you?

The teacher wants her students to express their love to their mothers, so she asks them to create a sentence with the phrase "There is only one mom"

Some innocent joke my father told me when I was a child. Not sure if this will make sense in english.

The teacher wants her students to express their love to their mother, so she asks them to create a sentence with the phrase "There is only one mom".

It's the first student's time, and ...

Any Love for Jon Benet Ramsey jokes?

I just feel like they never get old.

Is Jon Stewart the Last Airbender?

Because just when the world needed him most, he vanished.

What's Lil' Jon's favourite sport?

CROQUET!

I am the Jon Snow of my class

I know nothing

Who’s Jon Snow’s favorite character from “Cars”?

Lightning MuhQueen

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What does Jon Snow think of sex?

It's a bit of an Auntie-climax.

Trump, Putin and Kim Jon are on a boat and it capsizes. Who survives?

Mankind

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[Game of Thrones S7 Spoiler] What do Dragons call Jon Snow?

Motherfucker.

Jon Bon Jovi was inducted into the Rock hall of fame

I asked him, "aren't you disappointed and ashamed you aren't in the more prestigious Rock & ***Roll*** hall of fame?"



He said "Woah, we're halfway there".

What is similar between Jon Snow and The Night King?

They have both speared a dragon.

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A farmer's son is on his way back from the market one day.

As he passes by farmer Jon's house, he sees the barn burning to the ground. Excited to share the news with his father and impress him, he rushes home to tell him. "Pa, pa! You'll never guess what I saw today passing farmer Jon's house!" The father replies " His barn burned down. Heard it on my radio...

Why did ygritte break up with Jon Snow?

She didn't want six inches of snow all year long.

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[Spoiler] In Game of Thrones, what is Jon and Dany's favorite sexual position?

Lannister style

I met Jon Snow the squirrel the other day

He knows nutting.

What do Beethoven and the hiphop artist Lil'Jon have in common?

What?!

What's Jon Snow's favorite children's book?

Where The Wildlings Are

What is Lil Jon's favorite flavor of BBQ?

Mesquite squite squite.

...Forgive me I'm freshly smoked.

TIL after his show on Netflix was cancelled, Jon Bernthal was forced to take a job as a doorman in a theatre who would occasionally warm up the audience with dad jokes

He became widely known as the pun usher.

[GOT SPOILER] Why shouldn't you ask Jon Snow what time it is?

Because his watch has ended.

Susy Q needs her dress cleaned

She goes to the laundry mat and Old Man Jon who runs it is half deaf, can't hear real well. When she walks in Old Man Jon says "Hey Susy Q what can I do for you?" She says "I need to get my dress cleaned."
Jon: "Come again?"
Susy Q: "No its icing."

What do you get when you mix JonTron and a youtube channel together?

A disappearance for 8 months

So I would like make a joke about Jon and Daenerys...

... But I won't incest on it.

Did you hear about Jon Snow dropping his new Apple product?

And now his watch has ended.

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There are reports that Kim Jon Un doesn't have a butthole

That's because all of his shit comes out of his mouth

Jimbo and Jon, two cowboys see a wanted poster for Indian scalps...

The poster says there will be a fifty dollar reward for each scalp brought back. So Jimbo and Jon decide to try and make some money.

They get supplies together and head straight into Apache territory hoping to find a couple unsuspecting Indians. The first day they manage to sneak up on one an...

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If I ever become famous, I'm gonna kiss another guy publicly just to remove homophones from my fan base.

John and Jon, that means you.

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Professor Stephen Hawking rolled into a fancy dress shop..

"Good morning." He said to the shopkeeper, in his famous robotic voice. "It's my science department's annual Dr Who fancy dress party tonight. Would you have a Tom Baker outfit for rental?"

"I'm sorry Mr Hawking." He replied. "I just rented the last one out yesterday."

"Oh dear." artif...

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Three guys apply for CIA

Jon, Sergei and Steve apply for CIA.
They pass all qualifications and come to the last one.
They have to kill their wives.
So they put their wives in three diffident rooms and give them guns.
Jon goes in first. He breaks the door, points the gun, but he cant kill his own wife.
Steve ...

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Pete Townshend, Roger Daltrey, Simon Townshend, Zak Starkey, Loren Gold and Jon Button opened the cages at a dog shelter, faciliating the animals' escape.

The Who let the dogs out.

A traditional Thanksgiving...

This year we are going to have a traditional Thanksgiving at our house.

We are going to invite the neighbors over for a huge feast, and then kill them and take their land.

\-Jon Stewart

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Little Fisherman

Somewhere near a big lake lives Jon together with his cat.

Early in the morning Jon wakes up, washes his face and goes to the kitchen. He takes his bag of bread, takes out a few slices and butters them up. puts some cheese on it and stores them is his bread box. Picks up his fishing pole an...

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Newlyweds are going at it in their apartment building

That is to say they are fucking hard. But the lady was very loud.
So the next morning neighbour Jon tells the man:
"Look Mike, I'm fine with the youngs having sex, but do you mind putting some tape over her mouth so the rest of us can get some sleep?"
So Mike does. That night the young coup...

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A priest and his friend are golfing.

The priest is ahead because his friend keeps missing easy putts. He watches in amusement as his friend misses another two-footer.

"Goddamnit! Missed! These just won't drop today," says the friend.

"Now, now, Jon," the priest said. "You shouldn't don't take the Lord's name in vain."
...

The ending of Game of Thrones makes sense, think about it.

Arya went west, Jon went north, Drogon went east, and the show went south.

Charlie Brown, Snoopy, Dilbert, Dogbert, Garfield, Jon Arbuckle, and a whole lot of comic strip characters and their pets were on an airplane flying from Miami to Los Angeles...

In the middle of the flight, the flight attendant gave out food to everyone but Charlie Brown and Snoopy.

They asked him why everyone else got some food and they didn't.

The flight attendant said, "Sorry, but we don't serve Peanuts on this flight."

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Pussy pic joke NSFW

Jon: Want to see a pussy on my phone, dude?

Eric: yeah man!

Jon: [Passes phone to Eric]

Eric: Why’s it on camera mode?

Eric: Oh

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An oldie but a goodie

A guy is walking through the village in NY and passes a porn shop that his buddy owns. He decides to go in and say hi. He walks in and his buddy Jon is behind the counter.
When Jon sees his old friend he says, “any chance you could look after the shop for a bit, I haven’t had lunch yet”. “No pro...

I work as a mortician, and recently had a case of an unidentified murder victim who was killed in a bakery

I had to mark him down as a Jon dough.in the file.

I told my nephew that I was named after George Washington.

He said, "but Uncle, your name is Jon." I said,"I know I was named AFTER George Washington."

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Camping Joke

Jo and Jon were friends talking about what ifs and Jon said "If we went camping and you woke up with your pants around your knees and you're asshole was sore, would you tell anybody?" The other friend said no. Jon said "Want to go camping?"

Famous Philosophers

Aristotle - "what does it mean to be a good person"

Descartes - what does it mean to "be"

Nietzsche - "what does it mean"

Bertrand Russell - "what does 'it' mean"

C.S. Lewis - "what does it"

Lil Jon - "what"

[GoT Spoiler] Olly really wanted to know how..

Jon came back from the dead, but instead, Jon just left him hanging.

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At geography class

Little Jon is at school reading his geography book in class. The teacher tries to surprise him:

- Where's England, Jon?

He proudly answers:

- Page 83.

Where’s the most crunk spot to go to the bathroom?

The Lil Jon.

Waiter: Can I take your name and order?

Man: I'm Jon and I'll have a coke

Waiter: We only serve Pepsi I'm afraid

Man: Oh ok I'm Pepsi and I'll have a coke

Waiter: ok man

I drank so much I blew Chunks

Jon : Oh Ted, I had a terrible night. I drank so much that when I got home, I blew chunks.

Ted: Hey, thats not so bad. At least you were in the comfort of your own home.

Jon: No, you dont understand. Chunks is my dog...

Donald Trump is the most unifying voice in American politics.

When was the last time Barack Obama, Paul Ryan, Jon Stewart, Glenn Beck, Bernie Sanders, George Bush, Elizabeth Warren, Mitt Romney, Bill Clinton, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Al Gore, John McCain, and Hillary Clinton all agreed on anything?

What did Hannibal Lector have for breakfast?

Kevin Bacon.

...

And Jon Hamm.

^^I'll ^^show ^^myself ^^out.

(A funeral director joke.)

"Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Well we know it's not your uncle." - Jon Oliver.

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