Why did Jon Snow go to the Apple store?

For the watch

What did Jon Bon Jovi do when his swimwear froze?

He made it icewear.

Who will replace Kim Jon Un after he dies

Kim Jon dos

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A newlywed couple just moved into their new house.

One day, the wife asked her husband, "Honey, one of the bathroom pipes is leaking. Could you fix it?"

The husband looked at his wife and said, "Who do I look like, Mr. Plumber?"

A few days went by, and his wife asked for a favor. "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new batt...

Trump, Putin and Kim Jon are on a boat and it capsizes. Who survives?

Mankind

A Conductor composes am orchestra for king Jon un himself.

It takes them weeks, and it is the best orchestra that North Korea has ever seen. But when it came time to show him their original masterpiece, they flop. It’s absolutely horrible. So king Jon un sends the conductor to the electric chair to be executed.

The conductor is asked what he wishes f...

On meeting Donald Trump, Kim Jon Un says “I will destroy America...”

Trump replies, “No way, that’s my job. I won’t have another asian stealing an American job.”

My friend Jon says that his science is hard.

I know, he is pretty attractive.

Why is Jon Snow so ticklish?

Aunts in his pants...

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Pete Townshend, Roger Daltrey, Simon Townshend, Zak Starkey, Loren Gold and Jon Button opened the cages at a dog shelter, faciliating the animals' escape.

The Who let the dogs out.

Any Love for Jon Benet Ramsey jokes?

I just feel like they never get old.

Lord said to Jon "come fourth and receive the holy spirit"

...but John came in fifth and won a toaster.

P.S.- You thought that 'fourth' in the title was a typo, didn't you?

Who’s Jon Snow’s favorite character from “Cars”?

Lightning MuhQueen

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[Game of Thrones S7 Spoiler] What do Dragons call Jon Snow?

Motherfucker.

What do Beethoven and the hiphop artist Lil'Jon have in common?

What?!

Jon Bon Jovi was inducted into the Rock hall of fame

I asked him, "aren't you disappointed and ashamed you aren't in the more prestigious Rock & ***Roll*** hall of fame?"



He said "Woah, we're halfway there".

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Jon is having "stamina" trouble with his wife.

So one night, he asks his good friend Billy for advice.

"Billy, I just can't stay hard. I come too soon. I don't know what to do."

"Once you're hard, slam your dick on the dresser a few times. It'll be so numb, you won't feel a thing, and will go for hours!"

Jon gets hard just...

I sincerely hope for Daenerys that Jon Snow isn't the one to sit on the Iron Throne...

After all she's seen and done, from Meereen to Astapor and across the narrow sea, losing the Throne to Jon is really going to leave her with Aegon her face.

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Jon was excited about his new rifle..

... and wanted to try it out, so he went bear hunting. He spotted a small black bear and shot it. There was then a tap on his shoulder and he turned round to see a larger black bear. The black bear said "You've got two choices, I either maul you to death or we have sex." Jon decided to bend over. Ev...

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[Spoiler] In Game of Thrones, what is Jon and Dany's favorite sexual position?

Lannister style

What did Kim Jon Un say when his father died?

Looks like his Korea is over

What is similar between Jon Snow and The Night King?

They have both speared a dragon.

I am the Jon Snow of my class

I know nothing

Is Jon Stewart the Last Airbender?

Because just when the world needed him most, he vanished.

[GOT SPOILER] Why shouldn't you ask Jon Snow what time it is?

Because his watch has ended.

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Little Fisherman

Somewhere near a big lake lives Jon together with his cat.

Early in the morning Jon wakes up, washes his face and goes to the kitchen. He takes his bag of bread, takes out a few slices and butters them up. puts some cheese on it and stores them is his bread box. Picks up his fishing pole an...

Jon Snows going to feel itchy during the GOT season finale!

What else would you expect with aunts in your pants?

I met Jon Snow the squirrel the other day

He knows nutting.

What's Lil' Jon's favourite sport?

CROQUET!

Why did ygritte break up with Jon Snow?

She didn't want six inches of snow all year long.

Famous Philosophers

Aristotle - "what does it mean to be a good person"

Descartes - what does it mean to "be"

Nietzsche - "what does it mean"

Bertrand Russell - "what does 'it' mean"

C.S. Lewis - "what does it"

Lil Jon - "what"

What do you call a rapping porta potty?

Lil’ Porta Jon

So I would like make a joke about Jon and Daenerys...

... But I won't incest on it.

Charlie Brown, Snoopy, Dilbert, Dogbert, Garfield, Jon Arbuckle, and a whole lot of comic strip characters and their pets were on an airplane flying from Miami to Los Angeles...

In the middle of the flight, the flight attendant gave out food to everyone but Charlie Brown and Snoopy.

They asked him why everyone else got some food and they didn't.

The flight attendant said, "Sorry, but we don't serve Peanuts on this flight."

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A priest and his friend are golfing.

The priest is ahead because his friend keeps missing easy putts. He watches in amusement as his friend misses another two-footer.

"Goddamnit! Missed! These just won't drop today," says the friend.

"Now, now, Jon," the priest said. "You shouldn't don't take the Lord's name in vain."
...

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Newlyweds are going at it in their apartment building

That is to say they are fucking hard. But the lady was very loud.
So the next morning neighbour Jon tells the man:
"Look Mike, I'm fine with the youngs having sex, but do you mind putting some tape over her mouth so the rest of us can get some sleep?"
So Mike does. That night the young coup...

Did you hear about Jon Snow dropping his new Apple product?

And now his watch has ended.

Jimbo and Jon, two cowboys see a wanted poster for Indian scalps...

The poster says there will be a fifty dollar reward for each scalp brought back. So Jimbo and Jon decide to try and make some money.

They get supplies together and head straight into Apache territory hoping to find a couple unsuspecting Indians. The first day they manage to sneak up on one an...

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There are reports that Kim Jon Un doesn't have a butthole

That's because all of his shit comes out of his mouth

What's Jon Snow's favorite children's book?

Where The Wildlings Are

My skateboarding career and Jon Snow have a lot in common.

They both ended with an Ollie.

What did Lil' Jon do when Home Depot employee tried to sell him a lightbulb?

Turned down 4 watt

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A redhead walks into a tattoo show wearing a leather miniskirt and no panties and sits down in the tattoo chair and says, "I want a tattoo of Bon Jovi on the inside of one thigh and Richie Sambora on the other."

Tattoo artist asks, " What on earth for?"
Woman says, "So when I masturbate I can imagine I'm with either one, or both of them and have really intense orgasms!"
Makes sense to the tattoo artist so he dives in and gets to work. A few hours later the tattoo artist tells the woman that he's finis...

The ending of Game of Thrones makes sense, think about it.

Arya went west, Jon went north, Drogon went east, and the show went south.

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An oldie but a goodie

A guy is walking through the village in NY and passes a porn shop that his buddy owns. He decides to go in and say hi. He walks in and his buddy Jon is behind the counter.
When Jon sees his old friend he says, “any chance you could look after the shop for a bit, I haven’t had lunch yet”. “No pro...

I told my nephew that I was named after George Washington.

He said, "but Uncle, your name is Jon." I said,"I know I was named AFTER George Washington."

10 years ago we had Jonny Cash, Steve Jobs and Bob Hope. Now we have no cash, no jobs and no hope.

Please don’t die Jon Hamm

Is it 2010?

Because Kim Jon’s ill.

I work as a mortician, and recently had a case of an unidentified murder victim who was killed in a bakery

I had to mark him down as a Jon dough.in the file.

Waiter: Can I take your name and order?

Man: I'm Jon and I'll have a coke

Waiter: We only serve Pepsi I'm afraid

Man: Oh ok I'm Pepsi and I'll have a coke

Waiter: ok man

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Three guys apply for CIA

Jon, Sergei and Steve apply for CIA.
They pass all qualifications and come to the last one.
They have to kill their wives.
So they put their wives in three diffident rooms and give them guns.
Jon goes in first. He breaks the door, points the gun, but he cant kill his own wife.
Steve ...

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Pussy pic joke NSFW

Jon: Want to see a pussy on my phone, dude?

Eric: yeah man!

Jon: [Passes phone to Eric]

Eric: Why’s it on camera mode?

Eric: Oh

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Two brothers travel across country.

Two brothers Jon and Dave from Newfoundland (Island off the east coast of Canada) decide to travel to Alberta to find work. The day they were ready to leave Dave began to have second thoughts.

Dave: “what’s wrong?”

Jon: “ I don’t think I can go, I’ll miss the ocean to much, get homesi...

Donald Trump is the most unifying voice in American politics.

When was the last time Barack Obama, Paul Ryan, Jon Stewart, Glenn Beck, Bernie Sanders, George Bush, Elizabeth Warren, Mitt Romney, Bill Clinton, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Al Gore, John McCain, and Hillary Clinton all agreed on anything?

My friend JB had to get a name tag...

See JB's name was JB. It didn't stand for anything. No, sir. It was simply JB. So he wrote on the application J only B only to ensure there was no mistake.

His name tag came back Jonly Bonly

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The Special

Two buddies are out at a bar swapping stories and getting wasted.

Just as last call is signaled, one of them remarks to the other, "You know, Jon, its been a long time since I really gave it to a woman. I mean, just really let her have it, you know?" He pounded his fist into his palm lightly...

Which two musicians are famous for saying, "What?"

Lil' Jon and Beethoven.

(A funeral director joke.)

"Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Well we know it's not your uncle." - Jon Oliver.

[GoT Spoiler] Olly really wanted to know how..

Jon came back from the dead, but instead, Jon just left him hanging.

What did Hannibal Lector have for breakfast?

Kevin Bacon.

...

And Jon Hamm.

^^I'll ^^show ^^myself ^^out.

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Little Johnny asks his mother

’Where do babies come from?’

’The stork’ she says

And Johnny replies ’Oh yeah? Who fucks the stork?’

Cred to u/SirJonTheDom

Buying a stairway to heaven

A priest dies and finds himself in a long line for the pearly gates. To his right he notices another line processing souls much faster than his line. Every once in a while a lawyer or IRS agent passes him in the line to his right. After what seems like an eternity he gets to the front of his line an...

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Alphabet Game

"Alright class, today we're going to play the alphabet game. I'll say a letter of the alphabet and you tell me a word that begins with it. Let's start with A"

Little Jonny's hand shoots up. The teacher thinks to herself: I'm not going to pick Jonny, he'll just say 'asshole'. "Suzie?"
<...

In a little-known piece of rock history..

Courtney Love once asked Jon Bon Jovi to name her new band. Bon Jovi jokingly suggested 'Hole'.

Love though this was great - provocative and rude - so she went with it. Her ex, Corey Hart, of 'Sunglasses At Night' fame, did not approve. He sought to confront Bon Jovi on the night of Hole's fi...

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Camping Joke

Jo and Jon were friends talking about what ifs and Jon said "If we went camping and you woke up with your pants around your knees and you're asshole was sore, would you tell anybody?" The other friend said no. Jon said "Want to go camping?"

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At geography class

Little Jon is at school reading his geography book in class. The teacher tries to surprise him:

- Where's England, Jon?

He proudly answers:

- Page 83.

I drank so much I blew Chunks

Jon : Oh Ted, I had a terrible night. I drank so much that when I got home, I blew chunks.

Ted: Hey, thats not so bad. At least you were in the comfort of your own home.

Jon: No, you dont understand. Chunks is my dog...

Listen to Mom!

Jim: Sometimes I wish I had listened to my mother's advice.

Jon: What did she say?

Jim: I dunno. I never listened!

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