I dropped my textbook in class today to cover up my bad gas and nobody heard me

It was a total eclipse of the fart

I found a discount code hidden in the pages of my economics textbook

Now that’s a marginal benefit

$2.1 million worth of textbooks were stolen the other day

All eight books were recovered.

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Having too much sex causes memory loss

Or at least that what page 17 figure II part B of my middle school science textbook said.

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Damn girl, are you a math textbook?

No, why?

Because you have a lot of fucking problems

I was dating a math textbook for a while. Things have been kind of rough lately, and last night I decided to break it off.

There were just too many problems.

I just bought $400 in textbooks.

God knows how much the second page will cost.

Don’t judge a book by its cover. Why?

My maths textbook had a picture of someone having fun on the front.

Did you hear about the guy who stole $10,000 worth of textbooks from the University book store?

They made him return both of them.

Bosnian X-Files

In Sarajevo hospital, at intensive care unit, a patient would die every single Friday at exactly 11 PM, in the very same bed, no matter what their medical condition may have been.

Doctors became extremely worried because they couldn't determine causes of their deaths.

Time passed on a...

I just got my math textbook for College Trig, and it’s a little emo

It’s called *I Write Sines Not Trajectories*

Boomers: kids these days don't know what books are.

**Gen Z:** We're literally using the same textbooks you had. My math book references West Germany.

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A school hired a new Spanish teacher fresh out of college.

On the teacher's first day, the principal decides to sit in her class to observe and takes a seat next to Little Johnny. As the class progresses, the teacher writes a sentence in Spanish on the board. Suddenly, she drops the chalk on the floor and bends down to pick it up. When she straightens back ...

Why is the last chapter in a chemistry textbook about benzene?

Because it's the PHENYL CHAPTER :D

I came up with this myself. I'm so proud.

Why do math textbooks only ever give you one angle in a triangle?

Just cos.

Just found this joke in my Chem eng textbook

The little-known rare earth element nauseum (atomic weight 172) has the interesting property
of being completely insoluble in everything but 12-year-old bourbon. This curious fact was discovered in the laboratory of Professor Ludwig von Schlimazel, the eminent German chemist whose invention of t...

Textbooks

The podiatry textbook used footnotes while the proctology textbook used endnotes.

My college professor makes extra money by forcing his students to buy his book at the beginning of the term.

It’s textbook Economics.

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My Girlfriends asked me why the Body cells go through Meiosis and why her textbook sexualized them.

I replied "Sex Cells."

I want a textbook wedding.

One that costs way too much and is of no use to me later in life.

The year is 2540, a student notices something odd about his history book

“How come these textbooks skip the years 1990 through 1999?” He asks

The teacher puts down his marker, lowers his head and sighs.

“Because...” he lifts his head, a single tear rolls down his cheek, “...only 90’s kids remember the 90’s”

A panicked mathematician rushes into his professors’s office...

The professor looks up in shock from his work to see one of his students slamming a high school geometry textbook on his desk.

“What’s wrong?!” exclaims the professor.

“They’ve updates the syllabus,” the mathematician replies.

The professor, still confused, watches the mathemat...

I started a job today at the local cemetery...

The boss wanted me to start 3 graves for some upcoming burials. I went to the maintenance shed to get the backhoe. I didn't see it inside. I found the head of maintenance. A hippie looking guy straight out of the 60's. Long hair, tie dye shirt, peace symbol necklace, bandanna. The whole nine yards. ...

The king of the insect kingdom is feeling depressed...

So he asks his advisors for help. The king says, "Oh, advisors, I am feeling quite sad. Our life is so short as insects and we don't do anything but work!"

The advisors tell him that he needs to find the best joke ever to cheer him up. The king thinks this is a good idea so he travels the kin...

[Long?] A kid in a warzone was being taught reading in school. Since they were learning the "-omb" sound, the teacher showed a picture of an Egyptian tomb.

"Toom," the teacher said. The kid repeated.
Next the teacher pulled out a science textbook, and pointed to a mother's womb.
"Woom," the teacher said. The kid repeated this again.

Suddenly a man walked in with a bomb.
"BOOM" yelled the kid excitedly.

King Hype Oten ruled all the land.

He was the magnificent king of the Triangular Kingdom, but he was also the executor for those on trial. He hung his victims, a sign to everyone else. But the way he tied the noose was strange. It would kill people in seconds, and for some, it decapitated them. After he died, the noose was never used...

[LONG] A man is trying to land his dream job of being a barber...

For months he’s been studying proper haircutting technique. He has painstakingly flipped through each page of the most rigorous hair textbooks, watched video tutorials from the best salons, and read countless articles about current hairstyles.

Finally, it was the day of his job interview. He ...

My sister is taking pre-calculus this semester.

One of her homework problems was assigned to page 45 in the textbook, but she couldn't find the problem. I suggested, "Maybe you have the Chinese edition of the book." She goes, "The Chinese edition?"

Y'know, the Wong one.

How do you hide money from a Republican?

Put it in a science textbook.

A Classic!

A ten-year-old boy was failing math. His parents tried everything from tutors to hypnosis, but to no avail. Finally, at the insistence of a family friend, they decided to enroll their son in a private Catholic school.

After the first day, the boy's parents were surprised when he walked in af...

Took a class at Trump University but ...

... the textbook had four Chapter 11s.

Campus bookstore robbed

The Campus bookstore was just robbed of $25000. The criminal was seen taking a sweatshirt and 4 textbooks

My entomology prof was a pretty weird guy.

He showed up like 15 minutes late on the first day of class, then muttered something about how that didn't matter. Old dude, really old, lots of facial hair and wearing old-fashioned clothing and a funny hat.

He sets his books down on the desk, then straightens up and says "What is a *musca d...

The Sheikh trying to be smart.

Naseeruddin Shah was one of the few courtiers that the Sheikh had for actual advice rather than to please his father's acquaintances.


As such, he tested Naseeruddin a lot when it came to matters of patience and understanding, hoping to know where he put the line between displeasing the H...

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A man goes to the doctor and he says "Doctor, Doctor you've got to help me...

A man goes to the doctor and he says "Doctor, Doctor you've got to help me, I can't stop singing what's new pussycat"

The doctor says "Seems like a textbook case of Tom Jones syndrome"

The man says "Well, what is it? Is it rare"

And the doctor goes "Well, It's not unusual"

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First day of class at Hogwarts

A group of first-year students walked into a classroom at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The professor, Febuina Pell, was young for her profession and had never married, but was well respected and had written the very textbook to be used in the class. One of the students, a muggle-born ...

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[NSW] Bugs Bunny helps Daffy Duck understand the Theory of Relativity.

Bugs and Daffy are chilling in their dorm at the Looney Tunes University. Clearly frustrated with his physics homework, Daffy slams his textbook, and tells Bugs "This Theory of Relativity crap is confusing the fuck out of me any chance you can help me understand this shit?"

Bugs calms his fr...

Today, in math class,

I had the urge to fart. I had the bright idea that if I dropped my textbook and farted at the same time, nobody would hear it. I dropped my textbook, everyone looked at me, then I farted.

Loudly.

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