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A first-year college student found himself repeatedly impressed by the wit and wisdom of the philosophy majors he'd met...

A first-year college student found himself repeatedly impressed by the wit and wisdom of the philosophy majors he'd met. One day he plucked up the nerve to ask one of them, "So how come all you philosophy majors are so smart?" 

"Oh, that's no mystery," the philosophy major answered. "We've al...

$2.1 million worth of textbooks were stolen the other day

All eight books were recovered.

A boy was failing math

A ten-year-old boy was failing math. His parents tried everything from tutors to hypnosis, but to no avail. Finally, at the insistence of a family friend, they decided to enroll their son in a private Catholic school.After the first day, the boy's parents were surprised when he walked in after schoo...

Say it out loud: What did the math textbook say when it heard where paper comes from?

...gee, I'm a tree!

A virus walks into a bar, and sits down. The bartender tells him, "We don't serve your kind here."

The virus is momentarily taken aback by this unexpected and blatant display of bigotry, the likes of which he's only seen in history textbooks.

For a brief moment, he considers the bartender. What kind of life experiences would shape someone into such a pathetic piece of garbage? What happene...

What did the textbook say to the highlighter?

Mark my words

I dropped my textbook in class today to cover up my bad gas and nobody heard me

It was a total eclipse of the fart

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Damn girl, are you a math textbook?

No, why?

Because you have a lot of fucking problems

I was dating a math textbook for a while. Things have been kind of rough lately, and last night I decided to break it off.

There were just too many problems.

I just got my math textbook for College Trig, and it’s a little emo

It’s called *I Write Sines Not Trajectories*

Textbooks

The podiatry textbook used footnotes while the proctology textbook used endnotes.

Did you hear about the guy who stole $10,000 worth of textbooks from the University book store?

They made him return both of them.

Why is the last chapter in a chemistry textbook about benzene?

Because it's the PHENYL CHAPTER :D

I came up with this myself. I'm so proud.

My latest manual on evaluating desserts got pulled from stores

Apparently they made pie rating textbooks illegal

Why do math textbooks only ever give you one angle in a triangle?

Just cos.

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A school hires a new Spanish teacher fresh out of college.

On her first day, the principal decides to sit in the class and observe, and he sits down next to Little Johnny. The teacher writes a sentence in Spanish on the board. Midway through the sentence she drops the marker and bends down to pick it up. As she straightens and finishes the sentence she asks...

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My Girlfriends asked me why the Body cells go through Meiosis and why her textbook sexualized them.

I replied "Sex Cells."

A joke from Taiwan slightly adapted to suit the world better

At a high school reunion, a group of people were having a chat, looking back on their childhood.

One of the guys said: "I used to look really pretty and my mom always took care of my looks, so everyone thought I was a girl."

Another replied: "That definitely caused a lot of troubles!"<...

I want a textbook wedding.

One that costs way too much and is of no use to me later in life.

Fun fact: Having friends gives you memory loss.

I read this in a textbook on page 53 at 4:37 PM on Friday May 12, 2006

Don’t judge a book by its cover. Why?

My maths textbook had a picture of someone having fun on the front.

A guy carrying a backpack gets stopped by the police on suspicion of terrorism..

The police officer asks him to let him check his backpack. The guy obliges. In his backpack, the officer finds some textbooks, a calculator, a compass and a ruler.

"Aha!", shouts the policeman, "as I suspected. You are under arrest!"

"But why?" the guy protests.

"You have been c...

I'm from far in the future, the year 2104.

I came to ask you all a question; Why does my history textbook have a separate chapter for every month of 2020?

I think this post will definitely raise the bar.

At least that’s what my physics textbook chapter on leverage tells me.

The year is 2540, a student notices something odd about his history book

“How come these textbooks skip the years 1990 through 1999?” He asks

The teacher puts down his marker, lowers his head and sighs.

“Because...” he lifts his head, a single tear rolls down his cheek, “...only 90’s kids remember the 90’s”

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The Duck in the Bottle

A man is on a quest for true enlightenment. His travels led him to sit with the Dalai Lama.

Man: Sir, do you have the answer for enlightenment?

The religious figure walks away but comes back with a bottle and a duck.

He hands both to the man and tells him,

"The day yo...

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Having too much sex causes memory loss

Or at least that what page 17 figure II part B of my middle school science textbook said.

My university just cancelled classes after collectiing tuition, room, and board

The bookstore said my textbook edition was already out of date

Boomers: kids these days don't know what books are.

**Gen Z:** We're literally using the same textbooks you had. My math book references West Germany.

Bosnian X-Files

In Sarajevo hospital, at intensive care unit, a patient would die every single Friday at exactly 11 PM, in the very same bed, no matter what their medical condition may have been.

Doctors became extremely worried because they couldn't determine causes of their deaths.

Time passed on a...

My college professor makes extra money by forcing his students to buy his book at the beginning of the term.

It’s textbook Economics.

I started a job today at the local cemetery...

The boss wanted me to start 3 graves for some upcoming burials. I went to the maintenance shed to get the backhoe. I didn't see it inside. I found the head of maintenance. A hippie looking guy straight out of the 60's. Long hair, tie dye shirt, peace symbol necklace, bandanna. The whole nine yards. ...

How do you hide money from a Republican?

Put it in a science textbook.

The king of the insect kingdom is feeling depressed...

So he asks his advisors for help. The king says, "Oh, advisors, I am feeling quite sad. Our life is so short as insects and we don't do anything but work!"

The advisors tell him that he needs to find the best joke ever to cheer him up. The king thinks this is a good idea so he travels the kin...

A panicked mathematician rushes into his professors’s office...

The professor looks up in shock from his work to see one of his students slamming a high school geometry textbook on his desk.

“What’s wrong?!” exclaims the professor.

“They’ve updates the syllabus,” the mathematician replies.

The professor, still confused, watches the mathemat...

[Long?] A kid in a warzone was being taught reading in school. Since they were learning the "-omb" sound, the teacher showed a picture of an Egyptian tomb.

"Toom," the teacher said. The kid repeated.
Next the teacher pulled out a science textbook, and pointed to a mother's womb.
"Woom," the teacher said. The kid repeated this again.

Suddenly a man walked in with a bomb.
"BOOM" yelled the kid excitedly.

Took a class at Trump University but ...

... the textbook had four Chapter 11s.

Campus bookstore robbed

The Campus bookstore was just robbed of $25000. The criminal was seen taking a sweatshirt and 4 textbooks

[LONG] A man is trying to land his dream job of being a barber...

For months he’s been studying proper haircutting technique. He has painstakingly flipped through each page of the most rigorous hair textbooks, watched video tutorials from the best salons, and read countless articles about current hairstyles.

Finally, it was the day of his job interview. He ...

King Hype Oten ruled all the land.

He was the magnificent king of the Triangular Kingdom, but he was also the executor for those on trial. He hung his victims, a sign to everyone else. But the way he tied the noose was strange. It would kill people in seconds, and for some, it decapitated them. After he died, the noose was never used...

The Sheikh trying to be smart.

Naseeruddin Shah was one of the few courtiers that the Sheikh had for actual advice rather than to please his father's acquaintances.


As such, he tested Naseeruddin a lot when it came to matters of patience and understanding, hoping to know where he put the line between displeasing the H...

We made learning so much easier for the younger generation.

They now have schools with smart devices, digital textbooks, and online courses.

We even reduced the planets down to eight.

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A man goes to the doctor and he says "Doctor, Doctor you've got to help me...

A man goes to the doctor and he says "Doctor, Doctor you've got to help me, I can't stop singing what's new pussycat"

The doctor says "Seems like a textbook case of Tom Jones syndrome"

The man says "Well, what is it? Is it rare"

And the doctor goes "Well, It's not unusual"

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First day of class at Hogwarts

A group of first-year students walked into a classroom at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The professor, Febuina Pell, was young for her profession and had never married, but was well respected and had written the very textbook to be used in the class. One of the students, a muggle-born ...

Today, in math class,

I had the urge to fart. I had the bright idea that if I dropped my textbook and farted at the same time, nobody would hear it. I dropped my textbook, everyone looked at me, then I farted.

Loudly.

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John has a meeting with his boss...

He walks in to the office and his boss says, "Jesus, John. You look absolutely terrible! Why didn't you just take a sick day?"

John is very surprised to hear this and says, "What do you mean? I feel absolutely great."

His boss wouldn't have it and insisted that John leave work immediat...

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