Did you hear about the guy who stole $10,000 worth of textbooks from the University book store?

They made him return both of them.

$2.1 million worth of textbooks were stolen the other day

All eight books were recovered.

If you're writing a textbook, don't use too many "*"s, it might confuse people.

You'd be an asterisk it

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Damn girl, are you a math textbook?

No, why?

Because you have a lot of fucking problems

A mathematician, a college professor, and a textbook author walk into a bar.

*[The punchline is left as an exercise for the reader.]*

I just bought $400 in textbooks.

God knows how much the second page will cost.

I just got my math textbook for College Trig, and it’s a little emo

It’s called *I Write Sines Not Trajectories*

I was dating a math textbook for a while. Things have been kind of rough lately, and last night I decided to break it off.

There were just too many problems.

Why do math textbooks only ever give you one angle in a triangle?

Just cos.

Why is the last chapter in a chemistry textbook about benzene?

Because it's the PHENYL CHAPTER :D

I came up with this myself. I'm so proud.

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My Girlfriends asked me why the Body cells go through Meiosis and why her textbook sexualized them.

I replied "Sex Cells."

Textbooks

The podiatry textbook used footnotes while the proctology textbook used endnotes.

I want a textbook wedding.

One that costs way too much and is of no use to me later in life.

A joke from my Philosophy textbook

The employer introduced himself to his new gardener.

"I am a professor of logic," the employer said.
"Oh. What's that?" the gardener asked.
"I shall give you a demonstration," announced the professor. "Do you own a wheelbarrow?"
"Yes," replied the gardener.
"Then I infer you are ...

[Long?] A kid in a warzone was being taught reading in school. Since they were learning the "-omb" sound, the teacher showed a picture of an Egyptian tomb.

"Toom," the teacher said. The kid repeated.
Next the teacher pulled out a science textbook, and pointed to a mother's womb.
"Woom," the teacher said. The kid repeated this again.

Suddenly a man walked in with a bomb.
"BOOM" yelled the kid excitedly.

The year is 2540, a student notices something odd about his history book

“How come these textbooks skip the years 1990 through 1999?” He asks

The teacher puts down his marker, lowers his head and sighs.

“Because...” he lifts his head, a single tear rolls down his cheek, “...only 90’s kids remember the 90’s”

King Hype Oten ruled all the land.

He was the magnificent king of the Triangular Kingdom, but he was also the executor for those on trial. He hung his victims, a sign to everyone else. But the way he tied the noose was strange. It would kill people in seconds, and for some, it decapitated them. After he died, the noose was never used...

A ten-year-old boy was failing math

.His parents tried everything from tutors to hypnosis, but to no avail. Finally, at the insistence of a family friend, they decided to enroll their son in a private Catholic school.
After the first day, the boy's parents were surprised when he walked in after school with a stern, focused and ve...

The king of the insect kingdom is feeling depressed...

So he asks his advisors for help. The king says, "Oh, advisors, I am feeling quite sad. Our life is so short as insects and we don't do anything but work!"

The advisors tell him that he needs to find the best joke ever to cheer him up. The king thinks this is a good idea so he travels the kin...

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A school hired a new Spanish teacher fresh out of college

On the teacher's first day, the principal decides to sit in her class to observe and takes a seat next to Little Johnny. As the class progresses, the teacher writes a sentence in Spanish on the board. Suddenly, she drops the chalk on the floor and bends down to pick it up. When she straightens back ...

My sister is taking pre-calculus this semester.

One of her homework problems was assigned to page 45 in the textbook, but she couldn't find the problem. I suggested, "Maybe you have the Chinese edition of the book." She goes, "The Chinese edition?"

Y'know, the Wong one.

We made learning so much easier for the younger generation.

They now have schools with smart devices, digital textbooks, and online courses.

We even reduced the planets down to eight.

My entomology prof was a pretty weird guy.

He showed up like 15 minutes late on the first day of class, then muttered something about how that didn't matter. Old dude, really old, lots of facial hair and wearing old-fashioned clothing and a funny hat.

He sets his books down on the desk, then straightens up and says "What is a *musca d...

Took a class at Trump University but ...

... the textbook had four Chapter 11s.

How do you hide money from a Republican?

Put it in a science textbook.

Campus bookstore robbed

The Campus bookstore was just robbed of $25000. The criminal was seen taking a sweatshirt and 4 textbooks

My university lecturer makes all of his students buy his book at the beginning of the term.

It's textbook economics.

The Sheikh trying to be smart.

Naseeruddin Shah was one of the few courtiers that the Sheikh had for actual advice rather than to please his father's acquaintances.


As such, he tested Naseeruddin a lot when it came to matters of patience and understanding, hoping to know where he put the line between displeasing the H...

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A man goes to the doctor and he says "Doctor, Doctor you've got to help me...

A man goes to the doctor and he says "Doctor, Doctor you've got to help me, I can't stop singing what's new pussycat"

The doctor says "Seems like a textbook case of Tom Jones syndrome"

The man says "Well, what is it? Is it rare"

And the doctor goes "Well, It's not unusual"

First day of class at Hogwarts

A group of first-year students walked into a classroom at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The professor, Febuina Pell, was young for her profession and had never married, but was well respected and had written the very textbook to be used in the class. One of the students, a muggle-born ...

Today, in math class,

I had the urge to fart. I had the bright idea that if I dropped my textbook and farted at the same time, nobody would hear it. I dropped my textbook, everyone looked at me, then I farted.

Loudly.

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