Dogs can't operate MRI scanners

But catscan

I painted my scanner black so it would run faster.

Now it can't read.

What Does Kellyanne Conway Call Her Computer's Scanner?

Alternative Fax.

A little boy to his father: "Daddy, how did I actually come into the world?" Daddy replies: "Alright my son, at some point we have to to this talking, so watch out:

Daddy got to know mommy in a "chat room." Later, daddy and mommy met in a "cyber cafe" and on the toilet, mommy wanted to do a few "downloads" of daddy's "Joy Stick". When daddy was then ready for the "upload", we suddenly realized that we had no "firewall" installed and it was already too late to p...

I'm not saying that the people in my city have bad teeth...

But a guy just went through the self scan checkout at Wal-Mart, smiled and the barcode scanner picked it up as an electric crockpot.

The Computer Nerd and His Apprentice

So, I have a story about a wise old computing nerd and his new technological apprentice. He wanted to tell his young child some core life morals, as well as teach about old technology.

The wise man first showed the kid a polaroid camera. The kid quickly took it, and snapped a photo, but was v...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is told by his employer that he has to go see the company doctor in order to keep his insurance...

He reluctantly goes, and is amazed to find no examination table, just a wall full of computer equipment. The doctor walks in and says, "Just place your hand on the scanner here" and shows the man a screen. Bewildered, he places his hand on the screen and immediately the panel glows beneath his hand,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Married man picks up a girl at the bar

Married man picks up a lady at the bar, riding his motorcycle to her house he hits a cow. Police show up and the lady has a broken leg. He gets home and the wife heard it all on the police scanner and ask him what the hell was the lady doing? Husband said I dont know what that drunk bitch was doing ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A proctologist gets pulled over for speeding.

One day, this car flies over the bridge. The cop at the end of the bridge uses his radar gun and sure enough, the car is speeding. He pulls him over.

Cop: Why the rush, sir?

Man: I was just called to the hospital. I'm a proctologist.

Cop: I've never heard of a proctologist befor...

An embarassing supermarket checkout . . .

When Jane reached the checkout counter, she learned that one of her items had a scratched bar code, making it unreadable to the scanner.

Imagine her embarrassment when the cashier got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear, “Price check on Tampax, supersize please.”

A...

A Chinese student is quite good with mental calculation

... but has this habit of looking up whenever he does heavy calculation. He is a third-year student in a university, major in Computer Science. And he works part time in a convenient store near his uni. He doesn’t speak much on his part time job, but he is honest, hard working, and is well mannered ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman is walking around a grocery store...

...completing her shopping list. When she finally collects what she came for, she makes her way to the cashier and unloads her basket onto the conveyer.

The clerk begins to ring up her items;
He grabs her container of mixed salad greens and passes it over the barcode scanner. 'BOOP' sou...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

ISIS has reportedly acquired a shitload of cutting edge weapons technology from the Korean black market.

Recent photographs suggest that the technology is known to have an Iris Scanner, S Pen, a 12 MP primary camera and a really mindBLOWING battery life.

Blonde Joke

A blonde is speeding on the road and a cop pulls her over. He walks over and asks for her license and registration. She pulls out all her papers and gives them to the cop. He checks her name on the scanner, she comes up with a flawless record(no tickets), yet she has been pulled over tons of times. ...

Topical Jokes (5/12)

Al Gore's net worth is now reported at $200 million - you can tell as Gore's newest documentary addresses his fear regarding the rising temperatures in his Benz's heated seats.

Taco Bell is now testing out a waffle taco - the waffle taco is marketed as "A sunrise treat for the sunset of your ...

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