UPJOKE
publishingpublishereditorialcolumnistpublicationnewspaperjournalistjournalismeditor-in-chiefmagazinecopy editorwriterreporterauthorjournal

Twin sisters in a Newfoundland nursing home were turning 100 years old. The editor of the local newspaper told a photographer to get over there and take pictures of the 100 year old twins.

One of the twins was hard of hearing and the other could hear quite well.

Once the photographer arrived he asked the sisters to sit on the sofa.

The deaf sister said to her twin "WHAT DID HE SAY?" "WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!" said the other.

"Now get a little closer to...

I applied to get a job as a video editor.

Didn’t make the final cut.

What's my job as an editor at a publishing house like?

Well, to cut a long story short.

What's the difference between AN editor and THE editor?

A definite vs indefinite article.

Obit

Woman from the deepest, most southern part of Alabama goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is written. The obit editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word. She pauses, reflects and then says, “Well, then, let it read...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did Hitler tell his editor?

Don’t be zuch a grammar ally, Hans!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wish Frasier would have a show about a copy editor in 1942 Germany that's blind, bilingual, narcoleptic, and obsessed with weights and measures.

He'd be a Grammar Grammer gram-er Nazi not-see nod si.

Trump visits a pig farm.

Trump visited a pig farm and was photographed there. In a newspaper's office, a discussion is under way what should be the caption under the picture.

"President Trump among pigs," "President Trump and pigs," "Pigs around President Trump," -- all is rejected.

Finally the editor makes t...

Why was Buzzfeed's editor found dead in the bathroom?

Because number two shocked him.

Jesus, I just hired an editor for my autobiography.

I don't know what I'm doing with my life.

What's a Pixar editors favorite metal song?

Down with the Thiccness.

What does a photo editor and a farmer have in common?

They both make good crops.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Action movie editor

An action movie editor is in the editing room trimming a Keanu Reeves movie.

It’s filled with cool scenes on motorcycles, and hand-to-hand martial arts combat. But it’s long. The editor has to pull some scenes.

So he’s pulling scenes and removes a really cool scene involving a stuntma...

A magazine editor interviews a billionaire about his success in life

Editor: "Sir, during your life, you made an outstanding fortune. How did you do it exactly?"

Billionaire: "I started a business of messenger pigeons"

Editor: "Pigeons that deliver mail. That's great! How many have you sold?"

Billionaire: "Just one. But she always came back."

My audio editor keeps shutting down unexpectedly while I'm working.

The Audacity.

The chief editor of the New York Times is traveling in the Amazon jungle

He travels deep into the jungle hoping to write a story about a tribe of cannibals.

After a couple of weeks he finally locates the tribe and starts spying on them from behind some trees.

He feels a tap on the shoulder and he quickly gets captured and finds himself tied up and looks dow...

Did you hear about the newspaper editor that was fired?

Apparently it was quite the sandal

What is the script editors blood Type?

Type O !

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I told my editor, "I don't think toilet humor is funny."

She replied, "I agree. And, it's a shitty job, but someone has to do it. Now, get back to writing before you flush your career away."

My editor told me he didn’t like my citation formatting

He didn’t like id., et al.

A lady finds out what a reference said about to her potential employer and is upset by it.

She calls her friend and asks him: "Why did you say I was a racist?!"

The friend is confused and asks "what are you talking about?"

The lady tells him, "You know how I listed you as a reference for that job in publishing? Because I always wanted to work in publishing? Well, not alway...

What’s an image editor’s favourite country?

Ireland.

It’s royalty free.

What did the erotic novel author get from his editor?

Sticky notes.

What did he get from his publisher?

A hard copy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A reporter walks into a bar

A reporter walks into a bar in a small Louisiana town. He's been sent by his editor in the big city to get a human interest story, and so he walks up to some burly guy in overalls and offers him a drink in return for the story of the best day of his life.

"Best day? Well, that must've been th...

A Wikipedia editor is pulled over for speeding

\[citation needed\]

An emo became a perfect film editor

he made very accurate cuts

What do you call a satisfied video editor?

Content creator.

Long story about a story

There was a newsman Ida Gross, who worked at the New York times last century who always snuck in a pun into his reports. His editor was always on a look out for the pun, which he always excised before sending the story on to be printed.


One day, there was a gas explosion that killed ten...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Trump had been editor of the Sun, "Virginia" would have received a much different answer...

No.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Royal Newspaper

The King and Queen decided to get pets, so the King issued a decree: "Handsome reward for finest Royal pets."

The Queen immediately falls in love with a white, long haired kitten, bred in a faraway land. After payment, the kitten disappears and the distraught Queen sends the entire staff to l...

What do you call a blind editor?

A grammar not-see.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One Day

Editors of a magazine asked 50 women what they would do if they had a male sex organ for one day. Most of them said, "Probably get a salary increase."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer was out by his barn, repairing a fence.

A young hen came near him, pecking at the ground. He was surprised when he thought he heard a “psst”. The farm looked around and saw no one, so he continued his work.

Then he heard it, clear as day. “Hey. Down here.”

The farmer looked down and saw the hen looking at him.

“Did y...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used to be a XXX movie editor but got fired.

My boss walked by my desk one day and I wasn't watching porn on my computer.

She claimed to be a copy editor

but she had no proof.

I don't think I'm well-suited for this job as a newspaper editor.

Even my blood is a Type O!

What were the favorite Linux text editors of 8 randomly selected Monty Python fans?

vim, vim, vim, vim, vim, vim, emacs, and vim.

Barry's job was to write articles for a massive online news site run by the mafia...

He absolutely hated his job, but he had to stay because they would kill his family if he left. He had to write articles about the mafia’s crimes, and because the company had all the lawmakers bribed, they were untouchable even though they openly admitted to their crimes.





The ...

Dirty Limerick Competition

Every year in this small village there used to be a dirty limerick competition and the same guy used to win competition every year. Last year he sent in his most disgusting flithy limerick ever and was stunned to find out he'd only come second. As the limericks were never published, the editor could...

Heir of a world famous laundering business in the 19th century...

took control of his fathers business after the father's passing. Mr. Bartholomew Nutts was not like his father. He used to flirt with all the young ladies who used to wash all the dirty clothes. After a little while things escalated, and it appeared that more than a few of the workers were in child'...

Why was the journalist crumpled up on the office floor in tears?

Because the editor removed his colon.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

First day on the job.

Fresh out of journalism school, the rookie journalist bounds up to the editor hungry for a story to go after.

The editor says I'll give you an easy one for your first day. Go out into the community and bring me back a feel good human interest story. We need a bit of cheering up!

The r...

Twins celebrating their 102nd Birthday (Long)

The editor of a local paper hears about these two twins in the retirement home Harriet and Hazel who is celebrating their 102nd Birthday. He needs a feel-good story for filler so he sends down a photographer to snap some pictures.

He gets there and asks the twins if he can take their picture...

Two newspaper bosses are sent into a huge bank vault and find it stacked to the ceiling with piles of 24-karat bars. They can keep them for good, but only if they are able to diffuse a bomb first...

Editor 1: Thanks for the gold.

Editor 2: This blew up.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A joke about an old man in an isolated village

A newspaper editor goes to an isolated mounatin village in order to write an article. He wants to know more about life up here so he interviews an old man.
"Please tell me a funny story I could include in my article"
"Well,"says the man"One day one of my neighbour's goats got lost in the mou...

I have never seen my all time favorite joke here, so I will submit relatively original content, enjoy!

There was a newspaper in a very small Midwestern farming town, comes out once a week with local news like the new library books, or the preachers sermon, and school fundraisers. One day the editor calls the reporter in and says, "I don't know what to do about the next issue. There isn't a damn thin...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Jewish man's wife dies.

He purchases a single line of space from a local newspaper to post an obituary for his wife.

The editor asks him about what to write and the man replies: "Susan Goldberg died. R.I.P."

After typing the words, the editor says: "Hey, we can fit a few more words into this line."

T...

Being a writer is enjoyable...

But the job of editor is more rewording.

A man writes an OP-ED for his local newspaper.

He goes into great detail explaining why everyone in his town is an idiot and they are ugly too.

Unsurprisingly, it gets a VERY strong reaction. People hate him!

So the next week he calls up his local paper and asks them to publish his OP-ED again in the next week's paper.

th...

A British tabloid receives an order for a smear article about an activist...

After two weeks of digging, the assigned reporters go to the editor and shake their heads.


"It's impossible, boss," they say. "There's nothing about the bloke, not even gossip. He doesn't even have a parking ticket. In fact, he's pretty much a saint: the only time his name appears in poli...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A reporter visits a small town in Siberia

He interviews the mayor and says: “So tell me a happy story about your people that I can report back to my editors. You know, something you guys are famous for.”

“Oh oh, I know one. So there is this mountain nearby, and anytime something gets lost on the mountain like my neighbor’s goat did o...

She was upset when the Sunday puzzle's clues were wrong

She called the newspaper's editor, and had cross words with him

Retraction

The following headline appeared in the daily newspaper and threw the city hall into an uproar: "Half the city council are crooks."

A retraction in full was demanded of the editor under the threat of a libel suit. Next afternoon, the headline read, "Half the city council aren't crooks."

2,003 pigs

It’s a small town and not much happens most days, so the town newspaper prints pretty much every little story. But the editor just can’t believe it one day when the new farmer down the road says that his truck ran into a ditch and killed 2,003 pigs. He sends his reporter out to the farm to check it...

John started working in a color pigment company...

John started working in a color pigment company which specialises in mixing and editing different color pigments according to their customers's demands. Once the color pigments were done, they would be mailed out to the customers with a detailed note commenting on the properties of the produced colo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

ADVICE FROM RON - A RETIRED HUSBAND

It is
important for men to remember that, as women
grow older, it becomes harder for them to
maintain the same quality of housekeeping as
when they were younger. When you notice
this, try not to yell at them. Some are
oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an
oversensitiv...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young reporter goes looking for a story...

An ambitious young TV reporter went to a small town, looking to get an interesting story for her editor. So she went to the mayor, and with the camera rolling, she asked him "anything exciting happen around here?"

"Well, last month this hot young woman got lost in the woods, so 100 of the tow...

An Old Scottish Couple

Once there was a couple in the far north of Scotland named Angus and Edith. They were married for nearly sixty years until Angus fell ill. Knowing he was not long for this world, Angus told his wife "Edith, when I die, I want nothing special. Just a funeral as simple as can be without any big thing ...

Bob's Nails.

Bob made metal nails for all need and uses. For woodworking or construction, his nails where the best and he wanted to make a TV commercial to promote them.

So he went to a studio to get his commercial made. There he gave an idea of how he wanted his commercial "I want it to be epic and persu...

The Glorious Leader visits a pig farm

Kim Jong-Un visits a pig farm and has the obligatory propaganda photo taken.

Later, three editors for the Pyongyang Times are facing the task of finding an appropriate caption.
#1: "How about 'The Glorious Leader among pigs'?"
#2: "Are you mad? That could cost us our heads!"
#3: "How...

Surf's up?

A Californian surfer visiting Australia was having a good time catching the breakers at resorts along the Gold Coast, but wanted a special experience. He wanted to surf a beach where nobody, or almost nobody, goes.

So he gets in the car, drives north. At the first remote beach he hits, he has...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A reporter goes into a village...

... for a newspaper interview. Once there, he asks around and the people direct him toward an elderly that was laying in front of his house who supposedly had been through many experiences. The journalist then meet the old man and ask him to tell him a story that he would publish in the next newspap...

Stallman, Torvalds and Knuth have a conversation.

Richard M. Stallman, Linus Torvalds, and Donald E. Knuth
engage in a discussion on whose impact
on the computerized world was the greatest.
Stallman: "God told me I have programmed the best editor in the world!"
Torvalds: "Well, God told *me* that I have programmed the best operating sy...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.