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Puns Jokes

I've posted 9 puns here in this sub but none of them got upvoted. If this one doesn't either, then...

...no pun in ten did

If you’re dating someone who doesn’t enjoy Star Wars puns...

Then you’re looking in Alderaan places

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A list of puns

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says,...

My wife says if I don’t stop making puns about Russia, she’s going to hit me.

If that’s the way it’s going to be, then Soviet.

Got dumped because she said I was obsessed with boat puns

Canoe believe that?

While most puns make me feel numb...

...Math puns make me feel number.

The Most Dad Joke of Puns!

All the best Puns are written down on paper. That way, they're truly tear-able.

Also it's my cake day!

It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs...

Because they always take things literally.

Why do kleptomaniacs hate puns

because they always take things, literally

A man noted for telling puns was locked into a dark closet, and told he would not be released until he made up a pun about the situation. He immediately shouted,

"Oh, pun the door"

I'm writing a theatre script on the history of puns

It's going to be a play on words

I heard Reddit likes puns so I posted ten of them thinking at least one would reach the first page

No pun in ten did

my friend told me that tool puns aren't funny

I said I disagree because I think awl puns are funny

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Puns are the number one, highest form of comedy.

But poop jokes are a solid number 2.

[fake] edit: It's your duty to post your best worst puns now.

Ideas for Physical Puns/Jokes?

I enjoy doing physical puns/jokes to brighten up work, but I'm running out of ideas. Any ideas people have would be greatly appreciated!

I work in a school, so child-friendly jokes would be best.

Examples of ones I've done so far:

- putting a leek in the cupboard and panicking a...

If there's a bee in my hand, what's in my eye?

Beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

ITT: People who want to kill me, people who think I am their dad, more puns about bees, puns about beer, "oh I get it", and "this joke is more like a riddle"

My wife warned me to stop making breakfast puns…

She said I’d be toast. I replied, our son keeps egging me on, he’s such a ham.

I was excited to tell people the new fish puns I came up with…

But they all floundered

There are two types of puns.

The great puns, which are great to hear, and the grate puns, which grate your ears.

My dad doesn't really like puns, so we told him our top 10 to see if any could make him laugh...

No pun in 10 did.

Puns about communism arent funny

unless everyone gets them.

You shouldn't be surprised at how your wife reacts to your puns. After all...

...she's a groan woman.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wife and I making bird puns in bed

We were laying in bed, when I looked over and said "hey make like a bird and swallow this dick!" She smiled and pulled my pajama bottoms off. I closed my eyes awaiting bliss, when all of a sudden she repeatedly head butts my dick. After scrambling away and gasping in pain, I looked at her and exclai...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Puns are the only form of humor where a groan is high praise and a laugh is a fair attempt.

Well, that and sex.

Someone told me they could tell better cheese puns than me.

I told him to leave the provalone.

so... about geology puns

So, right, geology puns need to hit ***hard*** , i suppose.. To make the jokes better you can add a ***layer*** into it, the delivery should be ***segmented*** and indicated to make it easier to understand the joke, you don't always need to fulfil this instruction tho, i mean we didn't need to do no...

Does anyone know any good tree puns?

I'm pining fir a new one, but they're not that poplar.

Some very beefy puns...

What do you call a cow with no legs?

>!ground beef.!<

What do you call a cow with one leg?

>!Steak. !<

What do you call a cow with two legs?

>!Lean beef. !<

What do you call a cow with three legs?

>!Tri-tip. !<

What ...

does anyone know any good sword-fighting puns? I'm trying to think of words that have...

...a duel meaning.

Gonna be getting on the trend of binary puns and going to be writing 10000000 binary puns.

Update: Sometimes I byte off more than I can chew.

Why are written puns worse than puns spoken aloud?

Puns on paper are tearable.

I take my puns VERY seriously

(no fun intended)

I make bad puns.

That's how eye roll.

There are many problems with math puns.

Calculus jokes are mostly derivative, trigonometry jokes are too graphic, algebra jokes are usually formulaic, and arithmetic jokes are pretty basic.

But the occasional statistics joke is an outlier.

I don't care if you don't like space puns. I like space puns.

Comet me bro.

I like my puns like I like my sausages...

the wurst ones are the best.

Puns about Norse gods...

are Loki the best.

Intended pun

My brother broke his arm and I told him ten puns, one right after the other trying to make him laugh. As it turns out, he doesn't like puns, so no pun in ten did.

In 2020 we're going to have an entire year of bad puns about vision

I can see it clearly.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Awful puns are jokes too.

I was telling my mate Edward that I couldn't stop referring to myself as male genetalia. He told me I could stop any time I wanted.

I said, "No, I'm a dick, Ted."

I really like rock puns.

They're something we shouldn't take for granite. I mean, they are pretty solid.

Let's just face it, geology rocks!


PS: I just hit rock bottom, didn't I?

Cat puns

Freak meowt.

bee puns

why do bees have sticky hair

because they use honeycombs

Ugh. Sausage puns.

They're the wurst.

Corny puns

Why can't the headless horseman ever win a race?

A: Because he can never get a head

What is Tiger Wood's favorite type of club?

A: The wood

Anyone a fan of Roman Numeral puns?

I, for one, am a huge fan of them

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

To reduce waste, our city has told food truck operators that they must donate all unsold items each night.

I applaud the effort, but given how little space the trucks have in the first place, it seems like there's really not much room for waste to begin with. So, I've gotta ask....

How much food would a food truck chuck if a food truck could chuck food?

My friend was harassing me with bird puns

But toucan play at that game.

Why are calendar puns so bad?

Because they are always so week and dated

I once wrote an entire theater production based on puns.

It was a play on words.

What happened to the all of the good chemistry puns?

The best chemistry puns argon.

A man decided to enter a local newspaper’s pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that one would win.

Unfortunately no pun in ten did…

Military puns are funny...

Generally speaking.

Some puns

•    How does Moses make tea ?   Hebrews it. 


•    England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

   
•    They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Typo. 

   
•    I changed my iPod's name to Titanic.  It's syncing now. 

   
•    I know a guy ...

Bread puns happened when you

Yeast expect them

Bad puns are the best puns

How can you tell that a baker's hands are on fire?

He can't seem to *stop droppin' rolls*.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Puns plz

Someone throw shit out there for me to make puns with. A topic, or whatever, and I'll do my best. Anyone else can join in too.

One time a standup comedian started telling direction puns.

They were downright disgraceful; the audience up and left.

I love puns about the eyes.

The cornea the better.

Bad chemistry puns

I've been looking for chemistry puns for a long time. But it seems the good ones Argon

I thought "hey, just try to enjoy the bad ones" but I couldn't. The only thing I could do is Berium.

You might be thinking "I bet they aren't that bad" but after you see the same ones as much as I sa...

Puns about Russia...

Some are Volga but Moscow them are pretty lame.

My wife left me because of my constant zodiac puns.

It finally Taurus apart.

Seamen never laugh at my puns.

They're just too littoral.

Communist puns aren't funny

Unless everyone get them.

(I need full Marx for this one)

Some people don't like vegetable puns...

but I don't carrot all about their opinions.

Gentlemen...BEHOLD! Puns.

What do you call a cool mushroom?...A fun guy!!!

A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer. "How much will that be?" asks the neutron. "For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge"

A guy walks into a restaurant, and takes a seat. Acr...

I honestly cannot deal with puns.

But I can with a deck of cards.

I only do so many puns...

...because I'm dad inside.

Did you know Gregorian monks aren't allowed to make puns?

They cant

I hate car puns.

They drive me crazy.

If you like pee related puns...

then *urine* for a treat.

I made this up on the spot and I'm really proud of it.

This isn't the best joke, but I'm really proud of how it came out. My sister and I are both in town visiting our parents for the first time in years. I keep dropping bad puns and my sister keeps yelling at me.

Tonight, we were telling stories from our youth, and I told her this one. She was r...

What should you do if someone hates on your puns?

Punish them.

My wife hates me because I make too many Pokemon puns

She's just Shellos

Ireland puns

what do irish people call split personallity disorder?

doublin

what do irish people call mytosis?

a doublin cell?

what do irish people call twins?

sean and connor

I've got a lot of puns about people with crooked teeth

You'd better brace yourself

There's a new show on Broadway called "Puns"

It's a play on words

My wife said I should stop making stupid puns and take her abortion more seriously.



I won't let this d-fetus.

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