To the person who invented infinity

Thanks for everything

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**INFINITY WAR SPOILERS**

Ok now that all the nerds are gone, there's a party going on at my place this Saturday. hmu if you're interested.

I want to talk about Infinity War spoilers but...

I want to wait for the dust to settle a bit.

5 yo: Can you count backwards from infinity?

Me: Of course I can but it will take forever.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity.

Twice.

What Operating System does the Infinity Gauntlet use?

ThanOS

What number is higher than infinity?

420

I love the concept of infinity.

I could talk about it forever.

If Eminem had the infinity gaulent....

He could actually snap back into reality

To infinity and beyond

What do you call someone prejudice against the stars?

A Spacist

What are the most powerful biscuits in the universe?

The Infinity Scones...



My 11 year old just came up with that one on his own...

Yo mama so fat

5 infinity stones couldn’t make her disappear

I was researching infinity until it hit me...

that endeavor would take me forever

Why was the infinity gauntlet underweight?

It was only 6 stones.

What's the only thing more terrifying than Thanos wearing the Infinity Gauntlet?

Thanos wearing the Infinity Gauntlet while playing a Jet in a production of West Side Story

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A man dies an goes to Hell. The devil shows him around and tells him he has to pick his forever torture

They check out the different options. The devil explains to him that he only gets to view three choices and once he chooses, he can't change his mind.

The devil shows him the first room in which there is a group of people pushing a very large crank and being whipped at the same time with no b...

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[Mild Infinity War Spoiler] Did you guys see Peter Dinklage in the new Avengers film?

It was his biggest role to date.

The avengers “infinity war” movie was almost 3 hours...

But I felt like it ended in a snap!

The end of Infinity War was a real shock for people, I know.

I was more surprised by the end of *Detective Pikachu* when everyone turned into Ash.

Never discuss the concept of Infinity with a mathematician

they can go on about it forever.

Why was everyone crying after watching Infinity Wars?

Because sand got into their eyes

Thanos’s snap in infinity war would’ve had a greater impact if marvel made it seem that half of the audience wasn’t there,

But apparently only DC movies can do that.

Why can’t the Infinity car company trademark ∞ ?

The legal battle would be endless.

Infinity is not a thing...

... it's just number 8 passed out drunk.

I watched the new Infinity War movie yesterday...

I was Loki dying in the beginning

What's the difference between infinity and forever?

According to my ex-wife, forever is only two and a half months.

So, in "Infinity War"...

Doctor Strange is in battle with Thanos. He sees all the future scenarios that are possible. He lets Thanos get the infinity gauntlet, allowing the deaths of half the universe. He never tells anyone what exactly he saw. The other Avengers saw this as being an incredibly cruel decision to make.
...

Just saw the new infinity wars trailer today and to me, it was pretty obvious who's dying.

Well, so long, DC.

Thanos wasn't completely responsible for all the deaths caused by the Infinity Gauntlet...

But he had a hand in it.

What’s Thanos’ favorite app on his Infinity Phone?

SNAPchat

My girlfriend is like infinity.

Off the charts, but only a concept.

Can we come up with a brand new, never ending joke.

So let’s say one person initiates the joke by coming up with a line, the next person either continues the set up or has a punchline but the punchline must also be able to set up the next persons line, etc etc etc, can it be done? Will it be consistently funny? I think I’ve made sense but I’m not gre...

Have you heard Tom Holland's reaction to the end of Infinity War? ***Spoilers***

***Spoilers***
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He was blown away by it!

In Avengers: Infinity War, Thanos absolutely went crazy.

He snapped.

I guess what happened to Gamora in Infinity War

was definitely not a cliffhanger

I was going to tell a joke about infinity

But I don't know how it ends.

What's infinity minus one?

A sideways seven.

A man is at the funeral of an old friend.

He hesitantly approaches the deceased's wife and asks whether he can say a word. The widow nods. The man clears his throat and says, "Plethora."

The widow smiles appreciatively. "Thank you," she says. "That means a lot."

Another man comes up and says: "Mind if I say a word too?" She sa...

Chuck Norris passed 6 kidney stones.

Thanos used them in the Infinity Gauntlet.

After Infinity War, you know what Earth's group of heroes should be called?

The Half-Vengers.

(Infinity War Speculation) When Thanos gains the mind stone, he will turn into Palpatine.

Because The Avengers will pay for their lack of Vision.

I'm thinking of a number between 1 to Infinity. What number am I thinking of?

Yours

[Spoilers] I finally watched Avengers: Infinity War

It was alright. Probably give a 5/10. The first half was great, but the other half just kind of fell apart in the end.

Infinity scarves are just....

The foreskins of the fashion world.

Which app does Thanos use to communicate with half of the universe? (Infinity War Spoilers)

Snapchat

Why is the symbol for infinity an 8 lying down?

Because after someone ate, lying down is infinitely better.

Did Sia get snapped in Infinity War?

Cause I don’t Sia anywhere.

What's infinity plus infinity?

2 infinity. And beyond!

Why didn't Thor go for the head in infinity war

Because he Loki didn't want to win

My daughter

came home from school and told me she had learned about the number infinity today,

she asked how long would it really take to count to infinity daddy?

me; well a really, really long time.

Her; It would take a lot less time if you just counted by ten.

Even though they did not show any spoilers in the Infinity War trailer we all know who dies...

... DCEU.

Warning, Infinity War spoiler:

Stan Lee is the bus driver.

What happens when a god dies and no one knows? [Infinity War Spoliers]

They're loki dead

Marvel just announced the title of the Infinity War sequel. [spoiler]

Avengers: Days of Future Past

Did you hear about Avengers: Infinity Wars?

It's said to be Marvel-ous!

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Infinity loop

a woman walks into her hypnotherapists office and says " Doctor, I have been loyal to my husband for 12 years but, last night I broke that loyalty and had an affair. I just want you to make me forget it happened". The Doctor said " Not again"

After years of research and exploration, an Archaeologist discovered an ancient book...

The book was said to answer any question asked of it. Being a professional, the archaeologist took the book back to his prestigious university, which was home to several leaders of certain fields. To research the book's power in a controlled manner, the archaeologist rounds up three of the universit...

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A guy asked me: Who is this Chuck Norris guy?

Well, in short: He build the house he was born in by his aunt because no one dared to screw his mom. In his youth he molested catholic priests after that he joined the army where He was a well known Kamikaze pilot for about 7 times. He made fire with a magnifying glass under water at night and coun...

A man walked into a bar, and saw a guy at the end of the bar with a giant orange head...

He asked the bar tender “what’s the deal with the guy with the giant orange head?” The bar tender said “you should probably just ask him about his giant orange head.”

So the guy bought two beers, brought one over and slammed it in front of the other guy. He said “I bought you a beer, but firs...

Here I made some bubble wrap

>!Iron!< >!Man !< >!dies!< >!in!< >!Infinity!< >!War!<

>!Jesus!< >!dies!< >!in!< >!the!< >!Bible!<

>!2021!< >!will!< >!be!< >!even!< >!worse!<

>!What did you expect they were marke...

Thanos came to Earth in 2023

seeking the six Infinity Stones. As he sat on a rock, waiting for his underlings to bring the Stones to him, three strange men arrived in front of him, seemingly out of nowhere. One wore a red cape, another bore a red shield, the third was clad in a red suit. They fought, and it was a bloody battle,...

Dictionary namesake Noah Webster's funeral

Noah Webster was an important man in the field of lexicography. So when he died his wife, Miriam, decided to have a large funeral. Many people came out. Near the end, after the eulogy, Miriam asked if anyone else wanted to say something about her late husband. A man comes up to her and says, “I woul...

Yo mama's so fat

that buzz lightyear says, "To infinity and your mom!"

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3 men are walking through the desert when they stumble across a lamp. They dust it off and a Genie pops out, the genie says "I will grant each of you 3 wishes!"

The first man says "I wish for a million dollars!" "Alright" says the Genie and just like that a million dollars appears at the man's feet.

The second man says "I wish for unlimited money" "Alright" says the Genie "Check your bank account" The man checks on his phone and sure enough there's a...

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The Avengers were on a mission to save the Egyptian god of the sun.

Thanos, with the help of the Reality Stone, turned the god into a baby and usurped his powers. As he was about to kill him, in the nick of time, the Avengers showed up.

Diving forward, Captain America managed to snatch away the baby while Thanos was busy with his monologue. Realizing this, T...

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[OC, long] There's a new MLM scheme going around getting housewives to bake cookies, cake, and bread.

"Independent Businesses Owners" buy frozen pastries and mixes from the company, bake them in a timeshare commercial kitchen space, and try to sell them at their office, church, kids' activities, public events, and through social media. The typical.

One of my coworkers, Amanda, recently invite...

What Disney character can count the highest?

Buzz Lightyear, to infinity and beyond.

I've had kidney stones for my entire life and it seems that they'll always be there forever

They're infinity stones

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Chuck Norris Facts!

-can lift up a chair with one hand... While he's sitting on it.

-can make scissors beat rock.

-when he's looks in a mirror, the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough
to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.

-can unscramble eggs.

-counted t...

You know what is good with 8 ?

It's straight up infinity.

The scale in the bathroom is nicknamed Buzz Lightyear.

When I step on it goes to infinity and beyond.

Where does Thanos like to swim?

In the Infinity Pool.

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