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**INFINITY WAR SPOILERS**

Ok now that all the nerds are gone, there's a party going on at my place this Saturday. hmu if you're interested.

I want to talk about Infinity War spoilers but...

I want to wait for the dust to settle a bit.

I wanted to tell you a joke about infinity

But you wouldn't listen to me till the end

Wanda lost sight of her life after the events of Infinity War

Thankfully, she fully recovered her vision.

To infinity and beyond

What do you call someone prejudice against the stars?

A Spacist

To the guy who invented infinity

Thanks for everything

What number is higher than infinity?

420

I love the concept of infinity.

I could talk about it forever.

I was researching infinity until it hit me...

that endeavor would take me forever

If Eminem had the infinity gaulent....

He could actually snap back into reality

Why was the infinity gauntlet underweight?

It was only 6 stones.

A man is at the funeral of an old friend.

He hesitantly approaches the deceased's wife and asks whether he can say a word. The widow nods. The man clears his throat and says, "Plethora."

The widow smiles appreciatively. "Thank you," she says. "That means a lot."

Another man comes up and says: "Mind if I say a word too?" She sa...

What's the only thing more terrifying than Thanos wearing the Infinity Gauntlet?

Thanos wearing the Infinity Gauntlet while playing a Jet in a production of West Side Story

What happens when a red-head acquires the Infinity Gauntlet?

A ginger snaps.

My girlfriend is like infinity.

Off the charts, but only a concept.

The avengers “infinity war” movie was almost 3 hours...

But I felt like it ended in a snap!

The end of Infinity War was a real shock for people, I know.

I was more surprised by the end of *Detective Pikachu* when everyone turned into Ash.

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[Mild Infinity War Spoiler] Did you guys see Peter Dinklage in the new Avengers film?

It was his biggest role to date.

So, in "Infinity War"...

Doctor Strange is in battle with Thanos. He sees all the future scenarios that are possible. He lets Thanos get the infinity gauntlet, allowing the deaths of half the universe. He never tells anyone what exactly he saw. The other Avengers saw this as being an incredibly cruel decision to make.
...

I watched the new Infinity War movie yesterday...

I was Loki dying in the beginning

What's the difference between infinity and forever?

According to my ex-wife, forever is only two and a half months.

Why can’t the Infinity car company trademark ∞ ?

The legal battle would be endless.

Thanos’s snap in infinity war would’ve had a greater impact if marvel made it seem that half of the audience wasn’t there,

But apparently only DC movies can do that.

Why was everyone crying after watching Infinity Wars?

Because sand got into their eyes

Just saw the new infinity wars trailer today and to me, it was pretty obvious who's dying.

Well, so long, DC.

What’s Thanos’ favorite app on his Infinity Phone?

SNAPchat

Infinity is not a thing...

... it's just number 8 passed out drunk.

Have you heard Tom Holland's reaction to the end of Infinity War? ***Spoilers***

***Spoilers***
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He was blown away by it!

What operating system does the Infinity Gauntlet use?

thanOS

Thanos wasn't completely responsible for all the deaths caused by the Infinity Gauntlet...

But he had a hand in it.

Which super hero is the best at basketball? (Infinity War Spoilers)

Spider-Man, he has the best fade-away.

Never discuss infinity with a mathematician..

They can go on about it forever...

Why would the Avengers have been better able to see a solution to the infinity war if Thanos had arrived just a couple of years later?

They'd have had 2020 Vision


(I'm so sorry)

In Avengers: Infinity War, Thanos absolutely went crazy.

He snapped.

The universe's greatest villain acquired his sixth Infinity Stone, and in the snap of a finger...

...half the NFL's fans stopped caring.

I guess what happened to Gamora in Infinity War

was definitely not a cliffhanger

What's infinity minus one?

A sideways seven.

After Infinity War, you know what Earth's group of heroes should be called?

The Half-Vengers.

(Infinity War Speculation) When Thanos gains the mind stone, he will turn into Palpatine.

Because The Avengers will pay for their lack of Vision.

A man walked into a bar, and saw a guy at the end of the bar with a giant orange head...

He asked the bar tender “what’s the deal with the guy with the giant orange head?” The bar tender said “you should probably just ask him about his giant orange head.”

So the guy bought two beers, brought one over and slammed it in front of the other guy. He said “I bought you a beer, but firs...

[Spoilers] I finally watched Avengers: Infinity War

It was alright. Probably give a 5/10. The first half was great, but the other half just kind of fell apart in the end.

Why is the symbol for infinity an 8 lying down?

Because after someone ate, lying down is infinitely better.

I'm thinking of a number between 1 to Infinity. What number am I thinking of?

Yours

Why didn't Thor go for the head in infinity war

Because he Loki didn't want to win

Did Sia get snapped in Infinity War?

Cause I don’t Sia anywhere.

Which app does Thanos use to communicate with half of the universe? (Infinity War Spoilers)

Snapchat

Here I made some bubble wrap

>!Iron!< >!Man !< >!dies!< >!in!< >!Infinity!< >!War!<

>!Jesus!< >!dies!< >!in!< >!the!< >!Bible!<

>!2021!< >!will!< >!be!< >!even!< >!worse!<

>!What did you expect they were marke...

*Infinity War Spoilers* What do Matt Murdock and Scarlet Witch have in common?

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They both lost their Vision

Warning, Infinity War spoiler:

Stan Lee is the bus driver.

Even though they did not show any spoilers in the Infinity War trailer we all know who dies...

... DCEU.

What happens when a god dies and no one knows? [Infinity War Spoliers]

They're loki dead

What's infinity plus infinity?

2 infinity. And beyond!

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Infinity loop

a woman walks into her hypnotherapists office and says " Doctor, I have been loyal to my husband for 12 years but, last night I broke that loyalty and had an affair. I just want you to make me forget it happened". The Doctor said " Not again"

After years of research and exploration, an Archaeologist discovered an ancient book...

The book was said to answer any question asked of it. Being a professional, the archaeologist took the book back to his prestigious university, which was home to several leaders of certain fields. To research the book's power in a controlled manner, the archaeologist rounds up three of the universit...

Why is the villain of Avengers: Infinity War so good at tracking Infinity Stones?

Because he's good at smelling... he's The Nose.

Marvel just announced the title of the Infinity War sequel. [spoiler]

Avengers: Days of Future Past

Did you hear about Avengers: Infinity Wars?

It's said to be Marvel-ous!

Chuck Norris counted to infinity

Twice!

Dictionary namesake Noah Webster's funeral

Noah Webster was an important man in the field of lexicography. So when he died his wife, Miriam, decided to have a large funeral. Many people came out. Near the end, after the eulogy, Miriam asked if anyone else wanted to say something about her late husband. A man comes up to her and says, “I woul...

Chuck Norris passed 6 kidney stones...

Thanos used them in his Infinity Gauntlet.

Yo mama's so fat

that buzz lightyear says, "To infinity and your mom!"

Thanos came to Earth in 2023

seeking the six Infinity Stones. As he sat on a rock, waiting for his underlings to bring the Stones to him, three strange men arrived in front of him, seemingly out of nowhere. One wore a red cape, another bore a red shield, the third was clad in a red suit. They fought, and it was a bloody battle,...

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A guy asked me: Who is this Chuck Norris guy?

Well, in short: He build the house he was born in by his aunt because no one dared to screw his mom. In his youth he molested catholic priests after that he joined the army where He was a well known Kamikaze pilot for about 7 times. He made fire with a magnifying glass under water at night and coun...

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The Avengers were on a mission to save the Egyptian god of the sun.

Thanos, with the help of the Reality Stone, turned the god into a baby and usurped his powers. As he was about to kill him, in the nick of time, the Avengers showed up.

Diving forward, Captain America managed to snatch away the baby while Thanos was busy with his monologue. Realizing this, T...

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3 men are walking through the desert when they stumble across a lamp. They dust it off and a Genie pops out, the genie says "I will grant each of you 3 wishes!"

The first man says "I wish for a million dollars!" "Alright" says the Genie and just like that a million dollars appears at the man's feet.

The second man says "I wish for unlimited money" "Alright" says the Genie "Check your bank account" The man checks on his phone and sure enough there's a...

What Disney character can count the highest?

Buzz Lightyear, to infinity and beyond.

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[OC, long] There's a new MLM scheme going around getting housewives to bake cookies, cake, and bread.

"Independent Businesses Owners" buy frozen pastries and mixes from the company, bake them in a timeshare commercial kitchen space, and try to sell them at their office, church, kids' activities, public events, and through social media. The typical.

One of my coworkers, Amanda, recently invite...

I've had kidney stones for my entire life and it seems that they'll always be there forever

They're infinity stones

The scale in the bathroom is nicknamed Buzz Lightyear.

When I step on it goes to infinity and beyond.

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Chuck Norris Facts!

-can lift up a chair with one hand... While he's sitting on it.

-can make scissors beat rock.

-when he's looks in a mirror, the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough
to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.

-can unscramble eggs.

-counted t...

You know what is good with 8 ?

It's straight up infinity.

Where does Thanos like to swim?

In the Infinity Pool.

If Thanos ever had to go to a hospital

He'd be sent to the Infinity Ward

Doing math, it's sometimes very easy to tell what you did wrong.

If you got infinity, it's even easier: You took a wrong turn. Instead of making a right turn, you took aleph one.

A man goes to find a Holy Knight of Trigonometry

His journey started after learning everything he could from his master, but he wanted to test his skills with one of the three knights. A long journey took him across plains, he had to climb dangerous mountains, sail across perilous seas, and even fly over a river of lava, flowing from a volcano tha...

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Aliens abduct a businessman, a scientist and a miner.

"So here's the thing, after achieving everything we could on our home planet we grew bored and now we travel galaxy and ask stupid questions. Here is yours -- what is the biggest number you can possibly think of? If answer amuses us, we grant you immortality, if not, we zap you with this death ray r...

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