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Infinity Jokes

I love the concept of infinity.

I could talk about it forever.

This joke may contain profanity. šŸ¤”

**INFINITY WAR SPOILERS**

Ok now that all the nerds are gone, there's a party going on at my place this Saturday. hmu if you're interested.

To the person who invented infinity

Thanks for everything

What's infinity minus one?

A sideways seven.

I was going to tell a joke about infinity

But I don't know how it ends.

What is infinity plus infinity

2 infinity and beyond

If Eminem had the infinity gaulent....

He could actually snap back into reality

Never discuss Infinity with a Mathematician.

They can go on about it forever.

5 yo: Can you count backwards from infinity?

Me: Of course I can but it will take forever.

Infinity is not a thing...

... it's just number 8 passed out drunk.

Whatā€™s Thanosā€™ favorite app on his Infinity Phone?

SNAPchat

Chuck Norris counted to infinity.

Twice.

What number is higher than infinity?

420

I want to talk about Infinity War spoilers but...

I want to wait for the dust to settle a bit.

I was researching infinity until it hit me...

that endeavor would take me forever

What Operating System does the Infinity Gauntlet use?

ThanOS

I watched the new Infinity War movie yesterday...

I was Loki dying in the beginning

So, in "Infinity War"...

Doctor Strange is in battle with Thanos. He sees all the future scenarios that are possible. He lets Thanos get the infinity gauntlet, allowing the deaths of half the universe. He never tells anyone what exactly he saw. The other Avengers saw this as being an incredibly cruel decision to make.
...

Why is the villain of Avengers: Infinity War so good at tracking Infinity Stones?

Because he's good at smelling... he's The Nose.

Why was the infinity gauntlet underweight?

It was only 6 stones.

Infinity scarves are just....

The foreskins of the fashion world.

What's the difference between infinity and forever?

According to my ex-wife, forever is only two and a half months.

Did Sia get snapped in Infinity War?

Cause I donā€™t Sia anywhere.

Did you hear about Avengers: Infinity Wars?

It's said to be Marvel-ous!

Why is the symbol for infinity an 8 lying down?

Because after someone ate, lying down is infinitely better.

This joke may contain profanity. šŸ¤”

[Mild Infinity War Spoiler] Did you guys see Peter Dinklage in the new Avengers film?

It was his biggest role to date.

Wanda lost sight of her life after the events of Infinity War

Thankfully, she fully recovered her vision.

Why was everyone crying after watching Infinity Wars?

Because sand got into their eyes

Warning, Infinity War spoiler:

Stan Lee is the bus driver.

This joke may contain profanity. šŸ¤”

Infinity loop

a woman walks into her hypnotherapists office and says " Doctor, I have been loyal to my husband for 12 years but, last night I broke that loyalty and had an affair. I just want you to make me forget it happened". The Doctor said " Not again"

The avengers ā€œinfinity warā€ movie was almost 3 hours...

But I felt like it ended in a snap!

In Avengers: Infinity War, Thanos absolutely went crazy.

He snapped.

I guess what happened to Gamora in Infinity War

was definitely not a cliffhanger

Why didn't Thor go for the head in infinity war

Because he Loki didn't want to win

I'm thinking of a number between 1 to Infinity. What number am I thinking of?

Yours

What's the only thing more terrifying than Thanos wearing the Infinity Gauntlet?

Thanos wearing the Infinity Gauntlet while playing a Jet in a production of West Side Story

The end of Infinity War was a real shock for people, I know.

I was more surprised by the end of *Detective Pikachu* when everyone turned into Ash.

Thanos wasn't completely responsible for all the deaths caused by the Infinity Gauntlet...

But he had a hand in it.

Have you heard Tom Holland's reaction to the end of Infinity War? ***Spoilers***

***Spoilers***
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He was blown away by it!

*Infinity War Spoilers* What do Matt Murdock and Scarlet Witch have in common?

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They both lost their Vision

Which super hero is the best at basketball? (Infinity War Spoilers)

Spider-Man, he has the best fade-away.

Chuck Norris's password is the last 9 digits of pi.

Chuck Norris can divide by 0.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity twice

Chuck Norris can cross a vector with a scalar

Chuck Norris is so tough he can draw a circle with exactly 100 degrees.

Chuck Norris is so badass he can find value of a variable in an expansion without fac...

After Infinity War, you know what Earth's group of heroes should be called?

The Half-Vengers.

(Infinity War Speculation) When Thanos gains the mind stone, he will turn into Palpatine.

Because The Avengers will pay for their lack of Vision.

What happens when a god dies and no one knows? [Infinity War Spoliers]

They're loki dead

Just saw the new infinity wars trailer today and to me, it was pretty obvious who's dying.

Well, so long, DC.

I'm going to cash in on the success of Avengers: Infinity War by opening a comics themed sandwich shop.

It'll be called *Soup or Hero*

Thanosā€™s snap in infinity war wouldā€™ve had a greater impact if marvel made it seem that half of the audience wasnā€™t there,

But apparently only DC movies can do that.

Why would the Avengers have been better able to see a solution to the infinity war if Thanos had arrived just a couple of years later?

They'd have had 2020 Vision


(I'm so sorry)

Thanos came to Earth in 2023

seeking the six Infinity Stones. As he sat on a rock, waiting for his underlings to bring the Stones to him, three strange men arrived in front of him, seemingly out of nowhere. One wore a red cape, another bore a red shield, the third was clad in a red suit. They fought, and it was a bloody battle,...

What are the most powerful biscuits in the universe?

The Infinity Scones...



My 11 year old just came up with that one on his own...

Can we come up with a brand new, never ending joke.

So letā€™s say one person initiates the joke by coming up with a line, the next person either continues the set up or has a punchline but the punchline must also be able to set up the next persons line, etc etc etc, can it be done? Will it be consistently funny? I think Iā€™ve made sense but Iā€™m not gre...

Yo mama's so fat

that buzz lightyear says, "To infinity and your mom!"

What Disney character can count the highest?

Buzz Lightyear, to infinity and beyond.

Which app does Thanos use to communicate with half of the universe? (Infinity War Spoilers)

Snapchat

Even though they did not show any spoilers in the Infinity War trailer we all know who dies...

... DCEU.

My daughter

came home from school and told me she had learned about the number infinity today,

she asked how long would it really take to count to infinity daddy?

me; well a really, really long time.

Her; It would take a lot less time if you just counted by ten.

The news says when it comes to fighting covid, we are in the endgame now, but that is incorrect....

Turns out it's actually an infinity war

Chuck Norris passed 6 kidney stones.

Thanos used them in the Infinity Gauntlet.

A man is at the funeral of an old friend.

He tentatively approaches the deceased's wife and asks whether he can say a word. The widow nods. The man clears his throat and says, "Plethora."



The widow smiles appreciatively. "Thank you," she says. "That means a lot."



Another man comes up and says: "Mind if I say a ...

Here I made some bubble wrap

>!Iron!< >!Man !< >!dies!< >!in!< >!Infinity!< >!War!<

>!Jesus!< >!dies!< >!in!< >!the!< >!Bible!<

>!2021!< >!will!< >!be!< >!even!< >!worse!<

>!What did you expect they were marke...

I've had kidney stones for my entire life and it seems that they'll always be there forever

They're infinity stones

You know what is good with 8 ?

It's straight up infinity.

Where does Thanos like to swim?

In the Infinity Pool.

If Thanos ever had to go to a hospital

He'd be sent to the Infinity Ward

Doing math, it's sometimes very easy to tell what you did wrong.

If you got infinity, it's even easier: You took a wrong turn. Instead of making a right turn, you took aleph one.

The scale in the bathroom is nicknamed Buzz Lightyear.

When I step on it goes to infinity and beyond.

How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Somewhere between 0 and infinity.

This joke may contain profanity. šŸ¤”

A man dies an goes to Hell. The devil shows him around and tells him he has to pick his forever torture

They check out the different options. The devil explains to him that he only gets to view three choices and once he chooses, he can't change his mind.

The devil shows him the first room in which there is a group of people pushing a very large crank and being whipped at the same time with no b...

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