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Independence Jokes

The U.K. government have predicted that Scotland could become a “third world country” if they gain independence.

I don’t know if things will improve to that extent but fingers crossed for them.

I re-watched Will Smith in "Independence Day" last night.

Still slaps.

New Scottish First Minister just promised to renew negotiations for independence

No matter what happens, I'm sure the English will walk out scot-free

My daughter was born this morning, July 4th.

It’s the day I lost my independence.



(This is also true, she was born around 2:30 this morning and baby and mama are doing well).

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My therapist said my hyper-independence was unhealthy.

I then realised I didn't need a therapist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A British spy goes undercover in America and tries to infiltrate the political ranks.

To get into politics, he has to pass an oral exam.


Examiner: When did the USA gain independence?
Spy: July 4, 1776


\- Good. How many continents are there?
\- Easy peasy, seven.
\- Damn, you're good. Which continent is Turkey in?
\- Technically, Turkey...

Why aren't there any Independence Day knock knock jokes?

Why aren't there any Independence Day knock knock jokes?

Cuz freedom \*rings\*

What’s the largest export of Great Britain?

Independence days

2 Boys Arrested at Independence Day Parade

One boy was eating fireworks and the other was drinking battery acid.

They charged one and let the other one off.

Taxi driver: "What I like most about my job is the independence. I'm my own boss. Noone tells me what to do, I make my own decisions."

Me: "Take the next left."

Where was the declaration of independence signed?

On the bottom of the page.

I heard Scotland wants another independence referendum.

I guess we’ll get away with leaving the EU scot-free after all.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In honor of America's upcoming Independence Day, do you know why America spells "behavior", "color", and "humor" the way they do?

Because **fuck u**, that's why!

This 4th of July, the British should celebrate Independence Day too.

Now they feel like they dodged a bullet.

Today I'm going to celebrate Independence Day......

Or as my two children like to call it,

"The day mummy joined the angels."

Catalonia declared independence. What now?

Everybody expects the Spanish imposition.

What do they call Independence Day in France?

A Royale-free with cheese!


(Happy [Bastille Day](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bastille_Day)!)

It’s a little-known fact that, after signing the Declaration of Independence, the Founding Fathers collectively dropped their pants, pointing their posteriors toward England

Thus the motto “E pluribus moon ‘em”

A Russian spy infiltrated in America is arrested

A Russian spy under the alias of “Joe Smith” is arrested by American officials. He is put in an interrogation room and confronted by an official, Agent Perry.

Smith: “I don’t understand, why am I being interrogated?”

Perry: “Drop the act, Smith, if that even is your real name. We know ...

This 4th of July please remember it's not "firecracker"

This Independence Day, please remember it's not "firecracker," that term is very offensive to some people. It's "fire-caucasian." Thank you.

On the subject of American independence, did you know that the Revolution was initially viewed as a breach of contract?

They heard that the Americans violated the teas and seas.

I want to take the opportunity to thank France for supporting American independence

If it wasn't for the French, America would be speaking English right now

I should have known my relationship was doomed when my girlfriend made me watch the Vietnamese Independence Day parade.

There were so many red flags.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once a Bright and Intelligent young man went for interview.There he was asked...

Q 1. When did your country got Independence?

He answered - The efforts started long back; but could succeed in 1928.

Q 2. Who were the persons, who played important role in this fight for Independence?

Answer - There are many people, who were involved and contributed in this. If...

In the year 2045 Elon is tired of importing ice-cream from Earth to the Martian colonies.

The next day he puts a group of dairy cows on a rocket to Mars.

But inter-planetary customs officers make him hold the rocket in orbit while they inspect the cows. Earth leaders don't want to lose the tax revenue from exporting ice-cream and are looking for a reason to reposes his cattle. ...

Irishman steps up on Mastermind, the quiz show. His chosen topic: the Irish Rebellion, 1916.

- **Quizmaster**: 'Your first question: who read the *Proclamation of Independence* from the steps of the GPO?'

- **Contestant**: 'Pass'

- **Quizmaster**: 'OK. Second question: name the Irish rebel leader born in Scotland.'

- **Contestant**: 'Pass'

- **Quizmaster**: 'Ques...

After what happened at the U.S. Captiol

I am no longer impressed that Nicholas Cage managed to steal the Declaration of Independence.

Miss Annie was teaching Sunday school to a group of first graders.

She explained that Easter would come soon, and asked if anyone knew which holiday Easter was.

Little Suzie asked, “Is that the holiday where we get a tree, and everyone gets presents?”

Miss Annie said, “No that is Christmas.”

Little Billy asked, “Is that the holiday where we hav...

Where is the freedom of a slave whose hobby is making necklaces?

Independence.

Two Scottish men die in a car crash and go to hell

Two Scottish men die in a car crash and go to hell they both sit in their room laughing and joking about how nice hell is then the devil walks past their room and heres this furious he asks them why they are so content one of the men says hell is so warm we never get temperature like this in Glasgo...

Pluses in the Soviet Union

Two Ukrainians are drinking together. Between shots of vodka, they are discussing many issues. One of the men was but a very young child when the Soviet Union dissolved and Ukraine and the other former member states gained their independence. Having very little recollection of what life was like bac...

What does a woman want?

Equality
Safety
Education
Independence
Nutrition
Love

What does a man want?
Woman

Happy Woman’s Day!!

What's the Difference Between February 14th and July 4th?

There isn't any, at least to me, because they're both Independence Day.

Little Johnny’s teacher gives an oral history quiz

She asked little Johnny, “who signed the Declaration of Independence?" Little Johnny said, "Damned if I know." She was a little put out by his swearing, so she told him to go home and to bring his father with him when he came back.

Next day, the father came with his son, sat in the back of th...

China: Hey Hong Kong, wanna hear a joke?

HK: Sure thing

China: Independence

HK: I don’t get it

China: And you never will.

My wife must be feeling patriotic today...

... because she just declared her independence.

4th July

If the 4th of July is independence Day, why isn't 17th February Shawshank redemption day? It was a much better film.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In an 3rd grade American class room...

The teacher is discussing U.S. presidents.

"Who gave the Gettysburg Address?" she asked the class.

Immediately a hand shot up belonging to a female Japanese foreign exchange student.

"Yes?" the teacher asked.

"Abraham Lincoln! 1863!" replied the girl proudly.

"That...

Totos is wondering why he failed the test since he answered all questions correct:

1. In which battle did Leonidas die?

\- His last one.



2. Where did the Declaration of Independence was signed?

\- At the bottom of the page.



3. If you throw a stone in the lake, what will happen?

\- It will get wet.



4. How can some...

69 years ago

69 years ago both India and Pakistan got independence on this day.

Indians have become heads of Google, Microsoft, Pepsico, Jaguar, Land Rover and

Pakistanis have become heads of Taliban, Al-Qaeda, Jammat U Dawa, Hijbul Mujahideen

Also India entered Mars but Pakistan still try...

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