UPJOKE
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On the night of his inauguration, Donald Trump is visited by 3 ghosts

Early in the night, FDR appears. Trump asks him "how can I make America great again?"
FDR replies "think only of the people; do not make laws based on hatred, bigotry, or with the thought of lining your own pockets"
Trump's face sours "FAKE NEWS!" he screams and FDR disappears. Trump falls bac...

The year is 2020 and the United States has just elected the first woman, from Alabama , as president.

The year is 2020 and the United States has just elected the first woman, from Alabama , as president.

A few days after the election the president-elect calls her father and says,

'So, Daddy, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?'

'I don't think so. It's a 16 hour driv...

Trump and Obama meets during inauguration.

Trump asks: Barack, your approval ratings are pretty high. I love ratings bigly. Can you give me some tips?

Obama: The key is having a strong administration. I make sure that my administration not only works hard but is also composed of smart people.

Trump: What do you mean?

Oba...

As part of his inauguration, Biden must prove his physical fitness by running a lap of the White House.

On the starting line, the marshal tells him about all the other presidents to have completed the race before him.

“Obama was truly spectacular! He did his lap in only 15 minutes and 23 seconds! Trump was terrible and it took him well over 20 minutes to complete.”

Scoffing, Biden said “...

The first Jewish President of the United States is elected

The night before the inauguration he calls his mother.

"Mom, I'd love for you to come visit for the inauguration and stay with me for a few days."

"Oh I don't know, airfare is so expensive these days."

"Mom, I'll fly you out on Air Force One!"

"Oh, but you know, cab fare ...

Trump actually attended Biden's inauguration

He was the crying baby you heard right before Biden took his oath

Donald Trump had a great inauguration speech

It sounds like he Putin a lot of practice

On the eve of Joe Biden's inauguration, prominent members of the previous Democrat administrations have a Zoom call to toast the end of the Trump presidency.

Among other topics, conversation turns to Amazon and Google's targeted marketing and the methods they employ. To lighten the mood, Bill Clinton suggests that he and his former vice-president have an impromptu jam session for everyone on saxophone and bongos respectively, something they secretly did ...

Some people would call misappropriations of inauguration funds a felony...

but it’s actually pronounced Felania!

Before his inauguration, George W. Bush was invited to take a tour of the White House.

After drinking several glasses of water, he asked President Clinton if he could use the bathroom in the Oval Office. He was astonished to see that the president had a solid gold urinal installed. That night, George W. told his wife, Laura, about the urinal.



“Just think,” he said, “whe...

A Russian spy infiltrated in America is arrested

A Russian spy under the alias of “Joe Smith” is arrested by American officials. He is put in an interrogation room and confronted by an official, Agent Perry.

Smith: “I don’t understand, why am I being interrogated?”

Perry: “Drop the act, Smith, if that even is your real name. We know ...

It's official Trump's inauguration date is now a National Holiday.

At least I assume so because the government shutdown for it.

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I will be in a bathroom stall later today to watch Trump's inauguration...

...it will forever be remembered as the day shit went down.

It wasn't raining during Trump's inauguration

It was just alternative sunshine

Why does Donald Trump want classical music at his inauguration?

He wants to grab them by Debussy.

I was really moved by Trump's Inauguration,

I walked right out in the middle of his speech..

Trump's inauguration had a low turnout

Still more than Hillary's inauguration

Did you notice the difference between Trump's inauguration and Obama's?

Trump's crowd paled in comparison.

News: Trump inauguration met with record high temperatures.

451 degrees Fahrenheit.

Well if there's one thing we can all agree on regarding tomorrow's inauguration ...

Orange is the new Black

They are serving "Trump Soup" at the inauguration banquet

Stewed Orange and Chickpea

Why was everyone shivering at the inauguration?

Because it's a cold day in hell....

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Trump's Inauguration Speech Was Uploaded onto Pornhub

"Rich White Man Fucks Entire Country"

Police are pepper spraying protesters at the Inauguration today.

I don't know if that is to hurt them, or just give them all Orange Face?

The CDC warns tomorrow could be one of the worst days ever for Covid.

Because after the inauguration people everywhere will simultaneously exhale.

I just came up with Trump's inauguration drink

I call it, "Make America Smashed Again"
It's a White Russian with pumpkin spice.

What did the secretary say to Bill Clinton after his inauguration speech?

Wow, that was quite a mouthful.

Inauguration Day crowds

One more thing that Trump has that's smaller than a black guy's.

As soon as the inauguration is over, I'm getting a position on Trump's ethics committee.

I'm not political, I just need some quite time alone.

Sean Spicer said the inauguration had the "largest audience ever."

Then he took it back because your mother left.

It just occurred to me Trump's inauguration was cloudy.

I guess the sun was another big star that refused to show.

Guys, I know we're 3 days from Inauguration Day...

But here's how Bernie Sanders can still win!

A rave is being thrown at the White House tonight inauguration of the new President

ft. DJ Trump

CDC advises no gatherings of 50 of more people...

So dont worry, Trump inaugurations are still a safe place.

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An old black meets St. Peter at the gates of heaven

St. Peter is there, and tells him

"Welcome, in order to get into the kingdom of heaven you must have done something worthwhile with your life, what have you done my son?"

"well", he said in a raspy voice, "I made love to a white woman"

"...okaay" St. Peter responded, "that's......

I really hope Donald Trump wins this election

Best way to prevent COVID-19 spreading at the inauguration

My friend Larry

A friend of mine named Larry once told me, around the time of Bill Clinton's 2nd inauguration, "You know, President Clinton and I are buddies."
I said, "Sure you are."
He said, "No, really! Just turn on your TV tonight to the Inaugural Ball. You'll see me."
Sure enough, I turned on the TV t...

Are you disappointed you didn't have a white Christmas?

Don't worry. I heard Inauguration Day will be plenty white.

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Donald Trump is Being Sworn in as President...

The day is January 20, 2017. The greatly anticipated and feared time has come for Donald Trump's inauguration, and two men are watching it on the television from Australia, because they were slightly drunk and couldn't be bothered to get up and change the channel.

The moment came, and Trump s...

A Jewish man is elected president...

Soon after, he calls up his mother to tell her the good news. "Mom, did you hear, I've been elected president!" "Oh, T
That's so great to hear, darling. I'm so proud of you!"

"So," asks the man, "you'll be coming out for the inauguration, right?" "I'm not sure," says his mother, "D.C. is ...

The date is 20 January 2017.

The date is 20 January 2017. Donald Trump has just been sworn in as President. He walks to the mic for his inauguration speech. He looks at Obama and says "You're Fired"

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There was once a young couple...

Once there was a young couple who were very much in love.The girl became pregnant and gave birth to their first child. It was a difficult pregnancy and there were complications and surgery was required. When it was finished and the young woman came out of the recovery room, the surgeon met with the ...

Barack Obama

1,000,000 people showed up to his inauguration, only 14 missed work.

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general knowledge quiz

Teacher: "Good morning children, each Thursday we're going to have a general knowledge quiz.

The pupil who gets the answer right can have Friday and Monday off and not come back to school until Tuesday."

Wee Jock (a typical Scottish wag) thinks, "Ya dancer. Ah'm pure dead brilliant at ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the fourth derivative called?

Inauguration.

Why?

Change of jerk.

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