Prime Minister Jokes - 98 Hilarious Prime Minister Jokes

Russian prime minister Medvedev comes to Putin and nervously tells him to abolish time zones.

" I fly to another city, call home and everyone is asleep. I woke you up at 4AM but I thought it was only evening. - I call Angela Merkel to congratulate her on her birthday and she tells me she had it yesterday. - I wish the Chinese President a happy New Year, and he says it will be tomorrow."
<...

Austria’s Prime minister...

... and his minister of health were sitting in a restaurant and laughing out loud. A guest comes by and asks: “Why are you laughing that hard?”
The PM replies: “We are planning the next lockdown!”
Guest: “And that’s so funny?”
PM: “Yes…”
Guest: “What are you planning to do?”
PM: “We w...

I heard a rumour about the Canadian Prime Minister

Not sure if it’s Trudeau.

Update 1: There are some rumours that are Justin.

The American President has challenged the British Prime Minister to a debate.

Nobody knows what may happen.

Trump may trump May or May may trump Trump.

CEO of IKEA is now the Prime Minister of Sweden

He is currently assembling his cabinet.

I just heard that the Swedish prime minister quit after just a few hours

And I thought I was the only one who couldn't put together a Swedish cabinet.

When my wife told me that the Prime Minister of Canada got re-elected, I thought she was lying.

It’s Trudeau.

The British Prime Minister resigned today.

I guess the people lost their Truss.

King Charles has a realistic chance of breaking one of Queen Elizabeths most famous records:

The record number of 15 prime ministers during her reign.

When I heard this morning that the Prime Minister of Canada is separating from his wife, I couldn’t believe it.

Turns out…it was Trudeau.

Putin decreed that all time zones in Russia be unified.

After this had occurred, the Prime Minister approached him.

*"Dearest Putin, I had a problem. I called my relatives in the east to wish them good night, and they told me they were on the beach enjoying the sun."*

*"And then I called my family in Kaliningrad to wish them a happy holiday...

You might not agree with or even believe the claims of the Canadian prime minister

It's Trudau.

How many prime ministers does it take to rejoin the EU?

apparently more than 3.

The year is 2192. The British Prime Minister visits Brussels to ask for an extension of the Brexit deadline.

No one remembers where this tradition originated, but every year it attracts many tourists from all over the world.

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A little boy goes to his dad and asks:

'Dad, what's Politics?'

Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

I am the head of the family, so call me The Prime Minister.

Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.

We are here to take care of your needs, so we will...

I heard the Prime Minister of Canada's middle name is Kaesits.

I can't verify this, but I'm still sharing it Justin Kaesits Trudeau.

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The 1st day at school: the new student named Jose Armando, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the 5th grade. The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history.Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?'"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Jose, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775."
"Very good!" apprised the teacher. "Now, who said, "Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth?"
Again, no response except from Jose :"Abraham Lincoln, 1863....

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I once received oral sex from a former Serbian Prime Minister.

He slobbered on my losevic.

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Prime Minister's Wife Makes a Faux Pas

When Charles deGaulle decided to retire from public life, the British ambassador and his wife threw a gala dinner party in his honor. At the dinner table, the Ambassador's wife was talking with Madame deGaulle: "Your husband has been such a prominent public figure, such a presence on the French and ...

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Once a king asked his prime minister to seek for men that don't fear their wife.

The minister immediately announced in the kingdom that any man who don't fear his wife come to the booth in the town square and take a black or a white horse and those who fear their wife can take a cake for their missus.

Hoards of men came but no one mustered courage enough to take the hors...

A tribal artisan approache Mr. Narendra Modi, Prime minister of India with a proposal

Artisan : Mr. PM, Can I make a statue of yours in my tribal style?

PM: Ok, Please go ahead.

Artisan: Will I get any remuneration?

PM: I will give you 100,000 Indian Rupees for it.

Artisan was so happy, he worked hard and made a very beautiful statue of PM.

PM was v...

[Long] An old joke but a good one:

Four people are on a plane: the pope, the president of the United States, the prime minister of the UK and a schoolboy. The plane is about to crash and the pilot informs them that there is only three parachutes available.

The prime minister says:

“I need a parachute, I’ve got to keep r...

Australia's smartest man

An airplane was about to crash..

There were five passengers on board, but only four parachutes.

The first passenger said, “I am President Obama, the chosen one. The world needs me, I can’t afford to die.”

So he took the first parachute and left the plane.

The second pas...

what do the UK Prime Minister and the former US president have in common?

One is Boris Johnson, the other is a boorish "johnson"

What did the Prime Minister see when they looked in the mirror?

A Member of Parliament

Buckingham Palace say the Queen will interrupt her annual stay in Balmoral in Scotland to hold an audience with the incoming new prime minister.

Creaking a bit, with limited mobility, but still doggedly in charge, the Tory party gets its new leader on September 5th.

I'm gonna assassinate the prime Minister and I need help from you guys

Shoot me a pm if interested

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Prime Ministers Day

I was eating breakfast with my teenage daughter and I asked her,

"What special day is it in Canada tomorrow?" .

Without skipping a beat she said, "It's Prime Minister's Day!" .

She's smart, so I asked her "What does Prime Minister's Day mean?" .

I was waiting for somethin...

Simeon Saxe-Coburg-Gotha's cabinet became sick during his time as Prime Minister in 2003

It was the SARS cabinet.

UK PRIME MINISTER:What do we want?

UK GOVERNMENT: BREXIT
UK PRIME MINISTER: When do we want it?
UK GOVERNMENT: NEVER!!!

The Canadian prime minister might not be perfect

He's just n true tho.

The Prime Minister's speech writer has resigned.

He's speechless.

Can you call the British PM a fool?

During WW II, a man was arrested in London for calling Winston Churchill a fool.

The next day in the House of Commons, the opposition members were ready to roast the government for this. "Are we living in a police state", they shouted, "where we cannot call the PM a fool"?

Churchill's ...

There has been a lot of fake news going on about the Camadian prime minister lately

Some of it is Trudeau

Benjamin Netanyahu, the prime minister of Israel, Narendra Modi, the prime minister of India, and Donald Trump from America, are driving together to a conference...

...when their car breaks down and they are forced to spend the night at a small motel.

”I’m sorry,” says the clerk, ”but we have only one room left and it’s a double. But one of you can
sleep in the barn. We will make it comfortable.”

”No problem,” says Narendra Modi, ”I will sleep ...

Headline news say British Prime Minister Theresa May Resign...

She is so indecisive that she can’t even make up her mind about resignation.

The Australian Prime Minister walks into a bar.

He wanders over to the bartender and... wait, he's not the Prime Minister anymore. The joke doesn't work now. Sorry guys.

Prime Minister Mori was given some basic English training before he visited Washington to meet president Barack Obama

The instructor told Prime Minister Mori, '"When you shake hands with President Obama, please ask 'How are you?'. Then Mr. Obama will say, 'I am fine and you?'. Now, you should say 'me too'. Afterwards, we translators, will do the work for you."

It looked quite simple but when Mori met Obama,...

Helen Clarke, Prime Minister of New Zealand , is rudely awoken at 4am by the telephone

"Hillen, its the Hilth Munister here. Sorry to bother you at this hour but there is an emergency! I've just received word thet the Durex fectory en Auckland has burned to the ground. It is istimated thet the entire New Zulland supply of condoms will be gone by the ind of the week."

PM: "Shut ...

The Pope is visiting Canada.

After completing his visit, the Canadian government gives him a chauffeur-driven car to see the natural beauty of Canada. After 20 kilometers through Canada, he says to the driver:

"Oh, let me get behind the wheel. I'm from the narrow Papal States, and I always have to sit in the back of the...

The prime Minister of Israel invited the Pope to a game of golf,

And since the Pope had no idea how to play, he convened the College of Cardinals to ask their advice. "Call Jack Nicklaus," they suggested, "and let him play in your place. Tell the Prime Minister that you're sick or something."

Honored by His Holiness's request, Nicklaus agreed to represent ...

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Menachem Begin (the sixth Prime Minister of Israel) walks into a bar,

and to his amazement just down the end, talking to the bar-tender is no one but Adolf Hitler himself. Well Begin thought to himself, this is my chance to find out what makes this guy tick.

So he goes up to him and says, “Hitler, what the hell you doing here?”

Hitler looks over at Mena...

People say Canada's Prime Minister is a joke

I can't disagree, so to that I say, "that's true doe."

What does the prime minister of Germany wear?

Leaderhosen

Great Britains new Prime Minister

Did you see that Boris Johnson might be the next Prime Minister of Great Britain? I remember when the U.S. had a BJ in the top office!

Noel Edmunds would be a better prime minister

He’s had years of experience playing deal or no deal

Some people say the Canadian prime minister does not like dressing up like a black person.

But it's Trudeau.

[OC] How many UK Prime Ministers does it take to change a light bulb?

Who knows, they're never in office long enough to be able to do so.

What do you call a Prime Minister who spies on all your activities?

Justin Truding.

hehe.

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The Prime Minister visits a school

The Prime Minister was visiting a Glasgow primary school and the class was in the middle of a discussion about words and their meanings.

The teacher asked The Prime Minister if he would like to lead the discussion on the word 'Tragedy'.
So the the prime minister asked the class if they cou...

Why did the prime minister think that Australia was save from the virus?

They got new fire walls last year.

The queen asked the visiting Indian Prime Minister, "I hear Indian politicians are notoriously corupt and wealthy"

"Quite so," he said, "but none so brazen as to wear their loot on their head".

The Prime Minister was not happy about being woken up

What did the Prime Minister say when he was awoken early to news of an urgent matter that required his immediate attention?

“Ugh. I’m the PM, not the AM.”

Did you hear about the Canadian Prime Ministers defenestration fetish?

He'll throw you Trudeau's windows.

I could never be Prime Minister. Imagine the thousands of people below you, looking to you for inspiration.

It's like being a great grandfather in a Muslim family

My friend thinks the Canadian prime minister does not know quantum physics.

I know it's trudeau.

I read today that the Prime Minister of Australia receives in the mail, on average, two parcels each week that contain human excrement.

I wonder who's sending the other one?

Did you hear that Donald Trump claimed the Canadian Prime Minister uttered a falsehood?

It was Trudeau

After Australian Prime Minister Harold Holt went swimming at the beach one day and never returned...

...we named a public swimming pool after him.

(true story)

I still can't believe how they can say that the Canadian Prime Minister is good looking

I mean it's Trudeau.

I'm not gonna argue.

A valuable lesson

I recently asked my neighbors’ little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be Prime Minister some day. Both of her parents, liberals, were standing there, so I asked her, ‘If you were Prime Minister what would be the first thing you would do?’

She replied, ‘I’d...

What do you call the indian prime minister's method of operation?

Modi's operandi.

Did you know that Canada has a Prime Minister, not a President? You might think I’m making this up, but...

It’s Trudeau.

What do the World Wide Web and the Prime Minister of Israel have in common?

They are both Net and Yahoo.

Why is it easier to pick a prime minister than any other leader?

Because there's only 2 factors involved.

As a Canadian, I just couldn’t understand all this business about fake news down in the USA, so I decided to call the Prime Minister’s office...

“I need to speak to the Prime Minister about our news. Is it fake?”

“No, it’s Trudeau”

“OK, so it’s true that it’s fake?”

“No, it’s Trudeau”

“Wait, what?...”

I hung up even more confused than before.

What did Tony Abbott (Prime minister of Australia) do with the half-eaten banana?

He re-peeled it.

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It just struck me that in British slang the US President's surname means "Fart" and in US slang the British prime minister's surname means "Penis"

I can't wait to tell the wife. She'll laugh her Merkel off.

In 1946, Winston Churchill travelled to Fulton, Missouri.

He was there to deliver a speech and to present at the dedication of a bust in his honour.

After his speech, an attractive and ample woman approached the wartime Prime Minister of England and said, "Mr. Churchill, I have travelled over a hundred miles for the unveiling of your bust."

C...

What do you get if you cross an Aussie PM with a casual swim in the ocean?

A public swimming pool and a new Prime Minister.

If your workplace requires password changes every 90 days

just set it to the name of the current Australian Prime minister and you should be fine.

Mr Trump was invited to visit a poor African country.

A soccer match was arranged between two local teams in honour of Trump's visit. During the match, the Prime Minister of the country explained about the poverty his country was facing. Trump listened intently and said

"Mr PM, I've seen enough and I fully understand the extent of the poverty yo...

My friends were arguing about who is prime minister of Canada. My first friend said he has a french name. My other friend said that he is wrong.

So I turned to him and said: 'He's trudeau.'

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Vladimir Putin is hosting a summit with Donald Trump, Kim Jong-Un, and Justin Trudeau.

As a part of the summit, Putin takes the three leaders to a wilderness area outside of Moscow and dismisses the press corps, and a large wolf in a cage is brought out.

"Friends, this savage wolf was trapped and brought from the wilds of Siberia just yesterday. I want to show you what ki...

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A Frenchman, an Englishman and an Australian were hiking through some remote mountains.

The weather was oppressively hot when they saw this beautiful lake. They ran down to the lake, stripped off and swam in the wonderfully cool water.

Natives appeared on the shore and captured them and took them before the Chief.

"Lake is our most sacred site. You have violated sacred si...

The President of the United States and the Prime minister of China are comparing their bodyguards.

The president orders his secret service agent to jump off a 40 foot platform. The agent heisitates and does so.
The prime minister immediately orders his bodyguard to do the same. The guard jumps without batting an eye.
The president, feeling a little defeated, orders his bodyguard to jump off...

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Me: My wife isn’t talking to me after she walked in on me while masturbating.

Friend: Were you watching porn?

Me: No! I was just looking at pictures of Sanna Marin, the Swedish Prime Minister.

Friend: Finnish.

Me: Yes! And thats when she REALLY lost it.

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The leader of China is growing restless so he tries to find a country that wants to fight his army,

The leader of China calls Biden and says: "Hey man, we haven't had a good fight in a while, how about we see who has the best army?" To which Biden said: "Look pal, you know me, we never say no to a big showdown but we have so much on our plate right now. The election, the Covid crysis, Superbowl......

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Some topical jokes for the Brits:

Government cuts bite deep as former prime ministers slashed by 25%.

What's the difference between Margaret Thatcher and Jimmy Savile? Nothing: they're both dead and fucked miners.

Margaret Thatcher has died peacefully following a stroke at the age of 87. I for one am truly devastated a...

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An Australian joke (but it may translate..)

ScoMo (the Australian Prime Minister, right wing, evangelical, ex marketing specialist) is visiting a remote indigenous village, surrounded by the fawning Murdoch press. He speaks to the village elder and asks him how he can make the locals lives better.

"Well," says the elder, "We've got two...

After Israel threatened to take the Security Council vote as an act of war, the New Zealand Ambassador called Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu....

...Picking up the phone, he spoke "Hebrew."

TIL the current Prime Minister of of Canada has a tattoo, and is in a cover band called the Van Cats, but...

...only the first part was Trudeau.

In April 2021, India was struggling with the coronavirus.

Prime Minister Modi was really concerned, and so he decided that it would be a great idea if he appointed a "Minister of Virus Control." He was considering many of the country's top doctors to fill the position, and eventually, he said that he would tell the public who he appointed on April 25th....

My friend let's everyone use his Amazon account for free shipping

We call him the Prime Minister

In a speech two days ago, Prime Minister Theresa May has announced that she plans to delay Brexit, in the hopes that the UK leaves with her deal on 22 May

May wants to leave at the end of May.

When Canada was first unified, they realized they needed a name for this new country, so they decided to draw letters oot of a basket to name it.

The first prime minister went up on stage and started pulling letters and announcing them to the crowd. "C, eh?"..."N, eh?"..."D, eh?"

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An Englishman, an Irishman, a Welshman, and a Scotsman are all in a car, headed to Parliament.

When they arrive, they drive through the front gates and park up outside.

The Englishman says, "*I'm going to speak to the Prime Minister, to see what we can do about getting some national pride back.*"

The Scotsman says, "*Ah'm goin' tae speak wi' the Prime Minister, an' ask if they c...

Jeff Bezos is no longer the President of Amazon.

But he's still the Prime Minister.

A man walks up to Parliament Hall...

Man: I need to speak to Prime Minister Harper immediately!

Guard: I'm sorry sir, Steven Harper is no longer the Prime Minister of Canada.

##The man leaves. The next day, the man comes back again.

Man: Please, I need to speak to Prime Minister Harper!

Guard: Like I told yo...

The year 2192

The year is 2192. The British Prime Minister visits Brussels to ask for an extension of the Brexit deadline. He leaves a ceremonial letter. For reasons lost in time, this letter is always unsigned. Ceremonial garb includes a suit that looks like it was made for a someone of an entirely different si...

I heard the British government is really worried about the Corona Virus,

The Prime Minister can hardly breathe.

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Medicine Wonders

An Israeli doctor says:
"In Israel, medicine is
so advanced that we cut off a man's testicles,
put them on another man, and in 6 weeks, he
is looking for work."
The German doctor says: "That's nothing, in
Germany we take part of a brain, put it in
another man, and in 4 weeks he ...

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A group of aging Rockstars are hanging out and comparing who has received the most impressive gift…

They are in Roger Daltrey’s house and he is showing off an exquisite pinball machine.
“This Custom Tommy Pinball Machine was given to me by the Prime Minister of Sweden. He loved Tommy so much he had it specially made. The balls and all the metal fixtures are made of real Sterling Silver!”
<...

If Britain lost the second World War...

Would the Prime Minister be known as Loseton Churchill?

While visiting India , Donald Trump is invited to tea with Abdul Kalam.

While visiting India , Donald Trump is invited
to tea with Abdul Kalam. He asks Kalam what his leadership philosophy is. He says that, it is to surround himself with intelligent people.
Trump asks how he knows if they're intelligent.
"I do so by asking them the right questions," says ...

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America has Trump, a euphemism in the UK for fart.

The UK has Johnson, a euphemism in America for penis.

Together we have President Fart and Prime Minister Penis.

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epic meeting of world's top leaders

During a World Economic Summit, George W Bush, Mexican President Vincente Fox, Russian President Vladimir Putin, and French Prime minister Jacques Chirac are ceremonially riding in Japan's newest bullet train. As you might know all of these political leaders have big egos and this is what ensued. Ge...

Queen Elizabeth and Indira Gandhi

My dad told me this joke when I was young, and I think it's HILARIOUS:

Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi was once invited by Queen Elizabeth. Both of them were riding in the Queen's horse-driven carriage when one of the horses farted.

Petrified and embarrassed by the horse's toot, th...

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