UPJOKE
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Powers Jokes

Why did Thor lose his lightning powers?

Because his father grounded him.

Not to brag, but I have sychic powers.

For example, right now you’re thinking, “It’s psychic, idiot!”

Co-worker asked me, "If Batman, who is a regular human but with gadgets, teamed up with Superman, who has supernatural powers, and they fought against Iron Man, another regular human with gadgets, who teamed up with Thor, who has super powers, who would be the winners?"

"Your parents when you move out."

Did you guys hear about the nun with super powers?

When she flies over, people say:

"It's a bird!"

"It's a plane!"

"It's Superman!"

"No! It's Nun of the Above!"

Even at school they thought I had special powers; what was the phrase…

‘Constant super-vision.’

what do you call a Nun with Jedi powers?

A force of habit

I feel like, in mythology, Neptune is just a copy of Poseidon

Like whoever created Neptune literally read what Poseidon’s main powers were and was like “Ctrl C”

doctor: you've been bitten by a radioactive shark me: so i'm gonna get shark powers right

doctor: you no longer have legs...

me: just like a shark.

I Have Super Powers

I just melted an ice cube by staring at it…..

Took a bit longer than I thought it would, though.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Who did Hitler plan to install as commander of the Indonesian air force if they agreed to join the Axis powers?

Hermann Goreng

With great powers....

...comes greater difficulty in factorising the polynomial.

Why do Irish love powers of 2?

They love Dublin

Did you hear Disney is making Austin Powers into a Jedi?

It's called Obi-have

What do you call spiderman after he lost his powers, but still jumps from building to building?

Peter Parkour

Why were Loki's powers centered around creating illusions?

It allows him to be low-key with his mischiefs.

Did you hear about the child with psychic powers? Apparently he's on the run from the police.

He's a small medium at large.

What do you call a reptile with magic powers?

A wizard........

I’ll leave now.

What did Austin Powers say when he visited the apiary?

Oh bee HIVE!

My friends believe that a full moon gives supernatural powers

but I think they're just lunartics

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Abuse of police powers.

A cowboy walks into a saloon wearing paper bag boots, paper bag pants, a paper bag shirt and a paper hat.

The local sheriff pulls out his gun and says " I'm arresting you."

And the cowboy says "What for?"

The sheriff replies "RUSTLING!"

All those with telekinetic powers raise my hand.

Wow! I wasn't expecting that!

There was a recent test of one man's super powers...

He was found to be cape able.

What do you call a surgical operation to remove a magician's powers?

A misdirectomy.

What do you call an ant that can't speak but has super powers?

Mutant

What do you call your brothers daughters who have special powers?

Telekenieces

What do you call an evergreen with temporary godlike powers?

Spruce Almighty

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Spartan, a Samurai and a Viking are summoned to Outworld for Mortal Kombat.

Their first opponent is the dread-sorcerer Shang Tsung.
  

The Spartan goes first, and quickly overpowers Shang Tsung, but is unsure of what to do next. Shang Tsung then speaks a word of power and the Spartan trips over his own cape and impales himself headfirst upon his own spear. Sha...

Why can’t Jedi children use their powers at the supper table?

Jedi parents don’t believe their children should be force-fed.

What did the rogue snowflake say to the abused raindrop who was unaware of his powers?

Yer a blizzard Harry

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(NSFW) A nun, who possessed miraculous healing powers, was taking a shower,

when her fellow nun goes into her room, and says, "Sister, a blind man is here to see you."

"I'm showering! Tell him to come back later," she replies.

"But he says it's urgent; he cannot come back later."

"Well, he's a blind man, so fine, send him in," she says as she turns off...

As a Dad, I wish I could have powers to help me through the day

It sucks that all I have is supervision.

I really think reddit was onto the sinister powers that run the world with the whole Epstein thing

I mean, they burned down half of Australia, almost started a world war, invented a new virus... just to distract us

[edit] : of course this post will be buried. And we know who did that. No way it will be because my jokes are lame.

A fav from Austin Powers

Hope a movie script is okay for this subreddit:
Dr. Evil and Austin Powers are hurriedly climbing up a ladder, when Austin falls, grabbing onto Dr Evil's pants on the way down, thus dropping his pants a certain amount:
Austin *in his heavily accented voice* : "You know, Dr. Evil... I always th...

Anyone remember this from the Austin Powers commercial?

"If you see one movie this summer... see Starwars... but if you see two movies see Austin Powers...."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Skunks are just mean cats with asshole powers.

Get it?

If you think you have telekinetic powers like Carrie White's then you should ...

Keep calm and NOT Carrie ON ....!

Time traveler talks to a mathematician

The time traveler says, "Hello, in my grad school I have learned that it is impossible for any number which is a power greater than the second to be written as the sum of two like powers such as x^n + y^n = z^n for n > 2."

"Show me how you proved it," the mathematician says.

"Indeed...

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