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Poutine Jokes

What’s the difference between Putin and poutine?

Some people actually like poutine

What is a Russians favorite type of poutine?

Vladimir.

How much poutine was left after the hockey game?

Nunavet

A Canadian visits Russia...

As he's strolling through Moscow, he sees a Canadian restaurant, so he walks in. He orders potatoes and gravy.

As he's eating, he says "Ugh, I hate this Poutine..."

He was never seen again.

Trump must have never eaten a thanksgiving poutine...

Anyone who has could tell you curds and turkey don’t get along.

What's the difference between Putin and poutine?

Trump doens't have to wipe poutine off his chin.

The kremlin just announced that the president has got a rare disease that turns people into things from Canada

This announcement was made by Vladimir Poutine

There's a simple solution to Ukraine crisis!

Send in Canadian troops!

I've heard they like to make a meal of Poutine!

Why do ISIS fighters avoid Montreal restaurants?

because they serve Poutine.

Why did Trump put tariffs on Canadian goods?

To prove that he has no ties to Poutine.

When my Canadian friend gets out of bed...

... he shaves, showers, gets dressed and eats a big plate of fries with cheese curds and gravy.

That's his morning poutine.

What does your Canadian friend cooking dinner for you have in common with the Empire from Star Wars?

Pal-poutine

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Sorry, I'll get my coat.

What do you call a Russian president that's also Canadian?

Vladimir Poutine

If USA invaded Canada, Russia would save them...

Because they've got poutine!

Three construction workers were on their lunch break, sitting on the edge of a cliff next to the site they were working on.

One of the workers was Italian. He yelled, "I'm sick of pasta! If my wife packs me pasta one more time I will jump off this cliff!". The second worker was French. He screamed, "I'm sick of these damn croissants! If my wife packs me a croissant one more time, I'll jump off this cliff as well!". The t...

The Canadian restaurant by my house has been closed for renovations.

They're just doing some poutine maintenance.

What's Russia's favorite dish?

Poutine.

I'm opening a Canadian-Russian fusion restaurant…

It's called Vladimir Poutine.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You have two cows..

USA: You have two cows. You outsource a farm to milk them and sell the milk to those who can afford it. You then use the profit to buy someone else's cow for your butcher to make steak with.

Russia: You have two cows. When you get sober you remember that the mafia took them away from you, so ...

A Canadian, and American and an Arab....

A Canadian an American and an Arab are on a plane. everyone is minding their own business when all of a sudden the pilot comes on PA and announces that the plane is too heavy and each person needs to drop one item from the plane to regain balance.
The three look at each other, shrug and proceed ...

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