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Burger King Jokes

An old couple at Burger King

A man noticed that an old couple eating at Burger King were splitting a small hamburger and small fries. They carefully split the burger and fries down the middle. The man went over to the table and offered to buy them each their own meal, assuming they couldn’t afford two meals. The old man told hi...

What does Bruce Lee order in Burger King?

WOPPAAAH!

Andrew Lloyd Webber came into Burger King.

He asked the person behind the counter to give him a couple of whoppers. The person said: your really good looking and your shows are excellent.

l made $48m today and I’m STILL having Burger King for dinner.

Just another day working at the Federal Reserve.

Chuck Norris went into Burger King and ordered a Big Mac.

And he got one.

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Why was the Hulk charged with sexual harassment at Burger King?

He asked them to hold the pickle.

How did Burger King get Dairy Queen Pregnant?

He forgot to wrap his whopper!

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What do pussies and Burger King have in common? [NSFW]

It’s generally frowned upon to eat them in the middle of a McDonald’s.

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If there’s one thing I love in this world, its fucking Whoppers from Burger King,

And eating them too.

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What happen at after you go to Jack in the box, Dairy Queen and Burger King?

You take a royal flush.

In line at Burger King the other day, when I finally get to the counter the lady says sorry about the wait.

I said, "don't worry ma'am, you'll lose that eventually."

Did you hear the one about the guy who took his fishing rod to Burger King?

He caught a Whopper.

(I'm hoping that this translates well to cultures outside of the UK - apologies if it doesn't)

This just in: A Burger King employee in Kalispell, Montana was arrested today after being caught putting vodka in the orange Hi-C.

Local police say it was the first reported case of a Flathead screwdriver.

What do you call a Burger King on a deserted island?

Lord of the fries

Burger King joke

What does Burger King and my boxers have in common?

They are both the Home Of The Whopper.

Yes there's a burger down there.

That is all.

A vegan applied but was rejected for a job at Burger King...

She didn't meat the requirements.

I went to Burger King for dinner yesterday and the woman taking my order had a badge near her left breast that said Pat...

Long story short, I got banned from Burger King.

My doctor recommended to eating Burger King more often.

Well he said I should not have McDonald's anymore, but I know what he meant.

I'm giving my order at Burger King.

I ask for a Triple Whopper with cheese, and extra mayo. The 20-ish girl in line behind me says, "Do you know what that will do to your body?"

I turned and replied, "Nothing, compared to what my body will do to it."

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The New New Math....

I purchased a burger at Burger King for $1.58. The counter girl took my $2 and I was digging for my change when I pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies, while looking at the screen on her register. I sensed her discomfort and tried to tel...

Yo momma's so fat

When she went to McDonalds they had to call Burger King for backup

Five guys walk into a Burger King.

In-n-out.

What's the slogan for Burger King in Israel?

Have it Yahweh

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A shetland pony walks into a Burger King...

He walks up to the counter and whispers "I'll take one whopper please." The cashier says "sure, buy why are you whispering?" The pony looks up at him and says "sorry, I'm just a little hoarse"

Bob in trouble

Bob’s wife and Bob started dieting a week ago.

His wife proposed that they should have a cheat day today.

She brought home McDonald’s, Burger King and Bob brought home his secretary.

From his hospital bed, Bob is wondering when men will ever begin to understand women.

The impossible Whopper isn't really anything new

Burger King never used real meat

KFC but it could happen at Burger King too!

I went to the KFC to get the kids something to eat. They wanted the kid's meal with a leg so I said "kids meal with the leg" and the lady said, "Which side?" Me - \*Complete silence as I heavily contemplate such an odd question\* "I guess the right side, I don't know what the difference is." After s...

I've never understood why there's Burger King but no Borscht Czar

After all, people who eat fast food are in a hurry... they're always Russian around everywhere.

Two Canadians in Kentucky

So these two Canadians are driving into Louisville, Kentucky and are arguing about how to pronounce the name of the city.

“Its pronounced Lou-is-vill…obviously” The oilman from Alberta says

“No, you see, it is French! It is pronounced Loo-ie-vee!” The guy from Quebec retorts.

Th...

Did you hear Burger King is promoting a black Whopper?

McDonalds responded by introducing a 3/5ths pounder.

I went to McDonalds and Wendy’s and Burger Kings and all the fries were burnt!

Then I realized it’s Black Fryday

Some Chuck Norris Jokes

- Chuck Norris doesn't pet any animals. Animals pet themselves when he approaches them.

- Chuck Norris threw a hand grenade and killed 50 people. Then the grenade exploded.

- When Chuck Norris enters the room, even the chairs are standing up.

- Chuck Norris doesn't need to flush...

A man stumbles upon a magic lamp with a genie willing to grant him one wish.

Man: I wish your name was "Burger King".

Genie: Wait, what? Why?

Man: It's for a joke, trust me.

Genie: You'd waste a wish, something with the power to change the cosmos itself, for a joke?

Man: Yes.

Burger King: Have it your way.

Life hack

If you beat your kids at a burger king it legally changes from child abuse to a whopper jr.

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Three turtles decide to go on a picnic

Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Poncho, decide to go on a picnic. Joe packs the picnic basket with cookies, bottled sodas, and sandwiches. The trouble is, the picnic site is 10 miles away, so the turtles take 10 whole days to get there.
By the time they do arrive, everyone's whipped and hungry. ...

My math teacher

Staples Burger King applications on failed tests.

Why did the infertile chicken cross the road?

She wanted to take adavantage of Burger King's 10 piece special. She now has lil nuggets of her own.

So there's this cheerio who works at Burger King...

And he's a fantastic employee. He constantly washes tables and takes orders without complaints.

Every month, the Burger King Corporation throws a cheerio employee of the month party. It's always been Honey Nut's dream to go, but Fruity always gets to go. Every. Damn. Month. But not this mont...

20 Things to do Before You Die...

1) Look at see through glass and when someone is on the other side shout "OH MY GOD, I'M HIDEOUS!"
2) Bring a big chair into the elevator facing away from the door and when someone walks in, dramatically turn and say 'we've been expecting you.'
3) Walk up to someone, hand them a potato, look t...

Wayne Rooney said he wants to be a manager after he retires

"Burger King or McDonalds" was his response when asked where.

Me: Honey, we are having dinner tonight with a medieval ruler of Germany.

Her: F*ck. Not Burger King again!!

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Timmy's Letter To Santa

Dear Santa,

How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the
reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I
would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 4 for
Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.

Merry Christm...

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On Top of The Toilet - The_Merciless_Potato

A crappy feeling's comin' over me

There is defecation in 'most everything I see

Not a toilet in sight, ate a taco and some fries

And I won't be surprised if it's a stream



Every worst food-combo in the world

Is now coming true especially inside me

And...

A man invites his Jewish friend out for lunch

Upon arriving at the restaurant, his friend says "I'm not sure I can eat here. Is Burger King kosher?" The man waved his hand dismissively and says "Don't worry, it's Burger King: Have it Yahweh."

My physics teacher tells the most horrible jokes...

Q: What does iron man eat in Burger King?
A:iron rings!

Q: What does iron man do in his spare time?
A: Iron clothes...

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True story.

You ever pass wind and it does not smell like you would expect? I an driving to work one day and fart and to my surprise it smelled exactly like a whopper with cheese. At first I was a little amused but then the cravings hit. I skipped breakfast and all morning long I can only think about lunch and ...

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