An old couple at Burger King

A man noticed that an old couple eating at Burger King were splitting a small hamburger and small fries. They carefully split the burger and fries down the middle. The man went over to the table and offered to buy them each their own meal, assuming they couldn’t afford two meals. The old man told hi...

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What happen at after you go to Jack in the box, Dairy Queen and Burger King?

You take a royal flush.

How did Burger King get Dairy Queen Pregnant?

He forgot to wrap his whopper!

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What do pussies and Burger King have in common?

It’s generally frowned upon to eat them in the middle of a McDonald’s.

What does Bruce Lee order in Burger King?

WOPPAAAH!

I went to Burger King for dinner yesterday and the woman taking my order had a badge near her left breast that said Pat...

Long story short, I got banned from Burger King.

A vegan applied but was rejected for a job at Burger King...

She didn't meat the requirements.

Did you hear the one about the guy who took his fishing rod to Burger King?

He caught a Whopper.

(I'm hoping that this translates well to cultures outside of the UK - apologies if it doesn't)

In line at Burger King the other day, when I finally get to the counter the lady says sorry about the wait.

I said, "don't worry ma'am, you'll lose that eventually."

What do Microsoft and Burger King have in common?

They both hate big Macs.

This just in: A Burger King employee in Kalispell, Montana was arrested today after being caught putting vodka in the orange Hi-C.

Local police say it was the first reported case of a Flathead screwdriver.

What do you call a Burger King on a deserted island?

Lord of the fries

Burger King joke

What does Burger King and my boxers have in common?

They are both the Home Of The Whopper.

Yes there's a burger down there.

That is all.

KFC but it could happen at Burger King too!

I went to the KFC to get the kids something to eat. They wanted the kid's meal with a leg so I said "kids meal with the leg" and the lady said, "Which side?" Me - \*Complete silence as I heavily contemplate such an odd question\* "I guess the right side, I don't know what the difference is." After s...

My doctor recommended to eating Burger King more often.

Well he said I should not have McDonald's anymore, but I know what he meant.

Five guys walk into a Burger King.

In-n-out.

What's the slogan for Burger King in Israel?

Have it Yahweh

I've never understood why there's Burger King but no Borscht Czar

After all, people who eat fast food are in a hurry... they're always Russian around everywhere.

I'm giving my order at Burger King.

I ask for a Triple Whopper with cheese, and extra mayo. The 20-ish girl in line behind me says, "Do you know what that will do to your body?"

I turned and replied, "Nothing, compared to what my body will do to it."

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A shetland pony walks into a Burger King...

He walks up to the counter and whispers "I'll take one whopper please." The cashier says "sure, buy why are you whispering?" The pony looks up at him and says "sorry, I'm just a little hoarse"

A man stumbles upon a magic lamp with a genie willing to grant him one wish.

Man: I wish your name was "Burger King".

Genie: Wait, what? Why?

Man: It's for a joke, trust me.

Genie: You'd waste a wish, something with the power to change the cosmos itself, for a joke?

Man: Yes.

Burger King: Have it your way.

The impossible Whopper isn't really anything new

Burger King never used real meat

Why did the infertile chicken cross the road?

She wanted to take adavantage of Burger King's 10 piece special. She now has lil nuggets of her own.

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The New New Math....

I purchased a burger at Burger King for $1.58. The counter girl took my $2 and I was digging for my change when I pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies, while looking at the screen on her register. I sensed her discomfort and tried to tel...

Yo momma's so fat

When she went to McDonalds they had to call Burger King for backup

Did you hear Burger King is promoting a black Whopper?

McDonalds responded by introducing a 3/5ths pounder.

So there's this cheerio who works at Burger King...

And he's a fantastic employee. He constantly washes tables and takes orders without complaints.

Every month, the Burger King Corporation throws a cheerio employee of the month party. It's always been Honey Nut's dream to go, but Fruity always gets to go. Every. Damn. Month. But not this mont...

Two Canadians in Kentucky

So these two Canadians are driving into Louisville, Kentucky and are arguing about how to pronounce the name of the city.

“Its pronounced Lou-is-vill…obviously” The oilman from Alberta says

“No, you see, it is French! It is pronounced Loo-ie-vee!” The guy from Quebec retorts.

Th...

The only experience I have with royals

Is going through a burger king drive through.

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Three turtles decide to go on a picnic

Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Poncho, decide to go on a picnic. Joe packs the picnic basket with cookies, bottled sodas, and sandwiches. The trouble is, the picnic site is 10 miles away, so the turtles take 10 whole days to get there.
By the time they do arrive, everyone's whipped and hungry. ...

20 Things to do Before You Die...

1) Look at see through glass and when someone is on the other side shout "OH MY GOD, I'M HIDEOUS!"
2) Bring a big chair into the elevator facing away from the door and when someone walks in, dramatically turn and say 'we've been expecting you.'
3) Walk up to someone, hand them a potato, look t...

Life hack

If you beat your kids at a burger king it legally changes from child abuse to a whopper jr.

My math teacher

Staples Burger King applications on failed tests.

Some Chuck Norris Jokes

- Chuck Norris doesn't pet any animals. Animals pet themselves when he approaches them.

- Chuck Norris threw a hand grenade and killed 50 people. Then the grenade exploded.

- When Chuck Norris enters the room, even the chairs are standing up.

- Chuck Norris doesn't need to flush...

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On Top of The Toilet - The_Merciless_Potato

A crappy feeling's comin' over me

There is defecation in 'most everything I see

Not a toilet in sight, ate a taco and some fries

And I won't be surprised if it's a stream



Every worst food-combo in the world

Is now coming true especially inside me

And...

Me: Honey, we are having dinner tonight with a medieval ruler of Germany.

Her: F*ck. Not Burger King again!!

A man invites his Jewish friend out for lunch

Upon arriving at the restaurant, his friend says "I'm not sure I can eat here. Is Burger King kosher?" The man waved his hand dismissively and says "Don't worry, it's Burger King: Have it Yahweh."

Topical Jokes for 6/13

A woman at an Arizona Burger King found a razor blade in her salad. Even more amazing, she found a salad inside a Burger King.

A new study has discovered that dinosaurs were neither warm-blooded, nor cold-blooded. Which is the perfect dinosaur trivia, if you desperately need to end a conversa...

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Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the
reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone
4 for Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.

Merry Christma...

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True story.

You ever pass wind and it does not smell like you would expect? I an driving to work one day and fart and to my surprise it smelled exactly like a whopper with cheese. At first I was a little amused but then the cravings hit. I skipped breakfast and all morning long I can only think about lunch and ...

My physics teacher tells the most horrible jokes...

Q: What does iron man eat in Burger King?
A:iron rings!

Q: What does iron man do in his spare time?
A: Iron clothes...

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