What's the best way to arrange caviar?

In a roe

Sturgeon General's Warning:

Eating caviar is injurious to health.

While walking down the street one day, a senator is tragically hit by a truck and killed.

His soul arrives in Heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.


"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."


"No problem, just let ...

A Russian diplomat was visiting Washington DC

While there, he was invited to a large dinner celebration being held by members of the US government. As he entered the dining hall, he was taken aback by the decor. It was very impressive. Everyone was served fillet mignon. The plates forks and knives were real silver. A small band was playing clas...

What do you call a caviar taste test?

An Eggs-amination!

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Boris Johnson dies...

His soul arrives in heaven and he is met by St.Peter at the Pearly Gates. Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there's a problem: We seldom see a Conservative here and we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in; I'm a believer," says Johnso...

Have you ever tried Tapeworm Caviar?

It fills you right up.
Then it doesn’t

Maybe caviar is an acquired taste...

... and I am not rich enough to acquire it.





Michael Jackson is a lot like caviar.

They both come on little crackers.

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A translated joke

A man approaches a pig farmer and asks him what he feeds his pigs.

The farmer answers: "Oh the pigs? I just feed them whatever trash I have lying around".

The man is shocked, he says "Sir that is animal cruelty! I'll have to fine you 10000$!"

The next day another man approaches ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW: There's a crew of builders working on a high rise building in Australia. They are working on the top; which is over 70 stories high.

Bruce the builder, climbs on a beam hanging from the crane and says to his friend Joe "Hey Joe, stand on the other end of the beam, as a counter weight, I need to take a whizz over the side. Joe stands with his back to him and says "Sure thing, mate." Bruce undoes his fly and starts peeing. The lunc...

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A sweet, beautiful young would-be starlet comes to Hollywood to seek her fortune.

At her first power cocktail party she goes to the host and asks him "Who's the most powerful man in the room?"

“That would be Jeff over there by the caviar" he says.

The young woman walks over to Jeff and says "Excuse me, Jeff, would you mind stepping back behind this column? I'd lik...

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A teenage boy is caught shoplifting

The shop owner knows the boy's family so he just chews him out and calls his Dad who takes him home and grounds him. The boy's grandfather sees him crying and asks what's wrong. Through sobs the boy tells his grandfather what happened.

The grandfather says "You need to grow some balls son. S...

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My take on a shaggy dog story

A man walks into a bar, orders a pint and sees a sign pinned up above the till - “talking cat, going cheap.”

He calls the barman over and asks him what the deal with the cat is and can he have a look at it. The man shrugs, goes into the back and returns with a mangy old Tom cat.

“Here ...

The Ecuadorean Public Works Minister visits his Argentinian counterpart

The Argentinian sends his chauffeur to pick him up in his Mercedes Maybach for lunch in his 10 acre estate. Whilst enjoying lobster, the Ecuadorian asks "where do you get your money from?" The Argentinian says: "do you see that bridge? 30%". Both laugh.



Six months later it's the...

After 37 years of marriage. Jake dumped his wife for his Young secretary.

His new girlfriend demanded that they live in Jake and Edith’s multi million dollar home and since the man’s lawyers were a little better he prevailed.

He gave Edith his now ex-wife just 3 days to move out. She spent the 1st day packing her belongings into boxes crates and suitcases.

O...

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As the limousine stops, twenty beautiful models step out

followed by this very well dressed man carrying a rooster. They enter the restaurant, and sit at the large reserved table. When the waiter arrives, the man orders: "I would like to start with some Beluga caviar for me and the ladies, and triple portion for the rooster. Then we will proceed to have l...

Two former spies marry...

The night of their wedding, the go to an opulent hotel room and have a splendid night of love-making, eating caviar off toast points, champagne and strawberries, the whole nine yards. Once they've worn each other out, they drift toward sleep when the new bride suddenly shakes her husband awake.
<...

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Two politicians die and arrive at the Pearly Gates.

Two politicians die and arrive at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter says "You get to choose which place you want to go to. I'll show you each place today and you can sleep on it and decide tomorrow." So he takes them to heaven and everybody's sitting on gold jeweled thrones playing harps and singing Go...

An older Russian joke, feel free to swap the leaders' names

Leonid Brezhnev is visiting Jimmy Carter in Washington DC.
Upon arriving in the oval office he is surprised by the luxury and asks:
"The Soviet people would love to know how can your government afford such niceties in the middle on an oil crisis."
Carter responds with "Walk to the win...

Doc said I need to change my diet...

He said I need to eat more caviar and drink more champagne.
I said, "Doc, that's crazy! What's this diet called?"
He said, "it's a High Fluten diet."

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