Beaver Jokes

As I sat there scratching my ass, and spying on my neighbor washing her beaver, one thing crossed my mind.

We have really weird pets in my neighborhood.

A rabbit and a beaver are looking up at the majesty of the Hoover Dam

And the beaver says to the rabbit

"Well I didn't build it but it's based on my design"

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A Beaver Goes On a Date

A beaver goes on a blind date and meets a platypus. Things are going well, and they’re really enjoying each others company. Finally, they’re all done and they ask the waiter for the check. The beaver pulls out his credit card and the platypus responds “put that away, the bills on me”.

What did the Atheist Beaver say when he woke up in hell ?

"well I'll be damned"

What did the fish say to the beaver?

"Excuse me sir, you've clogged my toilet."

Is your mom a beaver?

cause dam

There is a beaver in our local zoo who is quite the celebrity. His name is Clint.

Clint EatsWood.

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There was a beaver god, named Buck...

Buck owned a store that sold houses to other beaver gods. Buck was very picky about who can and can't come into the store, so he stood by the door every day to make sure that only beaver gods came in.

One day, dog god named Susan walked into the store with her pet donkey, Harry. Susan always ...

Beaver 1: “Sir, the river is running at full capacity with no obstruction!”

Beaver 2: “Dammit!”

The Old Man and the Beaver (long joke)

An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up...
The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said, "Things are great and I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that Doc?"The doctor consid...

A toothless beaver walked into a pub and asked...

"Is the bar tender here?"

The beaver says "I didn't build that, Your Honor."

The judge points at the picture of the pile of logs in the river and says "we have damming evidence against you"

I'll see myself out

The date I took to the AC/DC concert had buck teeth, giving her a cute beaver smile

She was the best dam woman I had even seen

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It’s World War II, just before dusk. And a Native American Code Talker named Grey Beaver was running for his life...

Author's note - Wrote this from memory. When you tell this joke in person, act out the stuff in brackets.

\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_

It’s World War II, just before dusk. And a Native American Code Talker named Grey Beaver was running for his life from a German patrol. One of the benefi...

Beaver joke

Today I watched a programme about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen

What did the beaver say when his crush rejected him?

Dam.

A beaver is eating an ice cream

He has a sour look on his face. 'I wish I'd reach the stick already' he mumbles to himself.

I walked out my my cabin to find a beaver chewing on my favorite tree.

So I says to him "Will you stop doing that, Mr. Beaver?"

Him "Gnaw."

I loved watching "Leave it to Beaver"

Just so I could hear June say "Gosh Ward, you sure were hard on the Beaver last night"

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Beaver invites Rabbit over for dinner one night

The dinner goes swimmingly well, and Rabbit is very impressed with Beaver's skill in the kitchen. Particularly with the homemade iced cream dessert that Beaver was famous for. Not really expecting much of an answer, because Beaver is ever the coy herbivore, Rabbit inquires politely, "Goodness, Beave...

What did the beaver say to the tree?

It's been nice gnawing you!

In honour of Canada Day: How does a beaver greet another beaver?

Ma'Dam

What does a beaver from Philly drink?

Wooder.

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He probably drank beaver milk (clever reference to the movie The Animal)

This guy got into a bad accident and ended up losing an arm, his eye and his penis.

He wakes up a few weeks later and is greeted by a strange looking doctor. The doctor explains what happened and tells him he performed an experimental surgery to insure some quality of life following the acci...

What did the male beaver say to the female beaver when she said she wanted him to build something nice for her?

“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a dam.”

I just saw Oregon has a drive-thru strip club. Today, we salute these frontline workers who are taking care of the Beaver State’s residents in response to COVID-19...

Heroes Twerk Here

Why was the beaver mad

because no one came to his damn party.

What did the selfish beaver say to the deer that asked him to help stop the flooding affecting her grazing grounds?

Frankly, my deer, I don't give a dam.

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A beaver swims in the river and notices a cow smoking on the shore.

"Hey, cow! Whatcha doin?"

"Nothing... Just chillin..."

"And what's this funky smelling cigarette?"

"Oh! That's pot. It makes you chill. Wanna try?"

The beaver took a puff and started coughing immediately.

"Dude! You need to hold it! Inhale... Waaaait... Exhale"
...

what does a beaver say when something bad happens

Damn it

Why did the beaver need an alarm clock?

It was to dam early.

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What is a beaver’s favorite mathematical function?

No, not log, it’s a fucking beaver you dipshit. They don’t understand math

A beaver goes into a bar

A beaver goes into a bar,sees a mans standing behind the bar and asks,"is the bar tender here."

Why should you never mess with a beaver in the wild?

Because it's none of your dam business.

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Damn Girl, are you a beaver....

Cuz damn.

Shit doesn’t work as well if I start with damn girl. How do I change the title?

What did the beaver find after his home was destroyed by a flood?

Not a dam thing.

Hey, you know what the beaver said when he slipped on water?

Damn it !!

Can be pretty dam funny.

Do you know why Canada has "the Beaver" as it's national symbol?

Because Canada is the best "damn" country in the world!

My beaver left me and she's never coming back

She said I'm not worth a dam.

What do you call a communist beaver?

A dam commie

After a fatal river rise, what did the commander beaver say to all the other beavers?

Dam it.

What do you call it when rodents invade a beaver colony?

Hamsterdam

What's the worst part about being a beaver?

It's a lot of dam work.

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The rabbit(R) is sitting by the lake smoking weed, a beaver(B) is swimming by, sees the rabbit and asks

B: hey, what you got there?
R: oh, this thing is called weed and it does some insane shit. You inhale hold it, swit to the other side and exhale. It makes you feel sooooo goood.
B: lemme try
The rabbit gives him the weed, the beaver does like the rabbit said, comes out the other side of the...

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