A rabbit and a beaver are looking up at the majesty of the Hoover Dam

And the beaver says to the rabbit

"Well I didn't build it but it's based on my design"

So there's these two beavers...

one is named Joe and the other, Steven. Joe and Steven have a fire. Joe decides he's hungry so he grabs a pan and some sticks.

Steven runs over and says "Joe what are you doing?" And says "im just grilling up some sticks."

Steven immediately smacks the pan from Joe's paw and says
...

I walked out my my cabin to find a beaver chewing on my favorite tree.

So I says to him "Will you stop doing that, Mr. Beaver?"



Him "Gnaw."

A beaver is eating an ice cream

He has a sour look on his face. 'I wish I'd reach the stick already' he mumbles to himself.

Drinking Beaver

So a Beaver walks into a bar, and says, "Where is the bar tender?"

(Side Note) It's a wooden bar btw...

When a river sees a beaver

"Well, I'll be dammed"

The beaver says "I didn't build that, Your Honor."

The judge points at the picture of the pile of logs in the river and says "we have damming evidence against you"

I'll see myself out

The date I took to the AC/DC concert had buck teeth, giving her a cute beaver smile

She was the best dam woman I had even seen

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It’s World War II, just before dusk. And a Native American Code Talker named Grey Beaver was running for his life...

Author's note - Wrote this from memory. When you tell this joke in person, act out the stuff in brackets.

\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_

It’s World War II, just before dusk. And a Native American Code Talker named Grey Beaver was running for his life from a German patrol. One of the benefi...

Is your mom a beaver?

cause dam

What does a beaver from Philly drink?

Wooder.

How can you tell that only male beavers cut down trees?

Because they're all fellers.

A beaver hit a wall.

And yells out dam.

As I sat there scratching my ass, and spying on my neighbor washing her beaver, one thing crossed my mind.

We have really weird pets in my neighborhood.

I was reading on the BBC about a plan to reintroduce beavers to London.

I'm all for it....I do prefer a bit of grass on the pitch personally.

What did the male beaver say to the female beaver when she said she wanted him to build something nice for her?

“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a dam.”

What did the beaver say to the doe when asked to do contract work for charity?

"Frankly my deer, I don't give a dam"

What did the beaver say when he saw his new house for the first time?

Dam!

I just watched a documentary about beavers.

It was the best dam show I've ever seen

I loved watching "Leave it to Beaver"

Just so I could hear June say "Gosh Ward, you sure were hard on the Beaver last night"

Beavers are great dam builders and Canada's national animal.

That's why Canada is the best damn country in the world!

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A man is like a tree. You spend a lifetime building yourself up,

just to be knocked on your ass by a little beaver.

An 85-year old man is having his annual checkup

The Doctor asks him how he is feeling.

"I've got an eighteen-year old bride who's pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"

The Doctor considers this for a moment, and then says, "Well, let me tell you a story. I know of a guy who's an avid hunter. He never misses a sea...

How can you tell if a beaver is flirting with you?

They'll send you a stick pic

An 86 year old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check up

An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up. The doctor examined him and told him that aside from a low sperm count, he was perfectly healthy. The old man scoffed and said, "Nonsense, I’ve never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do y...

What did a river say when seeing beavers for the first time?

"Well I'll be dammed!"

I just saw Oregon has a drive-thru strip club. Today, we salute these frontline workers who are taking care of the Beaver State’s residents in response to COVID-19...

Heroes Twerk Here

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He probably drank beaver milk (clever reference to the movie The Animal)

This guy got into a bad accident and ended up losing an arm, his eye and his penis.

He wakes up a few weeks later and is greeted by a strange looking doctor. The doctor explains what happened and tells him he performed an experimental surgery to insure some quality of life following the acci...

What's worse than a dead muskrat under your piano?

A diseased beaver on your organ.

What’s a Beavers favorite snack?

Wood chips.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A beaver is at the doctor

A doctor is in a checkup room and had been following up with a patient, who is a beaver, for the past hour with an unexplainable illness.

They’ve eventually whittled down options and are now facing normal protocol to see if he’s actually sick or if it’s something else.

“Well, we’ve che...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Favourite porn movie parodies…

I’ll start, let’s see what list we can create…

Shaving Ryan’s Privates

Schindler’s Fist

Willy Bonk Her in the Chocolate Factory

Pulp Friction

Evil Head

Honey, I blew everybody

Inspect Her Gadget

Missionary Impossible

Saturday Night Beave...

Two beavers are looking over a river.

One turns to the other and says, "Dam it."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a beaver god, named Buck...

Buck owned a store that sold houses to other beaver gods. Buck was very picky about who can and can't come into the store, so he stood by the door every day to make sure that only beaver gods came in.

One day, dog god named Susan walked into the store with her pet donkey, Harry. Susan always ...

What did the beaver find after his home was destroyed by a flood?

Not a dam thing.

A beaver goes into a bar and sees a man standing behind the bar and asks him...

Is the bar tender here?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is a beaver’s favorite mathematical function?

No, not log, it’s a fucking beaver you dipshit. They don’t understand math

Why are beavers always happy?

They dont give a dam!!!!

Wife came out the shower giggling at this joke she just thought up: Why didn’t the beavers send any wood down the river?

Because they didn’t give a dam.

Just finished eating a beaver curry...

It's like a normal curry, but otter.

A new study proves that beavers cause extensive flooding

I've read it. The evidence against them is damning.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A beaver swims in the river and notices a cow smoking on the shore.

"Hey, cow! Whatcha doin?"

"Nothing... Just chillin..."

"And what's this funky smelling cigarette?"

"Oh! That's pot. It makes you chill. Wanna try?"

The beaver took a puff and started coughing immediately.

"Dude! You need to hold it! Inhale... Waaaait... Exhale"
...

Beavers get a lot of flak for building their shelters and blocking water ways-

But they are Damed if they do, and Damned if they don't

What did the beaver say to the tree?

"It's been nice gnawing you!"

Why should you never mess with a beaver in the wild?

Because it's none of your dam business.

Beaver jokes

Can be pretty dam funny.

Why was the beaver mad

because no one came to his damn party.

What did one beaver say to the other beaver when he fell in the river?

Dammit

What do you call a communist beaver?

A dam commie

Hey girl, are you a beaver?

Cause damn.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

God woke up with a hangover.

He held His temples as one of His angels knocked gently on the door. He grumbled them inward.

"Sorry to disturb You, Sir," the angel said hesitantly. "But I wanted to congratulate you on yesterday's creations. For the most part, they were spectacular!"

"Wha...?" God mumbled blearily....

What does a French beaver call her home? (From my 8 year old)

Madame

Someone once challenged me to tell a joke about beavers

I told them: Dam, I can’t .

I said to my friend "I bet you can't name a single subject, I don't have a joke about" He said " beavers"

"damn" I replied....

My beaver left me and she's never coming back

She said I'm not worth a dam.

Did you hear about the beaver who learned to code?

It was the best dam program ever made...

If the beavers are rowing their canoe down main st and the wheels fall off, how many pancakes will it take to shingle a dog house?

Seven because ice cream has no bones

Where do beavers go to cash their paychecks?

The riverbank.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Beaver...

This little girl takes a shower with her mom. She looks up and says "mom what are those?" "Those are my breasts" the mother replied. "You will get these when you get older." Then the little girl looks down and says "mom what's that?" "That is my beaver, you will get hair on your when you get older."...

Why do we call lady parts beavers?

Because they devour wood.

Beaver curry

A Canadian is showing his English friend around his hometown.

Canadian: "Have you ever tried beaver curry?"

Englishman: "Beaver curry,!?"

Canadian: " Yeah, it's like normal curry, but just a bit otter."

First attempt at dad jokes:what did father beaver told his son when he constructed his first dam?

Dam son!!!

What do you call it when rodents invade a beaver colony?

Hamsterdam

After a fatal river rise, what did the commander beaver say to all the other beavers?

Dam it.

What's the worst part about being a beaver?

It's a lot of dam work.

Hey Guys! They brought back Angry Beavers! Isn't it great?

Its been renamed to The View, however...

Which species of ants prefer to eat beavers ?

Lesbi-ants

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The rabbit(R) is sitting by the lake smoking weed, a beaver(B) is swimming by, sees the rabbit and asks

B: hey, what you got there?
R: oh, this thing is called weed and it does some insane shit. You inhale hold it, swit to the other side and exhale. It makes you feel sooooo goood.
B: lemme try
The rabbit gives him the weed, the beaver does like the rabbit said, comes out the other side of the...

I get beavers and similar animals mixed up.

I otter know better.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Social progress....

A wise old Indian Chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a
Ceremonial Pipe and eying two Canadian Government officials sent to
interview him.


"Chief Two Eagles" asked one official, "You have observed the white man
for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his techn...

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