A rabbit and a beaver are looking up at the majesty of the Hoover Dam

And the beaver says to the rabbit

"Well I didn't build it but it's based on my design"

Beavers are great dam builders and Canada's national animal.

That's why Canada is the best damn country in the world!

I walked out my my cabin to find a beaver chewing on my favorite tree.

So I says to him "Will you stop doing that, Mr. Beaver?"



Him "Gnaw."

As I sat there scratching my ass, and spying on my neighbor washing her beaver, one thing crossed my mind.

We have really weird pets in my neighborhood.

What did the male beaver say to the female beaver when she said she wanted him to build something nice for her?

“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a dam.”

What did the beaver say to the doe when asked to do contract work for charity?

"Frankly my deer, I don't give a dam"

The beaver says "I didn't build that, Your Honor."

The judge points at the picture of the pile of logs in the river and says "we have damming evidence against you"

I'll see myself out

The date I took to the AC/DC concert had buck teeth, giving her a cute beaver smile

She was the best dam woman I had even seen

What did a river say when seeing beavers for the first time?

"Well I'll be dammed!"

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It’s World War II, just before dusk. And a Native American Code Talker named Grey Beaver was running for his life...

Author's note - Wrote this from memory. When you tell this joke in person, act out the stuff in brackets.

\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_

It’s World War II, just before dusk. And a Native American Code Talker named Grey Beaver was running for his life from a German patrol. One of the benefi...

I just watched a documentary about beavers.

It was the best dam show I've ever seen

How can you tell if a beaver is flirting with you?

They'll send you a stick pic

A Beaver Story

An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up.
The doctor asked him how he was feeling and the 80-year-old said
"Things are great and I've never felt better. I now have a 20
year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. So what do you think
about that?"

The ...

A beaver goes into a bar and sees a man standing behind the bar and asks him...

Is the bar tender here?

I loved watching "Leave it to Beaver"

Just so I could hear June say "Gosh Ward, you sure were hard on the Beaver last night"

I just saw Oregon has a drive-thru strip club. Today, we salute these frontline workers who are taking care of the Beaver State’s residents in response to COVID-19...

Heroes Twerk Here

Why did the beaver need an alarm clock?

It was to dam early.

What’s a Beavers favorite snack?

Wood chips.

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A beaver is at the doctor

A doctor is in a checkup room and had been following up with a patient, who is a beaver, for the past hour with an unexplainable illness.

They’ve eventually whittled down options and are now facing normal protocol to see if he’s actually sick or if it’s something else.

“Well, we’ve che...

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Social progress....

A wise old Indian Chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a
Ceremonial Pipe and eying two Canadian Government officials sent to
interview him.


"Chief Two Eagles" asked one official, "You have observed the white man
for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his techn...

So there's these two beavers...

one is named Joe and the other, Steven. Joe and Steven have a fire. Joe decides he's hungry so he grabs a pan and some sticks.

Steven runs over and says "Joe what are you doing?" And says "im just grilling up some sticks."

Steven immediately smacks the pan from Joe's paw and says
...

What did the beaver find after his home was destroyed by a flood?

Not a dam thing.

Why are beavers always happy?

They dont give a dam!!!!

Wife came out the shower giggling at this joke she just thought up: Why didn’t the beavers send any wood down the river?

Because they didn’t give a dam.

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What is a beaver’s favorite mathematical function?

No, not log, it’s a fucking beaver you dipshit. They don’t understand math

Two beavers are looking over a river.

One turns to the other and says, "Dam it."

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There was a beaver god, named Buck...

Buck owned a store that sold houses to other beaver gods. Buck was very picky about who can and can't come into the store, so he stood by the door every day to make sure that only beaver gods came in.

One day, dog god named Susan walked into the store with her pet donkey, Harry. Susan always ...

What did the beaver say to the tree?

"It's been nice gnawing you!"

Just finished eating a beaver curry...

It's like a normal curry, but otter.

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Damn Girl, are you a beaver....

Cuz damn.

Shit doesn’t work as well if I start with damn girl. How do I change the title?

A new study proves that beavers cause extensive flooding

I've read it. The evidence against them is damning.

What do you call a communist beaver?

A dam commie

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A beaver swims in the river and notices a cow smoking on the shore.

"Hey, cow! Whatcha doin?"

"Nothing... Just chillin..."

"And what's this funky smelling cigarette?"

"Oh! That's pot. It makes you chill. Wanna try?"

The beaver took a puff and started coughing immediately.

"Dude! You need to hold it! Inhale... Waaaait... Exhale"
...

Beavers get a lot of flak for building their shelters and blocking water ways-

But they are Damed if they do, and Damned if they don't

Why should you never mess with a beaver in the wild?

Because it's none of your dam business.

Beaver jokes

Can be pretty dam funny.

What did one beaver say to the other beaver when he fell in the river?

Dammit

What was one of the most NSFW dialogue from the 50s/60s sitcom?

Ward, I think you were a little too hard on the Beaver last night.

Hey girl, are you a beaver?

Cause damn.

I said to my friend "I bet you can't name a single subject, I don't have a joke about" He said " beavers"

"damn" I replied....

Did you hear about the beaver who learned to code?

It was the best dam program ever made...

What’s the dirtiest thing ever said on television

GEE ward you were awfully rough on the beaver last night

What do you call it when rodents invade a beaver colony?

Hamsterdam

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God woke up with a hangover.

He held His temples as one of His angels knocked gently on the door. He grumbled them inward.

"Sorry to disturb You, Sir," the angel said hesitantly. "But I wanted to congratulate you on yesterday's creations. For the most part, they were spectacular!"

"Wha...?" God mumbled. The angel ...

Someone once challenged me to tell a joke about beavers

I told them: Dam, I can’t .

A man fell into a river in Oregon a week ago and was eaten alive by beavers

Dam

Why was the beaver mad

because no one came to his damn party.

My beaver left me and she's never coming back

She said I'm not worth a dam.

First attempt at dad jokes:what did father beaver told his son when he constructed his first dam?

Dam son!!!

There's a Miss Philadelphia contest, there's a Miss Pennsylvania contest, a Miss America contest and even a Miss Universe contest....

I wonder why the town of Big Beaver, Pennsylvania has never had a beauty contest?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cock blocked

If a guy gets cock blocked does a woman get beaver dammed

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Why are vaginas called beavers?

Because they eat wood!

Which species of ants prefer to eat beavers ?

Lesbi-ants

If the beavers are rowing their canoe down main st and the wheels fall off, how many pancakes will it take to shingle a dog house?

Seven because ice cream has no bones

What does a French beaver call her home? (From my 8 year old)

Madame

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The rabbit(R) is sitting by the lake smoking weed, a beaver(B) is swimming by, sees the rabbit and asks

B: hey, what you got there?
R: oh, this thing is called weed and it does some insane shit. You inhale hold it, swit to the other side and exhale. It makes you feel sooooo goood.
B: lemme try
The rabbit gives him the weed, the beaver does like the rabbit said, comes out the other side of the...

After a fatal river rise, what did the commander beaver say to all the other beavers?

Dam it.

What's the worst part about being a beaver?

It's a lot of dam work.

Hey Guys! They brought back Angry Beavers! Isn't it great?

Its been renamed to The View, however...

Where do beavers go to cash their paychecks?

The riverbank.

Johnny Johnny? Yes , Beaver

Johnny was playing outside when he really had to go to the bathroom. He runs in and his grandma was about to take a shower.

He looks at her crotch and says, “Whats that?” She says, “Well, it's a beaver, Johnny.”

The next day the same thing happens, only his mom is taking the shower. He...

Where does a beaver priest live?

In a God Dam House!

Beaver curry

A Canadian is showing his English friend around his hometown.

Canadian: "Have you ever tried beaver curry?"

Englishman: "Beaver curry,!?"

Canadian: " Yeah, it's like normal curry, but just a bit otter."

Dam I wish I'd thought of it first

A rabbit and a beaver is sitting staring at the Hoover Dam.
The rabbit says, "Did you really build it?"
The beaver responds, "I didn't actually build it, but it is based on my design."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Courtesy of my 9 year old:

Q: What does beaver poop look like?
A: A log.

What’s worse than a skunk on a piano?

A diseased beaver on your organ

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Beaver...

This little girl takes a shower with her mom. She looks up and says "mom what are those?" "Those are my breasts" the mother replied. "You will get these when you get older." Then the little girl looks down and says "mom what's that?" "That is my beaver, you will get hair on your when you get older."...

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A distraught farmer asked a preacher what would happen if he killed a beaver who had begun working near the canal by his farm.

"Damned if you do, dammed if you don't."

Why do we call lady parts beavers?

Because they devour wood.

I get beavers and similar animals mixed up.

I otter know better.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny walks into the bathroom only to find his granny bathing.

“What’s that?” little Johnny asks his granny, pointing down between her legs.
“That’s my beaver honey”.
“Oh.” Johnny replies and walks away.

A few hours later little Johnny walks into the bathroom this time to find his mother bathing.
“What’s that?”, little Johnny asks his mothe...

What did the beaver say when he found out his new neighbour was a fish?

Cod dam

With the increasing popularity of the big box stores, small family-owned stores were really struggling in the small town where I grew up. To fight back against the completion, three of them decided to merge.

Aikenhead's Hardware, Stroker Autoparts, and Beaver Lumber got together to make Stroker-Aiken-Beaver. The grand opening was spectacular, everybody came.

That's my beaver.

Little Johnny happened to wander into the guest bathroom one morning and noticed his grandmother taking a shower. After a moment of peering through the glass shower door, Johnny asked, "Grandma, what's that?" Startled, his grandmother replied, "That's my beaver. Now, run along and give me some priva...

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