The 70+ Best Beaver Jokes

So there's these two beavers...

one is named Joe and the other, Steven. Joe and Steven have a fire. Joe decides he's hungry so he grabs a pan and some sticks.

Steven runs over and says "Joe what are you doing?" And says "im just grilling up some sticks."

Steven immediately smacks the pan from Joe's paw and says
...

A rabbit and a beaver are looking up at the majesty of the Hoover Dam

And the beaver says to the rabbit

"Well I didn't build it but it's based on my design"

As I sat there scratching my ass, and spying on my neighbor washing her beaver, one thing crossed my mind.

We have really weird pets in my neighborhood.

For Christmas, what do beavers give?

A dam.

There is a beaver in our local zoo who is quite the celebrity. His name is Clint.

Clint EatsWood.

Is your mom a beaver?

cause dam

The beaver says "I didn't build that, Your Honor."

The judge points at the picture of the pile of logs in the river and says "we have damming evidence against you"

I'll see myself out

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It’s World War II, just before dusk. And a Native American Code Talker named Grey Beaver was running for his life...

Author's note - Wrote this from memory. When you tell this joke in person, act out the stuff in brackets.

\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_

It’s World War II, just before dusk. And a Native American Code Talker named Grey Beaver was running for his life from a German patrol. One of the benefi...

I walked out my my cabin to find a beaver chewing on my favorite tree.

So I says to him "Will you stop doing that, Mr. Beaver?"

Him "Gnaw."

Beaver 1: “Sir, the river is running at full capacity with no obstruction!”

Beaver 2: “Dammit!”

A toothless beaver walked into a pub and asked...

"Is the bar tender here?"

A beaver is eating an ice cream

He has a sour look on his face. 'I wish I'd reach the stick already' he mumbles to himself.

The date I took to the AC/DC concert had buck teeth, giving her a cute beaver smile

She was the best dam woman I had even seen

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There was a beaver god, named Buck...

Buck owned a store that sold houses to other beaver gods. Buck was very picky about who can and can't come into the store, so he stood by the door every day to make sure that only beaver gods came in.

One day, dog god named Susan walked into the store with her pet donkey, Harry. Susan always ...

What did the river say when it saw beavers approaching?

Well I'll be dammed...

The Old Man and the Beaver (long joke)

An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up...
The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said, "Things are great and I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that Doc?"The doctor consid...

Beaver joke

Today I watched a programme about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen

What did the beaver say when his crush rejected him?

Dam.

What does a beaver from Philly drink?

Wooder.

I loved watching "Leave it to Beaver"

Just so I could hear June say "Gosh Ward, you sure were hard on the Beaver last night"

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Beaver invites Rabbit over for dinner one night

The dinner goes swimmingly well, and Rabbit is very impressed with Beaver's skill in the kitchen. Particularly with the homemade iced cream dessert that Beaver was famous for. Not really expecting much of an answer, because Beaver is ever the coy herbivore, Rabbit inquires politely, "Goodness, Beave...

What did the beaver say to the tree?

It's been nice gnawing you!

In honour of Canada Day: How does a beaver greet another beaver?

Ma'Dam

A beaver hit a wall.

And yells out dam.

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He probably drank beaver milk (clever reference to the movie The Animal)

This guy got into a bad accident and ended up losing an arm, his eye and his penis.

He wakes up a few weeks later and is greeted by a strange looking doctor. The doctor explains what happened and tells him he performed an experimental surgery to insure some quality of life following the acci...

What did the male beaver say to the female beaver when she said she wanted him to build something nice for her?

“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a dam.”

What did the beaver say to the doe when asked to do contract work for charity?

"Frankly my deer, I don't give a dam"

I just saw Oregon has a drive-thru strip club. Today, we salute these frontline workers who are taking care of the Beaver State’s residents in response to COVID-19...

Heroes Twerk Here

I was reading on the BBC about a plan to reintroduce beavers to London.

I'm all for it....I do prefer a bit of grass on the pitch personally.

Beavers are great dam builders and Canada's national animal.

That's why Canada is the best damn country in the world!

How can you tell that only male beavers cut down trees?

Because they're all fellers.

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A beaver is at the doctor

A doctor is in a checkup room and had been following up with a patient, who is a beaver, for the past hour with an unexplainable illness.

They’ve eventually whittled down options and are now facing normal protocol to see if he’s actually sick or if it’s something else.

“Well, we’ve che...

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What is a beaver’s favorite mathematical function?

No, not log, it’s a fucking beaver you dipshit. They don’t understand math

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A beaver swims in the river and notices a cow smoking on the shore.

"Hey, cow! Whatcha doin?"

"Nothing... Just chillin..."

"And what's this funky smelling cigarette?"

"Oh! That's pot. It makes you chill. Wanna try?"

The beaver took a puff and started coughing immediately.

"Dude! You need to hold it! Inhale... Waaaait... Exhale"
...

Two beavers are looking over a river.

One turns to the other and says, "Dam it."

what does a beaver say when something bad happens

Damn it

Why was the beaver mad

because no one came to his damn party.

What’s a Beavers favorite snack?

Wood chips.

Why did the beaver need an alarm clock?

It was to dam early.

A beaver goes into a bar

A beaver goes into a bar,sees a mans standing behind the bar and asks,"is the bar tender here."

A new study proves that beavers cause extensive flooding

I've read it. The evidence against them is damning.

What did the beaver find after his home was destroyed by a flood?

Not a dam thing.

Why should you never mess with a beaver in the wild?

Because it's none of your dam business.

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Damn Girl, are you a beaver....

Cuz damn.

Shit doesn’t work as well if I start with damn girl. How do I change the title?

If the beavers are rowing their canoe down main st and the wheels fall off, how many pancakes will it take to shingle a dog house?

Seven because ice cream has no bones

Beaver jokes

Can be pretty dam funny.

Wife came out the shower giggling at this joke she just thought up: Why didn’t the beavers send any wood down the river?

Because they didn’t give a dam.

Hey, you know what the beaver said when he slipped on water?

Damn it !!

Have you ever tried beaver curry?

It’s just like a regular curry but a little otter!

Beavers get a lot of flak for building their shelters and blocking water ways-

But they are Damed if they do, and Damned if they don't

Where do beavers go to cash their paychecks?

The riverbank.

Why do we call lady parts beavers?

Because they devour wood.

What do you call a communist beaver?

A dam commie

My beaver left me and she's never coming back

She said I'm not worth a dam.

What do you call it when rodents invade a beaver colony?

Hamsterdam

Hey Guys! They brought back Angry Beavers! Isn't it great?

Its been renamed to The View, however...

Where does a beaver priest live?

In a God Dam House!

First attempt at dad jokes:what did father beaver told his son when he constructed his first dam?

Dam son!!!

After a fatal river rise, what did the commander beaver say to all the other beavers?

Dam it.

What's the worst part about being a beaver?

It's a lot of dam work.

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Why are vaginas called beavers?

Because they eat wood!

An 85-year old man is having his annual checkup

The Doctor asks him how he is feeling.

"I've got an eighteen-year old bride who's pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"

The Doctor considers this for a moment, and then says, "Well, let me tell you a story. I know of a guy who's an avid hunter. He never misses a sea...

Which species of ants prefer to eat beavers ?

Lesbi-ants

Beaver curry

A Canadian is showing his English friend around his hometown.

Canadian: "Have you ever tried beaver curry?"

Englishman: "Beaver curry,!?"

Canadian: " Yeah, it's like normal curry, but just a bit otter."

What does a French beaver call her home? (From my 8 year old)

Madame

I said to my friend "I bet you can't name a single subject, I don't have a joke about" He said " beavers"

"damn" I replied....

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Beaver...

This little girl takes a shower with her mom. She looks up and says "mom what are those?" "Those are my breasts" the mother replied. "You will get these when you get older." Then the little girl looks down and says "mom what's that?" "That is my beaver, you will get hair on your when you get older."...

What did the beaver say when he found out his new neighbour was a fish?

Cod dam

I get beavers and similar animals mixed up.

I otter know better.

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The rabbit(R) is sitting by the lake smoking weed, a beaver(B) is swimming by, sees the rabbit and asks

B: hey, what you got there?
R: oh, this thing is called weed and it does some insane shit. You inhale hold it, swit to the other side and exhale. It makes you feel sooooo goood.
B: lemme try
The rabbit gives him the weed, the beaver does like the rabbit said, comes out the other side of the...

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