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Aquatic Jokes

What do you call an aquatic reptile that solves crimes?

An investi-gator.

Are you addicted to aquatic puns?

If so, sea kelp

What kind of aquatic animal thinks you did a good job?

The seal of approval.

Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escaped from the zoo?

It was otter chaos

What do you call a fascist aquatic mammal?

Adolphin.

What aquatic animal likes hugs and kisses?

A cuddlefish

I don't understand aquatic mammals

What's their porpoise

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What was Hitler's favourite aquatic animal?

Adolfin.

TIL there's a scientific term for aquatic mammals losing their fur through evolution

It's called Whale Pattern Baldness.

What do you call a college for semi-aquatic herbivores?

A hippocampus

An ancient aquatic system older than the pyramids has been revealed by the Australian bushfires

Australian scientists are thinking about naming them 'rivers.'

My girlfriend convinced me that certain aquatic mammals don't exist right before she broke up with me.

She left me in otter disbelief.

What do you call a large aquatic mammal that guards your private medical information?

HIPAA-potamus

Your lifes like a zoo with no aquatic mammals

Cuz it has no porpoise

What do you call a shop that sells aquatic vessels?

A boat-ique.

...I'll get my coat.

What do you call an aquatic pleasure trip to Jerusalem?

A cruiseade.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Aquatic Research Fish ponds overflowed last night because of heavy Rain.

it flooded the residential area nearby. A man walked into his back yard the next morning and saw his entire basement was filled with water, and hundreds of fish swimming in his pool. He went in his house and called his insurance company. He told the representative what happened. She replied "Sorry, ...

A wealthy man threw a party.

He had recently purchased a tank filled with sharks, alligators, piranhas, and other aquatic animals that could kill people. He told the guests that anyone who swam across would get 3 wishes. No one dared to try it so the party continued.

About 10 minutes later, there was a splash, and there...

What do you call it when a certain aquatic animal with eight arms agrees not to ink you as long as you promise not to harpoon him?

That's a squid pro quo

Meaty or Shower?

What is the difference between a hamburger and a shooting star?

While one is meaty...the other...is a little meteor.

What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One is a heavy aquatic mammal...the other is a little lighter.

A diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet below sea level when he noticed a guy at the same depth, but with no scuba gear whatsoever.

The diver went below another 20 feet, and the guy joined him a few minutes later. The diver went below 25 feet, and minutes later, the same guy joined him.

This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof chalkboard set and wrote, "How the hell are you able to stay under this deep with...

There were two odd conferences at the same hotel at the same time. One was for camping, the other was for aquatic mammals. They were essentially, more or less, basically, virtually...

...for all in tents and porpoises

The wizard materialized on the hill above the outdoor festival and proclaimed, “All shall be vanquished.... except those in temporary shelters supported by a pole, and fully aquatic animals with spade-shaped teeth!”

The area was safe for all in tents and porpoises.

There was a deep sea fisherman

That accidentally caught an eagle porpoise - a rare species of porpoise (though not endangered) that inhabits the waters off Southern Mexico to Peru (ie, the Pacific coast). This species has a down-turned snout ideal for catching bottom-dwelling mollusks (octopi and squid) that inhabit the reefs and...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jesus Loves Fish

God went to Adam one day and said:

"Hey man, who has been shitting near the Durian fruit I created last week. I told you guys not to disturb new creations for a week, at least. Now they will smell like shit for all eternity. They need a week undisturbed. Anything you add to them before that c...

The members of the newly-formed Justice League were introducing themselves to each other.

S: “I’m Superman; I can fly, move at super speed, and have super strength.”

B: “I’m Batman; I’m the world’s greatest detective, master of many martial arts, and have gadgets that can do almost anything.”

GL: “I’m Green Lantern; my emerald bling can create constructs of anything I can i...

Where did the blue and green ticks meet?

The aquatic centre.


Sorry.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a guy with 4 penises who can breathe underwater?

Aquatic.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A group of five park wardens decided to start a band together...

... They all agreed on playing music of a rock subgerne kind, mixed in with symphonic elements, fantasy based subject matter and strong choruses. However they could not agree on a specific aesthetic, as each one of them turned up for their first practice session with a different color scheme.
...

A young couple were on their honeymoon . . .

. . . and were staying at a hotel with a large swimming pool. They decided to go for a swim, and the bride donned a new bikini that she had recently purchased. As she swam and splashed around in the pool, she soon discovered that the bikini was to large, and the top and bottom kept coming off. As t...

A man opens up a zoo...

One day a man decides to quit his job and open up a zoo. He first needs to get animals for the zoo, so he buys 100 Mina birds. He then decides he needs some aquatic attractions, so he buys some porpoises from a shady man. The man tells him that if he does not feed the porpoises by 12 midnight, they ...

A student is preparing for a vet school exam and has left it to the last minute...

With no chance in hell in of passing, he procrastinates by picking a random topic about animals from Wikipedia and starts reading. By the time he's finished (wasting lots of time looking up related articles) it's too late to read about anything else.

In the oral exam the student picks a quest...

A man works at an Aquarium

Technically it was a zoo/aquarium, but they got more people coming in for their aquatic animals, so they called it an aquarium.

Most notably among those, were their seals. The seals had been taught to do tricks at another aquarium before they'd been moved over. But at the time the aquarium ha...

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