A fish bumped into a dam.

It was a Walleye.

Dam Lawyers

I got another letter from this lawyer today. It said “Final Notice”. Good that he will not bother me anymore.

There was a boy standing on a corner selling fish. He was saying, "Dam fish for sale, dam fish for sale."

A preacher walked up and asked why he was calling them dam fish.
The kid said, "I caught them at the dam, so they're dam fish."
The preacher bought some, took them home and asked his wife to cook the dam fish.
His wife looked at him in bewilderment and said, "Preachers aren't supposed to ...

What does DAM stand for?

Mothers against dyslexia.

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So a priest is walking across the market and he hears a fisher yell”DAMN FISH GET YOUR DAMN FISH” so the priest walks up to the fisher and says “you can’t just swear like that you’ll make god angry” on which the fisher replies “this is an misunderstanding these fish were caught at the dam they’re

Dam fish” The priests understands what the fisher means and buys 2 dam fish when he comes home the priest asks his wife “can you cook these dam fish for supper tomorrow”on which the wife replies surprised”dear you’re a priest you can’t just swear like that” on which the priest explains the situation...

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Dam Buster?

Theres an old village in a valley some where with a Dam at one end.

One day theres an earthquake and a crack appears in the dam and the village starts to slowly flood.

The emergency services and army are called and the village is cleared, other than the village church where the priest ...

What do you call an oscillating dam?

Damn, that rocks.

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A pastor’s wife walks into a butcher shop

She sees the most perfect looking cut of meat in the display case and asks the butcher what kind of meat it is. “That’s Dam Ham,” he replies
“I bet your PARDON?!” the lady says, “I am a good Christian woman, and I would kindly ask you not to use that kind of language.” The butcher explains, “Oh n...

A pious priest is taking a tour of the Glen Canyon Dam...

A pious priest is taking a tour of the Glen Canyon Dam when, suddenly, a hole blasts out of the side of the dam and water starts to pour out.

The priest knows that if the reservoir is emptied, the people downstream will be flooded and have to leave their homes.

He turns his attention t...

I heard Michigan just had the worst flood in 500 years.

Dam.

What did the beaver find after his home was destroyed by a flood?

Not a dam thing.

Two fish are swimming in a lake.

They run into a concrete wall that blocks their path.

One fish turns to the other and says ‘Dam’.

The PM of Canada issued the building of a dam

The dam was finished and started working, giving the people much needed electricity. Years passed, and the PM eventually got a pet deer which he named Frenklie. When a privatisation wave had recently hit his country, the deer asked him why he wasn't giving the dam for privatisation as well. The deer...

A boogie board was abandoned in a man-made lake.

Days or maybe even weeks go by without it interacting with anyone or anything.

It drifts mindlessly around, because no one is there to direct it. It starts to day dream about a time where it wasn't alone in a glorified pond.

A few more weeks go by of this boring life, when it suddenly ...

What did the fish say when it hit a wall?

Dam.

I was recently asked to name two structures that contain water

I responded "Well, dam"

Did you know the Hover Dam was supposed to be twice as tall as it is now?

After some re-evaluation, they thought it would be 2 dam high.


I’ll see myself out...

I just watched a program about beavers

It was the best dam program I've ever seen

Some people came over a man lying on the middle of the road...

"What happened" they asked

"Black motorcycle, traveling at 50 miles per hour"..the man said in a whisper.

"Wow you can say that just by listening to the vibrations on the road !" The people exclaimed.

"No ! I fell off the dammed thing" croaked the man.

What do you call a narrow passage of water that is near a barrier that restricts the flow of water?

A dam strait.

Why should you never mess with a beaver in the wild?

Because it's none of your dam business.

Nation's attempt to impound water fails as barrier breaks loose

Citizens: Dam!

First attempt at dad jokes:what did father beaver told his son when he constructed his first dam?

Dam son!!!

What did the contractor say when the city complained about the overflowing river?

dam it!

A dam breaks and a city gets flooded

Everybody runs except for a priest who continues to pray in the church.A man with a car sees him and tells him to hop on. The priest replies "no thanks,God will save me."Time passes and the priest is knee deep in water.A guy in a boat sees him and also tells him to hop on.But the priest again declin...

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A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday

So shespends $ 15,000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, "I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 32," is the reply. "Nope! I’m exactly 50," the woman says happ...

Nearly 200,000 Californians evacuated due to Oroville Dam reaching a likely catastrophic failure. You may think this isn't the time to bring up politics however this is Trump's fault.

No man made structure was built to hold so many liberal tears.

Sylvester Stallone, Jean-Claude Van Dam, and Arnold Schwarzenegger

So one day, Sylvester Stallone, Jean-Claude Van Dam, and Arnold Schwarzenegger were sitting together in a bar, kicking back, drinking a few brews, talking about life and talking about the roles they'd played in movies.

As the three men talked, each was surprised to realize that all three of t...

As the world’s population swelled over the past few decades, Santa’s sleigh got heavier and heavier, requiring more reindeer to pull it.

Santa hired two new reindeer as crew, Lee and Franklin.

As part of their new hire training both Lee and Franklin go through a lot of physical training, navigational training, as well as a list of things that is to be packed on the sleigh.

Franklin is going through the list of banned it...

Wife came out the shower giggling at this joke she just thought up: Why didn’t the beavers send any wood down the river?

Because they didn’t give a dam.

Why is it so common for dams to be built upstream of towns? (OC)

When the mayor is informed about the possible flood hazards they say "damn it."

Out of all the animals that take from the land

The beaver is the only one that gives a dam

A artist is thinking of what his new work should be when his wife bursts into his office...

"I'm sorry to say this," she announces. "But a viewer of one of your paintings died from poisoning because of an unsafe form of paint you used...and we've been sued a billion dollars... your career as an artist is over...I'm sorry..." she then bows her head. The artist drops his jaw and prepares to ...

Whistleblower reveals that the government is concealing cracks in Hoover Dam.

FBI is still looking for the leak.

Did you know that if you took all the men who died while constructing the Hoover Dam and stood them all on top of each other...

... you'd be arrested.

A boy is selling fish..

A boy is selling fish on a corner. To get his customers' attention, he is yelling, "Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here!"

A pastor hears this and asks, "Why are you calling them 'dam fish.'"

The boy responds, "Because I caught these fish at the local dam." The pastor buys a cou...

Whats the difference between golfing and cliff jumping?

One goes “whack, ... Dam” The other goes “Dam, ... Whack”

One day, a young deer named Frank Lee went out with his mother...

As they were carrying on with their daily business, they came across a river with a beaver building a dam.

The young deer asked his mother, “Why is the beaver building a dam?”

His mother responded, “Not for long. Watch and learn, son.”

The mother then proceeded to destroy and wr...

Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border.

The Italian Customs Officer stops them and tells them "It'sa illegala to putta 5 people in a Quattro."

"Vot do you mean it's illegal?" asks the German driver.

"Quattro meansa four" replies the Italian official.

"Quattro is just ze name of zefokken automobile" the German says unb...

Wanna hear an overused water joke?

No? Dam.

I was trying to convince my rich friend of mine to sell me his source of hydroelectric power.

But he didn't give a dam.

A pastors wife goes to the fish market

She’s looking to make fillets for dinner and asks the guy behind the counter for a suggestion.

“I’d recommend this right here, ma’am. It’s new to the market.”

“What kind of fish is it?” She asks.

“It’s dam fish, ma’am.”

The pastors wife abruptly says. “How dare you use th...

[Breaking] Muslim terrorists have crashed a speedboat full of explosives into the base of the Hoover Dam...

Police suspect this might be the first attack in a month long operation named Ramadam.

If you stop water with a dam...

...do you stop holy water with a goddamn?
If you psychically stop holy water for a living, can you mind your own goddamn business?

-&y
(Yes i wrote that myself)

Someone once challenged me to tell a joke about beavers

I told them: Dam, I can’t .

Hey girl are you blocking a water source

Because... Dam.

My original joke on my tinder profile. Idk if this should be on r/dadjokes

Dam's biggest dilemma...

Dammed if I do, damned if I don't.

A man fell into a river in Oregon a week ago and was eaten alive by beavers

Dam

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A pastor is traveling home when he spots a man selling food.

"Dam fish! Get your dam fish here!" Yells the man. The man explains to the pastor that he caught these fish at the local dam, which is why they're named dam fish. The pastor buys one and takes it home to his wife.

When he gets home, he tells his wife to make dinner. "Cook the dam fish!" His ...

A devout Christian man living in New Orleans refuses to leave his home after hearing news of an imminent hurricane and flood.

A richly devout Christian man lives alone in New Orleans. He keeps to himself mostly, isolating himself in prayer and self-reflection with little care for the outside world.


One day, the man notices it growing dark outside earlier than normal. He steps outside and feels the wind has pick...

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A dammed soul is led through hell by the devil...

... they pass rooms of various torture and suffering. "Your room is right over here" says Satan, pointing to a cell filled with fire and hot coals. Just before entering the condemned man sees his neighbor's cell. It is a comfortable cocktail lounge. The Man's lawyer, also recently dead, sits on a co...

What did the selfish beaver say to the deer that asked him to help stop the flooding affecting her grazing grounds?

Frankly, my deer, I don't give a dam.

There's too much water flowing in from the river...

Dam it.

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What would you call a “cock-block” in Canada?

a beaver dam

r/jokes has a discord and you need to join!

Because I am getting pretty dam sick of y'all agreeing with each others.

Beavers aren't empathetic

They never give a dam.

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A guy call the reception desk at the hotel where he is staying.

The receptionist answer and the man calmly says: please I need your help, my wife wants to jump out the window from the 10th floor. The receptionist says: It is late in the night sir and There is only me and a maintenance guy in the building, no one can help you. Besides it is a personal matter, I t...

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