Did you know the Hover Dam was supposed to be twice as tall as it is now?

After some re-evaluation, they thought it would be 2 dam high.


I’ll see myself out...

Dam Lawyers

I got another letter from this lawyer today. It said “Final Notice”. Good that he will not bother me anymore.

Beavers are great dam builders and Canada's national animal.

That's why Canada is the best damn country in the world!

(*Hopefully* original joke) What did the fish say when it swam into the dam?

Ma nose!!! (Minnows)

A boy is selling fish on a corner.

To get his customers' attention, he is yelling, "Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here!" A pastor hears this and asks, "Why are you calling them 'dam fish.'" The boy responds, "Because I caught these fish at the local dam." The pastor buys a couple fish, takes them home to his wife, and asks her...

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The dirtiest joke my Grandma ever told me.

A mother puts her two sons to bed, before they fall asleep.

The older brother tells his little brother, "I think it's time we started cussing."

The younger brother asks, "Well what are you going to say?"

The older brother responds, "I'll say, Hell."

The younger brother sa...

A solar panel, a wind turbine and a hydro dam are all getting to know each other.

‘What kind of music are you into?’ asks the dam.
‘I’m into trance’, replies the solar panel.
‘Ooh, too intense for me’, dam says, ‘I much prefer classical melodies, maybe a little 60s soul at the weekends.’
‘What about you Mr Turbine? What are you into?’
‘Me?’ He replies, ‘I’m a huge met...

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So a priest is walking across the market and he hears a fisher yell”DAMN FISH GET YOUR DAMN FISH” so the priest walks up to the fisher and says “you can’t just swear like that you’ll make god angry” on which the fisher replies “this is an misunderstanding these fish were caught at the dam they’re

Dam fish” The priests understands what the fisher means and buys 2 dam fish when he comes home the priest asks his wife “can you cook these dam fish for supper tomorrow”on which the wife replies surprised”dear you’re a priest you can’t just swear like that” on which the priest explains the situation...

Dam I wish I'd thought of it first

A rabbit and a beaver is sitting staring at the Hoover Dam.
The rabbit says, "Did you really build it?"
The beaver responds, "I didn't actually build it, but it is based on my design."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dam Buster?

Theres an old village in a valley some where with a Dam at one end.

One day theres an earthquake and a crack appears in the dam and the village starts to slowly flood.

The emergency services and army are called and the village is cleared, other than the village church where the priest ...

The PM of Canada issued the building of a dam

The dam was finished and started working, giving the people much needed electricity. Years passed, and the PM eventually got a pet deer which he named Frenklie. When a privatisation wave had recently hit his country, the deer asked him why he wasn't giving the dam for privatisation as well. The deer...

What does DAM stand for?

Mothers against dyslexia.

What do you call a depressed dam in Iraq

A Saddam

I used to work at a hydroelectric plant.

It was the best dam job I ever had.

There was a boy standing on a corner selling fish. He was saying, "Dam fish for sale, dam fish for sale."

A preacher walked up and asked why he was calling them dam fish.
The kid said, "I caught them at the dam, so they're dam fish."
The preacher bought some, took them home and asked his wife to cook the dam fish.
His wife looked at him in bewilderment and said, "Preachers aren't supposed to ...

Why is Amsterdam the worst place to live in?

Because it's in a dam-nation.

When we were visiting the hoover dam. I started to get a bit hungry. I asked my parents,

“Wheres the dam snack bar?”

A rabbit and a beaver are looking up at the majesty of the Hoover Dam

And the beaver says to the rabbit

"Well I didn't build it but it's based on my design"

A man was dumping toxic waste into a river.

Suddenly, the sky darkened, lightning flashed, and a glowing woman appeared, hovering above the river.

**"For your crimes, I curse you to only speak in words related to water!",** she intoned, and then vanished in another flash of lightning.

The man stood, shocked, before gathering his...

What did the beaver say when his crush rejected him?

Dam.

What do you call an oscillating dam?

Damn, that rocks.

A pious priest is taking a tour of the Glen Canyon Dam...

A pious priest is taking a tour of the Glen Canyon Dam when, suddenly, a hole blasts out of the side of the dam and water starts to pour out.

The priest knows that if the reservoir is emptied, the people downstream will be flooded and have to leave their homes.

He turns his attention t...

I watched a documentary about hydroelectricity last night.

Best dam movie I’ve seen in a while.

Someone asked me to name two things that hold water.

And I was like, well dam.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does sperm say...

During pregnant sex? Oh baby!

During oral sex? Oh spit!

During sex with a condom? Oh dam!

During anal sex? Oh shit!

A dam breaks and a city gets flooded

Everybody runs except for a priest who continues to pray in the church.A man with a car sees him and tells him to hop on. The priest replies "no thanks,God will save me."Time passes and the priest is knee deep in water.A guy in a boat sees him and also tells him to hop on.But the priest again declin...

What did the fish say when it ran into the brick wall?

Dam

P.s. sorry if you know this one

It's Monsieur!

A man starts his vacation in France at a popular restaurant. He opens the door then suddenly stops, but he sees a gentleman walking towards him.
He gestures to the door and says, "Ma dam-" but the gentleman cuts him off. "It's Monsieur." And the gentleman walks off looking annoyed. Thankfully a ...

Nearly 200,000 Californians evacuated due to Oroville Dam reaching a likely catastrophic failure. You may think this isn't the time to bring up politics however this is Trump's fault.

No man made structure was built to hold so many liberal tears.

What does the Pope say when the Grand Canyon starts to flash flood?

God, dam it.

First attempt at dad jokes:what did father beaver told his son when he constructed his first dam?

Dam son!!!

You know an engineer is getting to good for his job when he says

Dam straight

Sylvester Stallone, Jean-Claude Van Dam, and Arnold Schwarzenegger

So one day, Sylvester Stallone, Jean-Claude Van Dam, and Arnold Schwarzenegger were sitting together in a bar, kicking back, drinking a few brews, talking about life and talking about the roles they'd played in movies.

As the three men talked, each was surprised to realize that all three of t...

When a river sees a beaver

"Well, I'll be dammed"

Whistleblower reveals that the government is concealing cracks in Hoover Dam.

FBI is still looking for the leak.

I had to quit my job at the Corps of Engineers.

That job was just one dam thing after another.

Dam's biggest dilemma...

Dammed if I do, damned if I don't.

The beaver says "I didn't build that, Your Honor."

The judge points at the picture of the pile of logs in the river and says "we have damming evidence against you"

I'll see myself out

Why is it so common for dams to be built upstream of towns? (OC)

When the mayor is informed about the possible flood hazards they say "damn it."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pastor’s wife walks into a butcher shop

She sees the most perfect looking cut of meat in the display case and asks the butcher what kind of meat it is. “That’s Dam Ham,” he replies
“I bet your PARDON?!” the lady says, “I am a good Christian woman, and I would kindly ask you not to use that kind of language.” The butcher explains, “Oh n...

Corny

If nuns had a business building dams what would it be called

Nun ya dam business

It’s corny but I tried

If you stop water with a dam...

...do you stop holy water with a goddamn?
If you psychically stop holy water for a living, can you mind your own goddamn business?

-&y
(Yes i wrote that myself)

There was a hunter who lived alone in the middle of the forest, in a small house by the river..

A short distance down a slope in front of his house, he had a garden where he would grow vegetables to supplement his diet of forest game and fish.


One morning, he awoke to the sounds of a thunderstorm and rushing water. Quickly getting dressed and stumbling outside, he saw the river ...

[Breaking] Muslim terrorists have crashed a speedboat full of explosives into the base of the Hoover Dam...

Police suspect this might be the first attack in a month long operation named Ramadam.

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A man was walkin along a path and spots a thing on the ground

He leans down and says,
"Hmm... It looks like poop".

He then feels it and says,
"it sure feels like poop"

He then smells it and says,
"fuck that shit smells like poop"

He then tastes it and says,
"I'll be dammed that thing is poop, thank god I didn't step in it"
<...

What did the male beaver say to the female beaver when she said she wanted him to build something nice for her?

“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a dam.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A dammed soul is led through hell by the devil...

... they pass rooms of various torture and suffering. "Your room is right over here" says Satan, pointing to a cell filled with fire and hot coals. Just before entering the condemned man sees his neighbor's cell. It is a comfortable cocktail lounge. The Man's lawyer, also recently dead, sits on a co...

The date I took to the AC/DC concert had buck teeth, giving her a cute beaver smile

She was the best dam woman I had even seen

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A father goes shopping in a market.

At the market he sees a man selling large potatoes for a substantially higher price. He asks the seller, "What are you selling that's so expensive?"

The seller answers, "They're dam potatoes."

"Mind your language!" says the father, very offended.

The seller replies, "No Sir, the...

So two fish are swiming

One of the fish hits a concrete wall the other fish turns and says dam

Have you heard the one about the man who got ticketed for blockading his local river?

It's a dam fine joke, if I do say so myself.

When the reservoir looks kinda holy

god dam

What did the beaver say to the doe when asked to do contract work for charity?

"Frankly my deer, I don't give a dam"

What's the difference between a sock and a camera?

Dam. You seriously don't know?

WHO IS MATH

And why does he have so many dam problems

Where do hamsters go on vacation?

Hamster-dam

A pastors wife goes to the fish market

She’s looking to make fillets for dinner and asks the guy behind the counter for a suggestion.

“I’d recommend this right here, ma’am. It’s new to the market.”

“What kind of fish is it?” She asks.

“It’s dam fish, ma’am.”

The pastors wife abruptly says. “How dare you use th...

Was talking to the guy down the street and he said he’s got a stream that runs through his property but would really like a reservoir.

I said “Well dam.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man called James Woodling dies

His family and friends send out letters to dress for the occasion.
The next week the funeral starts everyone is sad and distraught but one person isn’t there his best friend Dave, suddenly there’s a shout from over the hill.
It’s Dave but he’s wearing an inflatable penis costume.
James’s mo...

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Cock blocked

If a guy gets cock blocked does a woman get beaver dammed

I heard Michigan just had the worst flood in 500 years.

Dam.

What did the contractor say when the city complained about the overflowing river?

dam it!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday

So shespends $ 15,000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, "I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 32," is the reply. "Nope! I’m exactly 50," the woman says happ...

A boogie board was abandoned in a man-made lake.

Days or maybe even weeks go by without it interacting with anyone or anything.

It drifts mindlessly around, because no one is there to direct it. It starts to day dream about a time where it wasn't alone in a glorified pond.

A few more weeks go by of this boring life, when it suddenly ...

A small town is constantly suffering catastrophic flooding when the nearby river crests...

The mayor puts out a solicitation for someone to offer a solution to this problem. Three men respond: a civil engineer, a chemist and a literary critic. They arrive to the town, and the civil engineer and the chemist go to the city hall to present their approaches, but the critic checks into a nearb...

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