What do panties and nail polish have in common?

Both come off with alcohol

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A Polish man married a Canadian girl after he had been in Canada a year or so, and although his English was far from perfect, the couple got on very well.

One day, though, he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked if he could arrange a divorce for him, "Very quick!"

The lawyer explained that the speed of getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked these questions: LAWYER: "Have you any grounds?"

POLE: "An acre and...

A Polish man calls 911

Operator: 911 what's your emergency?

Pole: Help! My wife is trying to kill me!

Operator: How do you know?

Pole: I checked her medicine cabinet and found Polish remover!

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When a woman removes polish with chemicals, nobody bats an eye.

But when Hitler removes Polish with chemicals, everyone loses their shit.

I have a Polish sound engineer friend.

I also have a Czech one, too.

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An Italian, a Jew, and a Polish guy apply to be Police Officers

They all ace the written exam and it's time for the interviews. The Italian has his interview and it goes great, the interviewer says, "Okay, one last question. Who killed Jesus?" The Italian says, "The Jews." Then the Jew has his interview and ends with the same question, "Who killed Jesus?" The Je...

Why did the Polish guy throw away his food stamps?

They tasted terrible

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A polish guy asks a japanese guy a question.

Polish: Why is Japan the least obese country in the world?

Japanese: Did I tell you what happened the last time we had a fat man in Japan?

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.

First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.

The optician showed him a card with the letters

' Z A S T R Z E Z Y N S K I '

'Can you read this?' the optician asked.

'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'

My Polish grandmother used to perform for a ballet company...

It was always awkward listening to her Pole Dancing stories.

A polish pilot is going in for a landing when he realizes the runway is not long enough. After putting on the emergency breaks he screeches to a halt, missing the airport with the nose of the plane by mere feet.

The enraged pilot told the reporters later on "This is an obvious design flaw in American airports, why the hell would they make the landing strips so short? Or so unbelievably wide!?"

At Polish man has an appointment at the oculist

The doctor shows him a sign:.


WYRZYKOWTACZ.


Doctor: "Could you read those letters?"


Polish patient: "Letters? I know that guy!"

An American and a Polish farmer are riding the train together through Europe.

Feeling hungry the Polish farmer pulls an apple out of his bag.

American asks:

\- What is that?

\-This? An apple.

\- Ha Ha! Apples in America are 3 times that size.

Some time goes by, Polish farmer wants another snack. He takes a carrot out of his bag.

Ameri...

An Italian and a polish guy are walking down the beach...

An Italian and a polish guy are walking down the beach wearing Speedo’s. While walking they get a lot of attention from women, but it seems that all the women are interested in the Italian guy!

After the day was over the guys are hanging out and the polish guy asks, “Ok you have to tell me w...

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Nobody panics when things go "according to plan".....

If women remove polish with chemicals, nobody panics, because it is all "part of the plan",





But when Hitler removed Polish with chemicals, well then EVERYBODY LOSES THEIR MIND!!!

Last night, I gave my girlfriend a medieval battle uniform to polish while I went to the bar...

She always said she wanted a night in, shining armor.

What’s long and hard that a Polish bride gets on her wedding night ?

A new last name.

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[NSFW] A retired polish porn star moves to America with his family.

He eventually gets to old to live by himself during the days no one is there so they find him a home. His son asked him, "how are they treating you, are you enjoying it?"

"Yes!" He replied, "They treat everyone here with much respect! Tom down the hall was a doctor and they still call him Dr...

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Yossel Zelkovitz worked in a Polish pickle factory.......

......for many years, he had a powerful, almost uncontrollable desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer.
Unable to stand it any longer, he finally sought professional help from the factory psychologist.


After six months of intense therapy, however, the frustrated therapist gave...

Yesterday I went to the Polish embassy.....

It was really shiny

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Polish girl at gynecologist

A Polish girl went to the gynecologist. She disrobed and got up into the stirrups.

The doctor was so shocked at the neglectful state of her vagina he asked, "When was the last time you had a checkup?"

"Well, to be honest with you," she blushed, "I've never had a Czech up there, but I h...

A man walks up to the store clerk and asks "In what aisle could I find the Polish sausage?"

The clerk looks at him and says, "Are you Polish?"

The guy (clearly offended) says, "Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?

Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?

Or...

A Polish Guy Goes to the Eye Doctor

A Polish guy goes to the eye doctor for a checkup. He sits in the chair and the eye doctor says to him, "Can you read the chart on the wall?"

The guy replies, "Read it? I know him!"

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An American man, a French man, a Turkish man, and a Polish man are sitting in a bar.

The Bartender asked what the four men are most proud of for their country. The American man says: “I’m really proud of the CIA. They know the details of almost every major event in the U.S,. They often even know it before it happens!”
The French man says: “I’m proud of French women. They are very...

Polish public toilets were useless during the war

They were always occupied

Help! I spilled polish remover on a globe

Now there’s a hole in Europe

A Polish police officer pulls over a German tourist.

Officer: Good day, license and registration, please.

The tourist gives his license and registration to the police officer.

Officer: What is your age?

Tourist: 31 years old.

Officer: Occupation?

Tourist: No, just visiting.

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No more Polish jokes folks.

All these Polish jokes here are very hurtful. Yesterday my friend who is Polish had read enough and tried to commit suicide by jumping out his basement window.

What do you call the stage at a Polish strip club?

Empty. It only has a Pole.

A German traveling to Poland stops at a Polish Border Security Point.

Polish Border Control Officer: "Nationality?" German: "German" Polish Boder Control Officer: "Occupation?" German: "No, just visiting"

Polish women are like goalies.

They both change their pads every 3 periods.

What do you call a tool used by a Polish combat medic?

A Warsaw

An atheist buys an Ancient Roman Catholic lamp at an auction, takes it home, and begins to polish it.

Suddenly, a genie appears, and says, "I'll grant you three wishes, Master."

The atheist says, "I wish I could believe in you." The genie snaps his fingers, and suddenly the atheist believes in him.

The atheist says, "Wow. I wish all atheists would believe this." The genie snaps his f...

An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet–Polish friendship, to be called "Lenin in Poland."

When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests; the painting depicts Lenin's wife naked in bed with Leon Trotsky. A voice calls out, "But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin?" To which the painter replies, "Lenin is in Poland."

What's the difference between a Polish wedding and a Polish funeral?

One less drunk.

A Polish man walks into a store

He walks up to the guy behind the counter and asks for a Kielbasa.

The guy replies ...you're Polish right?

He replies. How did you know???? By the way I pronounced "Kielbasa"

The guy replies "No this is a furniture store"

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A Polish patriot finds a magic lamp...

As he begins to wipe it off, a genie appears. The genie thanks him for setting him free, and grants him three wishes.

The patriot thinks carefully, and then says: "I want the Mongol hoards to sack Warsaw, and then march home!"

The genie doesn't understand, but a promise is a promise...

What do Germans use to clean their shoes?

Polish.

Let me tell you about my Uncle Ernest. He drank furniture polish and died.

It’s a sad story with a beautiful finish.

The news reports of a Polish terrorist who tried to blow up a bus...

Poor guy...burned his lips on the exhaust pipe...

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Girls use chemicals to remove polish and, no one bats an eye

Hitler uses chemicals to remove Polish, and everyone loses their mind

Edit: NSFW was requested

Edit: yes, this is a repost. Sharing the laughs.

An Italian guy, English guy and a Polish guy ...

.... are applying for the same job and they are all sitting in the waiting room together.

Interviewer is a middle aged man, opens the door and calls the English guy. They sit down and the interviewer asks
-The job you are applying for requires powers of observations. Make an observation a...

The Germans are sieging the last of the Polish resistance on the border of Romania and a few Polish troops are saying their last words

The first one says, "We will come back by the seas."

The second one says, "And by the air."

The third one simply says, "Hey, you think they have good Periogi in Romania?"

Two guys were working at the airport, when a foreigner walked up to them...

He asked them in Spanish, where the luggage pick up was.

Neither could understand him, so they raised their hands and shook their heads that they don't understand.

He asked again, in German.

Again, the two workers did not understand him.

He tried in Polish and then aga...

Two Polish guys were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train.

A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they'd never seen before. Each bought one. The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel. 

When the train emerged from the tunnel, he looked across to his friend and said, "I wouldn't eat that...

How do you confuse a Polish labourer?

Lay down an axe and a shovel and tell him to take his pick.

The entry requirements of the Polish Club are strict...

You have to have an untarnished reputation.

A Polish joke translated to english

Two guys were living in the same apartment building in identical flats. The first guy visits the second one and sees that he just painted his flat and it looks great.
"This looks amazing" the first guy says and asks how many cans of paint he bought. The second guy says he bought seven.
The nex...

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An Italian guy, a Polish guy, and a Japanese guy all apply for a job at an office.

The manager hires all three and tells the Italian, "Ok, you take care of the inventory". Tells the Polish guy, "You take care of accounting" and tells the Japanese guy, "You take care of supplies."


The manager comes back after an hour and sees the Italian guy and the Polish guy working, ...

An American dog, Polish dog and a Russian dog were discussing things so the American dog tells them that if you bark long enough, people will give you meat. The Polish dog asks "what's meat?"

The Russian dog asked "what's bark...??!!"

The Polish couple next door to me have 3 children

I asked them why they stopped after three and they said because one out of every four children born is Chinese, and wanted to avoid all the awkward questions.

How do you know if a polish guy stole your bike ?

You see him running down the street with it.

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Polish guy buys a ticket to a movie.

One minute later he buys another ticket. Another minute later he buys yet another ticket. Finally, the gal at the ticket booth say, “Why do you keep buying multiple tickets to the same film?”

The Pollack says, “Every time I try to enter the theater, this asshole rips my ticket up!”

How many Polish soccer players does it take to score a goal?

2: One polish player to score the goal, and one polish goal keeper to try to stop him.

I had a polish cleaner helping around the house, it took them 4 hours to clean the front room carpet.

It turns out she was a slo-vak.

Why does the new Polish Navy have glass bottom boats?

To see the old polish navy.

What's the cleanest language in the world?

Polish

How many polish people do you need to form a place of congregation?

Ten poles

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As I was approaching my driveway, I saw a big black man running away with a TV in his hands and I wondered if it was mine.

Upon entering my house, I was relieved to see that mine was at home polishing my shoes.

A Polish man sends his daughter abroad to study

She comes back and says "father I have a confession. I'm pregnant and I don't know who the father is!"

The Polish father buries his face in his hands and says "oh sweety, this can't be true!" He looks up at her and says "Are you sure it's yours?"

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A man goes up to the counter to order a Polish sausage.

The cashier asks, “Hey, are you polish?”

The man then responds, “You think I’m polish just because I ordered a Polish sausage? If I ordered a wiener schnitzel would you think I’m German? If I ordered sushi would you think I’m Japanese? If I ordered Pizza would you think I’m Italian?”

T...

A joke told by my Polish grandmother....

Two Russian policemen are walking down the road on patrol when they encounter a penguin crossing the street. One says to the other, "One of us should get him and take him to the zoo."

The other volunteers, tells the first to wait until he returns, picks up the penguin and heads off down th...

What do women's panties and nail polish have in common?

What do women's panties and nail polish have in common?

They both come off with alcohol.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A German ugly man, a ravishing blonde and an ultra-hot brunette are sitting in a train on its way through the Alps.

The hotties are talking and at some point the man listens to this:

Blonde: "I heard Native Americans have not only nice dicks but they are also very long!"

Brunette "Yes, I've heard of that. The weird thing is that Polish men also have very nice penises but they are also very thick!"...

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