UPJOKE
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Poles Jokes

A team of Swedes and a team of Norwegians are hired one day to put up telephone polls...

Their manager explains to them how to drive the poles into the ground, and leaves them to their work while he goes off to attend to other business. At the end of the day, he comes back to see what progress has been made. First, he sees that the Norwegian team has put up 15 poles.

"For a job w...

Poland is full of Poles

Holland is full of Holes

Three men applied to put up telephone poles.

The foreman sent them each out with a truck and 20 poles, telling them to come back after 8 hours.

The first man returns and says "I put up 12 poles."

The second man returns and says "I put up 15 poles."

The third man returns and says "I put up 3 poles."

"Three?" asks the...

I stole a few poles from a building site the other day...

Unfortunately none of them spoke a word of English so I ended up taking them all back.

If Russia and Germany would invade Poland again, who the Poles will shoot at first?

Germans. Business before pleasure.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My buddy Norman was a great guy, but he was obsessive about power poles.

True story. My buddy Norman had mental issues.

He used to go around with a slingshot, shooting stones at the insulators on power poles. The police would pick him up, hold him overnight, then let him go in the morning. He would eventually find a new slingshot, then go right back to shooti...

What kind of trees are telephone poles made from?

Tall ones

Overheard from an old man at McDonald's

Why don't fire stations have poles any more?

Brexit.

What do you call a guy who likes sitting on flag poles?

A flaggot.

Why don't firemen have poles any more?

Immigration limits.

Ole and Sven grabbed their poles and headed out to do some ice fishing.

As they were augering a hole in the ice they heard a loud voice from above say, "There are no fish under the ice." Ole and Sven moved about 25 feet over and started to make another hole. The voice said a little stronger, "There are no fish under the ice." They both looked around and then looked up. ...

What will happen when the Earth's magnetic poles flip?

I dunno, but I heard Santa's been interviewing penguins to see if they can pull a sleigh.

When rich people go fishing, who hands them their fishing poles?

The Rod Stewart

What did the poles do during world war two?

They held the telephone wires off the ground.

2 Poles are watching a Football game...

There is an attack by one team and the first Polish dude says:

-I bet you 20 bucks he will not score

-You are on - Replies the second one.

The attack goes through and the person scores. So the the first
pole reaches for his wallet, but the second one stops him saying:
...

What did Jesus say to the Poles before he went up to Heaven?

"Play dumb until I get back."
[Favorite joke of my Polish friend Ania.]

Two scientists bring a polar bear to the South Pole

Two scientists bring a polar bear to the South Pole

Scientist 1: So this polar bear can survive in both the north *and* south poles?

Scientist 2: that’s correct. However, he’s prone to mood swings in the south

Scientist 1: maybe it’s his wife?

Scientist 2: or his husband...

Why do some presidents make such great fishermen?

They know exactly how to rig the poles,
tell tall tails, and lie about the size of their cache.

A small collection of my favorite science jokes

A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “How much for a drink?”

“For you, sir, no charge!”

 

What's 2 times 2?

Physicist: “After some measurements I am fairly sure it is somewhere between 3.81 and 4.13!”

Mathematician: “After some consideration ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three Poles are talking about what's the drunkest they've ever been in their lives

The first one says, *"You might not believe me, but I got so drunk once that I woke up in an alleyway 3 blocks away from my home!"*

The second one says, *"Hah! That's nothing! I got so drunk once that I woke up in a different town altogether!"*

*"You guys are a bunch of pussies...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

“Can you work a pole?”

So the other night my friends and I are having a few drinks and our one female friend is an ex-stripper, so we got into the topic of dancing and she looked at me and said “yeah, can you work a pole xschlots?” And for some reason the first comment that comes out is “I mean yeah my family’s mostly Ger...

A telephone company is hiring for a position digging holes for telephone poles.

Two applicants, Bob and George, come forward. They both are well qualified for the position, so the hiring manager devises a competition to see who will get the job. He says "Whoever digs the most holes with a telephone pole in it will get the job." At the end of the day, the manager asks how many t...

Last night Philadelphia residents climbed light poles, flipped over cars, and set dumpsters on fire

Then things really got out of hand when they learned the Eagles won the Super Bowl

A wife borrows her husbands car, loses control and wraps it around a pole

She calls him up to explain the situation and ends the call with "Should be fine though".



Livid, the husband demands to know what the hell she means by that.



Wife: "Well it's a Mercedez"

Husband: "Damn it woman, what has that got to do with anything?"

Wife...

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