What do you call a buff guy who predicts the weather and can treat a UTI?

A meaty urologist.





BONUS (courtesy of my girlfriend)



What do call someone who's available 24/7 and treats cancer?

An always oncologist.

Why is Jesus so buff?

He uses Crossfit

The Goldberg Brothers - Are well known as the Inventors of the automobile Air Conditioner.

Here's a little known fact for automotive buffs, or just to dazzle your friends. The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Maxwell, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946 , the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees. 


The four brothers ...

I went to the gym to workout, and a group of buff guys walked past me and called me a fat loser.

Technically they were right, because I lost a lot of fat.

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Anniversary.

A couple are celebrating 70 years of marriage and this year the wife says:
"Dear, do you remember when we use to have breakfast in the nude?"
"I want to do it again"
The couple has breakfast in the buff and the husband romantically says," Your just as beautiful as you were so many years ago...

What did the weak dinosaur say to the other buff dinosaur?

I don't like a-steroids.

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Rags To Riches Success Story

A real touching success story! 

Every morning, the CEO of a large bank in Manhattan walks to the corner for a shoe shine.  He sits in an armchair, examines the Wall Street Journal and the shoe shiner buffs his shoes to a mirror shine. 

One morning the shoe shiner asks the CEO: "What do...

What do you call a buff terrorist?

Osama Bin Liftin

How come Thanos is so buff and strong?

He's a member of Snap fitness.
Sorry, had to blow the dust off of this joke.

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For the upcoming new year I made a raunchy calendar involving buff, handsome men from the mines. I was arrested by the police.

For sexual or suggestive content involving Miners.

What are the names of Tupac's two,very buff,brothers?

Sixpac and Tupec.

Guy passes a buff guy on the street and asks, "Are you a pole vaulter?"

He says, "No, I'm German. How did you know my name was Walter?"

A buff man with a orange-sized head..

A well built man with a head the size of an orange walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender quite shocked inquires “do you mind me asking about the size of your ahead?”. “Sure..” he acquiescently replies.

“Not long ago I was lost in some woods. I don’t know how I got there. As I was...

What does a buff zombie want?

Gaaaaaaaiiiinnnnnnnnnssssss.

Why is Jesus Christ so buff?

Crossfit

How does a Ham Radio buff send a break-up message?

Remorse Code

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NSFW A woman was eying the buff lad carrying out her groceries...

Not able to keep her passion in check any longer and says to him, "Ya know, I've got an itchy pussy." To which he replied, "Ma'am, you'll have to point that one out 'cause all them Japanese cars look the same to me."

Buff pig

Stopped at a bar for a few cold ones and a bbq pork sandwich for lunch. The pig must have been some kind of workout freak, because this pork is shredded.

How do you comfort a grammar buff?

There, their, they're.

An old couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, “Just think, we’ve been married for 50 years.”

“Yeah,” she replied. “Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.”

“I know,” the old man said, “but we were probably sitting here stark naked fifty years ago.”

“Well,” Granny snickered, “what do you say, should we strip?”

So the two stri...

One day God visits St. Peter at the pearly gates and tells him heaven is too crowded and to not let so many people in and gives St Peter a quota for each day.

Later that day 3 men approach looking for entrance into heaven. Peter turns to the men and tells them that only 1 of them is able to enter into heaven. To decide which one gets in he asks them how they died. He tells them that the man with the best death story will get into heaven.

The first ...

Two Muscled Buff Girls

were at their gym working out one day. About halfway through their workout one of the girls turns to the other and with a very serious face says.
"I'm really thinking about getting off of steroids."

Second girl sets her weights down, "Why would you do that?"

"Well i'm getting hair...

Did you hear about the barista who became really buff?

She's been working on her French Press.

How do you make a buff guy talk to you for hours?

ask about his routine.

A Canadian visits a small church while on holiday in Scotland.

The Canadian is intrigued by the intricately carved pulpit and, being something of a history buff, would like to know more about it so approaches the little old vicar.

"Excuse me sir, would you be so kind as to tell me what the pulpit is made of?"

"Aye. Wood."

"You would?"
...

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A man was trying to lose weight

A man was trying to lose weight and stumbled upon an advertisement by a company that advertised weight loss of 10 pounds over the course of just one week. He decided he had nothing to lose so he decided to give it a try.

The very next day his training sessions started. He was greeted by a stu...

An F-15 pilot was assigned to escort an aged B-52 Bomber

Being a bit bored he started executing loops and rolls, never worried about being able to catch up to his lumbering charge. He got on the radio to boast to the BUFF pilot.

"Ha! Anything you can do, I can do better!"

The bomber pilot replies, "Oh, yeah? Let's see you do this!" and kee...

The Potato

A man went to the beach in hopes of meeting a pretty girl, but he couldn't attract attention no matter what he did.

He noticed another man in a speedo and a cowboy hat. All the girls at the beach were flocking around him, flirting and smiling. The man walked up to the guy in the cowboy hat an...

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An eccentric billionaire wanted a mural painted on his library wall so he called an artist.

An eccentric billionaire wanted a mural painted on his library wall so he called an artist. Describing what he wanted, the billionaire said, "I am a history buff and I would like your interpretation of the last thing that went through Custer's mind before he died. I am going out of town on business ...

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Pope taking a shower!

The Pope was having a shower and although he's very strict about celibacy, he occasionally felt he needed to exercise the papal wrist, and this happened to be one of those occasions. Just as he reached the Papal climax, he saw a photographer taking a picture of the Holy semen flying through the air...

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So I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink...

When a buff guy walks in staring down the entire bar. He walks up to me, grabs my drink and downs it. He slams the glass back onto the table so hard I thought it was gonna break . I looked in disbelief and he asks "What are you gonna do about it bitch?"

I start crying from being so intimidate...

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So a Cruise Ship Sinks...

So a cruise ship sinks in the middle of the pacific and three guys find themselves stranded on a desert island after being adrift in a life raft for a week.

After being on the island for a couple days a plane flies overhead and sees their SOS on the beach. With their supplies almost exhauste...

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So a guy is having drinks at a bar .....

After a while he looks over and sees a huge jar stuffed to the brim with 20 dollar bills. He asks the bar tender " hey whats with the jar? Theres gotta be at least 4 grand in there?" to which the bar tender replies " oh, you wouldn't wanna know. Its just a running bet" The guy says " try me. I love ...

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An old couple was staying at home, and the wife decided she was going to try to make home made soup.

So she geared up to brave the outside world and headed to the shops to get the supplies, leaving her husband behind in his office saying she was getting him a surpise, her only hint being "It's going to be really hot and steamy later!!". The husband, assuming that she was going out to buy something ...

What would you do this Friday?

A beautiful girl at the gym approaches some very nice looking buff dude:

\- Hey, cutie! What will you do this Friday?

\- Chest and triceps.

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Joe visits his favorite museum's new exhibit.

Joe was on his way to his favorite museum. The museum had announced a new exhibit and he was extremely excited to be one of the first people to ever see it, since he got some early access tickets. When he got there, there were about 12 other people who had also gotten a ticket for today, so he assum...

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An old man checks out the local Nudist Colony to see if he wants to join

The clerk invites him to take a nude, self tour. He agrees and proceeds to go for his tour, completely naked, sporting only his cigar... not five minutes into his stroll he sees a beautifully shaped young lady in the buff which aroused him quickly... the young lady, noticing his erection decides to...

Buffet should be called...

Buffat

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An Amish family takes a day off to visit New York City

An Amish family takes a day off to visit New York City.

They drive their wagon all the way into Time Square because they want to find a hotel with a room overlooking all of the cool sights they have never seen. The husband drops his wife and kids off at the front door of a super fancy hotel a...

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Pornhub

During sex I suddenly stopped, my girlfried asked why.

Shhh i said, i saw this on pornhub, its called buffering!

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So a guy walks into a bar for a beer

Sits down and spots a jar full of 20$ notes , he asks the bartender what it was for and the bartender explains that if anyone does the 3 bar challenges , they would get the jar as a reward . So the man asks what the challenges were and the bartender starts explaining ...
1. You have to go knock o...

Buffalo Tattoo (bad joke)

I've recently started going to the gym so I can have big arm muscles but I'm thinking of quitting and just getting a buffalo tattoo instead. That way when I wave to people it can still be a buff hello .

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It's game 7 of the Stanley Cup

It's game 7 of the Stanley Cup, and a man who is a major hockey buff managed to score a ticket. Granted, it was in the worst seat possible, but he was still happy. As he's watching the game, he notices that a seat in the front row is vacant. He assumes someone is in the bathroom.
"I'd hate to pay...

A man and a mouse get drunk in a bar...

Finally, the barman tells them that the bar is closing, so they go out and sing a song together in the street.

Then, an incredibly buff man comes out of his balcony and yells:

"Hey! Will you two shut it or do I have to come down there to do it myself? I'm trying to sleep!"

The d...

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I don't get the point of weightlifting competitions

If I wanted to see a bunch of buff guys doing something I'll never be able do I'd just watch porn.

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Desert Deployment Story [OC] [Long]

When I was deployed to middle east there were these Asian or Arabic guys who made food and cleaned out the port-a-johns and things like that. (I can’t tell what ethnicity they were because I’m from the Midwest and I don’t meet anyone who isn’t white or Latin-American or Vietnamese.)

Anyway o...

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A billionaire commissions an artist to paint a mural in one of his currently white walls in his mansion...

The billionaire is a huge history buff. He tells the artist to depict his interpretation of the final thoughts of General Custer at the Battle of Little Big Horn. He trusts the highly recommended artist that upon his return in a week, the mural will be incredible.

The billionaire returns a w...

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A business owner is looking to have a painting commissioned...

He has this decently sized white wall in his office, and asks a local artist to paint a mural on it.

The artist asks, "Well, what kind of mural were you thinking?"

The owner is a huge American History buff. He thinks for a bit, about the revolutionary war, the civil war... he decides ...

The 3 Paddies Encounter a Genie

The 3 Paddies encounter a lamp, and the decide to buff it up a bit, as it was dust covered. While polishing, out emits a Genie.

The genie tells them that he is going to imprison them each for 10 years, the same length of time he was trapped in that lamp. But, he will allow them each to choos...

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I was at the Natural History Museum

and I saw the Neanderthal exhibit. Those guys were buff studs.

no homo

What's the worlds strongest animal?

A 'buff'alo

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