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Dominatrix Jokes

Why are demolition experts and dominatrixes alike?

They both like wrecking balls

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy visits his favorite dominatrix

He puts his money on the bedside table and says “I’ve been bad, mistress. I need to be punished.”

She makes him strip and bend over as she whips his quivering bottom.
Next she makes him crawl into bed and ties him securely to the bedposts.

She runs her whip over his flesh and, as ...

After I gave $200 to a dominatrix,

I was strapped for cash...

I feel kinda sorry for overweight dominatrixes

....always getting picked last for kickballs

Why did the dominatrix go to the chiropractor?

She had a kink in her neck

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s a dominatrix’s favorite accent?

Cockney

What’s the dominatrix lemon’s favorite band?

Sublime

I accidentally flogged another dominatrix's client.

Oops, wrong sub.

Why did the dominatrix join the submarine crew?

...She's just got a thing for subs.

At nighttime, never tell your dominatrix girlfriend

it's time to hit the sack.

Dominatrix author onlyfans creator seeks a fellow writer to be my sub

Basically I need a sub-scriber

What would both a recovering alchoholic and a dominatrix take as a compliment?

"I'm very impressed with your restraint."

What's the difference between Julius Caesar and a dominatrix?

He said "I came, I saw, I conquered."

She said "I saw, I conquered, I came."

Why does a French baker make a great a dominatrix?

She has a lot of experience selling pain.

My wife said she'd like to try dominatrix.

Beats me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jimmy goes to see a dominatrix...

Jimmy goes to see a dominatrix that all his buddies keep recommending.

He nervously tells her, "All my friends said I should ask you for a 'Classic Vlasic Ass-Lick'. But they wouldn't tell me anything else. What is it exactly?"

She explains, "Well, first I'm going to strip you naked a...

Why does a dominatrix make the best mod?

Because they can whip any sub into shape.

My dominatrix business was failing, but I managed to save it.

I had a whip round with my customers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A dominatrix walks down the hallway of her brothel...

...into one of the many rooms. Inside, there's a man blindfolded, handcuffed, and chained to the floor. She walks up and slaps him as hard as she can and says, "Who's my little bitch?"

The man screams and yells, "What the fuck are doing?"

The mistress was confused, she'd been prepped f...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend is a dominatrix.

She wanted to try anal but I couldn’t say no, my hands were tied.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the chef ask the dominatrix for?

Buttered nuts and squash.

Im a dominatrix with a side business in toys

I sell pro-pain, and pro-pain accessories

Guess what the dominatrix said to the masochist.

You'll kick yourself when I tell you...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A dominatrix was trying to improve her PR so she changed her name to Harm

One day she was getting a medical check-up and she realized she would have trouble paying her doctor. Being a sex worker, she tried to see if there was an alternative way to pay.

“Doctor, isn’t there something we can figure out?”

“I see where this is going and I appreciate the sentim...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend is off out to buy a dominatrix outfit on Saturday.

Although she prefers to call it a wedding dress.

During the pandemic governments have told people to work from home.

So if you're a dominatrix you must press ctrl + U.

I met a furry dominatrix with an amazing sound system

You wouldn't believe how many sub woofers she has.

My dominatrix is busy training a new assistant...

I guess she's showing her the ropes.

TIL you can lose your job as a dominatrix by whipping the wrong guy.

Whoops, wrong sub.

Guys, I just met the hottest woman. She’s a Russian dominatrix.

Her name is Ivana Stepanyadick.

What do Rick Ross and a dominatrix have in common?

They're both interested in whips and chains.

My first day as a dominatrix I walked into another dom's chambers

Oops, wrong sub.

What does a dominatrix and Indiana Jones have in common?

They both ride on top of subs.

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I just emailed in my application form for a dominatrix club..." he tells the bartender.

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I just emailed in my application form for a dominatrix club..." he tells the bartender. "What happened?" the bartender asks. "I got an instant reply thanking me for my submission."

2 masochists went to a BDSM convention

The convention was doing a special showcase of some dominatrixes who were considered the best at their job, they were all on separate booths where they would give out free samples and show off their techniques.

On the first day the more experienced masochist wanted to go to the woman with th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW]: A woman walks into a bar ...

A woman walks into a bar and appears to be depressed. Alone, she begins drinking heavily. A man walks into the bar soon after with the same expression on his face and sits a few stools down from her while also beginning to drink heavily. Eventually, the woman slides down and asks him what's wrong....

My tinder date invited me back to her house tonight, and while she was in the bathroom, I had a cheeky look in her wardrobe. Inside, there was a nurse outfit, a police woman's uniform and a full dominatrix bodysuit, so I quickly pulled on my pants and snuck out of there.

I don't want a girlfriend who can't hold down a job.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Kinky Stuff...

So a guy walks into a bar with a really long face looking very dejected and sits at the bar and orders a drink. A while later a woman walks in also looking very down, sits a couple stools over from him and orders a drink.

Eventually they start chatting and she asks him,"Why the long face?"...

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