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Promiscuous Jokes

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While in China, an American man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom the entire time he is there.

A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots.

Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days ...

What do you call a promiscuous horse?

A whorse

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Women from Idaho are quite promiscuous [nsfw]

You ask her where she's from and she brings up her sex life!

Why are waitresses so promiscuous?

Because they're either getting a big tip or feeling shafted

Why did Post Malone's promiscuous behavior get him the nickname 'Kevin McAllister?'

Because he was Ho Malone.

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A man asks his doctor: "Do you think I'll live to be a hundred?"

The doctor asks the man "Well, that depends. Do you drink?"

"Oh, no sir! I abstain from all alcohol. Soda, too. I just drink plenty of fresh water."

"Do you smoke?"

"No, sir! Never smoked in my life, and I stay away from any place with second hand smoke."

"Do you eat a lo...

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What’s a promiscuous Latina’s favorite snack?

Papi cock

I hooked up with a very promiscuous native American.

I think I now understand why they call him "fire snake"

What do you call a group of attractive, promiscuous witches?

An Easy Bae Coven.

What's the difference between a large spiny rodent and a promiscuous conifer?

One's a porcupine and the other's a pine you pork

My last girlfriend was a promiscuous impressionist.

She did everybody.

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Panda and a Prostitute

A panda spent the night in bed with a prostitute. The following morning as he is about ready to leave, the prostitute yells after him, "Hey, aren't you going to pay me?"

The panda appears confused, so she throws a dictionary at him and tells him to look up 'prostitute.'

The definition ...

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Two promiscuous citrus fruits have unprotected sex

They get lemon-aids

I might have burned to death giving head in the world's most promiscuous bathroom...

...but at least I went down in a blaze of glory.

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I want to live my next life backwards

You start out dead and get that out of the way.

Then you wake up in an old age home feeling and start feeling better every day.

Then you get kicked out for being too healthy.

Enjoy your retirement and collect your pension.

Then when you start work, you get a gold watch ...

Did you hear about the promiscuous Jewish doe?

She spends a lot of time getting a few bucks off!

What do you call a promiscuous egg?

Humped-me Dumped-me

Promiscuous women and Wal-Mart have a lot in common...

A lot of people will hate on them and say how much they think its wrong or they dont like it, but at the end of the day, if its 4 am and you're inside of one you're gonna thank god they exist. Plus afterwards you're always showered with regret and guilt but you keep doing it anyway because you have ...

Doctor, how can I live longer than 100 years?

Do you smoke?
No.

Do you eat too much?
No.

Do you go to bed late?
No.

Do you have affairs with promiscuous women?
No.

Then why would you want to live more than 100 years?

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A king has to go out and fight a crusade during the middle ages. he knows that his wife is very promiscuous and doesn't trust her to stay loyal while he is gone. he decides to install chastity belt device that whenever someone trys to have sex with her, their penis gets chopped off.

10 years later he returns from the crusade. he calls all the men from the village into his castle and orders them pull down their pants. one by one the men pull down their pants. the king finds that almost every man has their dick chopped off. however, the last man in line is still holding strong. t...

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Raunchiest joke I told when I was younger (NSFW)

A beautiful woman approaches a man at a bar and offers him a proposition "For $200 I bet I can suck your dick and sing the national anthem at the same time." The man figures he can get some head and actually get paid for it, so he obliges. The woman takes him into the closet, starts sucking, and sur...

How many Southern Baptists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two: One to screw the lightbulb, and one to convince the lightbulb that the lightbulb’s sinful, promiscuous behavior is what caused the first one to screw it, and if the lightbulb gossips to the police about being screwed, it would be damaging the church’s mission of preaching the Good News of Jesus...

Where did the promiscuous girl from Belgium go to plant her flowers?

ze Hoegaarden.

Post Malone and his family went out for dinner, while his sister was the only person left in the house. When they came back, they found out the neighbours had started referring to her as a promiscuous woman.

After all, she was Ho Malone.

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Two wives go out.

Two wives go out without their husbands.
Suddenly, they feel the urge to pee, but the without a toilet in sight the only place where they can find relief is in a nearby cementaty.
The first wife realises she has no paper so she cleans herself with her panty and throws it away.
The sec...

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A king suspected his queen of infidelity

Once a king suspected his queen of infidelity. She was pretty promiscuous and he suspected her of sleeping around. So he devised a plan. When she was sleeping, he planted a knife in her privates. He then went hunting for a week. When he came back, he told all his courtiers to strip down. Everyone ha...

Punjabi joke translated to the best of my abilities.

There’s a guy that lives in a village that is rich but illiterate. So, one day his friend whose well educated visits him and in conversation tells him that he should get an education. The guy’s like why?
The friend replies:”It makes you wise.”
The guy says:”How?”
The friends asks him:”Well ...

A lady went into a bar in Waco and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table.

He had the biggest boots she'd ever seen.
The woman asked the cowboy if it's true that men with big feet are well endowed.

The cowboy grinned and said, "Shore is, little lady. Why don't you come on out to the bunkhouse and let me prove it to you?"

The woman was a bit promiscuous ...

Confession booth

A man sat in the confession booth in church and said : “Forgive me, my Father, for I have sinned !”
“What have you done my son ?” The priest asked.
“I had a Promiscuous dream !! I dreamt that I the touched the breast of Kim...”
Silence prevailed for a moment, followed by the noise of the pr...

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The Voodoo Dildo

A man is about to go abroad on a business trip, but he is worried about his wife cheating on her because she is has strong sexual cravings and has been known to be promiscuous in the past.

The man decides to go to an adult store to find her a sex toy to satiate her desires, and finds himself ...

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A Man Goes To His Doctor for a Complete Checkup

He hasn't been feeling well and wants to find out if he's ill. After the checkup the doctor comes out with the results of the examination.

"I'm afraid I have some bad news. You're dying and you only have one year to live." the doctor says.

"Oh no, that's terrible. Is there anything I c...

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The kids at school used to call my mum the village bike

She wasn’t promiscuous; when I was six years old she went missing and they found her in the canal.

(Mat Ewins)

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Amish jokes

Have you heard about the promiscuous Amish lady?
She had two Mennonite

I had the Amish flu last week. At first I got a little horse. Then I got a little buggy... but yesterday I got butter

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The ladder to success.

A man is walking home from work one day and passes by a ladder against the side of a building. A strange looking individual in a croaky voice says to him, "would you like to climb the ladder to success?"

"What a silly pun!" Said the man, "I'm in no hurry, why not!"

So the man starts c...

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[NSFW] Glitter

A White guy, a brown guy, and a black guy go on a road trip. Along the way to their destination, they have engine issues and the car breaks down. Nearest service station is over 50 miles away, fortunately for them, there is a house farm nearby.They get to the door and knock.

An old, bitter l...

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