UPJOKE
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Pimple Jokes

What did the pimple say to the other pimple when she stole the first pimple's boyfriend.

Get away from him you dirty pore!

Whats the difference between a pimple and a priest?

A pimple waits until you're 12 to come on your face

At first, I really hated the large pimple on my nose.

But it’s grown on me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man bets his boss 5000$...

that he (the boss) has a pimple on his ass.

"No way!" - says the boss and accepts the bet.

He opens his ass to show to the man. The man says: "It's too dark here, move to the window so I can see better". The boss moves to the window. "Ok, you were right, there is no pimple on your ass"...

My wife is into these pimple popping videos on YouTube.

She's completely abcessed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I️ had a pimple on my right butt cheek

Popping it was a real pain in the ass.

What do pimples and social media influencers have in common?

They both start off small, randomly grow huge, explode, then leave a nasty scar until one day we forget they were ever there.

That's all guys, bye.

When I was a teen I had so many pimples...

in the library a blind man was trying to read my face.

What did the prison guard give to the criminal?

Pimple cream so he won’t break out.

What did one pimple say to another?

Hey, what up cyst-ah?

What do you call it when a spider gets a pimple?

Arachne

Favorite Amphibian Joke

I'm sure many of you have heard this, but it's one of my favorite frog jokes:

A man walks into a bar with a large frog growing out of his forehead. The bartender couldn't help staring at it, finally he had to ask: "Where did that come from?" The frog looked him straight in the eyes and croake...

What’s worse than getting two pimples?

Getting Shot

Alcohol removes pimples and warts.

Not from me. From the people I look at.

So a pimpled man goes to the doctor...

He comes in, but refuses to sit down. The nurse asks if there is anything she could help him with.

He waves her away politely, and holds his suitcase in the air, bumps the top of it and an entire stool comes folding out. He places the stool on the ground and tries to small talk with the nurse...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Keep ‘em Dry!

Two old ladies are sitting on a park bench and enjoying a cigarette when it suddenly starts to rain. One of the grannies digs in her purse and pulls out a condom from it’s wrapper. She slides her cigarette inside the rubber and smiles, now her cigarette won’t get soaked by the rain.
“Mary, wher...

A man walks into a doctor's office with a frog growing out of his head. "My god!" Says the doctor "How did that happen?"

"It all started with a pimple on my bum." replies the frog.

Do you know what your pimples do while you're asleep?

Nothing really, the just zit there.

I wanted to write a skincare joke, but it just kept getting longer and longer, with more and more steps...

So I thought I'd just keep it pimple.

What's the difference between a priest and a pimple?

Pimples don't come on boys faces till they hit 13

What is the difference between a pimple and a Catholic Priest?

A pimple doesn't come on a boys face until he's 13.

This joke is all in good fun, sorry if anyone happens to be offended!

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library.

When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

The Race!

Johnny was 16 years old and wanted a motorcycle really bad. But his parents said he couldn't get one until he graduated from high school. So, he saved up all his money, and when graduation day came, he threw his graduate cap up in the air and walked right down to the nearest Harley Davidson dealer a...

I want to stop randomly talking about acne

But there's no pimple way to do it

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a physician that shits on zits ?

Dr. Pimple Pooper

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was having trouble sleeping at night....

....due to a persistent and irrational phobia of monsters being under his bed. Despite knowing that there were no such things as monsters, his brain refused to let go of the fear that had haunted him all his life. He was undergoing therapy with a psychologist, but had gotten nowhere in several years...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A notorious womanizer left a trail of broken hearts behind him, until he betrayed the wrong woman - a practicing witch.

The morning after she caught him with another girl, he awoke with an itchy bump in the middle of his forehead. He thought it was a pimple, but it continued to grow to ridiculous proportions throughout the day. In a panic, he sought the advice of a physician, who examined the man and ran tests on the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The boy with the wooden eye.

There was a poor kid in Highschool who only had one eye. He couldn't afford a glass eye so he had one made out of wood. The wooden eye looked terrible and he was very self-conscious about it.

Despite his appearance he always tried to score a date with the hottest girls in school. One day in ...

What are those little pimples on a female areola around her nipples?

It's Braille for "Suck here!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man shows up at a doctors office with the frog that has grown out of the top of his head

"Can you explain to me when all of this started and how it all developed?" asks the doctor.

"Well, let me tell you, it all started as a small pimple on my ass..." says the frog

What’s the difference between catholic priests and pimples?

Pimples doesn’t come on young boys faces until they are in their teens.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Trucker is hauling a B-double with three containers full of computer parts.

It's getting on toward dark, and so he stops at a steakhouse for a bite.


The first thing he sees is a sign on the door:


NO THONGS


NO SINGLETS


NO NERDS


MANAGEMENT RESERVES THE RIGHT TO REFUSE ADMISSION


No nerds? Weird. But whatever...

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