My girlfriend is mad because I could only last 2 minutes in bed

In my defense it was doggy style so it's more like 14 minutes.

Q : "Do you the difference between 5 minutess of sodomy and 5 minutes of doggy style ? "

A : "No"
Q : "Do you have 10 minutes ?"

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Had sex with the wife for 30 minutes doggy style

last night. That's about 4 minutes in human time.

At breakfast, a husband says to his wife, "I want to try doggy tonight."

Surprisingly enough, the wife agrees.

So that night, both quite excited, the husband cooks his wife a lovely dinner.
After enjoying the meal they head upstairs and get into bed. The husband leans
over to his wife, kisses her on the cheek and says, "night night sweet heart"

The wi...

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NSFW Two guys are on a camping trip...

And on the last day, they can't decide on what to do. So one decides he'll go for a lonely walk in the forest, while the other goes to a mountain lake.

When they meet up in the evening, the forest guy is "Hey, how did your day go?"

"Awesome. I went to this mountain lake, and there was...

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My wife only lets me have sex doggy-style

I have to sit up and beg while she rolls over and plays dead.

Why do Canadians do it doggy style?

So they can both watch the hockey game.

I bought a dachshund on a cowboy’s recommendation.

He told me to get a long little doggy.

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My boyfriend wants to do doggy style.

He's been on my ass about it all day.

[OC] I just spent my morning break writing this joke.

Jeff had spent most of his adult life in prison for a string of drug offenses and theft. He is finally being released at 28 years old after a decade in prison.

He approaches his jailhouse lover, Vince, a former English teacher and schoolboy fondler. Vince was a little sad to say goodbye, and...

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Two Friends graduate together from a college. One of them becomes a businessman and the other becomes a forest officer

After a few years, the forest officer (FO) invites the businessman(BM) to visit him in the jungles of which he was incharge. The BM agrees at once and arrives at the forest within a week. They talk about old days and everything and then the FO takes him out to the jungle for a tour. A kilometer insi...

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Studies show that doggy is the most common sex style among married couples.

The husband sits and begs. The wife rolls over and plays dead.

I tried to start a doggy day care, but it failed within the first couple days.

I only had a ruff idea of what I was doing.

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Well me and the wife have doggy sex every night.

I sit at the end of the bed panting and begging and she rolls over and plays dead

Doggy Style?

Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives.

"Do you and your wife ever do it doggie style?" asked the one.

"Well, not exactly." His friend replied, "She's more into the trick dog aspect of it."

"Oh, I see, kinky, huh?"

"Well, not exactly. I sit up and...

Do you guys like jokes about the exchanging of bodily fluids for doggy biscuits?

Well, urine for a treat!

Why do redneck couples love to do it doggy-style?

That way they can both watch the Monster Trucks.

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There's some soldiers in Vietnam.And they've been pinned down in their trench for days.

Finally one guy says,"Fuck this I really have to pee guys. Lay down covering fire, i'll run into the bushes.When I'm done I'll give a signal and you can give me covering fire while i run back."

So they lay down fire, and he runs off into the jungle.

But he's gone for a good half an hou...

An old pub had a dog called Rover

An old pub had a dog called Rover, who all the patrons loved. Unfortunately, one day Rover passed away. To honour the passing of their beloved dog, they cut off his tail and pinned it above the fireplace.

With this, Rover went up to doggy heaven where he was met at the pearly white gates by S...

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They say that the most powerful way for a woman to have sex is doggy style...

Then they're really bangin' on all fours.

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Did you know that gorillas prefer doggy style?

It makes my job as an ape sperm collector a real pain in the ass.

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One night my girlfriend and I walked our dog.

When the dog finished their business, I went to pick it up in a doggy bag but couldn't find it in the dark.

Girlfriend- "what's wrong?"

Me- "I can't see shit."

I’ve been dating my girlfriend since high school..

... and now as a senior in college people always ask us how we do it.

Well, usually missionary, I reply. Sometimes doggy if we’re feeling up for it.

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Doggy birth control

An old woman has two dachsunds, one male and one female. A friend asks her how she stops them breeding when the female comes into heat?
"I just put Trudi upstairs, while I keep Heinz on the main floor," the owner explains.
Puzzled, the friend asks how that helps?
The old girl replies, "Have...

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Little Johnny and his dad.

One night little Johnny wakes up to hear some banging on his bedroom wall and his mom sounding like she was in pain. He jumps out of bed and runs to his parents room, opens the door to find his dad on top of his mom giving her a good seeing too.
Little Johnny is horrified and shouts at his dad,<...

Doggy style

A young boy and his father are walking through a park when they see two dogs doing the dirty.
Boy: "Daddy, what are they doing?"
Dad: "Oh...uh...they're just making a puppy."
Later that night daddy and mommy put the boy to sleep and go off to their bedroom. After a couple glasses of wine th...

How did the doggy scientist get into his secret lair?

Through a Lab-bra-door.

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I was just wondering how different professions have given us words and phrases that mean sex, sexual positions or related to sex

Carpenter or other handy man - screw, bang, pound, nail, lay, grease, hose, pile, hammer, pipe

Sportsmen - score, hit, home run, game, ball, balls deep, knock it out

zookeeper or animal lover - hump, bone, beast, doggy style, monkey love, ram, raw dog

singers and other musical -...

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Apparently, there is a protest today in favor of doggy style sex.

Now that's a protest I can get behind.

Men shouldn't feel bad if they only last 8 minutes doing it doggy style...

Because that's almost an hour in dog time...

Why did the cowboy buy a weiner dog?

Someone told him to "get a long doggy".

I love it doggy style. But my wife always insists

...that I give her a treat afterwards.

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What do you call the act of turning over in bed to switch from the missionary position to doggy style?

A sexual revolution.

Whatcha doin?

Eatin chocolate.

Where’d you get it?

Doggy dropped it.

Where’s the doggy?

Out the door.

What’s he doin?

Makin more!

(Best way to read it is in cadence)

Why do tweakers do it doggy-style?

So they can both look out the window.

Doggy Sherlock Holmes was investigating a case...

Doggy Sherlock: Any leads?
Doggy Watson: Yes, Holmes. Two.
Doggy Sherlock: Excellent, lets take them and go walkies.

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Doggy Diet book

Did you hear about the new doggy diet book? It is titled "Shitzu shouldn't eat"

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A French man moves to America and begins looking for a job.

He walks into a bakery to meet with the owner. The owner is hesitant to hire him because his English is really poor, so he decides to try and find an excuse to not hire the man.

“Okay, I’ll hire you only if you can express to me the number 9 without using numerals or letters.”

And the ...

Me: I was recently diagnosed with Hyphil. My Wife: What’s Hyphil?

Me: Hi, Phil Swift here with Flex Tape! The super-strong waterproof tape that can instantly patch, bond, seal, and repair! Flex tape is no ordinary tape; its triple thick adhesive virtually welds itself to the surface, instantly stopping the toughest leaks. Leaky pipes can cause major damage, but Fl...

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A girl a priest and a dog....

A little girl is walking her dog, when a priest comes along and says,
"Hello, little girl. What's your name?"
She says, "Rosepetal."
He says, "That's a nice name."
She says, "Yeah. When I was a little baby a
rose petal fell on my head and my daddy
called me Rosepetal ever since....

"Whatcha doin?"

"Eatin chocolate."

"Where'd you get it?"

"A doggy dropped it."

"Where'd he drop it?"

"Behind the door."

"What's he doing?"

"Making more."

;)





My dad beats me every night

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Carl calls in sick to work.

His boss says, "I know you're not sick, you lay out all the time, now get your ass to work".

Carl replies, "No, I'm very sick, I'm not coming in."

The boss is pissed, so at lunch time he decides to go to Carl's house and bust him. When he arrives, he peers through the window to see i...

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An arab at airport

An arab at airport:

\- Name?

\- Abdul Al Razhib.

\- Sex?

\- Three to five times a week.

\- No, no, I mean: male or female?

\- Yes... male, female, sometimes camel.

\- Holly cow!

\- Yes... cow, dog, even sheep.

\- But isn't that h...

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Lost In Translation

Jannik had just arrived to america and could only speaker German, but he was staying with a friend who was teaching him English. After a few days his friend feels he has learned enough and sends Jannik on some errands to test out his English. First Jannik goes to the bakery down the street and order...

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3 guys talking at the bar about sex with their girlfriends.

Guy 1 "my girl loves it doggy style."

Guy 2 "well my old lady loves to do it 69 style."

They look at the 3rd guy. Guy 1 asks "why so quiet?"

Guy 3 seems reluctant and they encourage him.

Guy 2 "hey we told you about our girls so spill the beans"

Guy 3 "well if I ...

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A 1st grade teacher brings his class out for a science field trip to the local park

At the park, one of the kids screams "oh look! There's a big doggy poo poo here!"

The teacher requests that the class gather around and explains

"Look kids, I just taught you about our five senses haven't I?

Don't just rely on one of your senses to observe the world. We have fiv...

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Two dicks

I walked past a K9 police unit ghe other day and said to my girlfriend: Look, this doggy is walking around with two dicks.






To my credit, both policemen checked under the doggo before attempting to chase me.

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English man, French man and Italian man sat in a pub.

English man, French man and Italian man sat in a pub. Discussing how to please their ladies. The Italian say I kiss my way down my darling's body and she floats off the bed. The French man says I use a feather to tickle her clitoris followed by tantalising licking and my love floats two feet in the ...

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A man crawls into a psychiatrist's office on all fours with something in between his teeth.

The psychiatrists says:
"Oh, and what do we have here? A kitty?".
The man crawls into a corner. The doc goes on, saying:
"Maybe you're a doggy?".
The man changes corners, with the shrink saying:
"I see! You're a turtle!".
The man finally slaps and yells:
"Ju...

Next time you are with your girl try this new position.

It's called the bucking bronco. It's where you go doggy style then lean over and whisper another girls name in her ear and see how long you can stay on...

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A woman was at her doctor's office for her annual physical exam.

The doctor looked her over and said, "You seem to be in excellent health, but I noticed you have severe abrasions on your knees and elbows. Do you know what caused them?"

The woman blushed a little and said, "That's from having sex doggy-style."

The doctor asked, "Surely you must know...

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My favorite sex position.

So me and my girl were talking about previous lovers and what our favorite sex position was in our last relationship as well as our ex's favorite. So she went first and said that her ex-boyfriend's favorite position was doggy-style because he could grab her by her hips and really get in deep. She sa...

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A tale of two brothers

There were two dwarfs who decided to visit the city one night. They were twin brothers from a remote country town, and had decided to go out and celebrate their 21st birthday.

After some drinks and a nice dinner out, they were walking to the bus stop to go home, when they passed by a brothel....

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A man goes to the Doctor with a sex problem.

A man goes to the Doctor and say you have to help me. I wake up in the morning and I bang my wife. I go to work, and my secretary is on my desk, so I have to throw one in her too. I leave for lunch, the bosses wife meets me at my car and gives me a blow job. When I get home from work, the maid is th...

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