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Piece Of Ass Jokes

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I was sitting at a bar and asked the bartender where I could find a piece of ass

He told me to go to the back door, down the dark alley and give the woman there 20 bucks. So I go outside and hand a 20 to the woman there and started getting busy. After a few minutes, a cop walks past and shines a flashlight on us and says "What the hell are you doing?" and I said "Having sex ...

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What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?

A piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes.

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I got a piece of ass last night,,,

My finger broke through the toilet paper

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An elderly man and his wife buy an RV to hit the road and see the world.

They stop at a gas station and the friendly attendant strikes up a conversation. He asks where they’re headed. The wife is hard of hearing so she asks what the man said and her husband tells her. Then the guy asks how far they’re planning to go. The wife again asks her husband what the man said and ...

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While traveling through the country, an old couple drives into a gas station.

The gas station attendant asks the old man, "Where you folks from? I know everybody in this town."

The old man says, "We're from Nebraska."

Hard of hearing, the old lady nudges her husband, "What did he say, honey?"

The old man answers her, "He asked us where we are from." ...

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Twas The Night Before Christmas

Twas the Night before Christmas
And All Through the house
Everyone Felt Shitty
Even the Mouse
Mom on the Toilet
Dad smoking grass
I had just settled down for a nice piece of ass.

When out on the Roof
I heard such a clatter
I spring...

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What do you get if you cross a donkey with and onion?

Well 99 times out of hundred you get an onion with grey floppy ears, but that 100th time-- when the moon is full and the tides are just right-- you get a perfect piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes.

WHAT DOES A KISS TASTE LIKE?

One day a teacher had a taste test with her students. She picked a little boy to do the first test.
She blindfolded him, put a Hershey's chocolate kiss in 
his mouth and asked, 'Do you know what it is?'  'No,
I don't,' said the little boy.  
'Okay, I'll give you a clue. It's the thing yo...

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If the Indians gave the pilgrams a donkey instead of a turkey

We'd be having a nice piece of ass right now...

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What did you get for Christmas?

I got the same two gifts I get ever year. A shirt and a piece of ass.

Both of them are two sizes too big.

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A daddy dog was taking his puppy for a walk in the neighborhood.

As they came upon an empty tin can he said to his son: "While we are taking our stroll I will teach you three lessons, this is the first one, so watch carefully." And he went to the tin can and licked it clean on the inside.

They went on, on the other side of the road there came a lady dog, l...

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A young, southern buck went to Las Vegas.

Sitting in a cocktail lounge, and sipping on some bourbon, he beckoned the waitress and said quietly, "Miss, y'all sure are a luvly, luvly lady. Can ah persuade y'all to give me a piece of ass?"

"Wow, that's the most direct proposition I've ever had!" gasped the girl. Then she looked around t...

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Superman and The Flash

Superman and the Flash were jogging around Central Park when they spot Wonder Woman sunbathing naked behind some bushes. Superman says to Flash "That is one fine piece of ass" The Flash says "you know Superman, with my super speed I bet I can screw her brains out and be gone before she suspects any...

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Getting Old

An older couple is driving down to Florida from New Jersey for the winter. The old lady, who has lost much of her hearing, is pulled over at the Florida state line for driving at a high rate of speed.

The officer approaches the vehcile, looks in and asks the lady, "do you know that I clocked ...

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An elementary school teacher decided hand out candy and have the students guess what they are...

The teacher explains to the class the game they will be playing; guessing the candy she gives them. The class roars in excitement.


The teacher walks over to a student named Suzie, and hands her a peppermint. The student puts it in her mouth, and without skipping a beat says, "I know thi...

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Presents sucked... [NSFW]

I got a $60 video game for my son, $80 pair of skates for my daughter and a $500 fur coat for my wife. All I got was two sweaters and a piece of ass and they were all two sizes too large.

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Guess what it is, Jimmy

A little boy's first day in school and a teacher was going to play a "guessing" game. She passed out different items to each of the students and proceeded to ask each student what item they received.

When it was the new boy, Jimmy's turn, the teacher gave him a candy kiss and asked him, "Do y...

Don't Touch It, Timmy!

The teacher was very impressed with Timmy's answer to her question so she told him to come up to the front of the class, close his eyes and hold out his hands for a surprise. "But first," she said, "You have to guess what it is."

"A toy?"

"No."

"A new pencil?"

"No," s...

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Elderly couple is driving down the road and get pulled over.

The officer says "sir. You were doing 65 in a 45".
Old lady in the passenger seat says "What did he say?"
Man says "he said I was speeding"
Officer says "I'm gonna have to issue you a citation."
Old lady, "what did he say?"
Man "he's giving me a ticket"
As the officer is filling ...

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An old couple comes into a Ford dealership looking at getting a new truck

Salesman walks them around to a brand new single cab pickup, after all its just the two of them, they won’t need much space.

They hate driving in the big city, so the salesman’s driving, old man rivers in the middle and his wife on the right.

They ride around for a bit and the salesma...

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Little Johnny is sitting in class.

When the teacher says I've got a supprise for the students who got the best grades on the last test. She calls up three students and blind folds each of them, she says I've got a full bag of candy for each of you, if you can guess what kind of candy it is.Johnny sitting in the back just watching kno...

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One night a lone cowboy rode into a small town. He immediately went to the only saloon in town and ordered a drink.

While drinking he asked the bartender if there was a room and any women around. The bartender told him he had a room for rent and then glanced over to his friends drinking at another table.

They decided to play a joke on the cowboy. As the evening drug on, the cowboy became very drunk but was...

A guy with glasses walks into a bar.

A guy with glasses walks into a bar.
(few drinks later)

Guy: You know what? I don’t really have issues with my vision. I don’t need my glasses.

Bartender: Why do you wear them then?

Guy: Actually I wear my fake glasses to trick my wife. Whenever I wanna sneak a peek at a hot ...

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A Police Officer Pulls Over An Eldery Couple

A police officer pulls over an elderly couple and says, "You were doing 120 in a 90 zone. The lady asks, "What; what did he say!?", to which her husband replies, "You were doing 120 in a 90 zone."
The officer then asks for the lady's licence and registration. The old lady asks, "What; what did he...

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An old couple was driving through Kentucky

As they were driving down one stretch of highway, they got pulled over by a state trooper. The trooper approached the car and asked the driver to roll down his window.

"Hi sir, do you know why I pulled you over today?"

"Actually no sir, I don't."

"You were going 75 in a 55...

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