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Nookie Jokes

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The Penis Poem–by Willie Nelson

My nookie days are over,
My pilot light is out.

What used to be my sex appeal,
Is now my water spout.

Time was when, on its own accord,
From my trousers it would spring.

But now I’ve got a full time job,
To find the gosh darn thing.

It used to be embar...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a Muppet with a sex addiction?

Nookie Monster

The Marine and the Liberal Arts Major

A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom
approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a v...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So this young newlywed couple is on their honeymoon...

They're both kind of shy about sex, so they make an agreement after their very first encounter.

"I'll tell you what," she says. "Instead of any awkward requests for nookie, why don't you just reach over and squeeze my boob three times if you want sex. And if you don't want sex, squeeze it on...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW - sex problem

A guy goes to the doctor and says, “I got this sex problem, doc”.

“Well”, says the quack, “Tell me about your average day”.

“Well, it all starts in the middle of the night. My wife always wakes me up about 3:00 am for a nookie and then again about 5 o’clock so we can spend a couple of ...

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