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Coitus Jokes

Putin, Xi, Trump, Bolsonaro, Kim and Duterte are relaxing in bed after group coitus, when Trump sits bolt upright and says…

“Hey, hey guys? I have the best ties, the best, long, beautiful, red, nobody has ties like me, but I can’t seem to find my tie, my favourite - and not just my favourite, but many people tell me it is their favourite too, many people, in fact, someone called me up a few days ago crying, actually cry...

While we were in coitus, a skeleton fell from the chandelier (nsfw)

Well that certainly bones the mood

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a Magician call abstaining from sex?

*Coitus Avoidus!*

What’s the most common form of birth control at Hogwart’s?

*Coitus Interruptus*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Dad accidentally walks in on his 18 year old daughter engaging in coitus with her boyfriend.

His daughter says:
"Dad! I'm Sorry..."

Dad replies "Hi Sorry!" before turning to the boy and asking "Are you fucking Sorry?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I woke up to my girlfriend having sex with me

It was coitus surprise

Now clap....

So this joke comes from my once was uncle...

A guy and a girl meet at a bar.

She asks him to come to her flat.

They begin to engage in coitus.

She asks him to finger her.

He does.

She tells him "harder... faster.... more"

So he puts a third finger in....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and a woman have just finished celebrating their twentieth wedding anniversary...

A man and a woman have just finished celebrating their twentieth wedding anniversary and are heading up to bed for some twentieth anniversary maritals.

On the way up the stairs the woman glances at the pictures of their children and thinks about how much she loves her life. Once they get to t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My nephew and I were walking in the park...

My nephew and I were walking in the park when we saw two dogs locked in coitus. My nephew asked, "Uncle Mac, what are those dogs doing?" Thinking fast, I said, "The one in back hurt its paw and the one in front is helping it walk." My nephew then said, "That's just like some people. They say they'r...

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What do you call a stag with his eyes gouged out

no eye deer.

What if he's in the path of a car?

Still no eye deer

What if he's mid coitus too?

Still fucking no eye deer

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One day...

...a boy hears his parents having this huge arguement, so he eavesdrops on them the moment the mother called the father an 'asshole' and the father called the mother a 'bitch.' Being a confused 8 year old boy who had never heard these slurs before, he asked his parents about their meaning, and the p...

This joke requires you to <insert friend's name here>.

<Insert friend's name here> is walking along a country path and comes upon Mark Wahlberg enjoying some coitus with an unfortunate sheep whose head has become stuck in a fence. <Insert friend's name here> says, "Hey Marky-Mark, what are you doing to that sheep?" Mark replies, "I was just ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An artist is commissioned to paint a mural in the newly built city hall.

The city council has decided the mural must be an important scene from American history. The artist accepts the deal with one condition.

No one can see the piece before it is completed.

Begrudgingly, the town council accepts, a contract is signed, and the artist begins work behind a m...

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