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Pens Jokes

My wife,Rose,is leaving me because of my obsession with pens

Biros

I needed to pick up paper, pens, and envelopes from the store, but I had no gas in my car so...

...I rode my stationery bike.

Why do nurses use red pens?

In case they need to draw blood



P.s my mom told me this

I bought some fancy pens at a nudist art shop.

Felt tips?

No, but I cupped some balls.

Why did Shakespeare only write using pens?

Because pencils confused him. 2B or not 2B.

Boss asked me to buy counterfeit detector pens...

I said I’ll just get the real ones.

Where do pens and pencils go on vacation?

Pennsylvania

The worst part about shock pens...

They don't even write!

Anybody know someone that wants to buy letter openers, staplers, pens, and other office supplies?

Most of it is labeled with Capital Hill or U.S. Senate but it's all usable. Let me know! Thanks.

Why don't pens and pencils walk around?

Because they're stationary

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Not aware that 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet. The boy now has company.

Boy: ‟Dark in here.”
Man: ‟Yes it is.”
Boy: ‟I have a baseball.”
Man: ‟That's nice.”
Boy: ‟Want to buy it?”
Man: ‟No, thanks.”
Boy: ‟That's my dad outside.”
Man: ‟How much did you say the baseball was again?”
Boy: ‟$250.”

In the next few weeks, it happ...

I believe pencils are superior to pens, especially for filling out crossword puzzles.

Does that make me erasist?

I found a street that was made of coloured pens.

I guess you could call it a yellow Bic road.

Why do we use black pens on white paper?

So hangman is more realistic.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My penis is the same length as 2 Argos pens...

Also I'm not allowed in Argos anymore.

I can just about tolerate pens...

...but I have to say I draw a line with pencils.

So, I’m originally from Spain, and one the strangest things I discovered when moving to America was the was you hold your pens.

In Spain, we hold them straight up, whereas you hold them slightly on the side. I would always get weird looks when writing with my fountain pen. It’s not all that surprising.
After all, nobody expects the Spanish Ink Position.

I don't understand why banks keep their pens chained to the counter

If I trust you with my money, then you should trust me with your pen!

I've been using up the ink in all the pens and all the lead in our pencils.

Makes my daughter's Christmas wish list much shorter.

Why did Obama take all the pencils and pens when he left?

Cuz he knew Trump would bring his own Pence

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to the zoo today, but all of the animal pens were completely empty except for a single enclosure that had one little dog in it.

It was a shitzu.

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