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Paddock Jokes

Three scientists came across a sheep with black wool in a paddock.

The first scientist said “Seeing as this sheep has black wool, we must be able to conclude that all sheep have black wool”

The second scientist said “No, you are wrong. Seeing as this sheep has black wool, we can only conclude that some sheep have black wool”

The third scientist said “...

What happened when the cows escaped from the paddock?

Udder Chaos!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Australian Army Recruit sends home a letter...

Dear Ma & Pa,

I am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin’ on the farm - tell them to get in quick smart before the jobs are all gone! I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don’t hafta get outta bed until 6 am. But...

Two cows were talking in a paddock.

One cow said to the other, "what do you think about this mad cow disease?"

The other cow replied, "what would I care? I'm a tractor."

Two brothers are sitting in cow paddock...

When one brother turn and says...

Brother 1: "yo bro, I dare you to crawl under that cow!"

Brother 2: "Ok I'll do it, but what's in it for me?"

Brother 1: "Ummm... A big pat on the back?"

There's 2 cows in a paddock

One says "moo" the other says "damn, I was just about to say that."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A New Zealander and an Australian are walking through a paddock

and they come across a sheep stuck with it's head stuck in a fence. The Aussie turns to the Kiwi.

"Do you think we should help him?"

The Kiwi, not one to turn down easy prey, pulls his pants down in one smooth motion and takes the sheep from behind amidst a plethora of protesting bleet...

A DEA agent stopped at a ranch and talked to an old rancher...

He told the rancher ‘I need to inspect your property for illegally grown drugs.’

The rancher said, ‘OK, but don’t go into that paddock over there.’

The DEA agent exploded and said, ‘look, here. I have the authority of the federal government with me!!’ He removed his badge and displayed...

A friend from New Zealand

I had a friend from New Zealand, he grew up on a farm surrounded by cattle and livestock, since i grew up on a farm too, he and I bonded over shared experiences all the time. but one day, my friend approaches me after getting back from the paddock "Ey mate I think you need to shear ya sheep bro" he ...

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The Horse Joke (long)

So there are two racehorses.

A young racehorse and an old racehorse.

The young racehorse is about to run his first race and the old racehorse is undefeated going into his last race.

The old racehorse goes over to the young racehorse and says "Hey, you're a really fast runner. Y...

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says...

"Why is my bar in a paddock?"
The horse replies.."Well.. look who's got the long face now."

Why is that farmer so happy??

I was driving along a country road one day when I saw a farmer just standing up in the middle of a paddock with a big grin on his face, not moving, just standing there. So I stopped my car, got out and asked him,”why are you so happy?” And he said,”Because I’m out standing in my field!”

The Aussie and Texan

A Texan had flown to Australia to see his cousins farm. As the Texan arrives he remarks,

"Wow you call the little thing a truck, Over in Texas our trucks are three times as big" the Aussie farmer, standing next to ute shrugs and starts to show the Texan around.

As they a reach paddock ...

A stupid joke that my mum tells me a lot

So there are two cows eating grass in a paddock. One cow looks up and says "moo". The other cow says "hey, I was gonna say that!"

A guy regains consciousness in hospital with a golf clup imbedded in his skull.

The doctor acked him if he can remember what happened.

"Well, I remember I was playing golf with my wife. She sliced her tee shot into the cow paddock next to the fairway. We looked for her ball for a while but couldn't find it. On the off-chance, I lifted a cows' tail, and sure enough there ...

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The Fence

Two New Zealand guys were walking through a paddock one day when they come to a fence.

Stuck in the fence is a sheep. Only its head is stuck and its body on the men's side of the fence.

Without think about it one of the men, John pulls down his trousers and fucks the sheep. When he's f...

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A man took a job on an oil rig in the desert.

He was settling in well but after a couple of weeks felt the normal urge every man has and went to talk to his supervisor.

"I really like the job boss but I need some female company"

The boss replies "That's easy Joe, see those Camels over there, when your off your shift feel free to u...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The farmer and the rooster

A farmer decides that he wants to buy a rooster for his farm. One day the farmer brings home a rooster and puts in with all the hens. Immediately the rooster begins going at it with the hens, the farmer goes inside while the rooster carries on. Hours later the farmer comes back outside and notices t...

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The trick to impotency

A couple are trying to have a baby but have been so unsuccessful that the husband can't even get it up anymore from so much trying.

He's talking to his mates at the bar one night about it and no matter what his pals suggest they try he says they've already done it and it just doesnt excite hi...

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