Roses are 6, yellow is a number

I’m having a stroke, call a cucumber

It's yellow, and if it hits you in the eye, you die?

a bulldozer

What's yellow and can't swim?

A bus full of children

What's purple, orange and yellow and has wheels?

A dolphin. I lied about the colour and the wheels

Did you hear about the large yellow dog with a drug problem?

Turns out he was a Meth Lab

What do you call it when a yellow jacket has inflammation of the liver?

Hepatitis Bee

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Tim is driving to work when a man wearing yellow suddenly flags him down

He slows down, puzzled.

"Just who are you supposed to be?"

The man replies: "I'm a yellow cunt and I'll be on my way if you just give me some food!"

Tim is confused, but being a generally good-natured man, he gives the sandwich he was going to have for lunch, and the man skips a...

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Why does Rupert the Bear wear yellow checked trousers?

Because he's a cunt

What's yellow and can be found on the ground?

A yellow string on the ground.
.
What's black and can be found on the ground?
.

It's not a black string you dumbass, it's the shadow of the first strings.

A blue House is made of blue bricks, a pink house is made of pink bricks, a yellow house is made of yellow bricks. What is a green house made of?

Glass

A weird little German kid just handed me a bunch of yellow metal

Thanks for the gold, strange kinder

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There was a man in Jamaica who had only one testicle. Jamaicans being Jamaicans gave him the street name 'Onestone'.

He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.

After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, "If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!"

The word got around and nobody called him that any more.

Then one day a young woman named Bl...

What's yellow inside, black outside, silent, and extremely lethal?

A little ninja chicken.

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If men who like Asians have Yellow Fever what do men who like gigantic breasts have?

Boobonic Plague

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What do the colors in the German flag stand for?

Black: cars

Red: sausages

Yellow: beer

Blue: jews

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Joe goes to the doctor because his penis has turned yellow.

Upon hearing Joe's description of the problem, the doctor examines Joe and exclaims "Wow you're right. It's bright yellow! I've never seen such a thing. How long has it been yellow?"

Joe says "I only noticed it about two days but I dont know how it happened doc."

The doc says "Well, ha...

I took a cab and told the cabbie I was in a hurry...

The cabbie said no problem and starting speeding through the streets. We came up on a yellow light and instead of slowing down, he sped up and shot through the intersection.

I asked "Hey, should you slow down a bit?"

"Don't worry about it. All of my buddies drive this way."

We ...

I'm not racist,

I dont care if youre black, yellow or normal

Do you know why the Reddit Dragon is yellow?

It's got bananas for scales

What is Blue and Yellow and Comes in Brownies?

Cub Scouts!

Red Car Day

Red car day - in Honor of my Dad

My dad died 7 years ago. He was a worker in a factory in NYC during the by-gone, post-war era when times were good and jobs were plenty. The guys he worked with were all good friends over the years and enjoyed harmless pranks against one another to pass the ti...

What's yellow and you definitely should not drink?

A schoolbus

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A young man gets a flat tire and must find a place to stay for the night...

He knocks on the door of a nearby house and an old man greets him. The old man hears out the young mans predicament, and allows him to stay for a night. Later the young man hears strange noises coming from a red door on the other side of his room but goes to sleep anyway. Asking the old man the ne...

My wife said she's leaving me because I keep making silly puns about her dark yellow oven glove.

However, I wasn't expecting to wake up this morning and find her gone, I mustard mitt.

What happened to the frog who parked his car on the yellow lines?

It got toad

What is yellow and turns red ?

A chick in a blender.

Yellow cars have the highest crash rate

According to a recent pole

Why is there yellow in the Flag of Belgium?

To slow down the German vehicles a little bit before they reach the white flag.

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Yellow 24

A man goes to the doctor feeling ill. After checking the man over the doctor looks worried ‘ I don’t know how to break this to you, but you have a terminal disease known as yellow 24. Your blood will turn yellow and you only have 24 hours to live. I suggest you go and spend time with your loved ones...

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Why is piss yellow and jizz white?

So that you know if you are cumming or going.

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A women comes to sex shop

She aproaches the salesman and says "I want to take a look at your dildos please"
"Here, you can pick the blue one or the yellow one", salesman suggests
"I will take that big red one!" - Women shouts
"Ma'am, fire extinguisher is not for sale'

what color do you get when you hit a blue man with a yellow hammer?

Red

I realised the other day that I’m colourblind

That came out of the yellow

Why don't soldiers wear yellow and pink?

They'd get too much flak for it.

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I was at my buddy's bachelor party, when him and his brother handed me a glass full of yellow, lukewarm liquid. "Drink it!" they said giggling. It was only when I smelt it that I realized the prank the bastards were trying to pull...

Budweiser

The CIA has suddenly realized they've been making a horrible mistake

They've been using black sharpie instead of yellow highlighter for years

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A traveller enters a mysterious looking hotel and is greeted by a rather attractive girl sitting behind the check in desk.

She smiles at him, exposing slightly crooked teeth and endearing dimples. "You can have me, right here, right now." She gestures to a door he hadn't noticed before and continues, "Or, you can carry on to success."

The traveller is a little nonplussed, a little flattered about being propositio...

Why is urine yellow and sperm white?

So men can tell if they are coming or going.

A man walks by a beach.

He notices a man sitting next to two boats. He asks, "Are these boats for rent?"

"Which one?"

"Er... the yellow one?"

"Yes."

"How about the white one?"

"Yes."

Curious, he asks again, "How much for rent?"

"Which one?"

"The yellow one."

"T...

Came home the other day and my grandpa turned me into a young, slow-witted boy with a yellow shirt.

I was Morty-fied

What do you call a green bat that walks across a yellow bridge?

I don’t know, but at least it isn’t a repost

I was diagnosed as colour blind today.

It came completely out the yellow.

I make a living selling dehydrated body fluids, especially blood, yellow bile, black bile and phlegm.

I'm well renouned for my dry humors.

If brown cake tastes like chocolate and white cake tastes like vanilla, what does yellow cake taste like?

Uranium

I just got sent down to the stores for 10 metres of electrical wire, 6A rated, five cores (red, blue, yellow, black and earth).

Weird flex, but OK.

A friend told me that all apples were yellow...

I was like, "that's bananas"

My dad said there's too much red, yellow and blue in my house.

That's not my primary concern right now.

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A teacher handed out Lifesavers to her class.

She began to ask the children if they could identify the flavor by each candy’s color.

Pretty soon, the class had identified red for cherry, green for lime, yellow for lemon, and orange for orange. So the teacher tried a harder question. She handed out honey-flavored Lifesavers. Nobody cou...

Why was Hellen Keller’s leg always yellow?

Her dog was blind too.

My computer decided to replace all my icons to this weird yellow bubble with headphones...

The Audacity...

Two old timers sitting down discussing retirement

The first old man asks the 2nd if he's enjoying his free time.
The 2nd old man says "it's alright but I think my mind is starting to slip. I have a hard time remembering what way to put my underwear on in the mornings".
The first old man says "that's easy, yellow in the front, brown in the b...

Roses are red, Violets are blue

Sunflowers are yellow

I bet you were expecting something romantic but no, this us just gardening facts

Yo momma’s teeth are so yellow

When she smiled at traffic, it slowed down

What's yellow and feeds on dead beatles?

Yoko Ono

Watson found Holmes busily painting the front door bright yellow.

"What on earth is that, Holmes?"

"It's a lemon entry, my dear Watson."

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Creativity is the mother of efficiency

An Old Jamaican man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his Yellow Yam and Sweet Potato Garden , but it was very hard work as the ground was hard.


His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:...

I heard that some colorblind people see red as yellow..

God only knows why all of these people bought BMWs.

What do you call a black and yellow insect that isn't overly confident in itself?

A humblebee.

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A poem

A Republican, a hippy and an Alabaman belle,

A Russian, an Australian, two Africans as well,

An Englishman, an Irishman, a Welshman and a Scot,

An Arab and an Indian, some more that I forgot,

Five Mexicans on burro-back, sombreroed for the sun,

Bob-headed anti-vax ...

A guy walks into a library, goes up to front desk and in quite a loud voice says,.....

"Could I get a yellow chicken curry, a pad thai and two serves of steamed rice please?"

The librarian is a bit shocked, and in a whispered voice that none the less conveys her displeasure with the gent says, "Sir, you need to be quiet, this is a library, not a restaurant!!"

The guy loo...

How my grandfather passed his immigration exam

My grandfather arrived in the U.S from Cuba in 1969 and he loved telling us about how proud he was to become a U.S. citizen and how he was able to pass the immigration test despite knowing very little English.



Story goes: He sits down with the immigration official who was having a ve...

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A black man, a blue man, a green man, a pink man, a red man and yellow man walk into a bar...

The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind in here. Too much Risk."

The Immigrant

Nadir is an immigrant to the United States and he is trying to do it legally. So far he has passed all the tests. The tester tells him, "You only have to pass one more test and you will be a citizen of the United States. In this test, I will give you three words, and you will have to take those thre...

The teacher said to use the colors green, yellow, and pink in a sentence.

The 1st student goes.."i like the colors green, yellow and pink"

the 2nd student goes.."the grass is green, sun is yellow, and my shirt is pink"

the 3rd one, an asian, goes.."my phone went green green so i pinked it up and said 'yellow?'"

A man walks into a post office with a yellow envelope and a dollar

He then posts the letter to an address and leaves
After a week the same man walks in with the same letter and posted it again.
Same thing repeats for months, the man used to come every week.
Out of curiosity one of the workers at the post office asked the man, "why do you come every week an...

A buddhist monk goes to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

The vendor drops a kosher beef hot dog into a seed-covered bun and tops it with yellow mustard, chopped white onions, a dill pickle spear, tomato slices, relish, hot peppers, celery salt, and black pepper.

The monk hands over a $100 bill and takes the hot dog. The vendor takes the note and sm...

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today in the UK the MET office issued a yellow weather warning for impending snow...

... really just taking the piss there aren't they.

What is yellow, has one arm and can't swim?

- an excavator

Do you think that's funny?
Well, the excavator operator doesn't

What do the French call a yellow Jamaican man?

Lèmon.

I thought of this one myself shut up

How did the Polish mother teach her son to put on his underwear?

Yellow in the front, brown in the back.

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A brand new lumberjack is being shown around the work site where he will be felling trees.

The foreman takes him to the barracks, "Here's where you'll be sleeping, son, you have the top bunk over there" and motions to the corner of the room, "Up at 5 a.m., lights out at 10 p.m." The new hire looks at the shabby conditions but thinks he can put up with it for the pay he'll be receiving....

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If your urine is clear, you're hydrated. If it's yellow, you're dehydrated.

If it's white, you're shaking your dick too much.

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An old guy is sitting on a bus when a punk rocker gets on...

The punk rocker's mohawk is red, green, yellow and orange. He has feather earrings.

When he sees the old man staring at him, the punk rocker says, "What's the matter old man? Didn't you ever do anything wild when you were a young guy?"

The old guy says in reply "Yeah. One time I scre...

Keep saying yellow and soon enough

It'll sound like you're saying gullible.

Cowards are yellow, Russians are red,

Mix them together, it's Trump's orange head.

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