What's yellow and swings from cake to cake?

Tarzipan

What’s yellow and hurts when it gets in your eye?

A bulldozer.

What do the colors green, pink, and yellow have in common with a phone?

The phone rings green....green.....green, so you pink it up and say yellow.

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Why is Semen white but urine is yellow?

So you can tell if you’re cumming or going!

What do you call a steak made of little yellow guys?

A filet minion

What’s yellow and hangs from a tree?

Me if I was yellow and hung from a tree.

What’s green and hangs from a tree?



Leaves you idiot.

What is a yellow dot commanding soldiers?

A cornonel

The red guy lives in the red house, the green guy lives in the green house, and the yellow guy lives in the yellow house. Which house does the orange guy live in?

The white house.

What time does Sean Connery play the game with two rackets and a yellow ball?

Tenish.

What’s yellow and something you shouldn’t drink?

A school bus

A guy goes to the doctor and gets diagnosed with yellow 158 he is told he has a week to live. His wife asks him what he would like to do. He says he would like to go to the bingo as hes never tried it. His wife says ok darling if thats your wish.

First game he plays he gets house and wins a large sum of money and an entertainment system. Wins house in second game and wins a new car. The next day he visits the bingo again and wins house again and the same the next day. On his next visit he wins again and the speaker asks him up to the microph...

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A mother serves a creamy yellow soup to her son and his girlfriend at the dinner tablr

Everyone begins consuming it immediately. The girlfriend, an aspiring theater actress, says to her boyfriend’s mother, “This soup is absolutely delicious! What’s the secret ingredient?”

“Piss,” replied his mother.

Everyone promptly spits out their soup.

“Excuse me?” asks his ...

Green,pink and yellow

A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence, he pulls him out and says "Sorry, you know the law, you've got to go back across the border right now." The Mexican man pleads with them, "No, noooo Senor, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!" The Border Patrol Ag...

A man is home and sees a gorilla hanging on his backyard tree.

So he naturally picks up the yellow pages and calls the Gorilla Removal services. The professional arrives in less than ten minutes, and gets off his van with a pole, a ladder, a dog, a shotgun and handcuffs. He says "I see it's a male gorilla, so I'm taking the ladder up the tree and poke him with ...

What do you call a yellow doctor that gives you a free injection?

A honey bee.

What's yellow and turns to the dark side?

Bananakin Skywalker.

Do you like white rice? Or brown rice? Or yellow rice?

I love all rice equally. You're just Ricest.

Here’s a joke my 5yo told us last night

What do you call a pineapple with no yellow part?

A cactus.

What is black and yellow and can’t swim?

A school bus full of children.

Yo momma’s teeth are so yellow

When she smiles, cars slow down

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Dave wanted to send a letter to his girlfriend..

So he goes to the nearby market to buy an envelope. Just as he is about to enter the store, a man rushes out the market, furious,yelling and swearing. Dave didn't want to get in the mans way and just lets him pass. He enters the store and finds the cashier, a young lady, crying.

"Is everythi...

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A man walks into a bar and says he'll drink anything that has gin in it

The Bartender decides he wants to impress the man with something creative. He grabs some cold-pressed mango juice from the refrigerator, squeezes in the juice from a small lemon, adds some ginger ale, and garnishes it with rosemary and an orange twist. Finally he adds the gin.

As the man fini...

Two figures watched from the balcony as the performance of "The King in Yellow" came to an end. Turning to the audience, they watched those unfortunate enough to still be alive turn on each other. Hideous screams and mad laughter echoed as blood flew through air. Finally, one of the figures spoke.

"Well, looks like the play drove the audience completely insane. They're ripping each other apart down there!"

"After paying twenty bucks for tickets to that snooze-fest, I feel like going crazy too!"

*"Do-ho-ho-ho-hoh!"*

I have this friend who dresses up his Labrador in this ridiculous yellow jacket.

What is he blind?

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A young sheep, out to pasture, is suddenly cornered by a farmer and tied up.

The young sheep faints of fright, and when he awakens immediately runs back to his flock.

Bleating wildly, he exclaims “how could the farmer do this to me!”

A wise elder sheep says, “calm down, son. What happened?”

The young sheep, still hysterical, cries “i was the most beau...

Did you hear about the large yellow dog with a drug problem?

Turns out he was a Meth Lab

A weird little German kid just handed me a bunch of yellow metal

Thanks for the gold, strange kinder

A man gets into a taxi at JFK

And asks the driver to head to the corner of 74th and Amsterdam.

The driver takes off at top speed, flying around cars. He approached a light just turning yellow and never lets off the gas.

The passenger asks the driver, "Wow, you didn't even blink at that yellow."

"Yeah, I ha...

Doctor, what do you recommend me for yellow teeth?

A brown tie

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A Mexican Immigrant Wants to Cross the Border

There is a guard waiting at the border, who tells hi to go home, as he is not allowed to pass. The Mexican man refuses to leave so he sits beside the guard for over 4 hours. The guard, who has given up, tells the man that if he can use the words green, pink, and yellow in a sentence, he can pass. Co...

A guy on the red scooter arrives at the monastery where 1024 monks lived...

The monk opens the door.


-How can I help you? - he asks.


-Could I sleep here tonight?


-OK, come in.


While he was sleeping, the roof has fallen, killing half of the monks. Now there are 512 left.


The next day, a guy on the red scooter returnes.<...

A man holding several miniature pigs walks into a bar.

"Hey, barkeep!" he says, struggling to keep control of his quarry. "Any room for me and my friends?"

The bartender smiles and sets down some plastic cups. The man plops his friends inside, but the cups are too small.

"Um...barkeep?" the man says, pulling them out again. The bartender ...

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There once was a Red Indian who had only one testicle, and whose given name was 'Onestone'.

He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.
After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, 'If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!'

The word got around and nobody called him that any more.
Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird ...

Three nuns passed away and went up to Heaven. They were pleasantly surprised when Saint Peter informed them that in exchange for their many years of servitude and chastity, God Himself was going to bestow upon them each one wish...

The first nun said with a blush, "This is slightly embarrassing, but I have to admit, while I did love serving the Lord, the vow of chastity was really tough on me. May I return to Earth for a weekend of unbridled lust, with the face and body of Angelina Jolie?"

Saint Peter said, "Your wish i...

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A fresh batch of military recruits come in and meets the drill sergeant

The sergeant looks at the men and says "I'll your all a bunch of yellow bellied pansies! Are ya!"

They all respond "Sir, no sir!"

"Really?" He responds and points to the end of the table they're standing next to.

At the end of the table, a giant alligator sits in a cage hissing ...

What's purple, orange and yellow and has wheels?

A dolphin. I lied about the colour and the wheels

"Doctor, I think I might be deaf."

"So what are the symptoms?"

"A yellow family from Springfield."

What do you call it when a yellow jacket has inflammation of the liver?

Hepatitis Bee

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Tim is driving to work when a man wearing yellow suddenly flags him down

He slows down, puzzled.

"Just who are you supposed to be?"

The man replies: "I'm a yellow cunt and I'll be on my way if you just give me some food!"

Tim is confused, but being a generally good-natured man, he gives the sandwich he was going to have for lunch, and the man skips a...

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Why does Rupert the Bear wear yellow checked trousers?

Because he's a cunt

What's yellow and can be found on the ground?

A yellow string on the ground.
.
What's black and can be found on the ground?
.

It's not a black string you dumbass, it's the shadow of the first strings.

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Hopping on the joke translation bandwagon (originally heard it in Russian)

Little Johnny is drawing something during an arts&crafts class.

The teacher asks him: “I see you have drawn some good outlines, but are you planning to add some color?”

Johnny (pointing at different areas of his drawing): “Yeah! I’ll add some yellow here, a little red over here and...

A blue House is made of blue bricks, a pink house is made of pink bricks, a yellow house is made of yellow bricks. What is a green house made of?

Glass

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What is yellow and turns red when you push the button?

Duckling in a blender.

One morning, the President wakes up and looks through the window.

He’s met with the sight of ”The president sucks ass!” written in yellow in the snow outside.

Outraged, he immediately contacts the Secret Service, demanding that they find out who did it.

A few hours later, a spokesperson from the Secret Service enters the Oval Office. ”Mr. President, ...

Town idiot got fed up of how dumb he is and decided to off himself

He hikes up the mountain to jump off the ledge. He's finally 30 feet away from the ledge when he hears an old man's voice "What r u doing up here young man?

The guy turns around and tells him about how he's the town idiot and fed up with his own stupidity and how he can't take it anymore. The...

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Mickey wakes up on February 6th.

Looking out his castle window, he sees that it has snowed during the night. But as he looks down right under the window in huge yellow letters is the words " Mickey sucks dick." in the snow. So being offend he call the police, they take samples of the yellow snow and leave.

Two days later the...

My wife told me she was cheating on me with a man named Roy G Biv. I was so angry, I was seeing red

...and orange
and yellow
and green

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If men who like Asians have Yellow Fever what do men who like gigantic breasts have?

Boobonic Plague

What is Saddam Hussein’s favorite food?

Yellow cake.

My wife said she's leaving me because I keep making silly puns about her dark yellow oven glove.

However, I wasn't expecting to wake up this morning and find her gone, I mustard mitt.

What's yellow inside, black outside, silent, and extremely lethal?

A little ninja chicken.

What's yellow and you definitely should not drink?

A schoolbus

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Joe goes to the doctor because his penis has turned yellow.

Upon hearing Joe's description of the problem, the doctor examines Joe and exclaims "Wow you're right. It's bright yellow! I've never seen such a thing. How long has it been yellow?"

Joe says "I only noticed it about two days but I dont know how it happened doc."

The doc says "Well, ha...

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In the land of Oz, there was a dark, musky swamp, and in this swamp there lived a bunch of deep green frogs.

Except for one frog, who was a pale yellow color. The yellow frog got made fun of all the time for being a different color, and one day he was so fed up he called out into the sky, “good witch Glinda, good witch Glinda, please turn me green!” And out of the sky, a little soap bubble floated down to ...

A guy goes skydiving for the first time.

The instructor goes over the procedure with him.

“That plane will take you up,” the instructor says. “The pilot will let you know when you are over the drop zone. Jump out the back door of the plane and watch your altimeter. When it says 2000 ft, pull the red cord. It’ll deploy your main para...

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Three men are captured by a group of Cannibals.

The men are tied up and brought before leader of the cannibals. The leader says to the men "My people are hungry, but I will let you make your case. Then I will decide your fate."

The first man, hair slicked back and dressed in an expensive suit, begins, "I am very wealthy, and I have founded...

Do you know why the Reddit Dragon is yellow?

It's got bananas for scales

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A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof

So he looks up the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Gorilla Removers". He calls the number, and the gorilla remover says he"ll be there in 30 minutes.

The gorilla remover arrives and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a huge, ferocious lookin...

A friend told me that all apples were yellow...

I was like, "that's bananas"

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Two archeologists are taking a piss

Two archeologists are out taking a piss in a remote area when a snake hidden in the grass bites the first one on the tip of his cock.

Archeologist 1 : I got bitten on the tip of my cock by a snake with yellow and blue rings

Archeologist 2 : that sounds pretty bad and there is no hospit...

Why is there yellow in the Flag of Belgium?

To slow down the German vehicles a little bit before they reach the white flag.

I went to the doctor and said "Doctor, I'm having trouble hearing." The doctor said "What are the symptoms?"

I said "A yellow cartoon family"

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I was having a shit on the train when some bloke knocked on the door.

He said ‘can I see your ticket please?’

‘Not right now, I’m having a shit’ I shouted back.

‘I don’t believe you, can you slide it under the door?’ He snapped back annoyedly

‘Sure thing, no problem. The yellow bits are sweet corn’ I said

Yellow cars have the highest crash rate

According to a recent pole

What happened to the frog who parked his car on the yellow lines?

It got toad

What do you call a green bat that walks across a yellow bridge?

I don’t know, but at least it isn’t a repost

what color do you get when you hit a blue man with a yellow hammer?

Red

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Lifesavers, get a hole lot more outta life

A teacher gave each of her students a packet of Lifesavers candy and had them all identify the flavours by colour.

Red = cherry
Yellow = lemon
Green = lime
Orange = orange

Finally, all the class were stuck on the last lifesaver flavour, the translucent Honey flavoured lifesa...

What is Blue and Yellow and Comes in Brownies?

Cub Scouts!

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Two guys are invited to a costume party, where the theme is ‘Come as an emotional state’.

They arrive at the party and ring the bell. The host comes out and sees they are completely naked, one with his dick inside a hollowed out pear, and the other with his dick dipped into a bowl of yellow goop.

“Oh my god! What are you supposed to be?” she asks.

The first guy replies “Wel...

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Yellow 24

A man goes to the doctor feeling ill. After checking the man over the doctor looks worried ‘ I don’t know how to break this to you, but you have a terminal disease known as yellow 24. Your blood will turn yellow and you only have 24 hours to live. I suggest you go and spend time with your loved ones...

An old accountant had a curious habit

Everyday, just after he arrived in the office, he would take a small and battered yellow envelope from his drawer and peruse attentively the single sheet of paper inside. Then, he would take a glance around the office, smile and nod to himself, and go on with his day normally.

His employees ...

Green is my favourite colour. I love it even more than

Blue and Yellow combined

Came home the other day and my grandpa turned me into a young, slow-witted boy with a yellow shirt.

I was Morty-fied

Why did French use yellow as the color for their angry vest movement ?

It fits so well with their teeth.

I just got sent down to the stores for 10 metres of electrical wire, 6A rated, five cores (red, blue, yellow, black and earth).

Weird flex, but OK.

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