What’s yellow and comes in the morning to brighten every parent’s day?

The school bus.

Yo mama's teeth are so yellow...

She stood on a street corner and smiled, and traffic slowed down

Yo mama's so fat, when she wears yellow...

I praise the Sun.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is semen white and urine yellow?

So you can tell if you’re coming or going

What’s yellow and can’t swim

A school bus full of children.

What did God do when yellow jackets started stinging the other animals?

Plan Bee.

Why did the elephant paint his dong yellow?

To hide in the banana tree...

Whats the loudest noise in the jungle? ...The monkeys eating breakfast

What's big, yellow and doesn't float?

An excavator.

Didn't think that was funny?
Neither did the driver

Yo Cardi B! What's your favourite shade of yellow?

Okurr!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If the Green Lantern is weak to the color yellow, if you pissed on him, would he become weak?

Either way, he'd be pissed

Why did the yellow dragon keep slipping?

Banana for scale.

Homer Simpson takes his yellow, spiky-haired son to a bar. The bartender pulls up a shotgun and aims it at the boy.

I regret saying this, but the bartender lives up to his name.

Don't think that colour doesn't matter. Brown, yellow and black must be eliminated so that only white remains. It's the only way to reach victory.

Said the snooker teacher.

It's yellow, and when it gets into your eyes, you die

a schoolbus

Whats's yellow and can't swim?

A dead goldfish.

What's yellow and dangerous

Shark infested custard

What is yellow and can't swim?

A school bus.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Kid sees their grandma taking pills and asks...

"Grandma, why do you need to take all those pills?"

"Well, Grandma needs to take the green medicine for her headaches, but the green pills give her diarrhea. So grandma needs to take the yellow pills for the diarrhea but those pills always make grandma very depressed. Because of her depress...

Apprehended

A mild-mannered man was being tailgated by a stressed-out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection. The tailgating wom...

What’s yellow and green and eats nuts?

Gonorrhea!

My wife went to the cinema with her friends

My wife went to the cinema with her friends last night and left me in charge of our two year old son.
She called me when she got there and said, "Is Jack ok?"
"He's absolutely fine," I replied, "He's in the bath at the moment, you've got nothing to worry about."
"Is he playing with his litt...

What do the colors green, pink, and yellow have in common?

The phone rings green....green.....green! So you pink it up and say yellow.

I went to see the doctor for a problem with my ears.

“What are the symptoms?” asked the doctor.

“They’re a funny yellow family on TV”

Orange is my favorite colour

I love it more than red and yellow put together

Why did the chicken cross the yellow brick road?

Because he was looking for courage.

There is no such color as Ghostly yellow!

It is just a pigment of your imagination!

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A man discovers he has been in a cult for the last year. OC

“How did you not know?” Asks his friend

“Well when everything happens bit by bit it all makes sense, the drugs, the robberies, the shrines.” He replies

“But what about the murder?” Asks the friend

“Well we were so high on acid that it just made sense, he was the King in Yellow t...

What’s yellow and hurts when it gets in your eye?

A bulldozer.

I walked into a cake shop in Glasgow…

…and there it was, the finest pastry case filled with a glorious yellow jelly and topped with the fluffiest beaten egg white. I didn't know what it was so I asked, "Is that a lemon tart or a meringue?"

"Aye, it is a lemon tart." The shopkeeper replied, "yer no wrang."

This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic.

If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire. If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off. If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little ...

If the green man lives in the green house, the yellow man lives in the Yellow house and the blue man lives in the blue house, who lives in the white house?

An orange man who doesn't want to leave

The fascist, the coward, and the yellow monkey were what the US call their enemy in WW2...

... now that is what they call their president.

If an acquaintance asks if you’d like to join them for the afternoon picking oval, reddish-yellow fruit...

...it’s a date.

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A young girl started work in the village chemist shop.

She was very shy about having to sell condoms to the public.
The owner was going on holiday for a couple of days and asked if she would
be willing to run the shop on her own.
She had to confide in him her worries about selling the contraceptives.
"Look," he said. "My regular customers do...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dave wanted to send a letter to his girlfriend.. So he goes to the nearby market to buy an envelope. Just as he is about to enter the store, a man rushes out the market, furious,yelling and swearing.

Dave didn't want to get in the mans way and just lets him pass. He enters the store and finds the cashier, a young lady, crying.

"Is everything alright? Did that man hurt you?", Dave asked.

"No no, everything is alright.", she says as she wipes her tears. "How can i help you?"

"...

A man finds a full grown gorilla in a tree.

Man comes home from work to find a big ole gorilla in a tree in his front yard. Thinking he's gonna need some help with this, he looks up gorilla removal services in the yellow pages. He finds Dave and Rosco's full time gorilla removal and calls them up.

Dave says he and Rosco will rush right...

I hit a cat backing out of my driveway

I’m surprised I didn’t see it. It was bright yellow, 50 feet, and weighed 40 tons.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a delicious yellow lump of shit that swears all the time?

Cuss turd

A person in a lab coat places a glass half-filled with a yellow liquid in front of 4 people.

Immediately, the first person pipes up, "Ah, I see the glass is half full!" This person is an optimist.

The second person states, "Naw man, why would he bring us a half-full glass? He obviously drank some. It's now half empty." This person is a pessimist.

The third person scoffs, "Why ...

What's yellow and sits atop an empty well?

Donald Trump's hair.

Which crayon at the Crayola factory is in charge of answering the phones?

Yellow?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An actor rehearsing on stage was going on and on about the colors "No, THIS is where you illuminate the stage with sunflower yellow, and HERE is when you fade to chartreuse!" he said, tapping emphatically on the manuscript. Opening day came, and the actor found himself now fully and completely in

The lemon-limelight

What do you call a steak made of little yellow guys?

A filet minion

Bad eye sight (Possibly a repost but I didn't want to keep scrolling past page 30276 to confirm)

Patient: “doctor i think my eye sight is deteriorating. I cant see very far”


Doctor: “really? come over to the window. Now what is that big round yellow thing in the sky?”


Patient: “well that's the sun”


Doctor: “yep! so how much further do you want to see”

What’s yellow and swings from cake to cake?

Tarzipan

What's yellow and hangs from an apple tree?

A stupid banana!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man in Alberta wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof.

So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough..there's an ad for "Alberta Bear Removers."
He calls the number and the man says he'll be over in 30 minutes.
The bear remover arrives and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, 12-gauge shotgun, and a mean heavily scarred old pi...

A barman tells three regulars that he has a magic slide in the beer garden

_Here's one I vividly remember being told by a kid in a playground when I was about 5 years old._


A barman tells three regulars that he has a magic slide in the beer garden. Incredulous they demand to see it for themselves.

When they get into the garden they see the slide is signif...

I visited an art gallery.

"Absolutely gorgeous, don't you think?" I asked the fellow next to me. "The way the yellow combines with the grey...the way the colours intertwine. Truly beautiful."



He slowly stepped away from the urinal and left.

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Tim is driving to work when a man wearing yellow suddenly flags him down

He slows down, puzzled.

"Just who are you supposed to be?"

The man replies: "I'm a yellow cunt and I'll be on my way if you just give me some food!"

Tim is confused, but being a generally good-natured man, he gives the sandwich he was going to have for lunch, and the man skips a...

What time does Sean Connery play the game with two rackets and a yellow ball?

Tenish.

Green,pink and yellow

A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence, he pulls him out and says "Sorry, you know the law, you've got to go back across the border right now." The Mexican man pleads with them, "No, noooo Senor, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!" The Border Patrol Ag...

In a banana republic

the traffic lights go from green to yellow to brown.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The little red man joke.

The little white woman was busy baking a cake. Only as she reached around in her little white cupboards she realised she had no sugar for her little white cake. Not to be disheartened she decided to wander next door to her neighbour, the little green man, to see if he would be kind enough to lend he...

What’s yellow and hangs from a tree?

Me if I was yellow and hung from a tree.

What’s green and hangs from a tree?



Leaves you idiot.

What is a yellow dot commanding soldiers?

A cornonel

My girlfriend said she'll leave me if I don't support LGBTQ

That's a bit of a red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, and violet flag.

A friend told me that all apples were yellow...

I was like, "that's bananas"

What's yellow and turns to the dark side?

Bananakin Skywalker.

Did you hear about the large yellow dog with a drug problem?

Turns out he was a Meth Lab

What do you call it when a yellow jacket has inflammation of the liver?

Hepatitis Bee

I like the color green

I like it as much as blue and yellow combined

Batman and Robin get ready for patrol

Batman: You ready Robin?

Robin: I'm not sure about this costume Batman. It's so bright and red. And why do I have to wear a silly yellow cape?

Batman: Well, we're superheroes Robin. We got to dress the part.

Robin: I'm still not sure about this Batman. I mean, you aren't dressed...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A mother serves a creamy yellow soup to her son and his girlfriend at the dinner tablr

Everyone begins consuming it immediately. The girlfriend, an aspiring theater actress, says to her boyfriend’s mother, “This soup is absolutely delicious! What’s the secret ingredient?”

“Piss,” replied his mother.

Everyone promptly spits out their soup.

“Excuse me?” asks his ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was on tour with my rugby team

On the last night we all got on the beers and later on in the evening my team mates passed me a pint of warm yellow liquid while all of them were giggling like school girls.

Not to be out done I swallowed half of it and then vomited.

"You fucking bastards" I said "Seriously how old are...

The phone rings at Crayola Headquarters

{green-green-green}

"Yellow?"

"May I speak to Mr. Brown?"

"Please white while I transfer you."

{pink}

Three nuns passed away and went up to Heaven. They were pleasantly surprised when Saint Peter informed them that in exchange for their many years of servitude and chastity, God Himself was going to bestow upon them each one wish...

The first nun said with a blush, "This is slightly embarrassing, but I have to admit, while I did love serving the Lord, the vow of chastity was really tough on me. May I return to Earth for a weekend of unbridled lust, with the face and body of Angelina Jolie?"

Saint Peter said, "Your wish i...

Do you like white rice? Or brown rice? Or yellow rice?

I love all rice equally. You're just Ricest.

Two figures watched from the balcony as the performance of "The King in Yellow" came to an end. Turning to the audience, they watched those unfortunate enough to still be alive turn on each other. Hideous screams and mad laughter echoed as blood flew through air. Finally, one of the figures spoke.

"Well, looks like the play drove the audience completely insane. They're ripping each other apart down there!"

"After paying twenty bucks for tickets to that snooze-fest, I feel like going crazy too!"

*"Do-ho-ho-ho-hoh!"*

Told to me by a six year old.

Why was the snow yellow?

Because Elsa let it go!


I am a waiter and I have regular family every week on Monday. I exchange jokes with the youngest boy and he always wins free dessert. This week however he won a free meal for the whole family. I laughed til I made yellow snow
...

Yo momma’s teeth are so yellow

When she smiles, cars slow down

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is yellow and turns red when you push the button?

Duckling in a blender.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A world known pair of thieves were visiting the Escoffier Museum of Culinary Arts in France.

They were looking to make their final steal the biggest yet. They walk up the pearly white steps and into the old yellow plastered building.

As they walk in, the man turns to the woman and asks, "What do you think we should take? I want our last job to be remembered for years!"

The wo...

I have this friend who dresses up his Labrador in this ridiculous yellow jacket.

What is he blind?

What did the starship captain say when he peed his pants?

Yellow alert, number one.

What's purple, orange and yellow and has wheels?

A dolphin. I lied about the colour and the wheels

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar

He has his dog with him. It's an ugly little yellow dog. He sits down at the bar next to a Marine.

The Marine has his dog with him. It's a German Shepherd, and it bristles at the ugly little yellow dog.

The Marine says "Son, you need to get your ugly little yellow dog out of here, or m...

My wife said she's leaving me because I keep making silly puns about her dark yellow oven glove.

However, I wasn't expecting to wake up this morning and find her gone, I mustard mitt.

What's yellow and you definitely should not drink?

A schoolbus

What do you call a green bat that walks across a yellow bridge?

I don’t know, but at least it isn’t a repost

Doctor, what do you recommend me for yellow teeth?

A brown tie

There was this guy working at McDonald’s.

and it was his turn to cook the French fries. So he put the frozen fries in the metal basket and dipped it in the oil. You see this guy was a veteran chef and used to be able to sense when food was cooked by looking at it's color or by smelling it, he never needed a timer or a meat thermometer or an...

What's yellow and can be found on the ground?

A yellow string on the ground.
.
What's black and can be found on the ground?
.

It's not a black string you dumbass, it's the shadow of the first strings.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If men who like Asians have Yellow Fever what do men who like gigantic breasts have?

Boobonic Plague

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why does Rupert the Bear wear yellow checked trousers?

Because he's a cunt

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A black man, a blue man, a green man, a pink man, a red man and yellow man walk into a bar...

The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind in here. Too much Risk."

Yellow cars have the highest crash rate

According to a recent pole

what do you call a red and yellow hurricane in the tropics?

a menstrual cyclone!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Joe goes to the doctor because his penis has turned yellow.

Upon hearing Joe's description of the problem, the doctor examines Joe and exclaims "Wow you're right. It's bright yellow! I've never seen such a thing. How long has it been yellow?"

Joe says "I only noticed it about two days but I dont know how it happened doc."

The doc says "Well, ha...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Old Jamaican man lived alone in the country ...

He wanted to dig his Yellow Yam and Sweet Potato Garden, but it was very hard work as the ground was hard.

His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent, I am feeling pretty badly because it...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cakepilation

For my cake day I'm going to repost everything I can think of that fits into the category of cake-related jokes! You've heard them all anyway, who cares?



What did the cake say to the fork? You wanna piece of me?

What do you eat if you 3.142 cakes? You get fat. Pay attention, ...

This is probably the only funny joke I know.

I went to the doctor the other day because I was having hearing problems.

He told me to describe my symptoms.

I told him, "Sure. They're yellow. Homer's fat and Marge has blue hair."

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