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Ov Jokes

A cop saw a car weaving all ov

A cop saw a car weaving all over the road and pulled it over. He walked up to the car and saw a nice-looking woman behind the wheel. There was a strong smell liquor on her breath.
He said, "I'm going to give you a breathalyzer test to determine if you are under the influence of alcohol."
She b...

What is the difference between like and love?

Spit and swallow.

Inner peace can be found, eventually

Some doctor on television this morning said that the way to achieve Inner Peace is to finish all the things you have started.

So, I looked around my house to see things I'd started and hadn't finished and, before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of ...

Nine Words

Once upon a time, long before any type of writing or sign language there lived an attractive young prince.

This prince, through no fault of his own, was cursed by a witch such that he was only allowed to say one word per year.

Fortunately, however, he WAS allowed to save up his words.<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hitler, Napoleon, and Rasputin are in a bar in Hell recounting their glory days

Hitler: "It vas going so vell, I had conquered most ov Europe and the vorld seemed to be just vithin mien reach...but then I invaded Russia."

Napoleon: "That's nothing. I easily conquered all of Europe. I even became Emporer! It was all goin so well...but then I invaded Russia."

Rasput...

You’re speeding down a road when you see red and blue lights in your rearview mirror...

You tense up and pull over to the side of the road. The cop pulls over behind you on a police motorcycle. You’re perspiring hastily at the thought of getting a ticket. The cop approaches your vehicle and says “Do you know how fast you were growing?”

You say “Yes officer, I was going fifteen ...

If Drake owned a breakfast cereal franchise, what would it be called?

OV O's!

So this British couple adopt a German baby...

... and as it grows from a babe-in-arms, to a toddler, it never makes a sound.

As the child grows into a young boy, he stays silent and it gets to the point where his adopted parents are really worried.

As the boy gets older, he still never says a word.

Then one day, the family ...

Granpa walks into a church

He comes up to the priest and speaks:

-Father, I have sinned...

-What happend? Tell me.

-Few days ago my lady bent over to pick up something from the fridge and I don't know what got to me but I went on her and you know..

-Well she is your lady?

-Yes.

-And y...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Doing the Boss

A woman's boss calls her into his office asking her if she would house sit when he's gone for a weekend.
Accepting right away she says , "I'll make a list right now of what you'll need. Whatll you need me to do?"

"I've a mini pig that has a rash, can you rub some soothing oil on it?" The b...

What do you call a reptile that starts fights over social media?

An InstaGator

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