The police stops a man and woman who have their seatbelts on.

Police: "hi you're the first people today with their seatbelts on, so we want to give you an award of 5000 dollar."

The policeman seeing the happy couple gets curious and asks "what are you going to do with the money?"

The man answers: "I'm going to take lessons for my driver's license...

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A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in Grade 3.

The boy said, "Madam, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she's in Grade 4".

The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal. The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Grade 4.

Principal: What is 3+3?

Boy: 6.

Princip...

You’ve heard of “click it or ticket”, a slogan telling drivers to use a seatbelt or they will get fined...

Now get ready for the new slogan of 2020: “Mask it or Casket”!

i couldn’t figure out seatbelts for the longest time.

then it just clicked.

A cop stopped a car and said, “Congrats you just won $1000 for wearing your seatbelt!”

He replies,”Do u think I’m good enough to get a license?” Then a woman in the passenger seat said,”Don’t listen to him, he becomes a smartass when he’s drunk.” Someone else in the backseat says,”I knew we wouldn’t get too far with a stolen car.” Finally a knock comes from the trunk and someone says,...

A car is pulled over by a police officer. The officer walks up to the driver and says, "Congratulations, you're the 100th driver to remember putting on your seatbelt today, and so you have won $2000! So sir, what do you think you'll do with those money?"

The driver says, "I'd probably buy a driver's license."

His wife sitting next to him says "Don't listen to him Officer, he's been drinking."

A man exclaims from the backseat, "I've told you both this, we never get anywhere in stolen cars!"

A voice can be heard from the trunk sho...

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My Wife is missing.

Husband:

My wife is missing.

She went out yesterday and has not come home...



Sergeant at Police Station:

What is her height?



Husband:

Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.



Sergeant:

Weight?



Husb...

Why did princess Diana cross the road?

Because she wasn't wearing a seatbelt.

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What gets longer when pulled, fits between breasts, slides neatly into a hole, has choked people when used improperly, and works best when jerked?

A seatbelt.

Seatbelts

They always fastenate me

For five years I simply couldn't figure out how to use a seatbelt.

then it clicked.

Whats the difference between a seatbelt and a condom?

One of them prevents lives being **lost** in an accident and the other prevents lives being **made** in an accident.

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Reese and his girlfriend get pulled over for speeding

Reese: Is there a problem officer?
Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone
Reese: No, I was only going 65
Reese's girlfriend: Oh Reese, you were going at least 80
Reese: \*glares at his girlfriend\*
Cop: I'm also writing you a ticked for your broken taillight
Reese...

So I bought a new car, and was having trouble figuring out the new seatbelt...

then it clicked.

Naming the new royal baby

Rumours were that Harry and Meghan we going to name the child “Seatbelt”

When questioned about this, Prince Harry responded with “Its what my mum would have wanted”

The title of the 10th film for The Fast and Furious was released

Its called "Fast Ten, Your Seatbelt"

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So a cop pulls over a guy for wearing his seatbelt..

tells the citizen that his captain gave him a 100 dollar bill to give to the 100th person he sees wearing their seat belt. The citizen looks a little confused, but of course, accepts the note, and proceeds to leave. The officer asks, " So, if you don't mind my asking, what are you going to spend t...

While only making up only 13 percent of the population

...people who don’t wear their seatbelt make up half of all car accident deaths. Wear your seatbelt.

I ran into my high school bully yesterday

Unfortunately he was wearing his seatbelt

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Jokes in the "Day XXX withouth sex: joke" format

Can I get some contributions to this format that is so dear to my heart? :(

My two personal favorites:



Day 37 without sex: my dentist told me to spit . . . I swallowed.



Day 150 without sex: I slammed the brakes so the seatbelt would choke me a little.

At first I didn’t know how to put on my seatbelt

But then it clicked

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"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking"

"Our aircraft has reached its designated altitude, you may now unfasten your seatbelts. Our flight attendants will be serving drinks in five minutes. The expected flight duration is four hours and ten minutes, our current speed is AAAAH, OH FUCK, NONONONONO, HOLY SHIT, OH MY GOD!!!"

The inter...

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A cop pulls over a driver...

A cop pulls over a driver and says that because he was wearing his seatbelt he had just won $1,000 in a safety competition.

“What are you going to do with the prize money?” the officer asked.

The man responded “I guess I’ll go to driving school and get my license.”

At that momen...

What's fast and the furious 10 going to be called?

Fast 10: your seatbelts

If you get pulled over and you have some Coke in your car, you’re likely to get arrested.

However, if you get pulled over and you have some Pepsi in your car, you’re likely to make a new friend.

Remember to always brush your seatbelts, buckle your teeth, and drink Pepsi.®️

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(NSFW) A truck driver picks up a hitchhiker

This truck driver is going down the highway and he sees a hitchhiker on the road. He stops and asks, "You need a ride?" The hitchhiker is ecstatic and agrees, thankful that he can cover more ground quickly.

After a couple hours he is getting restless and asks, "Man I'm bored, how do you get ...

A man was driving when he noticed the flash of a traffic camera.

He figured that his picture had been taken for speeding, even tough he knew he wasn’t. Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly. Again the camera flashed. Thinking he was funny, he drove by at a snail’s pace. Two weeks later, he received five ticke...

Fight or flight

The one night a car pulled up in front of me forcing me to stop. Four men jump out of the car equiped with bats, golf clubs and brass knuckles. My only option was to get out of the car and chase them off. To my surprise all of them ran away in a cold sweat. Only after a few seconds I realized I neve...

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The Pilot and the Flight Attendant.

A Delta Airlines flight from LAX to JFK was in the cruise when the aircraft hit some heavy chop. The captain comes on the PA system to give the regular announcement for passengers to "please fasten their seatbelts and refrain from using the restrooms at this time", in the confusion of the situation ...

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what elongates when you pull on it, fits perfectly in a hole and good between breasts?

a dick.

what did you think i was gonna say, a seatbelt?

A man gets pulled over

Frustrated, he reaches for the insurance and registration as the cop slowly approaches the vehicle. The man then starts to reach for his wallet when he realizes he doesn’t have his seat belt on. With a quick look in the rear view mirror he quickly puts his seatbelt on as he gets out his wallet just ...

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I Got Pull Over Today (real conversation with cop)

So….today I got pulled over about 15 feet from the front of my building on my way to work for rolling a stop as I was putting my seatbelt on. I just left it unbuckled so he didn’t think I was trying to pull one over on him.

Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over?

Me: Because I’m an...

A Man is driving down the road with his...

A man is driving down the road with his wife in the passenger seat when he gets pulled over by the cops. The police officer comes up to the car and says "Sir. You were going 65 in a 55, I'm going to have to give you a ticket for that." To which the wife replies "He was going at least 70!" The man ...

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A Young Driver Gets Pulled Over

The police officer comes to his window.
"I pulled you over because you didn't have a seatbelt on"

The driver replies:
"Excuse me officer, I did."

He motions to his seatbelt, fastened. The officer looks unconvinced.

"You did not have that on when I passed you"

Th...

I started standing at my desk during work and got fired for it

Apparently not wearing seatbelts during take off and landing is against company policy

Car gets pulled over...

Cop approaches the driver's window and asks the driver:

Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?

Driver: No idea, officer!

Driver's wife: Liar! I told you to slow down when you hit 100 miles per hour, but nooooooo, you had to show off!!!!!!!

Driver (to his wife): SHUT! THE...

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A mexican was driving his car when a police officer stopped him...

The police said: Congratulations, you are one of the 1000th drivers who is using a seatbelt.

The mexican said: Thank you so much!

Then the police asked: What are you going to do with the money?

The mexican thought for a few seconds and said: Well I was thinking about getting a ...

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[NSFW] What goes between boobs, and gets longer the more you pull on it?

A seatbelt

What would they call the 10th installment in the Fast and Furious Series?

-Fast 10 Your Seatbelts

-Fast 10 Furious

If they release three more sequels of 'Fast and Furious' series...

They should name the last one - "Fast10 - Your Seatbelt" in memory of Paul Walker.

An extremely close landing on an extremely short runway..

A plane is nearing its destination. The pilot turns to his co-pilot and remarks: "That looks like a really short runway." The co-pilot looks at it and says: "Yes, captain, its really short." 100 meters from the runway, the pilot communicates to the passengers and crew: "Fasten your seatbelts, this i...

Typical wife behavior

A man and his wife were traveling down the highway when they saw the lights of a patrol car behind them.

When they pulled over, the patrol man came up to the window and said, "I am going to give you two tickets. One because you were speeding and one because you didn't have your seat belt fas...

A man was driving on a highway with his wife

Suddenly he heard a siren and pulled over. A police officer walked towards him and asked:
"Do you know how fast you were going?"
"Im pretty sure I was under the limit, officer" he replied.
"What do you mean Richard?" his wife shouted. "you were going way too fast, like always"...

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From a Southwest Airlines employee

"Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to Chicago. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of ca...

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Stewardess

Two days ago I was on a plane from Edmonton to Vegas. And unlucky me got the middle seat. To my right is a man who has already passed out against the window and to my left beside the isle is a nice old lady. 20 minutes into our flight the captain keys open the mic to inform us we have reached our cr...

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Father and son pull up into their home driveway...

Father says "son why don't you ever wear your seatbelt?"

Son says " it's freeing and more comfortable dad why else"

To which father casually replies " well son you should start wearing those fucking seatbealts, windshields are pretty damn expensive these days."

I fucking lost i...

An officer routinely waits outside the bar...

An officer routinely waits outside the bar in his squad car on the weekends to get an easy catch on the drunk drivers. This particular night on his early patrols he passes a large group of regulars walking into the bar. He makes a mental note to come back and wait. A few hours later the officer pull...

Whats black and always in the back of a cop car?

A seatbelt.

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Kate Middleton has asked the Queen what the secret is to a long and happy marriage...

Kate Middleton has asked the Queen what the secret is to a long and happy marriage.

Apparently her advice was "wear your seatbelt and don't piss me off"

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Two pilots with white canes proceed to enter their plane's cockpit...

Two pilots with white canes are on their way to their passenger plane's cockpit. They tap here and there with the stick and enter the cockpit. One of the passengers , a business man , notices and exclaims , " Hey , are those two pilots blind?!" . This arises panic between the passengers. Soon afterw...

An Israeli Joke

An El Al plane lands at Ben Gurion Airport in Tel Aviv the morning of December 25. As they land, the pilot makes the following announcement: "Please remain seated with your seatbelts securely fastened while we taxi to the terminal. To those of you seated with your seatbelts securely fastened, Merry ...

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When a pilot forgets to turn off the PA

A pilot gets on the PA

"Hello flight 828, we've reached cruising altitude, the seatbelt sign has been turned off" etc, that kind of stuff. Then a big plop is heard, and it becomes apparent that the pilot forgot to turn of the PA. Then the pilot says to presumingly the co-pilot, "Man, I wish I...

I wouldn't say I do a lot of psychedelics...

But my couch has seatbelts.

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