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Terrorism Jokes

They say the feds track all internet activity and look out for keywords that indicate terrorism or otherwise

I wanted to test this out and Googled "how to kill President"

Few days later I received a care package containing ammo

Decrease the odds of terrorism on a plane

The odds of a suicide bomber being on your plane are 1 in 10 million.

The odds of two random unrelated suicide bombers on the same plane are virtually impossible.

So if you want to guarantee that you won’t die from another suicide bomber on your flight then you should wear a bomb.

Global warming can reduce terrorism

because the isis melting.

A old woman was arrested on terrorism charges today

A elderly woman was arrested on terrorism charges at Heathrow airport today.

She had tried to bring a bomb onto a plane with her.

When questioned as to why she did such a thing she said she was deathly afraid of her plane being blown up by a terrorist and thought the chances of two bom...

Osama Bin Laden tried doing standup comedy before terrorism

He bombed.

They say you can't tell a funny joke about terrorism, but you can.

It's all in the execution.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Terrorism is a serious issue

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 194...

How does a mathematician want to solve terrorism?

He wants to simplify the radicals.

Right wing terrorism and left wing terrorism are similar

But left wing terrorism is worse. Because right wing terrorism burns foreigners, and left wing terrorism burns cars, and it could have been my car.

Did you hear about the train engineer from Mexico that was arrested for terrorism?

Authorities say he had loco motives.

School of Terrorism, Suicide Bomber course...

Instructor: *Alright pay attention class, I'm only gonna do this once.*

The War on Terrorism....

....God's way of teaching Geography to Americans.

A guy carrying a backpack gets stopped by the police on suspicion of terrorism..

The police officer asks him to let him check his backpack. The guy obliges. In his backpack, the officer finds some textbooks, a calculator, a compass and a ruler.

"Aha!", shouts the policeman, "as I suspected. You are under arrest!"

"But why?" the guy protests.

"You have been c...

How do we fight kitchen terrorism?

By remaining Tupperware

What makes terrorism jokes funny?

The execution!

What's the difference between abortion and terrorism?

Terrorism is funded by the US government!

On a flight from Dubai to NYC, I met a cheerful gentleman from Pakistani. He stressed that Pakistan is now a new country, peaceful & totally against terrorism

To prove his point, he decided not to hijack the plane.

Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are reading a script at lunch...

It's for Stallone's new movie *The Composers*, about the descendants of famous European composers joining forces to fight terrorism. Stallone says he'll play Beethoven, "My theme will be ode to joy. But get this: Joy is the name of my shotgun."

"Nice," says Norris. "I'll be Mozart, and I'...

When he was president, George W. Bush decided to visit a school...

...so the kids could ask him questions.

'Mr. President, my name is Bob and I'd like to ask three questions,' says the first kid.

'Alright, ask away,' says Bush.

'My first question: why do you label everything as "terrorism"? My second question is: why do you always say we have t...

What did the ghost say during its planned act of terrorism?

Allaboo Akbar.

If a mime went jihadi and did a suicide bombing...

Would it be an unspeakable act of terrorism?

USA is so lucky.

Wherever they start fighting terrorism, they manage to find oil reserves.

Why have there been so much terrorist attacks lately?

Because terrorism is booming.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why I changed my name

Well, for my story to make any sense, I need to clarify that I'm somewhat of a celebrity in my country. I think even internationally people have heard about me, though I'm not too sure about it (fortunately the people who know about me also tend to be technologically a bit behind the curve, so you d...

What do you call a Muslim abortion clinic?

counter terrorism

Have you heard the latest trend...

Have you heard the latest trend that's blowin' up the Internet?


It's cyber-terrorism.

The Brazilian ambassador meets with Donald Trump

The Brazilian ambassador meets with Donald Trump, and offers him 50 Brazilian soldiers to help with the fight against terrorism. Trump says, “That’s fantastic!"

Later that day Trump calls his Chief of Staff and tells him about the offer of 50 Brazilian soldiers.

The Chief of Staff says...

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