Why is Venus named after the Roman goddess of beauty?

Because it's the hottest planet in our solar system

Freddie Mercury, Venus Williams and Bruno Mars Walk into a bar.

But they didn't planet that way.

I saw Venus AND Jupiter this morning!

So glad the strip club is open early.

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The Venus de Milo just kicked my ass.

It surprised the hell out of me, because she looks pretty armless.

Earth, Venus, Mars, and Jupiter were going to setup a party

But they failed because nobody knew how to planet

If Earth is the third planet from Sun after Mercury and Venus

Doesn't that make every country a third world country?

Why does Venus have a crush on the sun?

Because the sun is really hot!

This gem came from my 8 year old nephew.

The commander at the Venus space station told his Flight Engineer

I want this issue resolved next year, not tomorrow!

What did the Venus fly trap say to the waiter?

Excuse me, there's no fly in my soup.

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When I visited the Louvre, I slapped the Venus de Milo’s ass

I think I’ve hit rock bottom

I only started space exploration this week and already I've colonized Venus and Mars

V:e:n:u:s:a:n:d:M:a:r:s

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NO SEX TONIGHT!

I've never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much.

And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing or why men think with their head and women with their heart.

For example… One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed.

We...

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As old as the Hills and twice as dusty but no, I've never seen it here

The traveling salesman's car breaks,so he asked a farmer if he can stay there for a few days while his car gets fixed.

The farmer had 2 beautiful daughters, Nellie and Venus.

One night TS takes the older daughter "Venus"on a date to the drive in,using the farmers car.

The next...

If Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus was written today...

The solar system would need more planets for the title.

Scientists have genetically modified a Venus Fly Trap to have the skin of a cactus

They say its bark is worse than its bite.

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Venus Williams has blamed her first round exit at Wimbledon to the balls not bouncing correctly.

Venus Williams has blamed her first round exit at Wimbledon to the balls not bouncing correctly.

May I suggest for her to try some better fitting underwear?

I don't want to say video games cause violence...

...but after a month of playing Pong, I beat Rafael Nadal in a best of five match and might be Venus Williams' new baby daddy.

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Venus and Serena Williams were having breakfast...

when Serena says to Venus "I think Dad's been putting steroids or something in our cereal". Venus says "Why do you think that?". Serena leans forward and speaking in a low voice says "I'm starting to get hair where I didn't have any before". "Like where??" Venus asks. "All over my cock and balls...

I called Serena Williams. I said, “Serena, what’s your favorite planet?”

She said, “It’s Venus.”

Me: I’m sorry Venus. Could you put Serena on the phone?

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There once was a man from Nantucket

His dick was so long he could suck it
He walked down the street swinging his meat
Carrying his balls in a bucket

There once was a man from Peru
Who fell asleep in his canoe
While dreaming of Venus
Playing with his penis
He awoke with two handfuls of goo

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A man is driving down the road.

When suddenly he sees a red man crying.He asks him "What's wrong with you?" The red man answers:"I'm a homosexual exiled from Mars and i am hungry" The man gives him a sandwitch,hops back in his car and goes further.He then saw a green man crying.He asks him again what's wrong and the green man answ...

Earth asks Mars...

"Why has Venus been so distant lately?"

Mars answers "shes been under a lot of pressure and has really bad gas"

What do you call Venus Williams' collection of Pokemon?

The 'mons of Venus.

Joke my 63 year old British dad just told me...

Two American astronauts zoom off to the moon, they land on the moon safely and hop out of the module. They do some routine work, collecting rock samples, checking temperatures and the like.

Then one of them sees a man in the distance sitting on a deck chair wearing a handkerchief with knots o...

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The Planets

71% water + 29% land = Earth

100% land + 0% Chocolate = Mars

100% land + 0% Fertility = Venus

100% land and lava + 0% Freddy = Mercury

100% land + 0% Dog = Pluto

100% gas = Uranus

On a dark and stormy night...

...a comet flies past Earth. This comet was enchanted, and after it flew past the world, it caused all statues to come to life, solely focused on destroying every country in the world.

No nation was left safe from this attack. The gargoyles attacked France. The Statue of Liberty led a revolt ...

God couldn't decide where to go for a holiday

The angels suggested the the planet Venus.
"Too hot," said god.

Then they suggested Pluto?
"Too cold," said god.

What about planet Earth they wondered.
"Hell no," said god. I was down there about 2,000 years ago. Slept with some woman named Mary - and they're still talking a...

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The farmers daughters

One Friday night, while driving through a small, backwoods town, a mans car broke down. After walking several miles, the man comes upon a farm house with the lights on. He knocks on the door, and a man clad in dirty overalls answers. The man explains his situation, and asks if it would be possible t...

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