Why is Venus named after the Roman goddess of beauty?

Because it's the hottest planet in our solar system

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Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

All the other genders are from Ur-Anus

I saw Venus AND Jupiter this morning!

So glad the strip club is open early.

Freddie Mercury, Venus Williams and Bruno Mars Walk into a bar.

But they didn't planet that way.

I only started space exploration this week and already I've colonized Venus and Mars


An astronomer has realized an ancient society has been writing jokes all over Mars, Venus, and other celestial bodies...

The astronomer, getting a huge laugh out of them, decided to record them down. The astronomer kept looking into space, and he kept finding gems that he couldn't stop laughing at. One day, having recorded over 100 jokes, he decided to publish all of them in a book, because the jokes were so funny and...

The commander at the Venus space station told his Flight Engineer

I want this issue resolved next year, not tomorrow!

If Earth is the third planet from Sun after Mercury and Venus

Doesn't that make every country a third world country?

The Venus de Milo just kicked my ass.

It surprised the hell out of me, because she looks pretty armless.

Earth, Venus, Mars, and Jupiter were going to setup a party

But they failed because nobody knew how to planet

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When I visited the Louvre, I slapped the Venus de Milo’s ass

I think I’ve hit rock bottom

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Venus vs Mars

never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.


One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into b...

A trespasser was caught with his pants down at the Louvre, humping the Venus de Milo

He was charged with statuary rape

If Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus was written today...

The solar system would need more planets for the title.

What did the Venus fly trap say to the waiter?

Excuse me, there's no fly in my soup.

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Venus Williams has blamed her first round exit at Wimbledon to the balls not bouncing correctly.

Venus Williams has blamed her first round exit at Wimbledon to the balls not bouncing correctly.

May I suggest for her to try some better fitting underwear?

What do you call Venus Williams' collection of Pokemon?

The 'mons of Venus.

Scientists have genetically modified a Venus Fly Trap to have the skin of a cactus

They say its bark is worse than its bite.

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A truck driver working a long nightshift gets halted by a green man in the middle of a deserted road. The driver slams on his brakes an gets out of the truck

"What the fuck are you doing?!" He screams,
The green man replies:
"I'm from Mars motherfucker, I'm gay as fuck and I'm hungry, now give me some food or your ass will be sorry!"
Quite startled, the truck driver hands over his midnight snack and POOF the green man disappears into a ball of...

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Venus and Serena Williams were having breakfast...

when Serena says to Venus "I think Dad's been putting steroids or something in our cereal". Venus says "Why do you think that?". Serena leans forward and speaking in a low voice says "I'm starting to get hair where I didn't have any before". "Like where??" Venus asks. "All over my cock and balls...

I called Serena Williams. I said, “Serena, what’s your favorite planet?”

She said, “It’s Venus.”

Me: I’m sorry Venus. Could you put Serena on the phone?

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Boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider,

Girls go to venus to get more penis

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A few limericks

I once had a girlfriend named Venus.
She swore nothing would come between us. ...

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A man is driving down the road.

When suddenly he sees a red man crying.He asks him "What's wrong with you?" The red man answers:"I'm a homosexual exiled from Mars and i am hungry" The man gives him a sandwitch,hops back in his car and goes further.He then saw a green man crying.He asks him again what's wrong and the green man answ...

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Yellow man, red man, blue man… (dutch joke)

A trucker is driving on the road when suddenly he sees a yellow man, crying on the sidewalk. He stops and goes over to him to ask if he's ok.
The yellow man says: "I'm yellow, I come from the planet Venus, I'm gay, and I'm hungry!" The trucker says: "Well…I can give you a sandwich but I can't hel...

Earth asks Mars...

"Why has Venus been so distant lately?"

Mars answers "shes been under a lot of pressure and has really bad gas"

God couldn't decide where to go for a holiday

The angels suggested the the planet Venus.
"Too hot," said god.

Then they suggested Pluto?
"Too cold," said god.

What about planet Earth they wondered.
"Hell no," said god. I was down there about 2,000 years ago. Slept with some woman named Mary - and they're still talking a...

Joke my 63 year old British dad just told me...

Two American astronauts zoom off to the moon, they land on the moon safely and hop out of the module. They do some routine work, collecting rock samples, checking temperatures and the like.

Then one of them sees a man in the distance sitting on a deck chair wearing a handkerchief with knots o...

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The Planets

71% water + 29% land = Earth

100% land + 0% Chocolate = Mars

100% land + 0% Fertility = Venus

100% land and lava + 0% Freddy = Mercury

100% land + 0% Dog = Pluto

100% gas = Uranus

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There once was a man from Nantucket

His dick was so long he could suck it
He walked down the street swinging his meat
Carrying his balls in a bucket

There once was a man from Peru
Who fell asleep in his canoe
While dreaming of Venus
Playing with his penis
He awoke with two handfuls of goo

On a dark and stormy night...

...a comet flies past Earth. This comet was enchanted, and after it flew past the world, it caused all statues to come to life, solely focused on destroying every country in the world.

No nation was left safe from this attack. The gargoyles attacked France. The Statue of Liberty led a revolt ...

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