How does earth and mars schedule a vacation

They planet

Someone told me I would be only 30% as heavy on Mars as I am right now...

That means I am not fat, I just live on the wrong planet..

How to get man on mars:

Tell America there's oil there.

NASA is currently investigating why Mars used to be warm and wet and now dry and cold.

My guess is 5-10 years of marriage.

We should send all of Earth's politicians to colonize Mars.

All that hot air would make it habitible quickly!

Scientists have finally figured out what happened to all the water that used be Mars

Turns out, the planet was once occupied by Nestle

Headline: Dead Cat Discovered on Mars

Looks like Curiosity kiiled the cat.

Why is Bruno Mars not called Bruno Snickers?

Because he has no nuts.

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go, and he couldn't return to Earth.

The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. "A million dollars," he answered, "because I want to donate it to M.I.T."

The next applicant,...

Say what you want about Elon Musk but with his plan to bring people to mars...

No one is a more creative serial killer

What do Mars and Oklahoma have in common?

A lotta red dirt and no signs of intelligent life.

Freddie Mercury, Bruno Mars and Venus Williams all walk into the same bar..

But they didn't planet...

Why can't they send cats to mars

Because curiosity killed the cat.

NASA plans to send a cat to Mars..

But they're afraid Curiosity might kill the cat

What is Elon Musk's favourite band?

Thirty Seconds to Mars

So, an astronaut dreams of spending a Little over a day on Mars...

It is his Sol endeavor.

What do you call another word for Mars Candy filled with cinnamon?

A Cinnamon M&M Synonym

So aliens from Mars comes down to Earth...

...And they're friendly! The leaders of the world and the aliens plan a huge televised event where the leaders can ask questions on whatever they want.

During this event, the pope is up to talk to the aliens.

"I know this question may sound odd to you gentlemen," the pope starts to ask...

My wife said we need to sit down and talk about our future, and I was like 'Yeah gonna be awesome! Flying Cars, Colonies on Mars!, Self fixing robots it's gonna be amazing!!'

Not what she meant, am now single.

If Elon Musk's space company establishes a Mars colony, and you have a girlfriend on mars, but later break up because of long distance, she'd be your....

Space x.

Mars rover

After an almost succesful retrieval of the Mars rover, upon re-entry, the rover overheated and exploded. Debrus landed in an urban environment. There was one casualty.

Curiosity killed the cat

NASA's Perseverance rover on Mars has successfully tested a device that can convert carbon dioxide (98% of Mar's atmosphere) into oxygen and carbon monoxide.

Sounds like a great idea, until all the Martians start dying from carbon monoxide poisoning.

Scientists planned to verify if Schroedingers thought experiment prevails on Mars

but sadly Curiosity killed the cat, rendering the experiment futile.

Yo mama soooo fat

When she jumped into the pool, nasa found water on Mars.

NASA Scientists were eagerly waiting for the rover to send back the first sounds from Mars.

A program decades in the making, a feat of engineering never before accomplished. Not only did they include high resolution cameras for the landing, but incredibly robust microphones to capture the first sounds from an alien planet.

The team of people were huddled around a lab station for hou...

The first high definition photos have been received from the Mars rover, Perseverance.

As I predicted, it has found a McDonalds with a drive-thru lane, and a Walmart Supercenter.

It has also started receiving calls from telemarketers.

Humanity has colonized Venus and Mars. Venus is a pressure-cooker hellscape with an acidic atmosphere, and Mars has almost no atmosphere at all. In comparison, bad weather on Earth...

is such a first world problem.

So the Pope is having a conversation with Aliens from Mars.

Pope: "Do you know Jesus?"

Alien: "Oh, Jesus. Great guy. He comes to our planet twice every year."


Pope: "Every year?! It's about two millennia and we're still waiting for his second coming."

Alien: "Maybe he didn't like your chocolate."

Pope: "Chocolate?"

A...

Why can't Mars and Venus kiss?

Because they live a World apart.

What's Bruno Mars favorite vegetable trick?

24 carrot magic

The space-race for mars is just like a one way lustful relationship

Everyone is spending millions of dollars on it and sending things over to mars just to see if its wet.

Steve jobs and Bill Gates colonize Mars. What do they call the planet?

Planet of the Apps.

The Mars rover has detected the first signs of life on Mars.

It seems that it has received signals from 'Hot MILFs in it's area'

A blonde, brunette, and redhead are talking about where they would go if they were astronauts.

The brunette says "the Moon. The Redhead says "Mars". The Blond says "The Sun." When the other two girls say she can't go to the sun as she'd get incinerated, she replies with "I'd go at night, duh!"

My dad just read an article entitled "Mars is humming. Scientists aren't sure why."

His response? "Maybe it doesn't know the words."

Scientists now think cats originated on Mars. NASA was set to retrieve a specimen confirming this,

...but curiosity killed it.

How do they organize a party on Mars?

They planet.

My five year old told me this today.

What's purple and smells like Mars?

Apartment!

A politician finds a magic lamp, rubs it and a genie pops out.

The genie says “I shall grant you any wish you ask, on the condition that when I ask, you set me free and when I ask you acknowledge my part in your wish.”

The politician agrees and after much consideration, he wishes that his lies and exaggerations would come true.

He holds a press c...

Did you know they tested the Mars rover against animal attacks?

They had to switch to dogs because Curiosity killed the cat.

I saw a 1 star review for Mars on Yelp

They said it lacked atmosphere.

Mars must be overpopulated with cats.

That's why they sent curiosity there.

NASA found water on Mars

Mars: 1
Africa: 0

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Aliens

A ship with 2 martians on board departed Mars and set out for earth. The martians arrived to earth very late at night, and landed at a gas station. The 2 martians got off the ship, and began to ask the gas pump questions. “What’s your name” one Martian asked. No reply. “How old are you”... still no ...

A new leaked government tape shows that a Mars rover saw some sort of feline life form on Mars.

However, before they could get any more info, Curiosity killed the cat.

30 Seconds To Mars for only 5 Seconds Of Summer?

I'd better get my Nickelback or there'll Panic! At The Disco.

Monkeys, dogs... animals are usually the first ones to explore space; so why is there no animal on Mars?

Curiosity killed the cat.

I thought making a pun about the mars rover would be appreciated

But since everyone is pressing F to pay respect it just means that it's a missed oppertunity

Breaking news :NASA wants first person to reach Mars, to be a woman.

So that when men arrive, dinner would be ready.

Why did Elon Musk choose SpaceX to land on mars?

Because if he chose SpaceY he’d land on 14 year old boys.

Where are Muslims going to pray when they go to Mars?

Elon's Mosque

NASA has said that an engineers pet was crushed during Mars Rover testing

Turns out Curiosity did kill the cat.

News has just come in that The Mars Rover has discovered a member of the feline species while exploring.

Unfortunately, Curiosity killed the cat.

Did you hear about the restaurant on Mars??

Great food, horrible atmosphere.

What does Mars smell like?

Nothing really, but it does have a bit of an Elon Musk to it.

Will there be 4G coverage on Mars?

Sadly it'll only be 0.4g.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

Kids are from Uranus

Mars: I’m wet.

NASA: I’m coming over.

Have you heard about all the feline deaths on Mars recently?

Yeah, apparently Curiosity kills cats

"We Do Not Have A Child Slave Colony On Mars."

They are free to leave the dome whenever they wish.

NASA was experimenting with animals in space.

Monkeys were an obvious choice, but they had no patience. Mice chewed all the cables, dogs were too stupid and chickens were always scared. It seemed the only animal that could cope with the intense stress of space travel was a chilled out alley cat.

After a few months of testing and training...

Is it too soon to joke about the mars rover?

There is way too many good puns for it to be a missed opportunity.

They have found water on the mars...

Is Nestle already planning its own space program?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A married couple goes to Mars

A Martian couple and an Earthling couple have met and are talking about all sorts of things.

Finally, the subject of sex comes up.

"Just how do you guys do it?" asked the Earthling.

"Pretty much the way you do," responded the Martian.

Discussion ensues and finally the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day people will land on Mars. Search for the rover, dust him off and give it the treatment it deserves.

A robo bro blow job.

So, Mars Bars are just nutless Snickers, right?

I guess you could say that they're infertile.

I feel that if we send people to Mars, we should dismantle the old rovers for their technology.

Otherwise we’ll miss a hell of an Opportunity.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did SpaceX go to Mars

Becuase SpaceY already went to Uranus

I’ve been seeing this girl from Mars

We’re in a interspacial relationship.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Men are from Mars. A Joke for the long Monday ahead.

http://austin.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/60286784.html source

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so

much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have

never figured out why men think with their head and women with ...

Travel to Mars

After years of work and billions of dollars, we can send a single astronaut to Mars and back. Jimmy is chosen to go on the mission with zero possibility of communication until he returns 10 years later. With a huge celebration, the shuttle takes off and the wait begins. After 10 years, Jimmy returns...

I'm such a bad golfer, they should send me to Mars.

I'm guaranteed to find water.

Elon Musk has a plan to design electronic grass for Mars

He’s calling it an E-Lawn.

Mars and NASA

Mars: Come over

NASA: You're 33.9 million miles away

Mars: I'm wet

NASA: I'm coming over

Why did the astronaut give up on going to Mars?

Because there's no longer any Opportunity there.

Our realationship is like the mars rover

It was meant to last 90 days but here I am 14 years later

God wants to go on vacation

So he asks his angels for suggestions. Venus? asks one, god says no too hot. Another says Mars; no too cold. What about earth? Earth! No way, god says. 2000 years ago I hooked up with some girl there and they’re still talking about it!

Budweiser starts a collaboration with SpaceX to be the first beer on Mars

I can already see the headlines...
"Colonist discovers water on Mars!"

Earth, Venus, Mars, and Jupiter were going to setup a party

But they failed because nobody knew how to planet

I only started space exploration this week and already I've colonized Venus and Mars

V:e:n:u:s:a:n:d:M:a:r:s

They found a cat on mars...

A live cat was found roaming the surface of Mars. Scientists planned to have the Mars Rover capture the animal to study it but unfortunately while attempting to capture the feline, Curiosity killed the cat.

NASA announced today it discovered a petting zoo on Mars

This comes after an accident in which Curiosity killed the cat.

Our new Space Force is exploring mars

The new Space Force has finally arrived at mars, and an exploration ship has been investigating the snow and ice covered North Pole area.

A field biologist excitedly rushes in to his general, and exclaims, “Sir, incredible news! We have discovered a strange, silicon-based form of life in the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NASA Scientists say its possible to live on Mars.

Bullshit, I tried it and now I'm 15Kg heavier and diabetic

NASA just announced discovery of oil on Mars

Humans^* are finally going to Mars

^* US Army

I heard they found water on Mars...

I bet California is pretty jealous.

I want to pay respects to the Mars Rover that NASA lost contact with.

It's a missed Opportunity.

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