The 87+ Best Mars Jokes

Someone told me I would be only 30% as heavy on Mars as I am right now...

That means I am not fat, I just live on the wrong planet..

How to get man on mars:

Tell America there's oil there.

Headline: Dead Cat Discovered on Mars

Looks like Curiosity kiiled the cat.

What do Mars and Oklahoma have in common?

A lotta red dirt and no signs of intelligent life.

Mars: I'm wet...

NASA: I'm coming!

Elon Musk wants to send people to mars

I think we can all agree that he is the most creative serial killer of all time.

Scientists have finally figured out what happened to all the water that used be Mars

Turns out, the planet was once occupied by Nestle

We really should look into colonizing Mars and other planets or moons

If you look at the studies, 100% of deaths occur here on earth.

NASA is currently investigating why Mars used to be warm and wet and now dry and cold.

My guess is 5-10 years of marriage.

Why are there no cats on Mars?

Curiosity killed them all

We should send all of Earth's politicians to colonize Mars.

All that hot air would make it habitible quickly!

If Elon Musk's space company establishes a Mars colony, and you have a girlfriend on mars, but later break up because of long distance, she'd be your....

Space x.

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go, and he couldn't return to Earth.

The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. "A million dollars," he answered, "because I want to donate it to M.I.T."

The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for two million dollars. "I want to give a million to my family", ...

So the Pope is having a conversation with Aliens from Mars.

Pope: "Do you know Jesus?"

Alien: "Oh, Jesus. Great guy. He comes to our planet twice every year."

Pope: "Every year?! It's about two millennia and we're still waiting for his second coming."

Alien: "Maybe he didn't like your chocolate."

Pope: "Chocolate?"

A...

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The year is 2222 and John and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough Frequent Flier miles

They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things.

John asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc.

Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex.

'Just how do you guys do it?' asks Maureen.

The Martian resp...

NASA Just found water on mars

Mars-1

Africa-0

Scientists planned to verify if Schroedingers thought experiment prevails on Mars

but sadly Curiosity killed the cat, rendering the experiment futile.

Venus Williams and Bruno Mars were sitting at a bar talking about where they were from.

The bartender said, "Hey - you two should write a book!"

So aliens from Mars comes down to Earth...

...And they're friendly! The leaders of the world and the aliens plan a huge televised event where the leaders can ask questions on whatever they want.

During this event, the pope is up to talk to the aliens.

"I know this question may sound odd to you gentlemen," the pope starts to ask...

Elon Musk new plan for Mars colonization will include only registered Republicans.

He is going to make it the true red planet.

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Lands on Mars

NASA's robot Curiosity lands on Mars. After thorough searching, it found no porn, no beer, no girly magazines, and no big screen TVs.

This makes it very clear, that men aren't from Mars.

Elon Musk lands on Mars and steps out of his spaceship

### "It's a small step for a man, but a giant leap for mankind," says the ground control officer and cuts off all communications.

I've lived on Mars for years

However, only eating chocolate has taken a toll on my health

Did you hear about the restaurant on Mars??

Great food, horrible atmosphere.

News has just come in that The Mars Rover has discovered a member of the feline species while exploring.

Unfortunately, Curiosity killed the cat.

the Mars rover used to be coded in C

Now it's coated in Rust.

Sometimes I randomly shout out Bruno Mars lyrics

Don’t believe me? Just watch!

All the Celebrations sweets are having a Christmas party at the bar when a packet of Lockets walks in. 'Oi' shouts the Mars Bar, 'you're not confectionery, get out!'

'Sssssshhhh' says the Bounty 'Don't start, he's menthol'

NASA's Perseverance rover on Mars has successfully tested a device that can convert carbon dioxide (98% of Mar's atmosphere) into oxygen and carbon monoxide.

Sounds like a great idea, until all the Martians start dying from carbon monoxide poisoning.

The first high definition photos have been received from the Mars rover, Perseverance.

As I predicted, it has found a McDonalds with a drive-thru lane, and a Walmart Supercenter.

It has also started receiving calls from telemarketers.

A new leaked government tape shows that a Mars rover saw some sort of feline life form on Mars.

However, before they could get any more info, Curiosity killed the cat.

What do you call another word for Mars Candy filled with cinnamon?

A Cinnamon M&M Synonym

Why can't Mars and Venus kiss?

Because they live a World apart.

What does Mars smell like?

Nothing really, but it does have a bit of an Elon Musk to it.

Scientists now think cats originated on Mars. NASA was set to retrieve a specimen confirming this,

...but curiosity killed it.

Why is Bruno Mars not called Bruno Snickers?

Because he has no nuts.

Why did Elon Musk choose SpaceX to land on mars?

Because if he chose SpaceY he’d land on 14 year old boys.

Mars and NASA

Mars: Come over

NASA: You're 33.9 million miles away

Mars: I'm wet

NASA: I'm coming over

"We Do Not Have A Child Slave Colony On Mars."

They are free to leave the dome whenever they wish.

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No Sex Tonight!

I've never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much.

And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing or why men think with their head and women with their heart.

For example… One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed.

We...

TIL that there's no living cats on Mars.

Must be true what they say about Curiosity.

If they really want to find water on Mars..

Just send my pops up there to golf.

The cats are planning to invade Mars. My neighbour's cat told me when it was heavily drunk.

Or was I?

Yo momma is so fat ...

She took a jump in the pool, they found water on Mars.

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Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

Kids are from Uranus

Steve jobs and Bill Gates colonize Mars. What do they call the planet?

Planet of the Apps.

Where are Muslims going to pray when they go to Mars?

Elon's Mosque

Nasa was experimenting with different animals in space.

Monkeys were an obvious choice, but they had no patience. Mice chewed all the cables, dogs were too stupid and chickens were always scared. It seemed the only animal that could cope with the intense stress of space travel was a chilled out alley cat.

After a few months of testing and training...

Studying the nature of Mars

A NASA scientist walks into a bar and orders a beer. "How's work going?" the bartender asks. "It's frustrating. We've been studying the planet Mars and trying to figure out how it went from having a warm and wet habitat to a cold and dry one," the scientist says. "So far, we don't have an answ...

My wife said we need to sit down and talk about our future, and I was like 'Yeah gonna be awesome! Flying Cars, Colonies on Mars!, Self fixing robots it's gonna be amazing!!'

Not what she meant, am now single.

Mars rover

After an almost succesful retrieval of the Mars rover, upon re-entry, the rover overheated and exploded. Debrus landed in an urban environment. There was one casualty.

Curiosity killed the cat

So, an astronaut dreams of spending a Little over a day on Mars...

It is his Sol endeavor.

Have you heard about all the feline deaths on Mars recently?

Yeah, apparently Curiosity kills cats

My dad just read an article entitled "Mars is humming. Scientists aren't sure why."

His response? "Maybe it doesn't know the words."

The space-race for mars is just like a one way lustful relationship

Everyone is spending millions of dollars on it and sending things over to mars just to see if its wet.

The Mars rover has detected the first signs of life on Mars.

It seems that it has received signals from 'Hot MILFs in it's area'

NASA Scientists were eagerly waiting for the rover to send back the first sounds from Mars.

A program decades in the making, a feat of engineering never before accomplished. Not only did they include high resolution cameras for the landing, but incredibly robust microphones to capture the first sounds from an alien planet.

The team of people were huddled around a lab station for hou...

Humanity has colonized Venus and Mars. Venus is a pressure-cooker hellscape with an acidic atmosphere, and Mars has almost no atmosphere at all. In comparison, bad weather on Earth...

is such a first world problem.

Would now be a good time to make a joke about the Mars rover dying?

Or has the Opportunity passed?

What's Bruno Mars favorite vegetable trick?

24 carrot magic

Monkeys, dogs... animals are usually the first ones to explore space; so why is there no animal on Mars?

Curiosity killed the cat.

Will there be 4G coverage on Mars?

Sadly it'll only be 0.4g.

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One day people will land on Mars. Search for the rover, dust him off and give it the treatment it deserves.

A robo bro blow job.

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A Pirate dressed like Bruno Mars

I was once at a pub and saw a Pirate dressed like Bruno Mars;
It was getting late, so I asked him for the time.
To which, he replied:
"Yarr, don't believe me wristwatch."

I saw a 1 star review for Mars on Yelp

They said it lacked atmosphere.

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Why did SpaceX go to Mars

Becuase SpaceY already went to Uranus

Earth, Venus, Mars, and Jupiter were going to setup a party

But they failed because nobody knew how to planet

I thought making a pun about the mars rover would be appreciated

But since everyone is pressing F to pay respect it just means that it's a missed oppertunity

They found a cat on mars...

A live cat was found roaming the surface of Mars. Scientists planned to have the Mars Rover capture the animal to study it but unfortunately while attempting to capture the feline, Curiosity killed the cat.

Breaking news :NASA wants first person to reach Mars, to be a woman.

So that when men arrive, dinner would be ready.

I heard they found water on Mars...

I bet California is pretty jealous.

30 Seconds To Mars for only 5 Seconds Of Summer?

I'd better get my Nickelback or there'll Panic! At The Disco.

NASA has said that an engineers pet was crushed during Mars Rover testing

Turns out Curiosity did kill the cat.

Budweiser starts a collaboration with SpaceX to be the first beer on Mars

I can already see the headlines...
"Colonist discovers water on Mars!"

They have found water on the mars...

Is Nestle already planning its own space program?

What's purple and smells like Mars?

Apartment!

So, Mars Bars are just nutless Snickers, right?

I guess you could say that they're infertile.

Travel to Mars

After years of work and billions of dollars, we can send a single astronaut to Mars and back. Jimmy is chosen to go on the mission with zero possibility of communication until he returns 10 years later. With a huge celebration, the shuttle takes off and the wait begins. After 10 years, Jimmy returns...

June 7th, 2019, the day the moon became a part of Mars

Thanks POTUS.

I’ve been seeing this girl from Mars

We’re in a interspacial relationship.

Why did the astronaut give up on going to Mars?

Because there's no longer any Opportunity there.

NASA just announced discovery of oil on Mars

Humans^* are finally going to Mars

^* US Army

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NASA Scientists say its possible to live on Mars.

Bullshit, I tried it and now I'm 15Kg heavier and diabetic

I feel that if we send people to Mars, we should dismantle the old rovers for their technology.

Otherwise we’ll miss a hell of an Opportunity.

Our new Space Force is exploring mars

The new Space Force has finally arrived at mars, and an exploration ship has been investigating the snow and ice covered North Pole area.

A field biologist excitedly rushes in to his general, and exclaims, “Sir, incredible news! We have discovered a strange, silicon-based form of life in the...

The Pope and a couple of Astronauts make it to Mars.

There, they meet a bunch of Martians. The Pope who was eager to know If Christianity is universal asks one of the martians; Have you heard of Jesus Christ?
Well yes, says the martian, we know him quiet well he visits us regularly. What do you do for him to visit you regularly? We give him a box o...

They say the first human to make it mars will most likely be a woman

This way when the males get there dinner will be ready

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