How does earth and mars schedule a vacation

They planet

Someone told me I would be only 30% as heavy on Mars as I am right now...

That means I am not fat, I just live on the wrong planet..

What do Mars and Oklahoma have in common?

A lotta red dirt and no signs of intelligent life.

Why are there no cats on Mars?

Curiosity killed them all

Freddy Mercury, Venus Williams Williams Bruno Mars all happened to walk into the same bar.

But they didn't planet that way.

Why is Bruno Mars not called Bruno Snickers?

Because he has no nuts.

If Elon Musk's space company establishes a Mars colony, and you have a girlfriend on mars, but later break up because of long distance, she'd be your....

Space x.

The space-race for mars is just like a one way lustful relationship

Everyone is spending millions of dollars on it and sending things over to mars just to see if its wet.

Say what you want about Elon Musk but with his plan to bring people to mars...

No one is a more creative serial killer

Why can't Mars and Venus kiss?

Because they live a World apart.

What's Bruno Mars favorite vegetable trick?

24 carrot magic

I've heard Mars has no atmosphere...

I've heard Mars has no atmosphere, can we create an atmosphere by dimming the lights and playing smooth jazz?

NASA has said that an engineers pet was crushed during Mars Rover testing

Turns out Curiosity did kill the cat.

So aliens from Mars comes down to Earth...

...And they're friendly! The leaders of the world and the aliens plan a huge televised event where the leaders can ask questions on whatever they want.

During this event, the pope is up to talk to the aliens.

"I know this question may sound odd to you gentlemen," the pope starts to ask...

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What made Jupiter’s surprise party go off with out a hitch?

Mars, Uranus, and Venus really knew how to planet.

Why is pluto (1185km) not a planet...

but Bruno Mars (1.65m) is a star?

Steve jobs and Bill Gates colonize Mars. What do they call the planet?

Planet of the Apps.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did SpaceX go to Mars?

Because SpaceY already went to Uranus.

Scientists now think cats originated on Mars. NASA was set to retrieve a specimen confirming this,

...but curiosity killed it.

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Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

Farts are from URANUS

Mars must be overpopulated with cats.

That's why they sent curiosity there.

So the Pope is having a conversation with Aliens from Mars.

Pope: "Do you know Jesus?"

Alien: "Oh, Jesus. Great guy. He comes to our planet twice every year."


Pope: "Every year?! It's about two millennia and we're still waiting for his second coming."

Alien: "Maybe he didn't like your chocolate."

Pope: "Chocolate?"

A...

30 Seconds To Mars for only 5 Seconds Of Summer?

I'd better get my Nickelback or there'll Panic! At The Disco.

A new leaked government tape shows that a Mars rover saw some sort of feline life form on Mars.

However, before they could get any more info, Curiosity killed the cat.

I saw a 1 star review for Mars on Yelp

They said it lacked atmosphere.

Why did Elon Musk choose SpaceX to land on mars?

Because if he chose SpaceY he’d land on 14 year old boys.

Monkeys, dogs... animals are usually the first ones to explore space; so why is there no animal on Mars?

Curiosity killed the cat.

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Girls -- Please have a sense of humor!

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so
much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have
never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I w...

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A scientist walks into a doctor's office to inquire about his fever.

The doctor asks the scientist to lay down and drop his pants, which the scientist does without question.

The doctor asks about the scientists field of work to which he replies "astronomy my dear boy". The doctor was overjoyed at this response as space had always interested him.


T...

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The science teacher asked Johnny, "What is your favorite planet, Johnny?"

"Hmm..." Johnny thought, as the classmates started to laugh.

"Please don't say it," the teacher sighed.

"I was gonna say Mars," said Johnny "but Uranus looks good too!"

My dad just read an article entitled "Mars is humming. Scientists aren't sure why."

His response? "Maybe it doesn't know the words."

Have you heard about all the feline deaths on Mars recently?

Yeah, apparently Curiosity kills cats

In the year 2045 Elon is tired of importing ice-cream from Earth to the Martian colonies.

The next day he puts a group of dairy cows on a rocket to Mars.

But inter-planetary customs officers make him hold the rocket in orbit while they inspect the cows. Earth leaders don't want to lose the tax revenue from exporting ice-cream and are looking for a reason to reposes his cattle. ...

So, Mars Bars are just nutless Snickers, right?

I guess you could say that they're infertile.

NASA officials were interviewing three prospective astronauts to sent to Mars on a dangerous one-way trip

Only one of the three would go, and that candidate would never return to Earth. The interviewer asked the first candidate, an engineer, how much he wanted to be paid to go.

"One million dollars," replied the engineer, "and I want it donated to my alma mater, Rice University."

The inter...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walked into his doctor's office...

...complaining that he thinks he might have a tapeworm. The doctor made a physical examination and listened to the symptoms, and concurred with the self-diagnosis.

"I want you to come back tomorrow to start treatment. And bring an apple, and an orange and a Mars Bar" said the doctor.

D...

What’s the difference between the Mars Rover and me?

It actually contributed towards society :(

Will there be 4G coverage on Mars?

Sadly it'll only be 0.4g.

I thought making a pun about the mars rover would be appreciated

But since everyone is pressing F to pay respect it just means that it's a missed oppertunity

Did you hear about the restaurant on mars?

The food was amazing, but the atmosphere wasn’t that great.

Mars: I’m wet.

NASA: I’m coming over.

NASA announced today it discovered a petting zoo on Mars

This comes after an accident in which Curiosity killed the cat.

Where are Muslims going to pray when they go to Mars?

Elon's Mosque

Is it too soon to joke about the mars rover?

There is way too many good puns for it to be a missed opportunity.

June 7th, 2019, the day the moon became a part of Mars

Thanks POTUS.

I’ve been seeing this girl from Mars

We’re in a interspacial relationship.

I feel that if we send people to Mars, we should dismantle the old rovers for their technology.

Otherwise we’ll miss a hell of an Opportunity.

They have found water on the mars...

Is Nestle already planning its own space program?

What does Mars smell like?

Nothing really, but it does have a bit of an Elon Musk to it.

Breaking news :NASA wants first person to reach Mars, to be a woman.

So that when men arrive, dinner would be ready.

They found a cat on mars...

A live cat was found roaming the surface of Mars. Scientists planned to have the Mars Rover capture the animal to study it but unfortunately while attempting to capture the feline, Curiosity killed the cat.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day people will land on Mars. Search for the rover, dust him off and give it the treatment it deserves.

A robo bro blow job.

The beverage company Nage decided to do something new.

In the tiny village of Mars, Kansas, a new themepark opened on the outskirts of town. Touted as the future of entertainment, the beverage company "Nage" decided to take all their leftover & recycled parts of their product, and turn them into hardened plastic materials to construct their attracti...

News has just come in that The Mars Rover has discovered a member of the feline species while exploring.

Unfortunately, Curiosity killed the cat.

Small talk

The year is 2097. In the midst of a nuclear war, two babies are sent from Earth in a pod to an empty SpaceX bunker on Mars in the hopes they will survive and continue the human race.

After years in isolation and with packaged food becoming scarce, the young humans decided to venture out onto ...

How do they organize a party on Mars?

They planet.

My five year old told me this today.

They say the first human to make it mars will most likely be a woman

This way when the males get there dinner will be ready

"We Do Not Have A Child Slave Colony On Mars."

They are free to leave the dome whenever they wish.

Elon Musk has a plan to design electronic grass for Mars

He’s calling it an E-Lawn.

On Mars, the rover begins a new day by opening its solar panel to charge up when there's sunlight...

But this time it hits something.

The scientists are puzzled. There was nothing there when it last went to sleep. Anxious, they use the last of its energy turning its camera around. It was an Earth feline.

Curiosity killed a cat

Travel to Mars

After years of work and billions of dollars, we can send a single astronaut to Mars and back. Jimmy is chosen to go on the mission with zero possibility of communication until he returns 10 years later. With a huge celebration, the shuttle takes off and the wait begins. After 10 years, Jimmy returns...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A married couple goes to Mars

A Martian couple and an Earthling couple have met and are talking about all sorts of things.

Finally, the subject of sex comes up.

"Just how do you guys do it?" asked the Earthling.

"Pretty much the way you do," responded the Martian.

Discussion ensues and finally the...

Why did the astronaut give up on going to Mars?

Because there's no longer any Opportunity there.

Our new Space Force is exploring mars

The new Space Force has finally arrived at mars, and an exploration ship has been investigating the snow and ice covered North Pole area.

A field biologist excitedly rushes in to his general, and exclaims, “Sir, incredible news! We have discovered a strange, silicon-based form of life in the...

Our realationship is like the mars rover

It was meant to last 90 days but here I am 14 years later

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Birth of Baby Ruth

It was another Payday and I was tired of Mr. Goodbar. I saw Miss Hershey standing behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and Fifth Avenue when I whipped out my Whopper and whispered, "Hey Sweetheart, how'd you like to Crunch on my big hunk for a Million Dollar Bar?"

Well, she immediate...

I want to pay respects to the Mars Rover that NASA lost contact with.

It's a missed Opportunity.

Mars and NASA

Mars: Come over

NASA: You're 33.9 million miles away

Mars: I'm wet

NASA: I'm coming over

What's the difference between Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg?

One's a human trying to conquer Mars and the other is an alien trying to conquer Earth.

Note: This joke isn't mine, I heard it somewhere but I forgot where, if it's already been posted send me the link and I'll remove it.

Two boxers light up a blunt

After a couple hours, both of them are pretty damn high, they start telling each other stories. One of them says, "Oh man, the other day I went on the craziest date with my wife. I got home after practice and told her to get ready. A couple minutes later we head out into that beautiful forest next t...

NASA just announced discovery of oil on Mars

Humans^* are finally going to Mars

^* US Army

I only started space exploration this week and already I've colonized Venus and Mars

V:e:n:u:s:a:n:d:M:a:r:s

Budweiser starts a collaboration with SpaceX to be the first beer on Mars

I can already see the headlines...
"Colonist discovers water on Mars!"

Nasa was experimenting with different animals in space.

Monkeys were an obvious choice, but they had no patience. Mice chewed all the cables, dogs were too stupid and chickens were always scared. It seemed the only animal that could cope with the intense stress of space travel was a chilled out alley cat.

After a few months of testing and training...

Scientists are baffled by cat remains on Mars..

You can guess who killed them.

Earth, Venus, Mars, and Jupiter were going to setup a party

But they failed because nobody knew how to planet

India sends a cat to Mars

In a few years India will send a cat to Mars to check out if it is possible to survive in that environment.

After some adaptation the cat starts roaming around on Mars.

All is well until one fine day suddenly the cat is mashed under a vehicle of sorts.

Everyone is wondering w...

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A guy felt a bit lonely

So he goes to a brothel and tells the madame that he wants something 'out of the oridinary'.

Madame replies: We've a goat. Do you want the goat?

The guy says: No, something even more kinky.

Madame: We've an alien from the planet Mars.

Guy: No, even more kinky.

Mad...

What do you call pubs on Mars?

Mars bars.

A Mars rover barged into my house. I knew it was Spirit

because Opportunity knocks.

I'm such a bad golfer, they should send me to Mars.

I'm guaranteed to find water.

The latest report from Mars indicates the presence of large ring structures of precious stones and a dusting of glitter almost everywhere

Apparently, efforts are underway to tiara-form the planet.


(I do apologize for this. I happen to hear someone pronounce this word rather frequently and this is what I keep imagining they are meaning, along with some deposits of sass, pageantry and frills.)

I heard they found water on Mars...

I bet California is pretty jealous.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NASA Scientists say its possible to live on Mars.

Bullshit, I tried it and now I'm 15Kg heavier and diabetic

NASA should tell the US government they found oil on Mars

And then watch the funding skyrocket

I told Elon Musk a joke about mars...

he said it was terable.

How far is Mars from Earth?

A few CVS receipts away

I really hope someone brings their cat to Mars only to get it get run over

So we can finally say Curiosity killed the cat.

Did you hear about the man with a stutter who went to the shop for a mars bar?

He came back with 50 packs of m and m's

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