UPJOKE
blemishspoilgougedefaceimpairmarchmutilatedeflowersullytaintblotdefilesolchristian namemary

How does earth and mars schedule a vacation

They planet

Someone told me I would be only 30% as heavy on Mars as I am right now...

That means I am not fat, I just live on the wrong planet..

How to get man on mars:

Tell America there's oil there.

Headline: Dead Cat Discovered on Mars

Looks like Curiosity kiiled the cat.

NASA is currently investigating why Mars used to be warm and wet and now dry and cold.

My guess is 5-10 years of marriage.

We really should look into colonizing Mars and other planets or moons

If you look at the studies, 100% of deaths occur here on earth.

We should send all of Earth's politicians to colonize Mars.

All that hot air would make it habitible quickly!

Freddie Mercury, Bruno Mars and Venus Williams all walk into the same bar..

But they didn't planet...

Scientists have finally figured out what happened to all the water that used be Mars

Turns out, the planet was once occupied by Nestle

Elon Musk wants to send people to mars

I think we can all agree that he is the most creative serial killer of all time.

What do Mars and Oklahoma have in common?

A lotta red dirt and no signs of intelligent life.

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go, and he couldn't return to Earth.

The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. "A million dollars," he answered, "because I want to donate it to M.I.T."

The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for two million dollars. "I want to give a million to my family", ...

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The year is 2222 and John and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough Frequent Flier miles

They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things.

John asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc.

Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex.

'Just how do you guys do it?' asks Maureen.

The Martian resp...

If Elon Musk's space company establishes a Mars colony, and you have a girlfriend on mars, but later break up because of long distance,

she'd be your....
Space x.

So aliens from Mars comes down to Earth...

...And they're friendly! The leaders of the world and the aliens plan a huge televised event where the leaders can ask questions on whatever they want.

During this event, the pope is up to talk to the aliens.

"I know this question may sound odd to you gentlemen," the pope starts to ask...

I've lived on Mars for years

However, only eating chocolate has taken a toll on my health

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A Pirate dressed like Bruno Mars

I was once at a pub and saw a Pirate dressed like Bruno Mars;
It was getting late, so I asked him for the time.
To which, he replied:
"Yarr, don't believe me wristwatch."

So the Pope is having a conversation with Aliens from Mars.

Pope: "Do you know Jesus?"

Alien: "Oh, Jesus. Great guy. He comes to our planet twice every year."


Pope: "Every year?! It's about two millennia and we're still waiting for his second coming."

Alien: "Maybe he didn't like your chocolate."

Pope: "Chocolate?"

A...

Scientists planned to verify if Schroedingers thought experiment prevails on Mars

but sadly Curiosity killed the cat, rendering the experiment futile.

What do you call another word for Mars Candy filled with cinnamon?

A Cinnamon M&M Synonym

If they really want to find water on Mars..

Just send my pops up there to golf.

Why can't they send cats to mars

Because curiosity killed the cat.

What is Elons Musk favorite snack?

Mars bars.

NASA's Perseverance rover on Mars has successfully tested a device that can convert carbon dioxide (98% of Mar's atmosphere) into oxygen and carbon monoxide.

Sounds like a great idea, until all the Martians start dying from carbon monoxide poisoning.

The first high definition photos have been received from the Mars rover, Perseverance.

As I predicted, it has found a McDonalds with a drive-thru lane, and a Walmart Supercenter.

It has also started receiving calls from telemarketers.

einstein love this joke

Mars: Come over

NASA: You're 33.9 million miles away

Mars: I'm wet

NASA: I'm coming over

Why is Bruno Mars not called Bruno Snickers?

Because he has no nuts.

TIL that there's no living cats on Mars.

Must be true what they say about Curiosity.

Studying the nature of Mars

A NASA scientist walks into a bar and orders a beer. "How's work going?" the bartender asks. "It's frustrating. We've been studying the planet Mars and trying to figure out how it went from having a warm and wet habitat to a cold and dry one," the scientist says. "So far, we don't have an answ...

Mars rover

After an almost succesful retrieval of the Mars rover, upon re-entry, the rover overheated and exploded. Debrus landed in an urban environment. There was one casualty.

Curiosity killed the cat

What???

Three astronauts are sitting at a table,one from the us,one from russia,and one from Poland. The us astronaut says were going to Mars. The russian says we made it to the moon. The pole says were going to the sun. The other two astronauts say you cant land on the sun,you'll burn. Theres nothing to la...

Scientists now think cats originated on Mars. NASA was set to retrieve a specimen confirming this,

...but curiosity killed it.

How do they organize a party on Mars?

They planet.

My five year old told me this today.

NASA Just found water on mars

Mars-1


Africa-0

The Mars rover has detected the first signs of life on Mars.

It seems that it has received signals from 'Hot MILFs in it's area'

My wife said we need to sit down and talk about our future, and I was like 'Yeah gonna be awesome! Flying Cars, Colonies on Mars!, Self fixing robots it's gonna be amazing!!'

Not what she meant, am now single.

So, an astronaut dreams of spending a Little over a day on Mars...

It is his Sol endeavor.

A new leaked government tape shows that a Mars rover saw some sort of feline life form on Mars.

However, before they could get any more info, Curiosity killed the cat.

Did you hear about Elon musks resteraunt on Mars?

Great food but no atmosphere

What does Mars smell like?

Nothing really, but it does have a bit of an Elon Musk to it.

I thought making a pun about the mars rover would be appreciated

But since everyone is pressing F to pay respect it just means that it's a missed oppertunity

NASA Scientists were eagerly waiting for the rover to send back the first sounds from Mars.

A program decades in the making, a feat of engineering never before accomplished. Not only did they include high resolution cameras for the landing, but incredibly robust microphones to capture the first sounds from an alien planet.

The team of people were huddled around a lab station for hou...

Mars: I’m wet.

NASA: I’m coming over.

Humanity has colonized Venus and Mars. Venus is a pressure-cooker hellscape with an acidic atmosphere, and Mars has almost no atmosphere at all. In comparison, bad weather on Earth...

is such a first world problem.

My dad just read an article entitled "Mars is humming. Scientists aren't sure why."

His response? "Maybe it doesn't know the words."

I've heard Mars has no atmosphere...

I've heard Mars has no atmosphere, can we create an atmosphere by dimming the lights and playing smooth jazz?

What's Bruno Mars favorite vegetable trick?

24 carrot magic

BREAKING NEWS: Elon Musk Announces All SpaceX Flights To Mars Cancelled

Martian officials say borders closed until CoronaVirus is under control.

Monkeys, dogs... animals are usually the first ones to explore space; so why is there no animal on Mars?

Curiosity killed the cat.

Will there be 4G coverage on Mars?

Sadly it'll only be 0.4g.

What's purple and smells like Mars?

Apartment!

Why did Elon Musk choose SpaceX to land on mars?

Because if he chose SpaceY he’d land on 14 year old boys.

Where are Muslims going to pray when they go to Mars?

Elon's Mosque

Have you heard about all the feline deaths on Mars recently?

Yeah, apparently Curiosity kills cats

News has just come in that The Mars Rover has discovered a member of the feline species while exploring.

Unfortunately, Curiosity killed the cat.

I saw a 1 star review for Mars on Yelp

They said it lacked atmosphere.

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One day people will land on Mars. Search for the rover, dust him off and give it the treatment it deserves.

A robo bro blow job.

Breaking news :NASA wants first person to reach Mars, to be a woman.

So that when men arrive, dinner would be ready.

"We Do Not Have A Child Slave Colony On Mars."

They are free to leave the dome whenever they wish.

Is it too soon to joke about the mars rover?

There is way too many good puns for it to be a missed opportunity.

30 Seconds To Mars for only 5 Seconds Of Summer?

I'd better get my Nickelback or there'll Panic! At The Disco.

They have found water on the mars...

Is Nestle already planning its own space program?

The Madrigal family learned about the song “uptown funk”

However, They don’t talk about Bruno… Mars!

Earth, Venus, Mars, and Jupiter were going to setup a party

But they failed because nobody knew how to planet

NASA has said that an engineers pet was crushed during Mars Rover testing

Turns out Curiosity did kill the cat.

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Why did SpaceX go to Mars

Becuase SpaceY already went to Uranus

I heard they found water on Mars...

I bet California is pretty jealous.

Budweiser starts a collaboration with SpaceX to be the first beer on Mars

I can already see the headlines...
"Colonist discovers water on Mars!"

Travel to Mars

After years of work and billions of dollars, we can send a single astronaut to Mars and back. Jimmy is chosen to go on the mission with zero possibility of communication until he returns 10 years later. With a huge celebration, the shuttle takes off and the wait begins. After 10 years, Jimmy returns...

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Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

Kids are from Uranus

I feel that if we send people to Mars, we should dismantle the old rovers for their technology.

Otherwise we’ll miss a hell of an Opportunity.

I’ve been seeing this girl from Mars

We’re in a interspacial relationship.

June 7th, 2019, the day the moon became a part of Mars

Thanks POTUS.

Why did the astronaut give up on going to Mars?

Because there's no longer any Opportunity there.

Our realationship is like the mars rover

It was meant to last 90 days but here I am 14 years later

I only started space exploration this week and already I've colonized Venus and Mars

V:e:n:u:s:a:n:d:M:a:r:s

NASA should tell the US government they found oil on Mars

And then watch the funding skyrocket

Our new Space Force is exploring mars

The new Space Force has finally arrived at mars, and an exploration ship has been investigating the snow and ice covered North Pole area.

A field biologist excitedly rushes in to his general, and exclaims, “Sir, incredible news! We have discovered a strange, silicon-based form of life in the...

So, Mars Bars are just nutless Snickers, right?

I guess you could say that they're infertile.

NASA just announced discovery of oil on Mars

Humans^* are finally going to Mars

^* US Army

I really hope someone brings their cat to Mars only to get it get run over

So we can finally say Curiosity killed the cat.

Don't move to Mars because of president-elect Trump.

Last I checked, it was a red state.

They found a cat on mars...

A live cat was found roaming the surface of Mars. Scientists planned to have the Mars Rover capture the animal to study it but unfortunately while attempting to capture the feline, Curiosity killed the cat.

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NASA Scientists say its possible to live on Mars.

Bullshit, I tried it and now I'm 15Kg heavier and diabetic

They say the first human to make it mars will most likely be a woman

This way when the males get there dinner will be ready

NASA announced today it discovered a petting zoo on Mars

This comes after an accident in which Curiosity killed the cat.

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