Mars Jokes

A lotta red dirt and no signs of intelligent life.

Turns out, the planet was once occupied by Nestle

I think we can all agree that he is the most creative serial killer of all time.

Curiosity killed them all

NASA: I'm coming!

If you look at the studies, 100% of deaths occur here on earth.

My guess is 5-10 years of marriage.

Space x.

The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. "A million dollars," he answered, "because I want to donate it to M.I.T."

The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for two million dollars. "I want to give a million to my family", ... read more

Pope: "Do you know Jesus?"

Alien: "Oh, Jesus. Great guy. He comes to our planet twice every year."


Pope: "Every year?! It's about two millennia and we're still waiting for his second coming."

Alien: "Maybe he didn't like your chocolate."

Pope: "Chocolate?"

A... read more

All that hot air would make it habitible quickly!

Because he has no nuts.

Mars-1


Africa-0

They planet.

My five year old told me this today.

He is going to make it the true red planet.

but sadly Curiosity killed the cat, rendering the experiment futile.

### "It's a small step for a man, but a giant leap for mankind," says the ground control officer and cuts off all communications.

The bartender said, "Hey - you two should write a book!"

...And they're friendly! The leaders of the world and the aliens plan a huge televised event where the leaders can ask questions on whatever they want.

During this event, the pope is up to talk to the aliens.

"I know this question may sound odd to you gentlemen," the pope starts to ask... read more

Great food, horrible atmosphere.

Because if he chose SpaceY he’d land on 14 year old boys.

Unfortunately, Curiosity killed the cat.

Now it's coated in Rust.

Just send my pops up there to golf.

As I predicted, it has found a McDonalds with a drive-thru lane, and a Walmart Supercenter.

It has also started receiving calls from telemarketers.

A Cinnamon M&M Synonym

Elon's Mosque

Mars: Come over

NASA: You're 33.9 million miles away

Mars: I'm wet

NASA: I'm coming over

They are free to leave the dome whenever they wish.

Don’t believe me? Just watch!

'Sssssshhhh' says the Bounty 'Don't start, he's menthol'

Sounds like a great idea, until all the Martians start dying from carbon monoxide poisoning.

However, only eating chocolate has taken a toll on my health

Monkeys were an obvious choice, but they had no patience. Mice chewed all the cables, dogs were too stupid and chickens were always scared. It seemed the only animal that could cope with the intense stress of space travel was a chilled out alley cat.

After a few months of testing and training... read more

Must be true what they say about Curiosity.

Sadly it'll only be 0.4g.

But they failed because nobody knew how to planet

Not what she meant, am now single.

It is his Sol endeavor.

It seems that it has received signals from 'Hot MILFs in it's area'

A program decades in the making, a feat of engineering never before accomplished. Not only did they include high resolution cameras for the landing, but incredibly robust microphones to capture the first sounds from an alien planet.

The team of people were huddled around a lab station for hou... read more

A NASA scientist walks into a bar and orders a beer. "How's work going?" the bartender asks. "It's frustrating. We've been studying the planet Mars and trying to figure out how it went from having a warm and wet habitat to a cold and dry one," the scientist says. "So far, we don't have an answ... read more

It was meant to last 90 days but here I am 14 years later

I guess you could say that they're infertile.

A few CVS receipts away

His response? "Maybe it doesn't know the words."

So that when men arrive, dinner would be ready.

Well , on mars I become lighter.

I'd better get my Nickelback or there'll Panic! At The Disco.

We’re in a interspacial relationship.

In a few years India will send a cat to Mars to check out if it is possible to survive in that environment.

After some adaptation the cat starts roaming around on Mars.

All is well until one fine day suddenly the cat is mashed under a vehicle of sorts.

Everyone is wondering w... read more

America just sent the Curiosity rover to Mars as the country watched with pride. Iran, wanting to gain a technological/global edge, decided to show up America by announcing a manned mission to the sun the very next day. The Americans, along with other western allies, decided to meet with the Iranian... read more

Mars: "hello."


Me: "Is your water running."


Mars: "yes."


Me: "WELL YOU BETTER GO CATCH IT!"

Or has the Opportunity passed?

But since everyone is pressing F to pay respect it just means that it's a missed oppertunity

A live cat was found roaming the surface of Mars. Scientists planned to have the Mars Rover capture the animal to study it but unfortunately while attempting to capture the feline, Curiosity killed the cat.

Because there's no longer any Opportunity there.

Last I checked, it was a red state.

Elon's Musk.

he said it was terable.

Two American astronauts are launched to Mars. When they reach the Martian surface they see a beautiful red-skinned, red-haired woman. Using their language-translation machine, they tell her they are from Earth. They see she is stirring a big pot, and every now and then she pulls a newborn baby from ... read more

Apartment!

Thanks POTUS.

I can already see the headlines...
"Colonist discovers water on Mars!"

"Why has Venus been so distant lately?"

Mars answers "shes been under a lot of pressure and has really bad gas"

This way when the males get there dinner will be ready