How does earth and mars schedule a vacation

They planet

Someone told me I would be only 30% as heavy on Mars as I am right now...

That means I am not fat, I just live on the wrong planet..

NASA is currently investigating why Mars used to be warm and wet and now dry and cold.

My guess is 5-10 years of marriage.

How to get man on mars:

Tell America there's oil there.

If Elon Musk's space company establishes a Mars colony, and you have a girlfriend on mars, but later break up because of long distance, she'd be your....

Space x.

Freddie Mercury, Bruno Mars, and Venus Williams all walk into the same bar.

But they didn’t planet.

Why are there no cats on Mars?

Curiosity killed them all

What do Mars and Oklahoma have in common?

A lotta red dirt and no signs of intelligent life.

We should send all of Earth's politicians to colonize Mars.

All that hot air would make it habitible quickly!

The space-race for mars is just like a one way lustful relationship

Everyone is spending millions of dollars on it and sending things over to mars just to see if its wet.

Why is Bruno Mars not called Bruno Snickers?

Because he has no nuts.

Scientists now think cats originated on Mars. NASA was set to retrieve a specimen confirming this,

...but curiosity killed it.

NASA found water on Mars

Mars: 1
Africa: 0

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go, and he couldn't return to Earth.

The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. "A million dollars," he answered, "because I want to donate it to M.I.T."

The next applicant,...

Headline: Dead Cat Discovered on Mars

Looks like Curiosity kiiled the cat.

Say what you want about Elon Musk but with his plan to bring people to mars...

No one is a more creative serial killer

Why can't Mars and Venus kiss?

Because they live a World apart.

Did you hear about Elon musks resteraunt on Mars?

Great food but no atmosphere

NASA has said that an engineers pet was crushed during Mars Rover testing

Turns out Curiosity did kill the cat.

So aliens from Mars comes down to Earth...

...And they're friendly! The leaders of the world and the aliens plan a huge televised event where the leaders can ask questions on whatever they want.

During this event, the pope is up to talk to the aliens.

"I know this question may sound odd to you gentlemen," the pope starts to ask...

Why did Elon Musk choose SpaceX to land on mars?

Because if he chose SpaceY he’d land on 14 year old boys.

Yo mama soooo fat

When she jumped into the pool, nasa found water on Mars.

I saw a 1 star review for Mars on Yelp

They said it lacked atmosphere.

Why is pluto (1185km) not a planet...

but Bruno Mars (1.65m) is a star?

So the Pope is having a conversation with Aliens from Mars.

Pope: "Do you know Jesus?"

Alien: "Oh, Jesus. Great guy. He comes to our planet twice every year."


Pope: "Every year?! It's about two millennia and we're still waiting for his second coming."

Alien: "Maybe he didn't like your chocolate."

Pope: "Chocolate?"

A...

My dad just read an article entitled "Mars is humming. Scientists aren't sure why."

His response? "Maybe it doesn't know the words."

Mars must be overpopulated with cats.

That's why they sent curiosity there.

30 Seconds To Mars for only 5 Seconds Of Summer?

I'd better get my Nickelback or there'll Panic! At The Disco.

A new leaked government tape shows that a Mars rover saw some sort of feline life form on Mars.

However, before they could get any more info, Curiosity killed the cat.

Monkeys, dogs... animals are usually the first ones to explore space; so why is there no animal on Mars?

Curiosity killed the cat.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A scientist walks into a doctor's office to inquire about his fever.

The doctor asks the scientist to lay down and drop his pants, which the scientist does without question.

The doctor asks about the scientists field of work to which he replies "astronomy my dear boy". The doctor was overjoyed at this response as space had always interested him.


T...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

Kids are from Uranus

Breaking news :NASA wants first person to reach Mars, to be a woman.

So that when men arrive, dinner would be ready.

Have you heard about all the feline deaths on Mars recently?

Yeah, apparently Curiosity kills cats

Despite space being a Vacuum

Mars is really Dusty

So, Mars Bars are just nutless Snickers, right?

I guess you could say that they're infertile.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Girls -- Please have a sense of humor!

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so
much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have
never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What made Jupiter’s surprise party go off with out a hitch?

Mars, Uranus, and Venus really knew how to planet.

They found a cat on mars...

A live cat was found roaming the surface of Mars. Scientists planned to have the Mars Rover capture the animal to study it but unfortunately while attempting to capture the feline, Curiosity killed the cat.

The Pope and a couple of Astronauts make it to Mars.

There, they meet a bunch of Martians. The Pope who was eager to know If Christianity is universal asks one of the martians; Have you heard of Jesus Christ?
Well yes, says the martian, we know him quiet well he visits us regularly. What do you do for him to visit you regularly? We give him a box o...

"We Do Not Have A Child Slave Colony On Mars."

They are free to leave the dome whenever they wish.

I feel that if we send people to Mars, we should dismantle the old rovers for their technology.

Otherwise we’ll miss a hell of an Opportunity.

I thought making a pun about the mars rover would be appreciated

But since everyone is pressing F to pay respect it just means that it's a missed oppertunity

Will there be 4G coverage on Mars?

Sadly it'll only be 0.4g.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day people will land on Mars. Search for the rover, dust him off and give it the treatment it deserves.

A robo bro blow job.

They have found water on the mars...

Is Nestle already planning its own space program?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The science teacher asked Johnny, "What is your favorite planet, Johnny?"

"Hmm..." Johnny thought, as the classmates started to laugh.

"Please don't say it," the teacher sighed.

"I was gonna say Mars," said Johnny "but Uranus looks good too!"

Where are Muslims going to pray when they go to Mars?

Elon's Mosque

NASA announced today it discovered a petting zoo on Mars

This comes after an accident in which Curiosity killed the cat.

Is it too soon to joke about the mars rover?

There is way too many good puns for it to be a missed opportunity.

I’ve been seeing this girl from Mars

We’re in a interspacial relationship.

News has just come in that The Mars Rover has discovered a member of the feline species while exploring.

Unfortunately, Curiosity killed the cat.

What does Mars smell like?

Nothing really, but it does have a bit of an Elon Musk to it.

Elon Musk has a plan to design electronic grass for Mars

He’s calling it an E-Lawn.

Mars: I’m wet.

NASA: I’m coming over.

In the year 2045 Elon is tired of importing ice-cream from Earth to the Martian colonies.

The next day he puts a group of dairy cows on a rocket to Mars.

But inter-planetary customs officers make him hold the rocket in orbit while they inspect the cows. Earth leaders don't want to lose the tax revenue from exporting ice-cream and are looking for a reason to reposes his cattle. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walked into his doctor's office...

...complaining that he thinks he might have a tapeworm. The doctor made a physical examination and listened to the symptoms, and concurred with the self-diagnosis.

"I want you to come back tomorrow to start treatment. And bring an apple, and an orange and a Mars Bar" said the doctor.

D...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did SpaceX go to Mars

Becuase SpaceY already went to Uranus

How do they organize a party on Mars?

They planet.

My five year old told me this today.

They say the first human to make it mars will most likely be a woman

This way when the males get there dinner will be ready

Why did the astronaut give up on going to Mars?

Because there's no longer any Opportunity there.

Mars and NASA

Mars: Come over

NASA: You're 33.9 million miles away

Mars: I'm wet

NASA: I'm coming over

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A married couple goes to Mars

A Martian couple and an Earthling couple have met and are talking about all sorts of things.

Finally, the subject of sex comes up.

"Just how do you guys do it?" asked the Earthling.

"Pretty much the way you do," responded the Martian.

Discussion ensues and finally the...

Travel to Mars

After years of work and billions of dollars, we can send a single astronaut to Mars and back. Jimmy is chosen to go on the mission with zero possibility of communication until he returns 10 years later. With a huge celebration, the shuttle takes off and the wait begins. After 10 years, Jimmy returns...

NASA just announced discovery of oil on Mars

Humans^* are finally going to Mars

^* US Army

Budweiser starts a collaboration with SpaceX to be the first beer on Mars

I can already see the headlines...
"Colonist discovers water on Mars!"

I only started space exploration this week and already I've colonized Venus and Mars

V:e:n:u:s:a:n:d:M:a:r:s

Nasa was experimenting with different animals in space.

Monkeys were an obvious choice, but they had no patience. Mice chewed all the cables, dogs were too stupid and chickens were always scared. It seemed the only animal that could cope with the intense stress of space travel was a chilled out alley cat.

After a few months of testing and training...

Scientists are baffled by cat remains on Mars..

You can guess who killed them.

Earth, Venus, Mars, and Jupiter were going to setup a party

But they failed because nobody knew how to planet

Our new Space Force is exploring mars

The new Space Force has finally arrived at mars, and an exploration ship has been investigating the snow and ice covered North Pole area.

A field biologist excitedly rushes in to his general, and exclaims, “Sir, incredible news! We have discovered a strange, silicon-based form of life in the...

Our realationship is like the mars rover

It was meant to last 90 days but here I am 14 years later

I want to pay respects to the Mars Rover that NASA lost contact with.

It's a missed Opportunity.

India sends a cat to Mars

In a few years India will send a cat to Mars to check out if it is possible to survive in that environment.

After some adaptation the cat starts roaming around on Mars.

All is well until one fine day suddenly the cat is mashed under a vehicle of sorts.

Everyone is wondering w...

I'm such a bad golfer, they should send me to Mars.

I'm guaranteed to find water.

A Mars rover barged into my house. I knew it was Spirit

because Opportunity knocks.

The latest report from Mars indicates the presence of large ring structures of precious stones and a dusting of glitter almost everywhere

Apparently, efforts are underway to tiara-form the planet.


(I do apologize for this. I happen to hear someone pronounce this word rather frequently and this is what I keep imagining they are meaning, along with some deposits of sass, pageantry and frills.)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NASA Scientists say its possible to live on Mars.

Bullshit, I tried it and now I'm 15Kg heavier and diabetic

I heard they found water on Mars...

I bet California is pretty jealous.

NASA should tell the US government they found oil on Mars

And then watch the funding skyrocket

My friend at NASA told me he was very satisfied to discover a lake on Mars.

He told me it was always a wet dream of his.

I really hope someone brings their cat to Mars only to get it get run over

So we can finally say Curiosity killed the cat.

Did you hear about the man with a stutter who went to the shop for a mars bar?

He came back with 50 packs of m and m's

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