UPJOKE
skulleyecorneaeyelideyeballlacrimal bonesphenoid boneretinaforeheadpelvisorbitorbital cavityoptic canaltrigeminal nerveoptic nerve

Eye Socket Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a brothel

John: I've been coming here for a while and it's becoming a bit routine. Have you got something different to try?

Madame: Well we do have a girl with a glass eye...she takes it out a let's you fuck her in the eye socket

John: OMG that's crazy, I'll have to give it a try

15 mi...

Pretty women sneezes

At a hotel restaurant, a man sees an attractive woman sitting alone at the next table. Suddenly, she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man, and he snatches it from the air and hands it back to her. "This is so embarrassing," the woman says, and she pops her...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Kinky guys visits a prostitute and says surprise me

She removes her left eye and tell him go fuck her in the eye socket. He does and it's the best he ever had.

As he's leaving he tells her that he will certainly see her again.

She responds. OK, I'll keep an eye out for you.

A very experienced man...

A man visits a house of ill-repute. He tells the woman, "I've seen everything and done it all. I need an experience I've never had before."
The madam summons a rather plain looking young woman and says, "This is Susan. She's for you."
The man seems unimpressed but resigns himself to the choice...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to a brothel looking for something different

He goes to the counter and tells the lady “I feel like I’ve tried everything. Regular sex is boring for me. I’ve done 2 girls, 3 girls, 2 guys, 3 guys, toys, watching, everything. I can’t even get it up anymore. Can you help?”

The madame cracks a sly smile and says “go down the hall to room 4...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Recently Divorced Man on an Adventure

A man and his wife got a divorce after 15 years of marriage. After a month of feeling down he decided he needed to get over it. One Friday night he and a mate go to a brothel to have some fun. He asks the madam for a girl who is adventurous and special as he has had blowjobs and missionary sex for h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The anthropology student and the pirate.

An anthropology student was interviewing a retired pirate.

The student said: You have a wooden leg, a hook in place of a hand, and a patch over what I assume is an empty eye socket! How did all this happen?

The pirate replied:

I lost the leg to a canon call

I lost the han...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This general goes to war and loses his left eye

(Translating this joke from Urdu to English. Let's see how it goes)

This general goes to war and loses his left eye so he visits the eye doctor and asks the doctor his options. The doctor tells him that he could put an artificial eye in his left eye socket. The general agrees and after a few ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man gets out of prison and finds a prostitute.

“I just got out of prison and haven’t had sex in a long time. I only have $20. What can I get?,” he says.

The prostitute replies, “I can’t help you but I think I know someone who can.”

So he goes to her friend and tells her the same story. The friend can’t help him but sends him to som...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Trucker walks into a brothel and is greeted by an old lady with a glass eye

She says sorry all the girls are busy tonight but I'll take care of you.

He isn't too sure and kind of starts backing out.

She grabs his hand and says "come on, it'll be fun, I'll pop my eye out and you can fuck me in my eye socket."

This grosses him out and he tries to leave...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to see a prostitute

... but she admits she’s willing to do anything but sex because she’s on her period.

The man is about to leave disappointed when she tells him that she’s got a fake eye, and she can pop it out and he’s welcome to fuck her eye socket.

“Well shoot, that’s a bit weird but I don’t wanna c...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] A man hires a one eyed hooker

And once they are alone he realizes he doesn't have a condom. So he asks if she's clean and she replies "nah my vag is riddled with herpes"
So the man asks "what about anal then?"
"Nah I got the piles real bad up there"
"What about a blow job then?"
"Herpes there too"

So the man ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man went to a hotel and was looking for a bj...

...He asked the hotel manager where he could find hookers in that area. She was an old lady with a wooden eye, so he wasn't sure if she would know but it was worth the shot. She said that she gave blowjobs and the man was so desperate at this point he just said sure why not. The lady walked him into...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two guys walk into a bar

Two guys walk into a bar and sit down at a table.
The barkeep comes over to them and asks, "What can I serve you gentlemen?"

One of them says to the barkeep, "I'll bet you a pitcher of your finest beer that I can lick my eye."

The barkeep says, "I've had guys come in here that could...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This oil rig worker goes into town

After 6 months on the job this oil rig worker goes into town to the local cat house. He tells the madam "I am really horny & I need something strange."

She tells him about blow jobs, s&m, anal & other stuff they can do for him.
He says, "You don't understand me. I need someth...

John was a police officer known for being brutal and unjust.

He was a malicious man, injuring people for shoplifting and killing robbers. His partner, a blonde officer, never called him out for it, always blinded by her own ignorance. After work one day, he and she heard something in the closet. John moved in to investigate, when a man in a pig mask jumped ou...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Old man

An 80 year old man gets a letter from the IRS saying to call their office as soon as possible. The old man picked up the phone and called the IRS and an agent says that he noticed some irregularities with his money where there was a large amount of funds going in and out of his account and he needs ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy has $5 and is horny as hell...

He goes to a brothel and asks the bouncer what he can get for $5.
The bouncer says you'll have to go see Irene out back.
So the guy goes to a little shed behind the brothel.
He sees Irene, takes a deep breath and asks her "can I get a blowjob, I have $5?" She says can't I have Pyorrhea, he ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tax Man (long)

One morning, a man got a call from the IRS.

IRS Agent: "Mr. Smith, we have noticed some large discrepancies on your account. We would like for you to come down to our office so that we can clear this issue up."

Mr Smith: "Gee, that sounds like a big deal. Should I bring a lawyer?"
...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.