Two church members were going door-to-door through the neighborhood and finally arrived at Mrs. Smith's house.

She was not happy to see them. She greeted them with an attitude that made it clear she had no time to waste on them or their message.


As she slammed the door in their faces, though, to her surprise, it bounced back open. She caught it, slammed it again, but the same thing happened! ...

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Mr. Smith kisses his wife goodbye before she leaves for a business trip....

On the way to the airport, Mrs. Smith gets in a terrible car crash and is life-flighted to the hospital.

Mr. Smith receives a call from the police telling him about the accident and rushes to the hospital. There, he waits for hours while his wife is in surgery.

After many hours of wa...

So the Mrs said she wanted me to be as spectacular as Liverpool in bed

....so I stayed on top for most of it and came second!

In grade school, I had a math teacher named Mrs. Baker...

To this day, I do not understand why she tried to teach us that 6 + 6 equals 13.


^^inspired ^^by ^^Mitch ^^Hedberg

The Jones didn't have any children and decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Jones kissed his wife and said, "I'm off, honey. The man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell with the hopes of making a sale.

"Good morning madam. You don't know me but I've come to....."

"Oh, there's no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Jones cut in.

"You have?" the photographer asked....

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83 year old Mr. Jones

83 year old Mr. Jones marries a 60 year old woman, and she worries that he might have a stroke or a heart attack if they have sex. So he goes to a doctor and tells him he needs an examination and a letter saying he's healthy enough for sex. The doctor examines him and finds him to be in great shape,...

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Mrs. Parker and Baroness Von Hildebrand

There's this woman, let's call her Mrs. Parker. She is on a flight from Frankfurt to London. She's tired, she's had a long day. She gets on the plane, goes to her seat in economy class, window seat. She makes herself comfortable and tries to get some sleep.

Another woman comes and sits next ...

Doctor to Mrs. Spew: “Is your daughter always stuttering like that?”

Mrs. Spew shakes her head: “No, only when she wants to say something.”

Mrs O’ Sullivan hears the doorbell and opens the front door of her house

Standing in the rain, is her husbands best friend, Paddy.

"Hello Paddy, but where is Seamus? I thought he went with you to the brewery"

Paddy shook his head. "Ah Aileen, there was a terrible accident at the brewery, your husband fell into a vat of Guinness and drowned"

Mrs O’ Su...

Mrs. Jones, can Tommy come out and play?

Now Billy you know Tommy doesn’t have arm or legs.

I know. We want to use him as second base.

Mr Green lives in The Green House. Mr Blue lives in The Blue House. Mrs Pink lives in The Pink House. Who lives in The White House?

Mr Orange.

Mrs Rosenfeld is suing Mr Ramsay for calling her a pig

Mr Ramsay asks the judge: "is it illegal for me to call Mrs Rosenfeld a pig?"

The judge replies: "yes, of course it's illegal."

Mr Ramsay asks again: "ok, but am I allowed to call a pig 'Mrs Rosenfeld' your honor?"

The judge says: "well yeah, there is no law against that."
<...

Pac man found out Mrs. Pac man was cheating on him.

He decided to ghost her in response.

One day in class, the math teacher Mrs. Brown noticed that Little Johnny was not paying attention to what she was saying...

So she called Little Johnny to recite in class.

"Little Johnny, answer this math question," she said. "If you have 500 dollars and you gave 100 dollars to Susie and gave 100 dollars to Jeannie and gave 100 dollars to Mary Ann, what do you have ?"

"An orgy," answered Little Johnny.

Why don't Santa Clause and Mrs. Clause have any children?

Because Santa only comes once a year and it's always down the chimney

Little Johnny is learning math in Mrs. Smith’s 4 grade class...

Mrs Smith asks little Johnny,

“If there are 5 pigeons on a fence and a farmer shoots one, how many are left?”

“None, as the rest would fly away!”

“No little Johnny, there would be 4, but I like the way you think.”

Little Johnny then got peeved so he asked Mrs. Smith,
<...

What's it called when Mrs Claus's trousers are too tight?

Mistletoe

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An elderly couple had been struggling to find a way for the Mr. to stop snoring. The Mrs. had tried everything.

Nasal strips, mouth guards, etc. Nothing ever worked and her sleep depravation had made her desperate. One day in conversation with a friend, the Mrs. mentioned her husbands snoring problem. Her friend responded that the same thing had happened to her husband and the Mrs should do the same thing. Sh...

what did Santa get Mrs. Claus for Christmas?

a pearl necklace 'cause she's a ho ho ho

Why doesn't Mrs. Clean get pregnant?

Because Mr. Clean comes in a bottle.

Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons

One was named Mind Your Own Business & the other was named Trouble. One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred. Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and bushes. Then he started looking in...

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After years of trying a Chinese couple, the Wong's, finally get pregnant. With much anticipation Mrs. Wong delivers a beautiful Hispanic baby boy..

Mr. Wong names him Sum Ting.

What did Mrs Sippi and Tenna see?

The same thing Arkan saw.

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