Shirley Jokes

Well, it was unavoidable; try to put a left-handed nut together with a right-handed stud and at least one of them is going to end up stripped.

And she replied, “Yes it is, and don’t call me Shirley.”

That was when I realized I’d left my phone on Airplane mode.

Then I realised it was in Aeroplane mode

But I didn't feel Annie-thing.

"That wife of mine is a liar," said the angry husband to a sympathetic pal seated next to him in a bar.

"How do you know?" the friend asked.

"She didn't come home last night, and when I asked her where
she'd been she said she'd spent the night with her sister Shirley."

"So?"<... read more

He tells the bartender he wants a Shirley Temple. The bartender heads to the backroom and a few moments later, he comes out with his drink. The vampire sips his drink and quickly spits it out. "This isn't a Shirley Temple," he tells the bartender. "I can't help it, buddy," the bartender says. "... read more

Reporter: “is it true you had over nine hundred wives in your life?”

2000 y/o Man: “Indeed”

Reporter: “out of all your wives, which one was your favorite?”

2000 y/o Man: “Hmmm… Shirley. Definitely Shirley.”

Reporter: “And what made Shirley so special?”

2000 y/o Man... read more

But the casting director, unsure who this old actor was, told him :
— Shirley, you can't be Sirius.

He didn't want his mother to walk with him. She knew she needed to give him the feeling that he had some independence, but at the same time she wanted him to feel safe. So, she came up with an idea that would satisfy both objectives. She asked a neighbor, Mrs. Goodnest, if she would follow her son... read more

The bartender hands each of them a menu then turns to the priest and asks, "what can I get you to drink, Father?”

The priest replies, "oh I don't drink, but I have to ask, does this really say you could get me the blood of Mary?"

The bartender responds, "No no no, Father, you misunders... read more

It's like a Shirley Temple with a lot of coke.

Shirley you can't be Sirius.

Brian’s stress level was at unsurpassed levels. His wife Maggie was in labor and Brian was sure it was time to head to the hospital. Breathing heavily, Brian grabbed the phone and called the doctor. “MY WIFE, SHE’S READY, SHOULD WE COME?” The doctor tried to relax the poor fellow, “just try to relax... read more

Sophie and Shirley, two elderly widows in a Florida adult

community, are curious about the latest arrival in their

building -- a quiet, nice looking gentleman who keeps to

himself.

Shirley says," Sophie, you know I'm shy. Why don't you go

over to him at the p... read more

...and he comes across a monkey sitting in a tree, smoking a joint. The lizard, being curious, asks the monkey what he was smoking. The monkey replies that he's smoking weed and the Lizard asks if he could try some as he's never had it before. The monkey allows it. After a few tokes, the Lizard beco... read more