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Sophie Jokes

Sophie asks a taxi driver:

"How much does it cost to take me to the airport?"

\- 250 bucks

"What if we take my husband too?"

\- Same 250 bucks.

Sophie turns to her Husband:

"Haven’t I told you, you are actually worthless."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used to date twins...

... and people always asked me how I could tell them apart during sex.

I told them I used this simple little method:

You see, Sophie always had red nail polish on her toenails and Steve had a dick.

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Royal Wedding

On the day of the Royal wedding, Sophie was getting dressed, surrounded by all
of her family. She suddenly realised she had forgotten to get any shoes.
Panic!

Then her sister remembered that she had a pair of white shoes from her wedding so she lent them to Sophie for the day. Unfortuna...

A girl named Sophie was walking down the street when she noticed a snail.

She stopped to look at the snail, but the snail started to speak. She was frightened at first but after a little conversation she calmed down. She started to like the snail and asked if he wanted to go back to her house. There they really started to connect. After a few hours, the snail asked her to...

What airline does Sophie Turner use when she's filming Game of Thrones?

Luftsansa

Sophie walks into the church wearing a very low cut blouse.

The parish priest went up to her " you must not enter the house of God unless properly dressed"
" Oh, but I have a divine right"
"You also have a divine left" sighed the clergyman,"but I still have to insist that you should cover up"

A teacher at a religious school was trying to teach her students that violence is never the answer.

Teacher: "When do you think it's alright to use violence?"

*A little girl raises her hand.*

Teacher: "Yes, Sophie?"

Sophie: "When someone tries to take your stuff(?)"

Teacher: "No. If someone tries to take your belongings, try to talk to them or tell a superior. Anyone el...

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Teacher to class.

Teacher: Can anyone give me a sentence with the word 'Pistol' in it?

Sophie: "My daddy is a soldier,he has a suit of blue, he has a sword,

a bayonet and he has a pistol too."

Teacher: "Very good Sophie."

Johnny: " Miss, my father isn't a soldier, he doesn't have a suit of...

Drug store advice

A guy goes into a drug store to buy condoms.
"What size?" asks the clerk.
"Gee, I don't know."
"Go see Sophie in aisle 4." He goes over to see Sophie, who grabs him in the crotch, and yells, "Medium!"
The guy is mortified! He hurries over to pay and leaves quickly.


T...

Lonely guy...

Sophie and Shirley, two elderly widows in a Florida adult

community, are curious about the latest arrival in their

building -- a quiet, nice looking gentleman who keeps to

himself.

Shirley says," Sophie, you know I'm shy. Why don't you go

over to him at the p...

George is at his first middle school party but really nervous cause he's mostly an introvert

He tries to fit in but we can see he is visibly sweating, his more social friend, Finn walks up to him and George finally sighs of relief.

Finn: George, what are you doing man? You're sweating like a fountain!

George: Well you know how I really don't like being around a lot of people, ...

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A joke about my Jewish Uncle Herschel

My Uncle Hersch and Aunt Sophie were married for 60 years and were both in their 80's.

One night Hersch gets up to use the bathroom and forgets to put the seat down when he's done. An hour later Sophie gets up to do the same thing, and falls right in. Worse yet she gets completely stuck.
<...

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Young Jimmy got mixed in with a bad crowd and found himself headed to jail. Being his first time, he was a little intimidated by the things he’d heard, so he was looking for some advice.

His uncle was a colorful fellow and a world traveler, and Jimmy figured he probably knew his way out of a dangerous situation better than anyone else he knew. After Jimmy explained his predicament, the uncle said:

“Yeah, I reckon I have some advice. Some years ago I was overseas riding throu...

I was picking up my sister from pre school when a teacher asked me:

"Are you the father of Sophie?" He did not expect me to answer: "No, just her boyfriend".

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A Slight Misunderstanding

I was picking up my 4 year old son, James, from daycare but he was late out. I saw his classmate Sophie standing with her mother and thought I would ask her how long he would be.
As I said her name she looked at me, teary eyed. I asked "What's wrong?" She replied "My Mommy is selling my pussy be...

Bad News

A mother passing by her daughters bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope propped up in the center of the bed. It was addressed, "Mom". With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope with trembling hands:

"Dear Mum, it...

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