My niece Sarah is obsessed with Frozen

My wife just said to me, "Sarah is a grown woman now. It's time for her to... let it go."

True story from 5 minutes ago. I laughed. Wanted to share it.

Sarah wanted to buy some trousers for her husband, William, for his birthday.

So she went into the clothes shop and saw some jeans. They were, oddly enough, made of leather.

She thought they looked very nice, and so bought them to give to her husband.

William thought they looked brilliant, thanked her, and put them on. However, he said that they caused him to it...

Sarah got divorced after a month of her wedding

Her neighbor asked : why did you get divorced?

Sarah: can you endure a whole month of insults and beating?

Neighbor: Noo i cannot

Sarah: he couldn't too !!

A doctor and a bus driver are both in love with the same woman, an attractive girl named Sarah. The bus driver had to go on a long bus trip that would last a week. Before he left, he gave Sarah seven apples.

When Sarah asked why he said, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away."

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On his death bed, an old jew says to his wife:

Oh, Sarah, when the shop burned down you were right beside me, no? - Sure I was, Moshe.

When the Nazis drove us out of our beloved Deutschland you were beside me again, no? - I was, Moshe.

And now you're at my death bed, aren't you? - I am, darling.

I'm starting to think you're ...

Apparently Sarah Sanders has quit her job.

I won’t believe the news until I hear her personally deny it.

My old aunts would come and tease me at weddings, “Well Sarah? Do you think you’ll be next?”

We’ve settled this quickly once I’ve started doing the same to them at funerals.

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Sarah got into prison for 2 weeks.

When she's was finally got expelled from prison her mother came to pick her up.

"Sarah, my dear. How was prison? Hope it wasn't too bad. I've got the whole day off to spend on some quality mother daughter time. What would you like to do first."

\- "Could we go to the mall please?"
...

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A guy accidentally says another girls name during sex

One day, Matt is fucking his girlfriend, Sarah, in his apartment, after they both spent some time together. They're both passionately going at it, and look into each others eyes, and as Matt is about to climax he yells "Ohhh, Angela!"

Sarah instantly stops, and gives a sharp cold look, and sh...

During the rush of the holiday season, Sarah completely forgot to mail a Christmas card to her best friend.

She hurries into the post office with a card and asks the postal service worker for a first-class stamp.



“Do I have to put this stamp on myself?” she asks.



“No,” the postal employee replies. “You can put it right on the envelope.”

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A recently widowed Jewish lady named Sarah, was sitting on a beach towel. She looked up and noticed that a man her age had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand nearby and began reading a book...

Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. "Hello, sir, how are you?"

"Fine, thank you." he responded, and turned back to his book.

"I love the beach. Do you come here often?" she asked.

"First time since my wife passed away last year." he replied and again tur...

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I just heard that Budweiser is suing Stella Artois for casting Sarah Jessica Parker in their Super Bowl LIII ad.

Apparently they have a trademark on beer advertisements starring a horse.

Johnny and Sarah are in Sunday School ...

Johnny and Sarah are sitting in Sunday school class when Sarah begins to fall asleep. The teacher notices this and decides to embarrass Sarah by asking her a question. The teacher asks, "Sarah, who created the heavens and the earth?" Johnny decides to help Sarah out and wake her up, so he covertly t...

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Women are like Hurricanes

They come into your life wild and free and then leave with the PATIO FURNITURE WE BOUGHT TOGETHER SARAH YOU BITCH

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Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says,

"Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?" Sarah says, "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Sa...

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I'd like to have sex with Sarah Huckabee Sanders . . .

no matter how bad it was she would tell everyone it was great.

Why did Sarah fall off the swing?

She didn't have any arms.

Knock knock

Who's there?

Not Sarah.

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Football Fever

My mate has two tickets for the England vs Sweden game on Saturday. He didn't realise that it's going to be on the same day as his wedding, so he can't go. If you're interested and want to go instead of him, it's at St. Andrew's Church in Cambridge and her name is Sarah

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[NSFW]George and Sarah had been married for 5 years

George and Sarah had been married for 5 years. It was a failing marriage. George couldn’t do anything in bed to impress Sarah and never got her to orgasm. He tried everything. As a last ditch attempt, he went to a psychic named Roxanne.

George asked Roxanne how to surprise Sarah in bed and g...

Sarah, John and Dan are training to be FBI agents.

They eventually reach the final test in the FBI's training program.

The test was this: One person was given a gun and sent inside a room; the door shut behind them and that person's spouse would be tied to a chair inside the room. The person was then told to kill their spouse.

John goe...

My wife called me at work today.

"Honey, do you want to come home at lunch for a quickie?"

"Sarah, it's pronounced Quiche."

The Terminator got sick of chasing Sarah Connor, so he started a pest control company.

He became an exterminator.

If Sarah Jessica Parker Dies...

And people continue making jokes about her, are they beating a dead horse?

"Am I mentioned in the will?" the nephew asked anxiously.

"You certainly are" , replied the lawyer.

Right here in the third paragraph your uncle says:
To my niece Sarah I bequeath a hundred thousand dollars,
to my cousin Janice fifty thousand dollars,
and to my nephew Charles, who was always curious to know if he was mentioned in my will, I...

"Dmytry! I take my hat off to you!"

"You and Sarah have been married for 50 years, whenever I see you walking around town you are still holding hands!
Well." Dmytry began

"If I let her go she will surely buy something!"

Translated from Russian, sorry if I made mistakes.

What do Iron man and Sarah Palin have in common?

They both had a little Downey inside of them.

Sarah Jessica Parker walks into a bar

The bartender says "Why the long face?"

I am a big fan of Sarah Palin.

Oops, I meant Parasailin'. All these dyslexic jokes are confusing me.

What's Sarah Palins favorite water sport?

Parah Salin.

Sarah is a girl who was born with no body. No arms, no legs, not even a torso. Nothing below her neck.

In a major medical accomplishment, doctors develop a set of very small devices to function as her internal organs and install them in her neck. These keep her fully functional with exception of being able to walk or manipulate objects as if she had arms or legs.

Once she is released from the ...

Earlier today, my co-worker told me my voice sounded like Sarah Jessica Parker,

I hate it when my voice sounds horse.

What did the triceratops name her Blouse Making business?

Try Sarah's Tops

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The Queens Riddle

Barack Obama met with the Queen of Great Britain.

He asked her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?"

"Well," said the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."

Obama frowned, and...

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Sarah Jessica Parker on the cancelation of the new Sex and the City movie

"Will there be a Sex and the City 3?"

"Nay." -Sarah Jessica Parker

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Doug lived all of his life in the Florida Keys. On his deathbed, he realizes the end is imminent.

He calls his family to be near his side, along with his lawyer to record his last wishes.
"My son, Andy; you take the Ocean Reef houses. My daughter, Sybil, take the apartments between mile marker 100 and Tavernier. My son Jamie- I want you to take the offices over in the Marathon Government Cen...

A woman called up St. John's hospital and asked "I want to know if the patient Sarah James in Room No 1438 is getting better"

The nurse replied, "She is doing very well. She had her first solid meal today, her blood pressure is fine and if she continues improving she might even be sent home in a couple of days."

The woman said, "Thank God! That's wonderful news!"

Nurse: I take it you must be a family member o...

White House Press Secretary Sarah Sanders' kids must be failing out of school...

Cause they're probably taught to avoid answering every question.

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Sarah and Fred are having a discussion...

They are talking about many different things of varying topics, until they arrive to the topic of sex.

"You men are so lucky," Sarah said, "I've always wondered what it's like to make love to a woman as man, what it feels like to have her smile at you when you compliment her, what it feels li...

Why did the FBI go to question Sarah Palin while investigating Trump's collusion?

Because she can see Russia from her house.

Remember when Sarah Palin used to be the craziest person in politics?

Those were good times.

Where did Sarah go after the explosion?

Everywhere

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Sarah and Jack

Mr. Smith owned a small business. He had two employees, Sarah and Jack. They were both extremely good employees - always willing to work overtime and chip in where needed.
Mr. Smith was looking over his books one day and decided that he wasn't making enough money to warrant two employees and he w...

I took my son to the library today

He is really into dinosaur books, so I asked the librarian if she knew of any good authors of dinosaur books.

She said "Try Sarah Topps"

A guy goes to his doctor for elbow pain...

The doctor gives him a specimen cup and requests a urine sample. “But doc, I’ve got elbow pain, why do you need a urine sample?”
Doc assures him,”we have the latest in technology, just go to the men’s room and give me a sample”, which he does. The doctor pours it in the top of a complex analysis ...

Trump should appoint Sarah Palin as the Administrator of NASA.

I know, I know, I could've stopped it there, but here's the punchline:

I mean, we must be fair and give her some consideration, because she does make a good argument: she can see the moon from her house.

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Amy Schumer, Chelsea Handler, and Sarah Silverman walk into a bar...

Vagina!

Jim and Sarah were driving around the countryside

when they ran over a skunk. "We better take the skunk to the vet, Sarah. Just put the skunk between your legs to keep it warm." "But, Jim, what about the smell?" "Don't worry, the skunk will get used to it."

Sarah Pippilini

Three nuns arrive at the pearly gates, and are told that because they have devoted their lives to the world they can return to Earth for three months, taking on the identity of whatever person they should choose.

The first nun said she wanted to return as Helen of Troy.

"Why Helen?" as...

Sarah Jessica Parker was asked if she supported the company that manufactures the Epi-pen.

She replied: "Nay"

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So Adam and Sarah partyed all night....

And in the morning, it was saturday and they had to go to sunday school.
Adam was wide awake but sarah was still hella tired.
They get there and Sarah immediately fell asleep as soon as the priest started talking. He eventually decided to give a pop quiz. He asked the first question.
"Wh...

Sarah Palin and Donald Trump served PB&J sandwiches at his last political rally

because if you go to one of those, you're not allergic to nuts

Did you hear about the cross dressing dinosaur?

He decided to try Sarah's tops.

One Sunday morning

there was a girl named Sarah sitting in Sunday school when she fell asleep. The teacher called on Sarah and asked "who in the Bible turned water into wine?" The boy next to Sarah poked her with a pencil and she woke up and shouted "Jesus!" "Very good. Now can you tell me who created the world?" Sara...

Why did Sarah name her pet Fawn 99 Cents?

Because it wasn't big enough to be a Buck.

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Dick Cheney was found having sex with Sarah Palin in a speedboat.

It wasn't the first time he was caught offshore drilling.

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Yet another Little Johnny joke...

Little Johnny was in the classroom one day when the teacher came in and said...

Teacher: Ok class today we're on the letter S! Does anyone have any S words?

Little Johnny raises his hand high. The teacher looks around the room for more hands. Sarah then raised her hand.

Teacher:...

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Aunt Carol

The teacher gave her fifth-grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.
Ashley said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking ...

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Sarah works at a nursing home

One day as she is making her rounds she hears crying coming from Mr. Wilson's room.
She looks into the room and sees Mr. Wilson crying on his bed.
"What is wrong Mr. Wilson?" Sarah asks.
Sobbing Mr. Wilson replied, "My penis died."
"I'm sorry" Sarah says at she pats Mr. Wilson on...

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