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Sarah Jokes

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On his death bed, an old jew says to his wife:

Oh, Sarah, when the shop burned down you were right beside me, no? - Sure I was, Moshe.

When the Nazis drove us out of our beloved Deutschland you were beside me again, no? - I was, Moshe.

And now you're at my death bed, aren't you? - I am, darling.

I'm starting to think you're ...

Poor Sarah

There are 365 bricks on a plane, one falls off how many are left?




364



How do you put an Elephant in a fridge?



Open the door
Put the Elephant in
Close it



How do you put a giraffe in a fridge?



Open the door
Take th...

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Sarah, a recently widowed Jewish lady, was sitting on a beach towel at Cocoa Beach, Florida.

She looked up and noticed that a man her age had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand nearby and began reading a book.

Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. “Hello, sir, how are you?”

“Fine, thank you,” he responded, and turned back to his book.

“I lo...

A teacher asked the children in her 3rd-year class, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Little Johnny answered first. "I want to start out as a S.A.S. officer, go to the Middle East and kill loads of militant Muslims, return as a national hero, then become a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest nymphomaniac tart, give her a Ferrari, an apartment in Copacabana...

Jewish mothers, right?

The year is 2028 and the United States has elected the first woman as well as the first Jewish president, Sarah Goldstein.
She calls up her mother a few weeks after Election Day and says, "So, Mom, I assume you'll be coming to my inauguration?"
"I don't think so. It's a ten-hour drive, your fa...

Johnny and Sarah are in Sunday School ...

Johnny and Sarah are sitting in Sunday school class when Sarah begins to fall asleep. The teacher notices this and decides to embarrass Sarah by asking her a question. The teacher asks, "Sarah, who created the heavens and the earth?" Johnny decides to help Sarah out and wake her up, so he covertly t...

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An old Jew is on his deathbed.

A 90 year-old Jew is on his deathbed. Summoning his last bit of strength, he lifts his head and whispers: "Is my beloved wife Sarah here with me?" And Sarah says, "Yes, I am here."

He then says: "Are my children -- my wonderful children -- are they here with me?" And they reply, "Yes father, ...

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Two friends, Sarah and Kate, who haven't met in a while, run into each other.

Sarah: You know, my boyfriend bought me a Mercedes two weeks ago.

Kate: Amazing!

Sarah: And yesterday, he gave me a pearl necklace.

Kate: Amazing!

Sarah: And in a month, we are going on a three-week-long vacation on Hawaii.

Kate: Amazing!

Sarah: Thanks. But,...

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Women are like Hurricanes

They come into your life wild and free and then leave with the PATIO FURNITURE WE BOUGHT TOGETHER SARAH YOU BITCH

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The animal brothel

A little mouse, after a tiring week of work, decides to visit an animal brothel for some entertainment.

The fox madam, upon seeing him arrive, offers, 'If you'd like, there's Sarah the pythoness, a new arrival.'

The mouse accepts and goes to Sarah's room. As soon as she sees him ente...

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Sarah and her teacher

Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?" Sarah says, "Mas-tur-...

Sarah and Isaac were lying in bed one night. Isaac was tossing and turning, unable to sleep. Sarah asks him "Isaac, Isaac, why do you fret so? " to which Isaac replies "Oy vey, Sarah, you know that 20 kopeks I owe Ishmael across the way? Well, I have no idea how I will repay him!"

Sarah nods her head, gets out of bed, throws open the window and yells for Ishmael "Ishmael! Ishmael! Wake up!"
Ishmael opens the window and cries "Sarah, what is the matter? It is the middle of the night!"
Sarah replies "Ishmael, you know that 20 kopeks my husband owes you?" He replie...

What do Iron man and Sarah Palin have in common?

They both had a little Downey inside of them.

What's Sarah Palins favorite water sport?

Parah Salin.

Roommates Sarah and Beth invite Mary over for drinks

Roommates Sarah and Beth invite their friend Mary over for drinks. They are drinking wine and having a great time, when Mary spills her drink on her shirt. Mary asks Beth if she could borrow one of her tops. Beth laughs and says “you’d never fit in one of my shirts, you’re the size of a dinosaur!Try...

A teacher tells her students to write a sentence defining power.

Once everyone has finished, she reads the sentences out to the class:

\- "Power is when you can do good," - Good, Max, nice sentence. That's an A.

\- "Power is when you can do good and punish evil," - very good, Sarah, beautiful. That's an A+.

\- "Power is when you have a lot of...

Sarah was in the fertilized egg business.

She had several hundred young pullets and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.

She kept records and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.

This took a lot of time, so she bought some tiny bells and attached them to her roosters. Each bell had a different ton...

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Little Sarah.

Little Sarah comes home from school and says, Johnny showed me his willy Today and it was just like A Peanut, embarrassed Mum says, What, it was very small?

Sarah replied, No it was very salty:

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A girl introduces her new boyfriend to her parents.

This is a German joke, but I think I found a way to translate it:

A girl wants to introduce her new boyfriend to her parents.
He knocks on the door and the parents together open the door and introduce themselves: "Hi, my name is Sarah and this is my husband Michael, nice to meet you!".
...

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I'd like to have sex with Sarah Huckabee Sanders . . .

no matter how bad it was she would tell everyone it was great.

What do you call a cross dressing dinosaur?

A Try Sarah’s tops

If Sarah Connor needed pest control...

She can call an Ex-Terminator

Ms Sarah never wears a brassiere.

She's very happy about it though, there's always a bounce in her step.

It just occurred to me that we have to make all the jokes about Sarah Jessica Parker while she's still alive..

Because after she dies it'll be like beating a dead horse...

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A guy accidentally says another girls name during sex

One day, Matt is fucking his girlfriend, Sarah, in his apartment, after they both spent some time together. They're both passionately going at it, and look into each others eyes, and as Matt is about to climax he yells "Ohhh, Angela!"

Sarah instantly stops, and gives a sharp cold look, and sh...

Why did Sarah drop her ice-cream

#>!she was hit by a truck!<

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Sarah got into prison for 2 weeks.

When she's was finally got expelled from prison her mother came to pick her up.

"Sarah, my dear. How was prison? Hope it wasn't too bad. I've got the whole day off to spend on some quality mother daughter time. What would you like to do first."

\- "Could we go to the mall please?"
...

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Timothy and Sarah are walking on a footpath by the beach...

They come across a sign which reads: "CAUTION: strong currents. Swim with care".

Frowning at this, Timothy turns to Sarah and asks, "Hey, are you seeing this?"

Confused, Sarah replies, "Seeing what?"

Timothy exclaims, "This is the third time we've seen that sign!!"

"Oh", ...

Sarah Jessica Parker walks into a bar

The bartender says “why the long face?”

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Utterly distraught, Sarah calls her best friend Carol.

"I-I w-was so convinced that my marriage with Ben was perfect, but n-n-ow I found out that he is cheating on me with another man"

"That's shocking!", Carol answers "Who is it?"

"I d-don't even know him. I only know that his name is Tom"

"Tom?"

"Y-yes, I overheard him cha...

Ishmael is lying on his death bed...

...at the ripe old age of 97. He weakly raises his head and, through whispered, labored breaths, asks, "Where is my wife, Elena?"

"Oi vey, I am here, my love," whimpers the elderly woman as she clutches her husband's hand.

"This is good," says Ishmael. "And what of my son, Abraham? Is ...

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On Air Confession

Just imagine sitting in traffic on your way to work and hearing this. Many Chicago folks DID hear this on the WBAM FM morning show in Chicago. The DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes. The game is called "Mate Match". The DJs call someone at work and ask if they are married or serio...

Three sisters get married, each to another man

The men's now mother in-law decides to test all of them.

She decides to take each of them on a walk separately.

The mother in-law takes the first guy on a walk. She "accidentally" falls into a deep pond. The man doesn't hesitate, he jumps in and saves her. The next day, the man gets a...

My niece Sarah is obsessed with Frozen

My wife just said to me, "Sarah is a grown woman now. It's time for her to... let it go."

True story from 5 minutes ago. I laughed. Wanted to share it.

A cell phone rings in a locker room, A man answers the phone...

*He puts it on speaker*

Man: "Hello!"

Woman: "Hi honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

Man: "Yes."

Woman: "I'm at the mall and I just saw this beautiful leather coat and it's only $2,000, can i have it?

Man: "Sure!"

Woman: "Oh, and I just stopped by at the L...

Sarah was so excited to be travelling without her parents for the first time

As soon as she entered the bus, she told the conductor to remind her when they reached Entebbe and soon they were on their way.

After a while, she asked the conductor, "Have we reached Entebbe?" "No," the conductor answered.

She asked again after some time but the answer was still the ...

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Grown-up words.

A primary one teacher was speaking to her class on the first day of term.

>"Alright class, I'd like everyone to tell me what they did over the summer holiday. Remember, you're not at nursery any more, so you need to use grown-up words now. Jamie, you go first."

So Jamie excitedly s...

Apparently Sarah Sanders has quit her job.

I won’t believe the news until I hear her personally deny it.

Which state was Sarah Palin governor of again?

"Alaska."

No, don't worry, I'll ask her myself.

My best friend Emily and her girlfriend Sarah gifted me a Rolex.

Really appreciate the present but not what I meant when I said I wanna watch

Sarah Pippilini

Three nuns arrive at the pearly gates, and are told that because they have devoted their lives to the world they can return to Earth for three months, taking on the identity of whatever person they should choose.

The first nun said she wanted to return as Helen of Troy.

"Why Helen?" as...

Sarah, John and Dan are training to be FBI agents.

They eventually reach the final test in the FBI's training program.

The test was this: One person was given a gun and sent inside a room; the door shut behind them and that person's spouse would be tied to a chair inside the room. The person was then told to kill their spouse.

John goe...

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[NSFW]George and Sarah had been married for 5 years

George and Sarah had been married for 5 years. It was a failing marriage. George couldn’t do anything in bed to impress Sarah and never got her to orgasm. He tried everything. As a last ditch attempt, he went to a psychic named Roxanne.

George asked Roxanne how to surprise Sarah in bed and g...

Why did Sarah fall off the swing?

She didn't have any arms.

Knock knock

Who's there?

Not Sarah.

A first grade class walks in from recess...

The teacher asks Sarah: What did you do doing recess?

Sarah replied: I played in the sandbox.

The teacher says: “That’s good. Go to the blackboard and if you can write ‘sand’ correctly I’ll give you a fresh-baked cookie.

She does and gets a cookie. The teacher asks Morris what h...

A teacher tells the students to each tell a true story that has a moral that they learned from one of their parents...

The teacher calls up a little girl, and she tells her story, "My dad is raises chickens for their eggs. One day he collected the eggs from his hens and put them all into a big basket. Then he put the basket into the back of his truck but as he was driving to market he hit a big bump in the road, whi...

Where did Sarah go after the explosion?

Everywhere

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Sarah and Jack

Mr. Smith owned a small business. He had two employees, Sarah and Jack. They were both extremely good employees - always willing to work overtime and chip in where needed.
Mr. Smith was looking over his books one day and decided that he wasn't making enough money to warrant two employees and he w...

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Roses are red, Sarah Palin is Alaskan, but she didn't kill her husband, unlike

Carole fucking Baskin

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A man starts his own business

Within a few months his business grows to the point where he needs to hire two employees. He hires a woman named Sarah and a man named Jack. Things are good.

A year goes by and the little company's sales are sagging. The owner realizes that there is not enough work for his two em...

What did the man say when Sarah Palin wouldn’t stop talking?

Oh no, it must be Palindrone Week.

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So Adam and Sarah partyed all night....

And in the morning, it was saturday and they had to go to sunday school.
Adam was wide awake but sarah was still hella tired.
They get there and Sarah immediately fell asleep as soon as the priest started talking. He eventually decided to give a pop quiz. He asked the first question.
"Wh...

A group of first graders come in from recess

Once they all sat down the teacher grabbed a piece a chalk and walked to the chalkboard. "Jimmy, what did you do for recess?" Jimmy replied, "I played in the sandbox." "Very good, the teacher said, If you can come to the board and spell sand I will give you a cookie". Jimmy approaches the board and ...

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Jim and Sarah were driving around the countryside

when they ran over a skunk. "We better take the skunk to the vet, Sarah. Just put the skunk between your legs to keep it warm." "But, Jim, what about the smell?" "Don't worry, the skunk will get used to it."

Trump should appoint Sarah Palin as the Administrator of NASA.

I know, I know, I could've stopped it there, but here's the punchline:

I mean, we must be fair and give her some consideration, because she does make a good argument: she can see the moon from her house.

Sarah got divorced after a month of her wedding

Her neighbor asked : why did you get divorced?

Sarah: can you endure a whole month of insults and beating?

Neighbor: Noo i cannot

Sarah: he couldn't too !!

The Terminator got sick of chasing Sarah Connor, so he started a pest control company.

He became an exterminator.

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Sarah works at a nursing home

One day as she is making her rounds she hears crying coming from Mr. Wilson's room.
She looks into the room and sees Mr. Wilson crying on his bed.
"What is wrong Mr. Wilson?" Sarah asks.
Sobbing Mr. Wilson replied, "My penis died."
"I'm sorry" Sarah says at she pats Mr. Wilson on...

My old aunts would come and tease me at weddings, “Well Sarah? Do you think you’ll be next?”

We settled this quickly once I started doing the same to them at funerals.

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The pickle factory

Yossel Abramovitz worked in a pickle factory. Unfortunately,
he had a very great and powerful desire to put his penis in the
pickle slicer.

This went on for years, and Yossel couldn't stand it any more.
So he decided to seek professional help for this odd infatuation
of his. He sp...

White House Press Secretary Sarah Sanders' kids must be failing out of school...

Cause they're probably taught to avoid answering every question.

Why did the FBI go to question Sarah Palin while investigating Trump's collusion?

Because she can see Russia from her house.

"Am I mentioned in the will?" the nephew asked anxiously.

"You certainly are" , replied the lawyer.

Right here in the third paragraph your uncle says:
To my niece Sarah I bequeath a hundred thousand dollars,
to my cousin Janice fifty thousand dollars,
and to my nephew Charles, who was always curious to know if he was mentioned in my will, I...

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Sarah Jessica Parker on the cancelation of the new Sex and the City movie

"Will there be a Sex and the City 3?"

"Nay." -Sarah Jessica Parker

Why did Sarah name her pet Fawn 99 Cents?

Because it wasn't big enough to be a Buck.

Remember when Sarah Palin used to be the craziest person in politics?

Those were good times.

My wife called me at work today.

"Honey, do you want to come home at lunch for a quickie?"

"Sarah, it's pronounced Quiche."

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Dick Cheney was found having sex with Sarah Palin in a speedboat.

It wasn't the first time he was caught offshore drilling.

A woman called up St. John's hospital and asked "I want to know if the patient Sarah James in Room No 1438 is getting better"

The nurse replied, "She is doing very well. She had her first solid meal today, her blood pressure is fine and if she continues improving she might even be sent home in a couple of days."

The woman said, "Thank God! That's wonderful news!"

Nurse: I take it you must be a family member o...

Sarah Palin and Donald Trump served PB&J sandwiches at his last political rally

because if you go to one of those, you're not allergic to nuts

Sarah Jessica Parker was asked if she supported the company that manufactures the Epi-pen.

She replied: "Nay"

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I just heard that Budweiser is suing Stella Artois for casting Sarah Jessica Parker in their Super Bowl LIII ad.

Apparently they have a trademark on beer advertisements starring a horse.

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Trump and The Queen

Donald Trump met with the Queen of England, and he asked her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?"

"Well," replied the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."

Trump frowned, and...

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Student 1:My name is Sean Archer and my surname represents that my forefathers were Archers

Student 2 : My name is Sarah Baker and my surname represents that my forefathers were Bakers

Student 3 : My name is John Dickinson and I fucking hate this game

My obsession with Doris Day songs is ruining my social life.

I already lost my friends Kay, Sarah, Sarah.

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