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Motel Room Jokes

3 friends are sharing one bed in a motel room

As they're waking up in the morning, the friend on the left says, "Man, I had the best dream last night that I was getting a hand job!" The friend on the right says, "That's crazy! I had the exact same dream!" Then the friend in the middle says, "Really?! I had a dream I was skiing".

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A koala wakes up next to a prostitute....

The koala tries to sneak out of the motel room before the prostitute wakes up. As he opens the door, the protitute wakes up and says "where do you think you're going? You haven't paid me yet". The koala refuses to pay, so the protitute says "let's look in a dictionary for the definition of prostitut...

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My wife is really kinky, she likes to talk to me during sex.

The other night she called me from her motel room

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A man pays 25 dollars for a lady of the night…

They go to a motel room and the man starts to undress. First he peels of his socks.
“What’s wrong with your toes” the prostitute asks after seeing his mangled, disgusting feet.
“When I was a kid I got toelio”
“Don’t you mean polio?”
“No, toelio”
The man continues to undress and then t...

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The Old Lady and the Gentleman-for-Hire

The Old Lady and the Gentleman-for-Hire

A little old lady checked into a motel on her 70th birthday, but she was a bit lonely. She thought, "I'll call one of those men you see advertised in the phone books for escorts and sensual massages."

She looked through the phone book, found a fu...

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Nice Pussy

A man picks up a prostitute and is headed for the motel. She just cannot stop talking about how awesome her pussy is. They get to the motel room and undress. The prostitute tells him to stick a finger in. He does. She tells him to stick two fingers in. He does. Four fingers. He does. His hand. He do...

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A man walks up to a beautiful woman at a bar...

He asks her, "Excuse me. Would you have sex with a man for a million dollars?" "A million dollars?" she says, "Why yes I suppose I would." "Great," says the man, "here's 37 bucks. Let's find a motel room and get busy." "WHAT KIND OF WOMAN DO YOU THINK I AM?" demands the woman, to which the man repli...

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Splint

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. He finally gets himself to the doctor. He says, "How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiance is still a virgin in every way."


The doc said, "I...

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OC: By a hobo, to a hobo, about a hobo (a Melvin tale)

(This story was told to me by my friend Mondo, about our mutual friend Melvin. We're all hobos here, living on the streets in the affluent community of Roseville, California. If you're ever in the area and you see a frail old man carrying a massive green rucksack, give ol' Melvin a beer for me. He w...

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[Oldie but an goldie] A man and his wife are on vacation in Tibet...

While shopping in a small village, the wife asks her husband what time it was, and looking down at his wrist the man realized he had left his watch in the motel room. After a few unsuccessful attempts to find an English speaking local, the couple finally finds an elderly man sitting quietly on the s...

Silly superstition

A reporter was on a business trip in Bangkok, when he struck up a conversation with a young lady in a bar.

After a half dozen drinks, he suggested they get their own bottle and retire to his motel room, and she readily agreed.

"Say, how old are you anyway," the man asked, as the obvi...

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A middle aged man is turning 40 and he's feeling severely depressed,

so he decides he'll treat himself to a prostitute. He and his companion for the evening retire to a motel room and he sits down on the side of the bed. The john starts untying his shoes and eventually slips off his socks.

In utter shock, the lady of the night gasps and says "What the fuck is ...

An elderly man reunites with his lost love

One day, an elderly man is out for a walk when he discovers his lost teenage love, a woman who's about his age. The two get together, and in an instant can tell the old Fire is there. Together they rent out a small motel room when, just as they throw off their clothes, the Reaper appears at the foot...

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