A teacher goes for a long walk on the beach. She finds a shiny magic lamb, picks it up, and rubs it.

There is a puff of blue smoke and a genie pops out. “You have three wishes. I can give you anything in the world. If I fail, I must become your personal genie for eternity.”

The teacher thinks for a moment and says, “For my first wish, I want jewels. Silver, gold, platinum, whatever you have....

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I was in Venice Beach in January and there was a homeless man with a sign that said “1 dollar for dirty joke.”

Seemed like a good investment to me so I gladly handed over a dollar.

Homeless man: “Alright sir whats your name?”

Me: “John”

Homeless man: “So Johnny, there is black rooster alright?

How many legs does that chicken have.”

Me: “Two?”

Homeless man: “Right, n...

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A man with no arms and no legs is sitting on the beach, thinking deeply about his life.

As he lays there, unable to move, he thinks about all the rejection he has faced. Countless women, scared off by his grotesque appearance, have avoided all contact with him. Never been kissed, never been loved.

As he reflects on his sad, lonely existence, a beautiful, busty young lady, in a v...

How do you spot a blind man at a nude beach?

It's not Hard.

Nsfw. Jesus n Moses are walking down the beach comparing powers. Moses goes to Jesus, "Check this out." He faces the ocean n parts it clear down the middle. Jesus with a smirk, "ok ok, put it back n watch this."..

Jesus begins to walk out on the water and starts to sink. Jesus walks back n says to Moses "I don't get it, I can usually walk on water." Moses, laughing. "Probably because you got them holes in your feet."

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[NSFW] A guy is sunbathing on the beach wearing nothing but a hat over his dick.

A guy is sunbathing on the beach wearing nothing but a hat over his dick. A woman walks by and says: "If you were a gentleman you would lift your hat", to which the guy replies: "If you were pretty it would lift itself".

^(Note: I know it's not original but thought someone might enjoy it.)

What did the mother say to Michael Jackson at the beach?

Can you get out of my son?

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Man and a woman on the beach [maybe NSFW]

There is the man walking down a stretch of beach, then suddenly he hears this loud crying.

He checks it out and sees this girl with no arms and no legs on the sand. The man then asks her why she is crying and she then says: "Because I've had no arms and no legs for so long, I've never been hu...

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A black man, mexican man and a redneck are walking down the beach one day when they stumble upon a magical lamp.

They rub it and a Genie pops out. "Thank you for freeing me from 1000 years inside! I will grant each of you ONE wish!"

The black man goes first : "I wish all black people could be returned to Africa to live peacefully and happily with all the resources to guarantee a great life for many gene...

A Mathematician, A Physicist and A Chemist were on a Beach

They decided to put their expertise to use and conduct some research. The Math man said, "I'll jump into the water and measure the depth of the ocean." The Physicist said, "I will go and examine the density of the water at various depths." The Chemist said, "I will use the data you both collect and ...

I saw a guy at the beach yelling, “Help! Shark! Help!”

I was like, “I don’t think that shark is going to help you.”

3 Hippos fall from a plane. 2 land on the beach and one lands in the water.

Ba-Dum Tsssh!

The Beach Boys Walk Into A Bar

Bartender: “Round”

BB: “Round?”

Bartender: “Get a Round”

BB: “I’ll get a Round”

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So I was on the beach and there was a "no nudism" sign. Saw a guy totally naked and noticed he had beautiful testicles...

...I said to him: "I don't approve of what you're doing, but I admire your balls."

An old couple enters a cafe in normandy, overlooking the beach.

The couple are clearly tourists, and when the couple sits down at a table the waitress noticed that the old man is missing a part of his leg. Curious, the waitress approaches them and decides to ask why.

After asking the question the old woman answers, stating that her husband fought in the w...

Why did the mathematician go to the beach?

To work on his tan.

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Theres a man on the beach with no arms or legs

3 girls walk by and start speaking to him.

Girl 1: Has anybody ever hugged you?

Man: No...

*she hugs him*

Girl 2: Had anybody ever kissed you?

Man: I wish but no...

*she gives him a kiss*

Girl 3: Have you ever been fucked?

Man: Never!!!
...

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Man sat on a towel on a beach. He had no arms or legs.

3 Women walked past & felt sorry for him.
First one said "You ever had a hug?" He said "No"
so she hugged him & walked on.
The second woman said "You ever had a kiss?" He said "No"
so she kissed him & walked on.
Third said "You ever been fucked?"
He said "No" as hi...

What do you call a waffle on the beach in Southern California?

A sandy Eggo!

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Little Jack (6 years old) goes with his parents to the nudist beach.

He is playing with sand and creates castles or swims in the water. After 30 minutes he comes back to his mom and asks:

“Mom Mom, why have all the women different sizes of their breasts?”

Mom answers:

“oh hmm, see my son, the women with small breasts are poor, the ones with big b...

What do you call a vampire who went to the beach?

Ash!

A man is walking on a beach, and finds a lamp containing a genie that offers him 3 wishes, however, whatever his wish, his mother-in-law gets double of it.

The man is upset at first since he hated his mother-in-law, but decides to try it out.

"I wish for a hundred million dollars" the man told the genie.

The genie nods his head, and $100,000,000 appears before the man.

"Gtanted, but Your mother-in-law now has $200,000,000 as well" ...

A man walking on the beach stumbled on a bottle.

He picked it up and pulled the cork and a genie jumped out.

Genie: Thank you for freeing me. I will grant you one wish.

Man: I've heard this one, whatever I wish for will come back and bite me.

Genie: Nah man I won't do that. In fact if that happens I'll give you unlimited wishe...

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An 18 year-old Italian girl tells her mother she missed her period for two moths.

Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Fer...

A woman is walking along a beach when she sees a man splashing around feverishly in the ocean. "Help, shark! Help!" he cries.

 

 

The woman laughs, because she knows the shark will never help that man.

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A guy walking on the beach finds a girl with no arms or legs... (NSFW)

He walks up and sees that she is crying, so he asks "hey why are you crying? Is everything okay?"
Laying there in the sand she sobbingly says "I have no arms or legs. No one has found me attractive my entire life and I've never been kissed before."
So this guy, being a nice guy decides "I'll...

9 people go to a beach

A group of nine people went to a beach, they were confused to see the lifeguard wearing a weird, torn clothing which had the word "Time" written on it.


The nine people thought it was a good idea to jump into the water and swim. They played there for a while until it was evening, but sudd...

A man is walking along the beach with his wife when he stumbles upon an oil lamp poking from the sand...

Intrigued, the man picks it up and begins to rub the sand off it. To his surprise, a genie emerges from the lamp!

The genie says in a mighty voice, "As a reward for releasing me, I shall grant you three wishes. However, your wife shall receive double of what you ask for."

Without hesit...

A man is walk on the beach, when he kicks a bottle.

Poof, out pops a genie. The genie tells the man he will grant him three wishes, but whatever he wishes for, his mother in-law gets double. Understanding the rule, the mans first wish is a billion dollars. The genie says, “ this means your mother in-law will get 2 billion”. “That’s fine”, replies the...

A man stumbles upon a lamp on the beach, rubs it, and a genie comes out.

"I shall grant you three wishes- but keep in mind that anything you wish for, your mother-in-law will get the same, two-fold."

The man thinks. "OK. For my first wish, I'd like to have a villa with an ocean view."

The genie says "OK, but your mother-in-law will have two."

"That's...

This guy at the beach offered me a free kite. I turned him down. You know why?

He said the deal was no strings attached.

Three American men are sitting on a beach in the Caribbean sipping their rum and they get to talking...

Soon they happen to inquire about each other's backgrounds.

The first man says, "I used to own a matchstick factory back in California. But one day there was a fire and the entire factory was burned to the ground. I collected my insurance money and decided to retire here in the Caribbean." <...

Why were the Kardashians banned from the beach?

Because there is already too much plastic in the ocean

A politician dies...

And ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.

"So, you're a politician..." "Well, yes, is that a problem?" "Oh no, no problem. But we've recently adopted a new system for people in your line of work, and ...

Did you hear the results of the game between the beach and the ocean?

It's tide.

This was my first time at a nude beach

Men always run head first for some reason

I was walking along the beach, and threw pebbles into the sea

My wife will go mad; she loved that dog.

A man walks by a beach.

He notices a man sitting next to two boats. He asks, "Are these boats for rent?"

"Which one?"

"Er... the yellow one?"

"Yes."

"How about the white one?"

"Yes."

Curious, he asks again, "How much for rent?"

"Which one?"

"The yellow one."

"T...

Guy goes to the beach during storm and nearly drowns...

Lifeguard rescues him and says "the hell were you thinking?!"

Guy says "they were *waving* me in."

I will never forget our day at that sandy beach together

It’s really ingrained in my head

What do you call it when Kim K. goes to the beach?

Pollution

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Angela Merkel, Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin are sitting on the beach...

Donald Trump starts bragging:"Our american submarines can stay under water for 3 months without having to surface!"
"That's nothing!", says Putin:"Our russian nuclear submarines can stay under water for 6 months!"
Angela Merkel starts to get nervous, but before she can say anything a giant wav...

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Two men with Alzheimer's at the beach



They're peckish and want some food.

The first man, Bob, says “Carl, do you want to buy us a couple of ice creams?”

Carl: Sure what do you want?

Bob: vanilla ice cream in a cone, a flake and chocolate sauce

Carl: Ok, I’ll be back now.

Carl walks off...
...

What do you call a French man at the beach?

Fillipe Floppe

My girlfriend couldn't make it to the beach this year so she told me to say "Hi" to the ocean for her.

I told her it waved.

New book out. It's called"Nude Beach" by

Sandy R. S. Hole

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So there is this couple that loves going to nude beaches...

So this beautiful couple frequently visits nude beaches, as both of them get turned on by seeing each other, as well as other people and couples, walking around in the nude in public. They know some friends and regulars from the beaches, but typically keep to themselves and "people-watch" while the...

I hope that when Kim Kardashian goes to the beach, she doesn't swim.

The last thing we need is more plastic in the ocean.

A man was sunbathing naked at a beach... (Long)

He was reading a newspaper and lying down on the sand. He saw a little girl come over so he covered his crotch with the paper he was reading. The girl walked up to him and asked, "What do you have under the newspaper?".
He responded, "It's a little bird but it's sleeping, so can you please go ...

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Wonder Woman is laying on the beach naked.

Superman flys over and sees Wonder Woman speed eagle and naked with her eyes closed. Superman says to himself, "I bet I can fly down there and bust a nut in her before she even realizes what happened.

He decides to go for it. He flys down and super bangs her faster than a speeding bullet an...

Standing on the beach after the great proletariat revolution of 1907, what did one Russian say to the other?

serfs up!

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Shelley's parents finally built up the nerve to confront their daughter about her time spent at the beach everyday...

&nbsp;

&nbsp;

Mom : "Quite a little operation you have going on out here sweetie.. but are you sure you've given this enough thought...?"

&nbsp;

Shelley : "I sure have! This has always been my dream and I'm finally doing it! You should always do what yo...

What type of witch goes to the beach?

A Sandwitch

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Donald Trump, Vladimr Putin and Angela Merkel take a walk on the Beach.

Seeing the great body of water, Mr Trump felt the need to reassure the two others of his country's militaristic superiority.

"Folks, I can tell you, our Navy submarines, are so big and so good, would you believe it, they can remain submerged from the moment they leave the port, to the day the...

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A man is walking along the beach, and encounters a woman with no arms or legs

She catches him looking, so he feels it necessary to say hi. She explains that her caretaker left her there, while she went to get lunch. They chat for a while, and he stands to walk away. The woman looks at him, and blurts out:

"Hey. You're so nice and handsome. I'm embarrassed to even ask t...

had a great swim along the beach in Bali

perfect visibility and tons of coral.

I saw a colorful but scary looking thing attached to a rock and waving in the gentle current. I thought to myself: "is it a friend, or anemone?"

What kind of lotion do authors apply at the beach?

Writers block.

A woman takes her eight-year-old grandson to the beach.

A giant wave comes crashing in and sweeps the little boy out to sea. She looks up at the heavens. "God", she says, "please. He's my only grandson. I love him more than life itself. Please, bring him back to me."

She looks up. Suddenly, the waters part. A ray of light shines from the sky. She ...

Beach Boys: If everybody had an ocean across the USA, then everybody'd be surfin’ like California.

Climate change scientist: You're missing the point, Boys.

A man dies, and wakes up on a beach.

There is nice weather, hot girls playing beach volleyball, barbeques everywhere, laughter and joy. Suddenly, Satan comes up to him.
"Welcome to hell. Enjoy yourself, have a drink, have a hamburger and check out the area. If you need anything or have a question, feel free to ask me", he says. ...

An Italian and a polish guy are walking down the beach...

An Italian and a polish guy are walking down the beach wearing Speedo’s. While walking they get a lot of attention from women, but it seems that all the women are interested in the Italian guy!

After the day was over the guys are hanging out and the polish guy asks, “Ok you have to tell me w...

A man walks along a beach and stubs his toe on a lamp. In frustration, he kicks it.

Suddenly, a Genie comes out! He tells the man “I must grant you three wishes since you have awoken me. However since you kicked me, I will give the person you hate the most, your boss, twice whatever you wish.”
The man instantly says “I wish for a billion dollars.” The genie snaps his fingers. “d...

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A young woman that is a quadrapalegic is sitting in her powered chair on the beach. (longish)

A man that looks like a biker is walking by.

She calls to him: "Sir, Sir, could I talk to you please?"

The man looks, shrugs and walks over: "Sure, what's up?"

Girl: "I've always been so alone. Could you hold my hand, just for a moment? Please?"

Biker: "Well, that's simpl...

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A man is walking on the beach when he discovers a bottle containing a genie. He rubs it and a genie comes out, promises to grant him one wish. He says, "Peace in the Middle east, that's my wish." The genie looks concerned, then says "No, I'm sorry, that's just not possible."

"Some things just can't be changed. Do you have another wish?" The guys says "Well... for my whole life I've never received oral sex from my wife. That would be my wish." The genie pauses for another moment and then says, "How would you define peace?"

My grandfather killed six Germans at Normandy beach.

Not as heroic as it sounds, though, he just did it last week.

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Three men are walking down a beach when they find a lamp buried in the sand.

They dig up the lamp, brush it off, and poof! a genie appears.

"I shall grant each of you three wishes," the genie intones.

The first guy wishes for unlimited wealth. Poof! Wish granted.

The second guy also wishes for unlimited wealth. Poof!

The third guy starts flailing ...

Two Marines walk into a bar in Louisiana...

They see a guy with nice boots. Really nice boots. They ask the guy about them and he says they're alligator boots. They accept this and keep drinking. The Marines leave. The guy with the boots eventually leaves and as he's driving he sees their truck. He stops and looks for them. As he walks into ...

A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach

He had no arms and no legs. Three women, from England , Wales , and Scotland , were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man. The English woman said, 'Have you ever had a hug?' The man said, 'No,' so she gave him a hug and walked on. The Welsh woman said, 'Have you ever had a kiss?' The man ...

A beach ball was $50

So I asked the manager, "Why is this so expensive?"
The manager replied, "Inflation"

The woman mocked fat man on the beach..

The woman mocked fat man on the beach, clapping her big belly and saying, "Well, that's where the sixpack is. Was it heineken or something else?"

The man answered the woman:
"There's a tap under it, you can taste it yourself"







Sorry if my english is any bad,...

What's the difference between period blood and beach sand?

I can't gargle sand.

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A policeman pulls over an old man in a pickup truck

because the bed of his truck is full of ducks. The officer says, “Sir, it is unacceptable to have this flock of ducks downtown, take them to the Zoo this instant!”

The old man confirms that he will and drives off. The next day the officer sees the same man in the same truck still full of duck...

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Husband and wife are sunbathing at a nudist beach... NSFW

When suddenly a wasp flies into the wife's vagina. She screams in terror, and frantically tells her husband what happened. He scoops her into his arms, throws her into the car and speeds to the hospital.

At the hospital the doctor tries a few different ways to remove the wasp with each one fa...

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The beach thought he had crabs.

He went to the sexual health clinic to be shore.

How do you spot a blind guy at a nude beach?

He has the white cane with the red end you unfunny, reposting, karma whoring chumps.

A man was sunbathing naked at the beach.

For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his privates.


A woman walks past and says, snickering, "If you were a gentleman, you'd lift your hat".


He raised an eyebrow and replied, "if you weren't so ugly, it would lift itself".

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So a Cruise Ship Sinks...

So a cruise ship sinks in the middle of the pacific and three guys find themselves stranded on a desert island after being adrift in a life raft for a week.

After being on the island for a couple days a plane flies overhead and sees their SOS on the beach. With their supplies almost exhauste...

If you go to a nude beach on a bright day...

You get a sunny d

Tonight I dreamt of a beautiful walk on a sandy beach.

At least that explains the footprints I found in the cat litter box this morning.

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Fucked

A guy with no arms or legs is sunning himself on a beach near the waters edge.
3 babes are walking by and the first says "Hi there, have you every been hugged?" the guy says no so she gives him a hug and walks away
The second sees this and asks "Have you ever been kissed?" the guy says no so ...

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Three school teachers go to the nude beach: the math teacher, the history teacher, and the logics teacher. Suddenly, the female principal goes by them. So the math and history teacher put their newspapers on their private parts, while the logics teacher puts it on his face.

After the principal leaves, the first two ask the logics teacher: Why did you put your newspaper on your face? She clearly saw your junk!

That's the thing! I'm mostly recognised by my face!

A little boy was walking past a D-Day memorial along the beach

As he passed by, he could see an old man shaking his head and letting out a long sigh. Curious as to what his story was, the little boy walked up to the man and said "Hey mister, why do you look so sad?"

The man looked at the child and said "More than 70 years ago, my friends fought on this b...

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A man is walking down the beach,

When he sees a woman with no arms and legs; as he gets closer he can hear her gently sobbing.

"What's wrong ma'am?" He inquired earnestly.

"Well you see, I was born like this, and because of it I've never gotten close to a man, I've never even hugged one."

The man contemplates t...

The man and his penguins

A man was driving down the road when a policeman stopped him. The officer looker in the back of the man's truck and said, "Why are these penguins in your truck?"

The man replied, "These are my penguins. They belong to me."

"You need to take them to the zoo," the policeman said. The man...

A woman is taking a walk on the beach at sunset

when suddenly, her foot hits something hard. (No, not that, stop.) It is a magic lamp! She rubs it and the genie comes out :

\- You who found me, I grant you one wish!

\- Only one? the woman answers, but usually it's three!

\- Yeah yeah I know but these a difficult times for eve...

Two Fleas meet on a beach in florida

Two fleas are laying on a beach in florida

The first flea who is sunning himself looks to the 2nd and asks

Flea 1- "why are you shivering so bad ?"

Flea 2- "I hitched a ride down here on the mustache of a man who rode a motorcycle and it almost froze me to death"

Flea...

What do they call a banana hammock on the beaches of Massachusetts?

A Cape Cod Piece

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A man is walking down the beach when he sees a quadriplegic woman crying by herself. Trying to be kind he walks up and asks here what's wrong.

> "I've never been hugged", replies the woman.

The man figures it would be a nice thing to do, so he picks heer up and gives her a hug. She smiles. Then her face drops and she starts crying again.

> "What's the matter now?", asks the man.

> "I've never been kissed", ...

An American, a Frenchman and an Italian sit at the beach.

They are arguing about the quality of their vehicles and the engineering prowess of their country.

The Italian says: You know, my old Fiat is still serving me well. I bought it 10 years ago and barely changed a thing other than oil.

The Frenchman responds:

10 years? Honhonhon! M...

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You're not depressed...

I was at the beach and noticed a younger guy who was moping and looking sad. To make matters worse the guy was scrawny and couldn't have weighed more than a 100 lbs.

I walked up to the guy and said "hey buddy what's wrong? It's a beautiful day at the beach and there's nothing but gorgeous...

A man's head was found on the beach the other night and there was a note in a bottle next to him,

It said "I don't need no body".

What does a warlock drive on the beach?

A runebuggy.

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A man is walking on a beach when he finds a dull old middle eastern lamp

When he rubs the lamp a genie appears.



Genie: I am so grateful that you have released me from my ten thousand year prison that I will only grant you 3, but only 3 wishes for releasing me, so make them good ones

Man: I wish to be rich beyond my wildest dreams

Poof... an e...

When my grandfather died we decided to scatter his remains at sea.

Everyone at the beach started freaking out cause we didn't cremate him.

A man is walking down a beach when he spots a bottle with a cork in it.

He opens the bottle and out comes a genie. The genie is grateful to be out of the bottle and offers the man three wishes to be granted.

The man first wishes for a billion dollars in an offshore Swiss bank account. There's a flash of light and in his hand is a receipt for a billion dollars in...

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I walked up to a girl with no arms or legs at the beach, she was crying.

I asked her why she was crying and she said, "I have never been hugged before".

So I crouched down and gave her a hug, she was still crying so I asked why she was still crying.

"I have never been kissed before", she said. So I leaned in and gave her a big ol' kiss.

She was STILL...

A man walking along the beach found a bottle

When he rubbed it, lo and behold, a genie appeared. "I will grant you three wishes," announced the genie. "But there is one condition. I am a lawyer's genie. That means that for every wish you make, every lawyer in the world gets the wish as well--only double."

The man thought about this for...

What do you call a waffle on a California beach?

A Sandy Eggo.
- Compliments of my cousin's 6 year old daughter (She says "Hi" by the way).

-EDIT: Wow, this blew up a lot more than I thought it would. My first gold and my first post to make it to the front page. You are too kind, Reddit.

True Story. So my grandpa, my father and I were out on a car ride to the beach when I was 11.

I always loved riding with my grandpa because he told all of his war stories from serving in WWII, and as a kid they were always cool to hear.

We stopped at a stop sign, and a car with 3 asian kids pulled up behind us ( maybe 18/19 year olds) and immediately started blaring the horn. My gran...

A German lifesaver carries a dog that nearly drowned from the beach...

He plopped it down on the sand and did CPR, as the dog's owner watched nervously from aside.

The dog spat out water and stood up— the lifesaver saved it.

"Oh my goodness, thank you so much for saving my dog!" the owner said, "Are you a vet?"

"Vet? VET???" the German excalimed, "...

You're a Savage Warrior. You're a barbarian. You come from a city in Iran. You're a Barbar Barbarian.

You're known for hanging around your favorite drinking establishment. You're a Barbar bar barbarian.

You get exiled. You're a barred Barbar bar barbarian.

You get a job cutting hair. You're a barred Barbar bar barbarian barber.

You are the exclusive hairstylist of a popular chil...

Two Israelis are sitting on the beach in Tel Aviv, reading.

One has got a quality newspaper, the other an antisemitic rag. "Why on earth are you reading that?" one asks. "I used to read a quality paper like you," the other sighs, "but I couldn't handle it any more – the rockets from Gaza and Hezbollah getting stronger every day and the Iranian nuclear progra...

A man walks onto a beach..

Says "boy do I love drinking this whisky on the sand"


Jesus replies "be careful my child, have it on the rocks"

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At the beach on a summer day, you'll find many different swim techniques: backstroke, frontstroke, breaststroke, etc.

I, for one, am the master of the heat stroke

A man is trying to pickup a woman at the beach.

And he’s not having too much luck. He sees that the lifeguard is very successful with charming the ladies, so he goes up to the lifeguard and asks, “what’s your secret?”

The lifeguard takes pity on him, so he tells him, “look, don’t tell anyone, but I take a potato and place it into my swimsu...

One day a man was waking along the beach when he tripped over a lamp.

He turned around and kicked the lamp out of anger. A few seconds later, a genie popped out of the lamp.

Reluctantly, the genie said, "Even though you kicked me, I still have to give you three wishes. However, because of what you did, I will also give twice what you wish for to the person you ...

A man is lying on a nudist beach wearing only a hat covering his crotch

When all of a sudden a woman passes by who remarks, "If you were even the tiniest bit of a gentleman, you would lift and tip your hat to a lady."
He replies, "If you were even the teensiest bit of a woman, the hat would lift by itself."

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light beer is like Love on the beach

Fucking close to water.

An old joke I heard from an Israeli fighter pilot...

According to him, flight school is hard. Most recruits wash out early. Some... Not so early. The training lasts years, and you can wash out at any time.

It was the last day of training, right before graduation, when the news came down, one of the cadets was being kicked out.

By this ...

The smartest detective in the world was brought in to help solve a terrible crime...

"We have a lot of suspects, sir," said the officer. "Why don't you tell me about them?" asks the detective.

"Well first, we found this guy hiding in the bushes." - "It wasn't Russell," replies the detective.

"How about the wife of this hippie?" - "Mississippi? Not her."

"We got...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is better than sex on the beach?

Not having sand in your vagina.

A man walks into a store to buy a Barbie doll for his daughter. "How much is that Barbie in the window?" he asks the shop assistant. "Which Barbie? responds the worker.

"We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95 and Divorced Barbie for $395.00."

The guy asks, "Why is Divorced Barbie different from all the others?"...

Who's the most popular man at the nudist beach?

The one who can carry two cups of coffee and six donuts.

Two traders go to the beach.

They lay their beach towels on the sand and while one watches the boats out on the water, the other one decides to take a nap.

After a while, the first one notices the waves come closer and closer to their towels. He says to his friend :

\- Hey... the tide's rising, we should move furt...

A man and his wife just bought a new beach house with their lottery winnings.

At the wife's insistence, they start planning a lavish party to get to know their new neighbors, and the husband is put in charge of securing catering. He orders all the other food she wants for the menu, but unfortunately he forgets the escargot, and by the time he realizes it's too late. He figure...

A man walks up to a woman at a nude beach...

A man walks up to a woman at a nude beach.

"Hi, my name is Ed." he says.

"What's it short for?" she asks.

Thoughtful, he looks down a moment, before answering,

"I dunno, it's always been like that."

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