A teacher goes for a long walk on the beach. She finds a shiny magic lamb, picks it up, and rubs it.

There is a puff of blue smoke and a genie pops out. “You have three wishes. I can give you anything in the world. If I fail, I must become your personal genie for eternity.”

The teacher thinks for a moment and says, “For my first wish, I want jewels. Silver, gold, platinum, whatever you have....

An old couple enters a cafe in normandy, overlooking the beach.

The couple are clearly tourists, and when the couple sits down at a table the waitress noticed that the old man is missing a part of his leg. Curious, the waitress approaches them and decides to ask why.

After asking the question the old woman answers, stating that her husband fought in the w...

A man walking on the beach stumbled on a bottle.

He picked it up and pulled the cork and a genie jumped out.

Genie: Thank you for freeing me. I will grant you one wish.

Man: I've heard this one, whatever I wish for will come back and bite me.

Genie: Nah man I won't do that. In fact if that happens I'll give you unlimited wishe...

A man is walking along the beach with his wife when he stumbles upon an oil lamp poking from the sand...

Intrigued, the man picks it up and begins to rub the sand off it. To his surprise, a genie emerges from the lamp!

The genie says in a mighty voice, "As a reward for releasing me, I shall grant you three wishes. However, your wife shall receive double of what you ask for."

Without hesit...

A man is walking on a beach, and finds a lamp containing a genie that offers him 3 wishes, however, whatever his wish, his mother-in-law gets double of it.

The man is upset at first since he hated his mother-in-law, but decides to try it out.

"I wish for a hundred million dollars" the man told the genie.

The genie nods his head, and $100,000,000 appears before the man.

"Gtanted, but Your mother-in-law now has $200,000,000 as well" ...

How do you spot a blind man in a nudist beach?

It’s not that hard

Standing on the beach after the great proletariat revolution of 1907, what did one Russian say to the other?

serfs up!

A man is walk on the beach, when he kicks a bottle.

Poof, out pops a genie. The genie tells the man he will grant him three wishes, but whatever he wishes for, his mother in-law gets double. Understanding the rule, the mans first wish is a billion dollars. The genie says, “ this means your mother in-law will get 2 billion”. “That’s fine”, replies the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walking on the beach finds a girl with no arms or legs... (NSFW)

He walks up and sees that she is crying, so he asks "hey why are you crying? Is everything okay?"
Laying there in the sand she sobbingly says "I have no arms or legs. No one has found me attractive my entire life and I've never been kissed before."
So this guy, being a nice guy decides "I'll...

A man stumbles upon a lamp on the beach, rubs it, and a genie comes out.

"I shall grant you three wishes- but keep in mind that anything you wish for, your mother-in-law will get the same, two-fold."

The man thinks. "OK. For my first wish, I'd like to have a villa with an ocean view."

The genie says "OK, but your mother-in-law will have two."

"That's...

I was at the beach today and I saw a man in the sea, yelling: "Help, shark! Help!"

I just laughed.
I knew that shark wasn't going to help him.

Why were the Kardashians banned from the beach?

Because there is already too much plastic in the ocean

My girlfriend couldn't make it to the beach this year so she told me to say "Hi" to the ocean for her.

I told her it waved.

What kind of lotion do authors apply at the beach?

Writers block.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Shelley's parents finally built up the nerve to confront their daughter about her time spent at the beach everyday...

 

 

Mom : "Quite a little operation you have going on out here sweetie.. but are you sure you've given this enough thought...?"

 

Shelley : "I sure have! This has always been my dream and I'm finally doing it! You should always do what yo...

A woman is walking along a beach when she sees a man splashing around feverishly in the ocean. "Help, shark! Help!" he cries.

 

 

The woman laughs, because she knows the shark will never help that man.

What do you call a waffle on a California beach?

Sandy-Eggo.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is walking along the beach, and encounters a woman with no arms or legs

She catches him looking, so he feels it necessary to say hi. She explains that her caretaker left her there, while she went to get lunch. They chat for a while, and he stands to walk away. The woman looks at him, and blurts out:

"Hey. You're so nice and handsome. I'm embarrassed to even ask t...

A man was sunbathing naked at the beach.

For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his privates.


A woman walks past and says, snickering, "If you were a gentleman, you'd lift your hat".


He raised an eyebrow and replied, "if you weren't so ugly, it would lift itself".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is walking on the beach when he discovers a bottle containing a genie. He rubs it and a genie comes out, promises to grant him one wish. He says, "Peace in the Middle east, that's my wish." The genie looks concerned, then says "No, I'm sorry, that's just not possible."

"Some things just can't be changed. Do you have another wish?" The guys says "Well... for my whole life I've never received oral sex from my wife. That would be my wish." The genie pauses for another moment and then says, "How would you define peace?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Angela Merkel, Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin are sitting on the beach...

Donald Trump starts bragging:"Our american submarines can stay under water for 3 months without having to surface!"
"That's nothing!", says Putin:"Our russian nuclear submarines can stay under water for 6 months!"
Angela Merkel starts to get nervous, but before she can say anything a giant wav...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young woman that is a quadrapalegic is sitting in her powered chair on the beach. (longish)

A man that looks like a biker is walking by.

She calls to him: "Sir, Sir, could I talk to you please?"

The man looks, shrugs and walks over: "Sure, what's up?"

Girl: "I've always been so alone. Could you hold my hand, just for a moment? Please?"

Biker: "Well, that's simpl...

A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach

He had no arms and no legs. Three women, from England , Wales , and Scotland , were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man. The English woman said, 'Have you ever had a hug?' The man said, 'No,' so she gave him a hug and walked on. The Welsh woman said, 'Have you ever had a kiss?' The man ...

Wonder Woman is laying on the beach naked.

Superman flys over and sees Wonder Woman speed eagle and naked with her eyes closed. Superman says to himself, "I bet I can fly down there and bust a nut in her before she even realizes what happened.

He decides to go for it. He flys down and super bangs her faster than a speeding bullet an...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The beach thought he had crabs.

He went to the sexual health clinic to be shore.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men are walking down a beach when they find a lamp buried in the sand.

They dig up the lamp, brush it off, and poof! a genie appears.

"I shall grant each of you three wishes," the genie intones.

The first guy wishes for unlimited wealth. Poof! Wish granted.

The second guy also wishes for unlimited wealth. Poof!

The third guy starts flailing ...

The woman mocked fat man on the beach..

The woman mocked fat man on the beach, clapping her big belly and saying, "Well, that's where the sixpack is. Was it heineken or something else?"

The man answered the woman:
"There's a tap under it, you can taste it yourself"







Sorry if my english is any bad,...

A man walks along a beach and stubs his toe on a lamp. In frustration, he kicks it.

Suddenly, a Genie comes out! He tells the man “I must grant you three wishes since you have awoken me. However since you kicked me, I will give the person you hate the most, your boss, twice whatever you wish.”
The man instantly says “I wish for a billion dollars.” The genie snaps his fingers. “d...

I hope that when Kim Kardashian goes to the beach, she doesn't swim.

The last thing we need is more plastic in the ocean.

A beach ball was $50

So I asked the manager, "Why is this so expensive?"
The manager replied, "Inflation"

What's the difference between period blood and beach sand?

I can't gargle sand.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is walking down the beach,

When he sees a woman with no arms and legs; as he gets closer he can hear her gently sobbing.

"What's wrong ma'am?" He inquired earnestly.

"Well you see, I was born like this, and because of it I've never gotten close to a man, I've never even hugged one."

The man contemplates t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was walking on a beach when he saw a woman with no arms or legs crying. He asked what was wrong. She said:

"I have no arms and no legs, and I've never been hugged."

He hugged her and kept walking. A few minuted later, he sees her crying again. He asked what was wrong now; She said:

"I have no arms and no legs, and I've never been kissed."

He kissed her and kept walking. A few minutes...

An Italian and a polish guy are walking down the beach...

An Italian and a polish guy are walking down the beach wearing Speedo’s. While walking they get a lot of attention from women, but it seems that all the women are interested in the Italian guy!

After the day was over the guys are hanging out and the polish guy asks, “Ok you have to tell me w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two men with Alzheimer's at the beach



They're peckish and want some food.

The first man, Bob, says “Carl, do you want to buy us a couple of ice creams?”

Carl: Sure what do you want?

Bob: vanilla ice cream in a cone, a flake and chocolate sauce

Carl: Ok, I’ll be back now.

Carl walks off...
...

You know what's cooler than going to the beach on a summer day?

Going to the beach on a winter day.

If you go to a nude beach on a bright day...

You get a sunny d

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is walking down the beach when he sees a quadriplegic woman crying by herself. Trying to be kind he walks up and asks here what's wrong.

> "I've never been hugged", replies the woman.

The man figures it would be a nice thing to do, so he picks heer up and gives her a hug. She smiles. Then her face drops and she starts crying again.

> "What's the matter now?", asks the man.

> "I've never been kissed", ...

What does a warlock drive on the beach?

A runebuggy.

A woman is taking a walk on the beach at sunset

when suddenly, her foot hits something hard. (No, not that, stop.) It is a magic lamp! She rubs it and the genie comes out :

\- You who found me, I grant you one wish!

\- Only one? the woman answers, but usually it's three!

\- Yeah yeah I know but these a difficult times for eve...

My grandfather killed six Germans at Normandy beach.

Not as heroic as it sounds, though, he just did it last week.

A little boy was walking past a D-Day memorial along the beach

As he passed by, he could see an old man shaking his head and letting out a long sigh. Curious as to what his story was, the little boy walked up to the man and said "Hey mister, why do you look so sad?"

The man looked at the child and said "More than 70 years ago, my friends fought on this b...

How do you spot a blind guy at a nude beach?

He has the white cane with the red end you unfunny, reposting, karma whoring chumps.

An American, a Frenchman and an Italian sit at the beach.

They are arguing about the quality of their vehicles and the engineering prowess of their country.

The Italian says: You know, my old Fiat is still serving me well. I bought it 10 years ago and barely changed a thing other than oil.

The Frenchman responds:

10 years? Honhonhon! M...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is walking on a beach when he finds a dull old middle eastern lamp

When he rubs the lamp a genie appears.



Genie: I am so grateful that you have released me from my ten thousand year prison that I will only grant you 3, but only 3 wishes for releasing me, so make them good ones

Man: I wish to be rich beyond my wildest dreams

Poof... an e...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three school teachers go to the nude beach: the math teacher, the history teacher, and the logics teacher. Suddenly, the female principal goes by them. So the math and history teacher put their newspapers on their private parts, while the logics teacher puts it on his face.

After the principal leaves, the first two ask the logics teacher: Why did you put your newspaper on your face? She clearly saw your junk!

That's the thing! I'm mostly recognised by my face!

Tonight I dreamt of a beautiful walk on a sandy beach.

At least that explains the footprints I found in the cat litter box this morning.

Two Fleas meet on a beach in florida

Two fleas are laying on a beach in florida

The first flea who is sunning himself looks to the 2nd and asks

Flea 1- "why are you shivering so bad ?"

Flea 2- "I hitched a ride down here on the mustache of a man who rode a motorcycle and it almost froze me to death"

Flea...

A man was walking alone on a beach when he came across a pirate. The pirate asked him “where are your buccaneers matey?”. So the man replied:

“Under my buccan hat”

Who's the most popular man at the nudist beach?

The one who can carry two cups of coffee and six donuts.

A man's head was found on the beach the other night and there was a note in a bottle next to him,

It said "I don't need no body".

A man walks onto a beach..

Says "boy do I love drinking this whisky on the sand"


Jesus replies "be careful my child, have it on the rocks"

True Story. So my grandpa, my father and I were out on a car ride to the beach when I was 11.

I always loved riding with my grandpa because he told all of his war stories from serving in WWII, and as a kid they were always cool to hear.

We stopped at a stop sign, and a car with 3 asian kids pulled up behind us ( maybe 18/19 year olds) and immediately started blaring the horn. My gran...

A man dies, and wakes up on a beach.

There is nice weather, hot girls playing beach volleyball, barbeques everywhere, laughter and joy. Suddenly, Satan comes up to him.
"Welcome to hell. Enjoy yourself, have a drink, have a hamburger and check out the area. If you need anything or have a question, feel free to ask me", he says. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At the beach on a summer day, you'll find many different swim techniques: backstroke, frontstroke, breaststroke, etc.

I, for one, am the master of the heat stroke

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Husband and wife are sunbathing at a nudist beach... NSFW

When suddenly a wasp flies into the wife's vagina. She screams in terror, and frantically tells her husband what happened. He scoops her into his arms, throws her into the car and speeds to the hospital.

At the hospital the doctor tries a few different ways to remove the wasp with each one fa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Donald Trump, Vladimr Putin and Angela Merkel take a walk on the Beach.

Seeing the great body of water, Mr Trump felt the need to reassure the two others of his country's militaristic superiority.

"Folks, I can tell you, our Navy submarines, are so big and so good, would you believe it, they can remain submerged from the moment they leave the port, to the day the...

A man is walking down a beach when he spots a bottle with a cork in it.

He opens the bottle and out comes a genie. The genie is grateful to be out of the bottle and offers the man three wishes to be granted.

The man first wishes for a billion dollars in an offshore Swiss bank account. There's a flash of light and in his hand is a receipt for a billion dollars in...

Two traders go to the beach.

They lay their beach towels on the sand and while one watches the boats out on the water, the other one decides to take a nap.

After a while, the first one notices the waves come closer and closer to their towels. He says to his friend :

\- Hey... the tide's rising, we should move furt...

A man walking along the beach found a bottle

When he rubbed it, lo and behold, a genie appeared. "I will grant you three wishes," announced the genie. "But there is one condition. I am a lawyer's genie. That means that for every wish you make, every lawyer in the world gets the wish as well--only double."

The man thought about this for...

A German lifesaver carries a dog that nearly drowned from the beach...

He plopped it down on the sand and did CPR, as the dog's owner watched nervously from aside.

The dog spat out water and stood up— the lifesaver saved it.

"Oh my goodness, thank you so much for saving my dog!" the owner said, "Are you a vet?"

"Vet? VET???" the German excalimed, "...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

light beer is like Love on the beach

Fucking close to water.

The penguin joke (my favorite joke)

One day a Cop pulls a van over and when he walks up to the window he sees ten penguins in the back.

The cop asks the man "are those your penguins?"

The man Says "yes, they are my pets."

The cop replies to the man "You need to take them to the zoo right now."

So the man ag...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is better than sex on the beach?

Not having sand in your vagina.

A man is trying to pickup a woman at the beach.

And he’s not having too much luck. He sees that the lifeguard is very successful with charming the ladies, so he goes up to the lifeguard and asks, “what’s your secret?”

The lifeguard takes pity on him, so he tells him, “look, don’t tell anyone, but I take a potato and place it into my swimsu...

Two Israelis are sitting on the beach in Tel Aviv, reading.

One has got a quality newspaper, the other an antisemitic rag. "Why on earth are you reading that?" one asks. "I used to read a quality paper like you," the other sighs, "but I couldn't handle it any more – the rockets from Gaza and Hezbollah getting stronger every day and the Iranian nuclear progra...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I walked up to a girl with no arms or legs at the beach, she was crying.

I asked her why she was crying and she said, "I have never been hugged before".

So I crouched down and gave her a hug, she was still crying so I asked why she was still crying.

"I have never been kissed before", she said. So I leaned in and gave her a big ol' kiss.

She was STILL...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Quadriplegic At The Beach

An armless and legless girl is lying on the beach, crying. A man comes over and asks,

"What are you crying about?"

She goes, "I'm crying because in my whole life I've never been kissed."

So he kneels down and kisses her, but that
causes her to cry even more. He asks, "What ar...

I had a dream I was walking along a beach

The sand was nice and soft against my toes as I stare into the sea

Now I think I know why there were footmarks in the cat litter

A middle-class white woman goes to a beach, pulls out a mug and fills it with sea water.

She takes a large swig and sighs with relief as she gulps. A nearby beach-goer sees this.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm drinking tea," replied the woman.

"Tea?"

"Yes, tea."

"That's not tea!" said the beach-goer.

"I think you'll find that this is the strongest t...

A physicist, a biologist and a chemist visit the local beach on a fine day.

The physicist says, "I want to do reasearch about the fluid dynamics of the ocean water."

He walks into the ocean and does not come back.

The biologist says, "I want to do research about the flora and fauna of the ocean."

He, too, walks into the ocean and does not come back.
...

A family goes to a nudist beach

The boy looks around and asks his dad: why do peoples privates go either up or down?
The dad replies: If it points upwards, they're rich, and if it points downwards, they're poor.

The father then goes to sleep, and after a while he wakes up again to find his wife gone. He asks his son wher...

One day a man was waking along the beach when he tripped over a lamp.

He turned around and kicked the lamp out of anger. A few seconds later, a genie popped out of the lamp.

Reluctantly, the genie said, "Even though you kicked me, I still have to give you three wishes. However, because of what you did, I will also give twice what you wish for to the person you ...

A man and his wife just bought a new beach house with their lottery winnings.

At the wife's insistence, they start planning a lavish party to get to know their new neighbors, and the husband is put in charge of securing catering. He orders all the other food she wants for the menu, but unfortunately he forgets the escargot, and by the time he realizes it's too late. He figure...

Two guys were at the beach talking.....

The first guy says "you seem popular with the ladies, can you give me any advice?"

The second guy tells him "it's simple, just put a potato down your swim trunks and walk around talking to every girl you see. In no time you will have girls falling all over you"

The next day they meet u...

A Jewish Grandmother was at the beach...

A Jewish grandmother and her grandson are at the beach. He is playing in the water; she is standing on the shore not wanting to get her feet wet. Suddenly, a huge wave appears from nowhere and crashes directly onto the spot where the boy is wading. The water recedes and the boy is no longer there. H...

A couple decides to spend a vacation in a Caribbean beach, in the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years ago, but due to work problems, the woman could not travel with her husband, so she would catch him in few days.

When the man arrived at the hotel, he saw there was a computer with Internet connection in the room. So he decided to send an e-mail to his wife but, he made a mistake in a letter and without realizing he sent it to another address ... The e-mail is received by a widow who had just arrived from her ...

An old man is at a nude beach

He is sunbathing naked. For civilty he kept a hat over his genitals. Later a woman was walking up to the man and with a smile,said "if you were a gentleman you would take off the hat." The old man replies. "If you weren't so ugly. It would lift its self.

A man was getting a tan on a nudist beach when a young girl walks towards him...

Because he found it indecent to be fully nude in front of the little girl, he covered his groin with his hat.
"What's underneath that hat?" the girl asked. "Nothing special, just a little birdy" the man replied.

The girl insisted on seeing the birdy, and the man told her no, so she walk...

The Worst Bar on the Beach

Ben and his friends decided to visit the worst bar on the beach in Clearwater, FL.

The beer was warm, the food was bad, and the service was terrible. But all across the ceiling, various types of meet were displayed- turkey, bacon, ham, pork loin- you name it.

But Ben persevered and m...

I was on the beach with my ex-wife.

She said, "Why don't you go out for a swim in the water?"


"I'm not going out there," I said. "There are man-eating sharks out there."


She said, "You'll be fine then."

Jesus and Moses are taking a walk along the beach of the red sea.

Jesus looks out at the water and asks "hey Moses you think you still got it?" Moses huffs and puts his staff in the water, the water rushes to the sides and the red sea splits. Moses smiles and pulls his staff, the sea goes back to normal. "Alright your turn, i want to see you walk on water" jesus s...

A few years ago I invented beach footwear for people with one leg.

It was a flop.

A man is lying on a nudist beach wearing only a hat covering his crotch

When all of a sudden a woman passes by who remarks, "If you were even the tiniest bit of a gentleman, you would lift and tip your hat to a lady."
He replies, "If you were even the teensiest bit of a woman, the hat would lift by itself."

An old man boards a plane to Paris.

He is very excited to visit and is talking with the other passengers. Before takeoff, there is a dispute as to whether a French family has found their seats correctly or not. In an attempt to find their seats, the stewardess asks the people around them for their tickets. Eventually, she reaches the ...

A guy is at the beach walking down and is trying to pick up girls but isn’t having any luck.

So he asks the lifeguard for advice. Lifeguard says “go to the swim shop and buy a speedo 2 sizes too small, then go to the store and buy a potato and put it in there, works every time” so the guy does so and starts strutting his stuff down the beach and he is getting looks from EVERYONE, but they’r...

What does a guy with two left feet wears to the beach?

Flip flips

What did the lady say to Michael Jackson at the beach?

Get out of my sun.

What do you call a waffle on a California beach?

A Sandy Eggo. - Compliments of my cousin's 6 year old daughter (She says "Hi" by the way).

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A mama shark and a her pup were swimming by a beach

The pup turnes to its mother and said "Mom, I'm hungry".

"Just find some swimmer, swim a couple laps around him, and dig in, child", she replies.

The pup is impatient and says "But swimming laps takes so long! I'm just going to dig in instead".

"Go ahead, but don't come crying t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman with no arms and no legs is laying on the beach...

A woman with no arms and no legs is laying on the beach sobbing.

A man walks by and asks “why are you crying?”

Woman: Well... I’m crying because I have no arms or legs and I’ve never been hugged before..

Man: That’s terrible! I’ll give you a hug.

He gives her a hug an...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The girl with no arms or legs at the beach

A guy was with his buddies on the beach, and went back to his cooler to get a beer. On the way he saw a girl with no arms or legs crying, when he asked why, she said “I’ve never been hugged”. The gentleman hugged her, then grabbed his beer and went back to his friends. When his beer ran out, he went...

There's this man walking along a beach and find's a lamp washed up on the shore

He picks up the lamp and a genie pops out.

The genie says you have 3 wishes. But whatever you wish for, your ex wife will get double.

So the man thinks and get says "One million Dollars" and just like that a big bag appears with money inside of it. Then the man hears someone cheering ...

I was on a beach once, roasting a seagull over a small fire

I heard footsteps on the rocks, and looked up to see a Conservation Officer approaching.

"Hey there, bud, whatcha cookin' there?"

I turned the bird slowly on its stick, then looked at the pile of feathers. "Western Gull, I think."

The officer widened his eyes, "Oh, ya can't be e...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A recently widowed Jewish lady named Sarah, was sitting on a beach towel. She looked up and noticed that a man her age had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand nearby and began reading a book...

Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. "Hello, sir, how are you?"

"Fine, thank you." he responded, and turned back to his book.

"I love the beach. Do you come here often?" she asked.

"First time since my wife passed away last year." he replied and again tur...

A man is walking along the beach, when he trips over something, looks down and sees an old bottle. He picks it up and out pops a genie. "I will give you one wish and only one. What will it be?" The man thinks and thinks...

He lives in California and really loves to visit Hawaii, but he despises flying, so he asks the genie.

"I want a bridge from California to Hawaii, over the Pacific ocean."

The genie looks at him for a bit.

He says, "No, no, no. Sorry, but a bridge over the Pacific? That is too ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A very fit, attractive man is jogging along the beach one morning...

...and he comes across a old, handicapped woman in a wheelchair, sobbing.


The man stops, and with concern in his voice, politely asks the woman what’s the matter.


She waves him off, but he insists. He wants to help.


“Well, it’s just that I’m an old woman in a whee...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walking down the beach heard a woman crying... (NSFW)

He walks down to investigate. At he gets closer he sees it's the outline of a blonde woman sitting in a beach chair near the water. He walks up behind her about to ask her what the matter was. Before he says anything, he notices that she doesn't have any arms or legs. Thinking it's a bit weird, he s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for two months.......

Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Ferrari st...

My wife asked me if I knew how to spot a fake beach

Faux shore

A man walks up to a woman at a nude beach...

A man walks up to a woman at a nude beach.

"Hi, my name is Ed." he says.

"What's it short for?" she asks.

Thoughtful, he looks down a moment, before answering,

"I dunno, it's always been like that."

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp.

He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie.

The genie said, "OK. You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!"

The man sat and thought ab...

What do yo call a polar bear at the beach?

Lost

A guy at the beach hears from his friends that chicks will show more interest in you if you put a potato in your swim trunks.

He tries this for a while but gets flustered when all the girls keep pointing and laughing at him.
So his friends explain to him that you're supposed to put the potato in the FRONT of your bathing suit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I was walking along the beach and came a cross a women with no arms and legs, crying....

I asked her, what was wrong,
she replied, well, I’ve never been hugged by a man before....
So I have her a hug
She’s still crying, again I ask her what was wrong
She replied, I’ve never been kissed by a man before...
So I kissed her
And now she’s crying a little less but still...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is walking down the beach...

...and he sees this woman there lying on a beach towel, all on her own.

As he gets closer, he notices that she doesn't have any arms or legs, and that she is crying. Out of slight pity he approaches her.

"Excuse me" the man says, "are you ok?"

"No!" The woman replied, "all my fr...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men are walking on the beach.

They come across a strange looking vase in the sand and one of them tries to pick it up. However it is very brittle and crushes to dust as soon as it is touched, and a genie pops out.

"I don't normally grant wishes to more than one person, but I'll make an exception," the genie says. "Each of...

Why cant you call anybody while at the beach?

Because the shell service was so bad.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.